Not Forgotten (7 page)

Hallie lifted her chin and stared coldly at her tormentor. The woman who cut so deeply into her she could imagine exactly how her parents felt, shared their pain as the Butcher sliced them open.

Hallie took deep breaths as her heart raced in her chest. “I can’t help you. Not with that. Nothing has changed from my original report and I will not torture myself just to give you information you already have. Now please leave.”

Natalie held her gaze. “Only when you agree to let me treat you. I really do believe I have something to offer you that will allow you to have some semblance of a normal life, all it takes is a little time and—”

“Patience?” Hallie asked. “Why do you want to help me when I can’t guarantee I can return the favour? All I see is fog. There is nothing but emotion beneath it. Emotion I can’t control.”

“Because I believe I can make a difference in your life. Because I am here for you, not for a case or a murderer, just you,” Natalie said and Hallie heard the honestly in her voice. “I want to treat you. Not because of what you can give me but for what I can give you—peace of mind. No more night terrors, no more pain and no more drugs.”

Hallie wanted to believe her. The night terrors had begun the night of her parents’ murder and every night after she would wake up drenched in sweat, her throat hoarse from screaming. She had terrified her foster parents who hadn’t known what to do with her. She had been brought to Paradise Valley for treatment and when she had not improved, had been drugged to keep her from hurting herself. Now she could control her anger, and fits like the one she had just had were few and far between. Until today when she had been pushed. She hated it when she lost control. She became another person and it scared her. She would wake from an episode strapped to her bed, her face and body aching from the abuse she had given it. Did she dare to believe this doctor, one of so many, could help her? Could she accept this doctor’s help? She wanted to but she was scared of what would become of her if she did.

“But you have to be willing to meet me halfway,” Natalie continued. “Together we can get you out of here.”

Matt released Hallie and she bit back a whimper. She desperately wanted him to keep on holding her. It had been a long while since she had felt so comforted, almost loved—certainly cherished. But she didn’t and she felt so hollow inside.

“What if I don’t want to leave?” Hallie demanded, but her tone fell flat.

Natalie’s eyebrow rose. “If we can make you better why would you want to stay here? You’re a bright girl, Hallie, who can have a bright future. Why throw that away?”

Hallie crossed her arms over her chest. She wondered why she was bothering explaining herself. Over the years she had just ignored those who had come before Doctor Miller, but there was something about this doctor that had her spilling her guts and admitting all her dirty little secrets—or at least some of them. What was it about Doctor Miller that had Hallie reaching out, instinctively trusting her?

“Before I came here, I would wake up in a fit. It was that night again for me. I was so terrified I didn’t want to close my eyes. But eventually they would close on their own and then I couldn’t wake up because I was so tired and he was chasing me again. I couldn’t escape.”

“He killed you?” Natalie asked.

“Yes, again and again. They were so real…are so real…although they don’t come as often as they used to but when they do they’re awful.” She shivered uncontrollably, feeling a fine sheen of sweat coating her forehead. She swallowed hard. “When they brought me here for treatment, it was the first time since that night I felt safe and I realised, so long as I’m locked inside these walls, he’s locked out of them. From that moment, I promised myself that while he is still living, while he is still free, I will remain here.”

“Is that why you refused help in the past? Afraid that someone would cure you and send you back out where you’re vulnerable?” Natalie enquired, her eyes wide as she glanced from Matt back to her.

Hallie nodded. “They’d have just sent me on my way with a bottle of pills and the name of a psychologist. No offence, but I don’t see someone like you standing between me and the Butcher.”

“There are other options,” Matt stated. “The police—”

“Can’t help me,” she interrupted. “No one can. Haven’t you ever run away from a problem?”

“Yes, I have,” Natalie answered truthfully but offered no examples. She sat forward in her seat. “I’ll make you an offer, Hallie. Work with and not against me. Allow me to treat you without objection or resistance and I promise you I will not partition for your release until he is caught.”

Hallie studied the woman sitting before her. It was strange but she believed her and more than that, she trusted Doctor Miller. Why, she couldn’t understand and didn’t bother trying to figure it out. She had relied on her judgment before and had yet to be steered wrong.

Hallie nodded. “Okay. Give me your best shot,” she said lightly but hope was beginning to wash over her body.

“We’ll start tomorrow.”

Matt and Natalie stood and prepared to leave.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. And it’s can’t, not won’t,” she told Matt, because it was the truth. She did remember him and his compassionate eyes, how he had tried to help her. She wanted him to know that if it was in her power she would do anything to help catch the man who had killed her parents. “I remember some things with perfect clarity and others are a blur. I don’t understand it but it’s true.”

Matt smiled sadly. “You’ve done more than your fair share, kid. Now it’s time for me to do mine.”

Chapter 6

After leaving Paradise Valley for the third time that week, Natalie headed back to the office as was becoming her routine to catch up on her paperwork and see her regular scheduled patients. She had listened to her patient’s complaints, suggesting courses of action they might take that could prove helpful. No matter the case or intriguing details she heard, Hallie Walker was foremost in her mind.

Treating her could be difficult if she took the wrong approach and Natalie wondered how she should tackle the case, keeping in mind that should she step on one of Hallie’s invisible boundaries a mental barrier would immediately appear and she would be screwed. Which made her job extremely hard since everything about Hallie’s condition involved her parents, a subject clearly out of bounds. In the days since that first meeting she had allowed Hallie to steer the conversation where she wanted it to go, gradually building a relationship with her patient. Hallie needed to trust that Natalie only had Hallie’s best interests at heart and that everything she did was solely in helping Hallie. It was a slow process but well worth the effort in the end.

Natalie understood Hallie’s recalcitrance. Fear was a powerful motivator and it made Natalie sick that the teenager had to go to such depths to feel safe by seeking refuge inside the hospital. Natalie had read the evaluations on Hallie. They had all remarked at how intelligent she was. How she excelled in her classes and read the hospital’s library dry until they ordered in books especially for her.

In Natalie’s mind, Hallie had done remarkably well in her circumstances. Hallie Walker was strong. She had already fought and won. When most, less strong minded people crumbled in nothingness, she had plotted, executed and thrived.

Matt had understandably been disappointed at walking away empty handed but had been more concerned over Hallie than his case. He had promised she could have whatever files she wanted if it helped Hallie in any way, and promised she would receive those files she requested that day. It was obvious to her that he cared deeply for her patient and he had risen in her estimation and she found herself liking him even more. He had told her he would be around and that if anything arose he should be aware of to contact him immediately. She had agreed, maybe a little too eagerly, at the idea of seeing him again.

Natalie wiped Matt from her mind. It was dangerous to let her thoughts stay on him too long. She mentally reviewed her appointment book and told herself to inform the receptionist to book her appointments as close together as possible. The less back and forth from Paradise Valley to her office the better. Her finger clicked lightly on her computer mouse as she printed another newspaper report on the Butcher. Natalie wanted to be completely up to date with the case.
The better to know your enemy
, she thought.

Hours later, Natalie was sitting on the coffee coloured couch in her family room with a notepad resting on her thighs. The TV was on in front of her and the police tape of the interview of twelve-year-old Hallie Walker was playing. The footage was clear. It was obvious the camera was mounted high up on the wall in the interrogation room from the angle in which it looked down on the witness. Hallie sat at the table wrapped deeply in blankets, her eyes red. A mug sat in front of her, the liquid inside steaming, sending white curls of puff wafting out. Two uniformed officers sat on the opposite side of the table observing Hallie, their backs to the camera as a child advocate sat beside her.

The first officer announced himself as Ryan Garratt, senior constable. The date was August sixth, 2005, and the time was four-twenty in the morning according to the timestamp on the display.

Ryan Garratt softened his voice. Years of experience would’ve told him to tread carefully, otherwise the girl would most likely close up.

“Okay, Hallie, what I would like you to do is go over it again.” Hallie looked at him with unseeing eyes. “Do you think you can do that for me?”

Hallie nodded slowly and recited the events for the officers one more time. Her voice was hoarse from crying and her hair was still damp from her trip in the river.
Natalie watched every movement the girl made, every nuance, and listened closely as she spoke. The more she understood about twelve-year-old Hallie, the more she could work with the seventeen-year-old version.

The on-screen Hallie started sobbing uncontrollably.

“I want my mummy.”

She rocked back and forth, trying to comfort herself. Natalie had to bite down on her bottom lip to keep from screaming at the adults to comfort her. For a moment she wondered how they could be so heartless. She knew she was being overly protective. Had they actually comforted Hallie she probably would’ve broken down and become catatonic and then been no help at all. But the latent maternal gene in Natalie felt there was a middle ground that could’ve been explored. Tears burned in Natalie’s eyes. She could feel Hallie’s pain as if it was her own.

She replayed the footage over and over again until her emotions were raw and exposed. Natalie picked up the remote and turned her television off. There was nothing more she could learn from it. She felt the warm, salty tears silently trickling down her cheek and swiped at them as she walked out of the room.

Natalie abhorred violence and as much time as she had spent studying the human psyche, she couldn’t understand why people hurt one another. How soulless did one have to be before they stopped caring about the pain they caused, or the lives they took?

She entered her bathroom and turned on the tap, watching as her bathtub slowly filled up. She added a few drops from her collection of sensual oils. It had been a while since she’d had a bath. As a child she used to love them. When her father had been alive he had joked that she had been born part fish. Natalie remembered fervently stating she wasn’t a fish but a mermaid. Who wanted to be a fish when they could be something as romantic and beautiful as a mermaid? And she had wanted to be pretty.

Natalie had often thought of herself as plain or mousey or at least that was what her beauty queen of a mother had told her. Her easy-going father hadn’t argued with her, allowing his daughter the fantasy of believing. It wasn’t until a few years ago that she had been able to sit in a bathtub again and even now she couldn’t fully relax. It had taken everything she had to overcome her fear of contained water.

She placed her mobile phone on the basin nearby and undressed before slipping into the water. The scent of rose soaked into her skin. She closed her eyes and tried not to think of Hallie, the Walkers or the sick bastard known as the Butcher. The only trouble with that plan was her mind wandered to places she had kept locked up for years.

She remembered Hallie’s words from the other day. “Haven’t you ever run away from a problem?”

Natalie saw the small farm house, miles from anything in her mind. The pale green paint peeling from the timber having been years since it was last painted, the elements having wreaked havoc on the once pretty 1920s style house. Natalie saw herself as a seven-year-old, sitting before the vanity in her bedroom, her waist-length hair shimmering in the sunshine that peeked through the second storey window. She painted her lips with red lipstick and puckered them just as she had seen her mother do. The deep red clashed horribly with the pretty pink princess costume her aunt and uncle had given her for her birthday. It had come by post—addressed directly to her—and Natalie had felt very special to have gotten the delivery and she treasured the outfit above everything else she owned. The costume was the first thing that had been bought just for her and no one else had ever worn it. The rest of her clothes had come from the Salvation Army Store in town.

She had been in such a state of euphoria that she hadn’t been listening for his truck. When she heard the screen door slam shut as he entered the house, her smile faded rapidly. She jumped up from her seat and ran over to the door, locking the door before moving across the room to crouch behind the bed.

She shook in fear as she heard her mother’s voice yell, “Gary, no!” and then the tell-tale slap as his hand connected with her mother’s fleshy cheek.

Heavy footsteps sounded on the stairs and she knew he was near when she heard the top step squeak when his weight sank and lifted on it.

God, no, please!

She looked over the mattress of her bed as she heard him bang on her door then try to turn the knob. His voice slurred from too many drinks as he continued to bang on her door.

“Natty, open up. Come on, baby, open up for Gary. Natty! Goddamn it, open the fucking door!”

Like hell, she thought. She might not be the smartest girl in the world but neither was she the dumbest. Natalie knew very well what lay beyond the door and she had no plans of experiencing it today or ever again.

Gary’s voice went hard with anger and he started shouldering the door. Natalie watched wide-eyed as the door shuddered each time Gary hit it. The old door wouldn’t be able to hold out for long. She prayed, knowing full well that there would be no answer from the almighty God, almost as if He had forgotten her. She tried to believe He was very busy and not just ignoring her. Her gaze fixed on the door, her eyes widening when it broke in two. He spotted her immediately. A hard look appeared on his angry and drunken face as he admonished her. “Natty.”

Tears rolled down her face unabashed as her gaze darted around the room, hoping that for once someone would stop him or she would find an escape. Her voice broke as she pleaded with him. “No, please, please!”

He made his way towards her. She tried to dart around him. Please God, please let me make it to the door, she continued to pray. He couldn’t chase her forever. He was old and drunk. He always fell asleep soon after he got home. He just had to tire himself out beating on her or her mother first. She saw the door to her room; it was closed and she could almost reach out and touch it. A feeling of relief went through her as she thought she was almost free. She screamed when his hand caught her wrist and dragged her out of the room and into the bathroom. Natalie struggled futilely against him, trying to kick out at him in hopes he would release her.

“Stop that,” he growled at her as he knocked her to the floor. “When I say for you to do something, you do it!” he screamed at her, spittle landing on her cheek. He hit her again, leaving a red mark on her face. Her bottom lip quivered and she nibbled on it as she waited for her punishment. Gary was always punishing her for things, even those that were not her fault or that she was unable to control.

She knew he didn’t need an excuse to hit her. Her being there was enough. He had never liked her and had only pretended to while he had courted her mother. After they’d been married all pretence had gone out the window and the real man had emerged. Natalie hadn’t been surprised. She had sensed something off about him, like most children sensed the evil in adults, and had warned her mother who had been less than thrilled to hear what her daughter thought of the one man in town who was interested in a widow with a daughter and no real prospects. Her mother had refused to look at her for an entire week and it wasn’t until she made Natalie promise to be a good obedient girl around Gary that she had showed her daughter any response whatsoever.

Natalie closed her mind against the horrid feel of Gary’s hands on her body as he pushed her against the old fashioned claw bath tub. Her own hands clutched at the porcelain side, her little fingers sliding against the cool white ledge. It was still full from her bath earlier. She had stupidly forgotten to empty it out once she was done and was now going to pay the price.

“I’m sorry. Please! I won’t do it again. I swear. Please!” she cried out. She knew there was no bargaining with him but she still tried. She also knew from experience no matter how loud she screamed her mother would never save her. No one would. She was alone with the monster of her nightmares, the very embodiment of the Devil, the Bogey Man and the Grinch in one. Even in her sleep she was never free of him.

Gary roughly pushed her head under the water and held it there as she struggled against him.

“Maybe now you’ll learn,” he told her, satisfaction in his voice.

She had been told from a young age that hate was a very strong emotion and that she should never hate anyone. But from the moment Gary had entered her life, she had downright hated him. Never before had she felt that way. She may dislike her mother but she didn’t hate her. She was just a weak, useless and selfish person—one who had never wanted a child. She had only had Natalie to make her father happy and if there was one person her mother had loved other than herself it was Natalie’s father.

Unlike her mother, Natalie’s father had loved her deeply, enough that she had never felt her mother’s lack of emotion at least not until he had died and she had realised just how much her mother despised her.

She flailed about in the water as she struggled not to breathe. If there was one thing to be said about Gary it was that he had a short attention span. Especially when he was drunk. He would soon tire of holding her head down and would proceed to the more physical.

Natalie’s mobile rang, jarring her out of her horrible memory. She resurfaced from under the water and took deep breaths in an effort to calm her pounding heart.