Nothing Left to Lose (23 page)

She smiled
weakly, but it didn’t reach her lifeless eyes. “I know, but I can’t
help it. When I close my eyes, that’s what I see.”

“In time the
bad stuff will fade, and you’ll just be left with the good
memories,” I promised, stepping closer to her and wrapping my arm
around her shoulders. She fitted against my body perfectly. The
smell of chlorine wafted up from her hair, making my scalp prickle.
It was almost like torture.
If I can’t have her, then why does
she fit me so perfectly?
I wanted so badly to dip my head and
kiss her cheek, so I could feel her soft skin against my mouth
again. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the taste and feel
of her since what happened yesterday.

She pressed her
face into my chest and her body accidentally brushed against mine.
I gulped and willed myself not to get turned on by the tiny
movement. “Everyone says that, but three years on and it’s still
just like yesterday,” she muttered.

I sighed and
closed my eyes, pressing my face into her hair, breathing her in. I
had no idea how I could make her feel better. “Just take one day at
a time, that’s all you can do.”

Her arm
tightened on my waist for a second before she sighed and pulled out
of my grasp, stepping back and frowning down at the floor. “Let’s
just get this stuff packed.”

Two suitcases
and a rucksack later, she was finally satisfied that she had enough
clothes to last her. She seemed to have packed everything but the
kitchen sink. I even saw her throw in the next three Twilight books
for me. I’d never had someone think about me like that before. The
guys at the academy were great, but guys just didn’t do that sort
of thing. It was weird for me to accept that someone could just
genuinely be that kind and thoughtful. It amazed me that, although
she was going through agony, she still had it in her heart to think
of others too.

After we were
done, she disappeared off into her en-suite to have a bath, so I
sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the door, just wishing I
could go and sit on the floor and talk to her some more. That was
easily my favourite thing about her; she always had something
interesting to say and could make me laugh like no girl I’d ever
met. Sighing, I pulled out my cell phone, opening my email and
finding the itinerary for our travel the following day.

When I knew it
word for word, I stripped out of my clothes and took the spare
pillow and throw off her bed, laying it out on the floor again. My
back muscles were already protesting about sleeping on the floor,
but it seemed to stop her nightmares so I could deal with it for a
while. I’d already put in a request for a sofa bed to be put in the
apartment we were to share.

A little while
later I could hear her moving around in the bathroom. When the door
handle twisted, I quickly lay down and closed my eyes, pretending
to sleep. There was no need for me to make anything more difficult
for her. She sighed and the light flicked off before the mattress
creaked and the sheets rustled. As I lay there, I could hear her
breathing as she rolled to the edge of the bed. It was one of the
most precious sounds in the world to me.

Suddenly, I
felt one of her fingers trail across the bridge of my nose and
trace across my cheek before she swept the hair from my forehead
softly. I desperately wanted to open my eyes and talk to her, hold
her and kiss her, but she needed me to be the strong one, so I
would be. Her hand moved down, resting on my chest, just above my
heart. It was almost as if she wanted to check I was still there or
something. It was nice, and I couldn’t help the smile that crept
onto my face – lucky for me, the light was off so she couldn’t see
how excited the small touch was making me.

I woke early
again in the morning. I sat up, clenching my teeth so that I didn’t
groan as my muscles protested. I smiled over at Anna who was still
in a peaceful slumber, so I pushed myself up to my feet, bending
and planting a soft kiss on the top of her head before I silently
folded up my makeshift bed. It was easier this way; there was no
awkwardness for her if I snuck out while she slept. I sighed and
went to my room for a quick shower, changing into my clothes for
the day and packing the last of my things.

After taking my
bags downstairs, I sought out Dean to check he was all set for
today. We were due to be driven to the airport at nine, so there
wasn’t long to wait. Satisfied he was ready to go and knew what he
was doing, I made my next stop the kitchen. My stomach was growling
angrily as I looked at the stack of pancakes that Mary had
made.

After gorging
myself on a huge stack, I picked up an extra plate and loaded a
couple on for Anna, carrying it carefully through the house and up
to her room. When I got to her door, I knocked and waited for her
to call me in. It was only just seven, so I was assumed she
wouldn’t even be up yet.

“Yeah?” she
called sleepily.

I opened the
door and strutted in, seeing that she was sitting up on the bed,
yawning and rubbing her eyes. Her hair was all messed up from
sleeping, yet she still looked like the most beautiful girl in the
world. I smiled to myself. I could look for a thousand years and
never get tired of seeing her face, I was sure of it. I knew that
every girl I met from now on would pale in comparison to Anna.

“Hey, Baby
Girl. I got you some breakfast.” My eyes widened in horror at what
I’d said. Baby Girl. I’d called her it a couple of times now by
accident; I really needed to stop that.

Thankfully, she
didn’t seem to notice. “You did? Thanks,” she smiled at me
gratefully as she scooted back to the headboard, grinning when I
passed her the plate.

I watched her
in silence while she ate her breakfast, the whole time willing
myself not to get turned on when she licked her lips and put her
fork in her mouth. I had no idea how eating could be a turn-on, but
she somehow managed it.

“You sleep
okay?” I inquired when she’d finished eating. I knew the answer to
that question already; I’d spent half the night watching her
sleep.

She set her
plate on the side and nodded. “Yep. You?”

Not really,
no.
“Yeah, fine,” I lied.

She smiled and
climbed out of the bed, stretching her body and groaning. I closed
my eyes at the sight of her flawless body; I could already feel the
tightening of the crotch area of my jeans, the sight of her
stretching certainly wouldn’t help at all.

“I’ll take your
bags downstairs ready. We’re leaving in just under two hours,” I
suggested, checking the time on my cell phone.

“Okay, I’m just
going to get dressed. Can you leave one of the bags so I can put my
hairbrush and stuff in it?” she asked, bending over one of the
suitcases, giving me a spectacular view of her ass and legs. Well,
that did it; I got a full on hard-on and quickly turned to
rearrange myself downstairs while she wasn’t watching so it wasn’t
noticeable.

Fuck my life!
This is going to be the longest eight months ever!

The next hour
was pretty hectic and so I didn’t get to see her much. When the car
finally arrived to take us to the airport, her parents followed us
outside, their expressions anxious and sullen.

I stood back
and watched as she said her awkward goodbyes. Her back was stiff,
and her weak smile was forced as they hugged her goodbye one at a
time. I hated to see her so tense, it made my stomach ache. I
wasn’t close enough to hear what they were saying, but her mother
had tears in her eyes, and her father looked like he was begging
her to stay out of trouble.

Once they were
done, her eyes flitted in my direction before she climbed into the
waiting black Bentley. I stepped forward to go with her, but her
dad stepped into my path and smiled warmly. I gulped. I was
actually incredibly intimidated by him, after all, not only was he
the probable next President and my boss, he was also the father of
the girl I wanted to date. I wanted him to like me.

“Agent Taylor,
I just wanted to say thank you,” he said quietly. I could tell by
his fierce expression that he meant the words.

“You don’t need
to thank me, sir. It’s my job.”

He shook his
head. “Not just the job, Agent Taylor, I meant for what you’re
doing for Annabelle. She seems so much better. You’re good for
her.” He held out his hand for me to shake. I grinned placing my
hand in his.
Looks like I may get Dad’s approval after
all!

“No problem,
sir. Anna’s a great girl who’s been through a lot.” I frowned at my
words. ‘Been through a lot’ didn’t even begin to cover what she’d
had to endure.

“Yes, she has,”
he agreed, nodding. “Please take care of her. She trusts you, and
so do I.”

I felt
immensely proud of myself. “Thank you, sir, that means a lot. You
don’t need to worry about her, I’ll take excellent care of her,” I
promised.

He turned,
nodding towards the waiting car. “You’d better get going or you’ll
miss your flight.”

I nodded and
started towards the car, but just as I was about to climb in the
back, he spoke again, making me stop. “At the end of this
assignment you can name the department of your choice, and I’ll
make it happen,” he said sincerely. My insides knotted at the
thought of any department, my hand gripping the door handle
slightly too tight.

“Thank you,
sir.” I smiled gratefully and slid into the car with Anna, smiling
broadly.

After being
ushered through airport check-in and security, we were boarded in
first class. Anna seemed both relaxed and happy to be away from the
house and her parents. I had a feeling that it was difficult for
her there with them, knowing they wanted the old Anna rather than
this new version.

Once the plane
was in the air, and the seatbelt signs went off, she stood and
pulled down her inflight bag, rummaging through it. A smile crossed
her face as she pulled out a rectangular box that had been wrapped
in a sheet of her sketch pad. She grinned and held it out to me. “I
got you something.”

I frowned, a
little taken aback. “You did? What is it?”

She grinned,
pulling out a book from her bag before plopping herself back down
in her seat and tossing the little hard box into my lap. “Open it
and see.”

I frowned and
picked up the package. It was hard and about the size of my palm.
As I unfastened the tape and pulled the paper off, my eyes widened
in shock. It was a wicked-looking iPod. “Seriously?” I asked,
looking at her face for signs of trickery.

She nodded in
confirmation, smiling smugly, obviously pleased with herself. “I
didn’t think you had one, and I had a spare, so I figured you could
have it to help keep you occupied during the boring lessons. It’s a
college must have.”

I looked at her
in awe. Her thoughtfulness and caring attitude amazed me; I’d never
known anyone like her.

“Again with
that face?” she teased, rolling her eyes. She reached out and took
it from my hand, opening it and connecting the headphones before
turning it on. “I didn’t know what kind of music you liked, so I
just put all of my stuff on here for you for now so you’ve got
something to be getting on with,” she rambled, flicking through a
list of albums.

I gulped,
unsure what to say. Could this girl actually be real?

“You’ll have to
set up your own iTunes account, but you can share mine for now,”
she continued, shrugging casually. I didn’t think she had any idea
how thoughtful and incredible she was.

I ran a hand
through my hair, still struggling to come to terms with how crazy
about her I was. “Thank you. You didn’t need to do that, that’s
really sweet of you.”

She smiled
wickedly, handing the device back to me again. “Next week when I’m
being all bitchy to you, just remember that I was nice to you…
once.”

Before I could
stop myself, I’d leant in and pressed my lips to hers. She moaned
in the back of her throat and kissed me back. My mind was racing a
mile a minute. After her threat at the cemetery, I didn’t think
this would happen again. The feel of her soft lips on mine made the
hair on my arms stand up on end. Her hand moved up, gripping the
back of my head as her lips pressed against mine harder.

Although it
only lasted a few seconds, the kiss was sizzling hot, yet, at the
same time, chaste and sweet. She pulled away, blinking a couple of
times before squirming in her seat uncomfortably.

“I’m sorry, I
shouldn’t have done that.” I winced apologetically, waiting for her
to lash out and tell me to keep my hands off her.

She cleared her
throat, turning away and picking up her book. “It’s okay. Glad you
like it.”

“I love it,
thank you.” My heart was killing me, I wanted her so badly, but her
happiness was more important to me than mine and she didn’t want to
betray Jack. Maybe if we carried on being friends, she’d allow
herself to fall in love with me. I hoped that was true. My stomach
was churning as I watched her open her book to the right page. I
was falling in love with her, I could practically feel it happening
– another week or two and I’d be a goner.

During the two
hour flight, she just sat there reading, munching on peanut
M&Ms, and I sat there playing with my new gadget. As I scrolled
through the music, I was pleasantly surprised by how similar our
tastes were. It was easily the best present anyone had ever given
me. I’d wanted to get one when I was training, but I’d never had
enough money at the time. After a little while, she lifted the arm
rest between our seats and shifted in her seat, leaning against me,
getting more comfortable.

The flight
ended way too soon for my liking. I was enjoying the casual
closeness a lot more than I should.