Nothing Left to Lose (48 page)

My hands
wandered his back, pulling him impossibly closer as his mouth
ravaged mine. Little sparks of pleasure were popping and fizzing
inside me, his hands left a burning trail on my overheated skin as
they slid down my bare legs, kneading my thighs.

Rules, Anna.
Set the rules!
My brain was screaming it at me, but my body was
lost. My trembling fingers worked the buttons on his shirt, pushing
it down over his shoulders as my eyes wandered down his chest and
my mouth watered in anticipation.

My mind was
whirling: Was it going to be as enjoyable as I remembered? Had I
distorted the memory of it and I was thinking that this
mind-blowing thing had happened to me, when in reality I was just
setting myself up for disappointment? The real thing couldn’t have
been as good as I remembered it.

He caught the
bottom of my shirt, slowly pulling it up as if waiting for me to
protest. I smiled reassuringly and arched my back to make it easier
for him. There was no way I was stopping tonight. He groaned and
pulled my shirt off, tossing it carelessly over his shoulder as his
eyes dropped to my chest.

Wait, rules,
sort the rules before this ruins everything!

“Ashton,” My
voice was so thick with lust that it didn’t sound like mine at
all.

“Mmm?” he
murmured, dipping his head and licking the skin between my breasts
as his fingers went to the button of my shorts, tugging
eagerly.

I gulped,
swallowing my lust. “Ashton,” I repeated, trying to get his
attention. I shook my head quickly, closing my hand over his and
stopping him from unfastening my shorts. Once my shorts were off
and his hands were there, I would surely forget what I needed to
say.

He stopped
immediately. His eyes widened in horror as he pushed himself up off
me, rolling to his side, holding his hands up innocently. “Shit,
I’m sorry! I got carried away. I didn’t mean to take it that far,
I’m really sorry. Are you okay, Baby Girl?” he apologised,
wincing.

I smiled
reassuringly because he’d clearly jumped to the wrong conclusion
about why I asked him to stop. I rolled to the side, pushing him
onto his back before swinging my leg over his body, straddling him.
As I looked down at him, I tried extremely hard not to notice how
excited he was downstairs or how nice he felt between my thighs. I
needed to concentrate, and that thought wouldn’t help at all.

“I need to talk
to you,” I muttered.

“Okay,” he
nodded, moving to sit up but I put my hands on his shoulders,
pushing him back down onto the bed.

I took a deep
breath to calm myself and my raging hormones. I silently prayed
that he was agreeable because I needed him tonight. “I want you
right now,” I admitted.

A breathtaking
smile stretched across his face. “I want you right now too.”

He moved to sit
up again, so I pushed him back down, leaving my hands on his
shoulders. I needed to explain before this went any further, he
needed to understand and agree to it before this could happen. “I
just want you for tonight, that’s all. Tomorrow we pretend like
this never happened,” I offered, biting my lip, begging him with my
eyes to accept.

He frowned. His
expression was like I’d just slapped him in the face. He looked
both hurt and shocked. “Anna, what? I don’t want to pretend that it
never happened.”

My heart sank.
“Please?” I begged. “I need you. Ever since that first time we were
together, I just can’t stop thinking about it. Sex, no strings, one
night, I’ll do whatever you want. It’s your birthday, so you name
it and I’ll do it,” I bargained as I ran my fingertips down his
chest.

“Anna, I don’t
just want you for one night.” His voice was a little strained and
the sad tone of it made my heart ache.

“I just want to
make myself happy, just for one night. I promise I won’t feel
guilty about it tomorrow and get upset. I promise, please?” I leant
down so our faces were inches apart. Indecision was clear across
his face. “Please? I want you and I know you want me too. Just for
tonight?”

“Tell me why
you won’t let me in,” he said suddenly. “Try and explain it to me.”
His eyes searched mine for answers that I myself didn’t even
know.

I blinked, a
little shocked at his request and the sudden change in
conversation. I sighed, feeling dejected. Clearly my request was
ruining the easy relationship we had. I shouldn’t have wished to be
happy, even for one night, because I obviously didn’t deserve
it.

“I just… can’t.
I let Jack in and when he died, it killed me inside. I’m broken. I
don’t have anything to give you. Jack took all of me when he died,”
I whispered, closing my eyes. I knew that wasn’t true though, Jack
didn’t take everything, I thought for the longest time that he had,
but since I’d met Ashton, I’d started to feel again. I couldn’t be
dead inside because I could feel the tug at my heart when Ashton
looked at me just as he was looking at me now: pleading and hurt. I
wanted to make him feel better; it was almost painful to see that
look on his face. So that was how I knew that my heart didn’t die
when Jack did. The trouble was, I couldn’t let Ashton have my
heart. I couldn’t feel heartbreak again; I wouldn’t live through it
a second time. I wasn’t strong enough to go through another man
leaving me; I couldn’t open myself up like that again. But I could
give myself to him physically and give us what we both wanted.

“But if you
could just give me a chance…” He looked at me pleadingly, begging
me with his sad puppy dog face.

I shook my head
fiercely. “No. I’ve been there and felt what it’s like to have your
heart ripped out. I won’t ever let myself get in that position
again, not ever. I can’t.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “But
I just want to feel happy for one night. I want to be normal and
not worry about anything or anyone. Please? Will you just… make me
forget everything, Ashton?” I begged.

I could feel
the disappointment and devastation building inside with each
passing second. Tears welled in my eyes as I pressed my face into
the side of his neck, willing them not to fall as I breathed in his
smell that I was fast becoming addicted to. His arms wrapped
tightly around me and hugged me to him while I fought for
control.

After a couple
of minutes he spoke, “This is what you want? Just one night? Sex,
no strings?” I nodded, not taking my face from its nice little
hiding place; I could feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment. He
rolled suddenly so I was under him again. “You know I want more
than that, don’t you?”

My eyes widened
in surprise. Was he about to say yes? “I can’t give you more than
that,” I whispered in answer. His eyes fluttered closed as he
sighed. I waited, feeling hope building in my chest. When his eyes
opened again, they burned with a passion that made my stomach twist
into a knot. After a slight nod of his head, his lips claimed mine
in a scorching hot kiss that resonated through every single cell in
my body.

I whimpered as
the excitement became almost too much to bear. I smiled against his
lips as my hands hurriedly went to his belt buckle. My fingers were
shaking, making the process hard as I unfastened the buttons on his
jeans and pushed them down slightly, sliding my hand down the back
of his underwear, feeling his tight little behind. A moan of
appreciation left my lips as the kiss deepened and turned into
something that burned through my senses, leaving me barely able to
breathe.

As he
unfastened my bra and slid it off, his heavily-lidded eyes showed
his appreciation. “You are so beautiful, Anna,” he whispered,
dipping his head and flicking his tongue over the tip of my nipple.
I moaned and arched my back, trying to get closer to him as his
tongue lavished attention on my sensitive skin. He smiled and blew
gently across the wet trail, making my skin tighten and my arousal
bump up another notch.

While his hands
worked the buttons of my shorts and pushed them down, his mouth
travelled further down, sucking on the skin of my stomach, dipping
into my belly button. His weight shifted off of me as his thumbs
hooked into the side of my panties, easing them down my thighs
teasingly. His hot tongue made its way down my leg before coming
back up again. He nudged my thighs apart as he settled himself
between them and looked up at me with a devilish glint to his
eyes.

My body jerked
involuntarily as he dipped his head and his tongue traced my wet
folds. Gasping from both shock and pleasure, my fingers fisted into
the sheets as I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. This was pleasure
like I had never experienced, it was concentrated and strong; waves
of it were rolling over and over me in time with the movement of
his tongue.

I whimpered and
tried to squirm away from him because it was too much, too good,
and I couldn’t cope with it. But before I could get away, his arms
wrapped around my thighs, clamping me in place as he carried on
with his beautiful, yet torturous assault. My moans bordered on
obscene as I raised my hips, trying to get closer to his mouth, yet
at the same time I wanted to be further away from it. At this point
I didn’t know which I wanted more. As his fingers pushed into me at
the same time, he made a deep moaning sound in the back of his
throat.

I gasped his
name as the pleasure suddenly took me to new heights. My body felt
like it was on fire as he pumped his fingers at the same rhythm as
he was working his tongue. I could feel my climax building; my
whole body trembling and shaking. When his teeth nipped me, it felt
like I shattered inside and everything came to a glorious and
beautiful head. My body jerked as I cried out his name
breathlessly.

He chuckled,
easing his fingers out of me as I lay there panting for breath. I
blinked a couple of times, trying to come back to reality as I
looked up in time to see him sucking on his fingers. “Was that the
thing that you liked that I did with my hand?” he teased, smirking
at me confidently.

I giggled and
nodded, chewing on my bottom lip. His eyes flashed with excitement
as he hovered over me, just looking at me with that soft and tender
look that he always had for me.

I smiled
happily. “My turn now,” I announced, pushing on his body and
guiding him onto his back. My eyes flitted down his body, taking in
every glorious inch of it before I bent and trailed my tongue
across his abs, following the lines of his muscles. His skin tasted
delicious and made my scalp prickle. As he put both hands behind
his head and smiled down at me in obvious enjoyment, my tongue and
lips worshipped every line of muscle on his sculpted chest, every
bump, every groove. He was perfection, and I had never seen
anything more beautiful. His jeans were already loose around his
hips so I tugged them off easily, along with his boxer shorts. The
sight of him naked made my ache inside me come back with a
vengeance. I sat up, just looking him over unashamedly, taking in
every beautiful inch of him and memorising it so I could see it
when I closed my eyes at night.

When I couldn’t
stand not touching him any longer, I reached out and closed my hand
around his erection. My breathing sped at the feel of it and
memories of how good it felt inside me surfaced and made my stomach
quiver with anticipation. But first I owed him something. I bent my
head and licked the drop of wetness from the tip, before tracing my
tongue down the underside and back up again. Taking the tip of it
into my mouth, I sucked gently before pushing down further, sucking
harder as my hand started to move too. I wasn’t even there a minute
though before he groaned and gripped the tops of my arms, pulling
me up his body as he shook his head.

My face filled
with embarrassed heat. “Did I do something wrong?” I asked,
horrified because he hadn’t liked what I was doing.

“No, of course
not. The opposite, in fact.” His hand tangled into the back of my
hair. “I don’t want this over too quickly and your hot, little
mouth sucking on me like that is gonna make me finish way too
soon,” he answered, grinning wickedly.

I giggled,
wriggling on top of him as a sense of pride swept over me because
I’d clearly pleased him. He guided my mouth back to his again and
as my tongue touched his, I could taste myself on his tongue.
Strangely, it made the kiss even better, even more erotic and sexy.
His hand trailed down my back, cupping my ass and shifting me so
that we rubbed together. A breathless moan erupted from within me
as I bit on his bottom lip roughly.

“Do you have a
condom?” I asked breathlessly, genuinely not caring if he
didn’t.

He nodded in
answer, reaching over towards his bedside drawer and pulling it
open. As he fumbled in there and pulled out a strip of condoms, I
moved off him, watching as he ripped off a packet and tore it open
with his teeth. He got to his knees, carefully rolling it on before
looking back to me with a stunning smile that I couldn’t help but
return. When he grabbed my thighs and jerked me forwards, I fell
back into the pillows and giggled. He laughed too, manoeuvring
himself on top of me as he kissed me again.

The air in the
room seemed to be getting thicker as I wrapped my arms around his
body, digging my fingers into his back. His hand gripped the back
of my knee, guiding my leg up around his waist as he pressed
forward gently, easing himself into me so slowly that it made every
nerve ending in my body scream. I was so on edge that I
accidentally bit down onto his shoulder and dug my fingers into his
ass as I raised my hips to meet his.

He groaned as
he buried himself into me entirely. “Shit. So good. I forgot,” he
moaned, kissing me deeply as he moved slowly, starting up a rhythm
that made my heart hammer in my chest.

It was strange
when I was like this with Ashton; it was like it was meant to be.
He fitted me so perfectly, and everything in my world seemed good,
healed, and incredible. He was the only one in the world I could be
this close to, and let have this power over me. I trusted him and
only him.