Not Dead in the Heart of Dixie (72 page)

They buried their noses in that ph
one book. They turned pages and grunted at one another when they came across an interesting advertisement. By the time they were finished, the corner of the phone book had grown fatter from all the folded pages.

Mick stood from the table, kissed me goodbye, and said he and Dane were “goin' to town.” They headed out in the Jeep, and both of them are loaded for bear. They each grabbed a Kevlar vest
, but I just realized that they forgot to take radios and their badges. Crap! Stupid, ignorant, blankety blanks!

Well, there's nothing I can do about it now
, so I'm headed down to the basement to see if Carisa needs my help. I want to spend time with her. I really missed that sweet girl.

See ya later.

8:00 PM...

Mick and Dane aren't home. Supper is over, two plates are in the cold oven, and they aren't here.

I'm a nervous wreck.

I would ask someone to take badges and go out looking for them, but it's dark. I don't want to put anyone in danger.

Jason told me to remember
when he had to hide out in town overnight, and it all worked out fine. He said if they aren't back by morning, he plans to go looking for them. I have a bad feeling about this. Oh Lord, please let them come up the driveway right now!

11:45 PM...

They're still missing. I've worried so hard that I'm physically exhausted and every muscle in my body aches. I can't close my eyes and sleep while Mick is out there, possibly in danger, maybe even dead. Oh my God, please bring them home! I can't take much more of this!

Wait...

Okay, I've gathered myself and need to do something to keep busy
, so I'm going out to re-clean the kitchen and then, I'll shell peas. There's two bushel baskets full of peas sitting on the table.

I want Mick, and I want him NOW.

Thursday, April 10

6:00 AM...

They're not home and I can't stand it anymore. Jason, Ian, and Rick are gearing up to go out looking for them. I woke them at 5:30 and told them I was gonna go if they didn't. They didn't argue, which told me they are very concerned as well.

Every pea in the house is shelled and every corner of the kitchen has been cleaned and re-cleaned.

Elaine came in the kitchen around 4:00 because she's worried about Dane. We have muffins and coffee ready to go with the rescue crew. I've been up all night on pins and needles, and spent a couple of hours talking with Isaac and Pop while they stood watch.

I can hardly wait for Jason, Ian, and Rick to get in the Lexus and head out. I made sure they have badges, vests, and radios with their emergency backpacks.

I just heard the kitchen door. Maybe they're ready to go. I plan to sit beside the radio the entire time.

See ya later.

2:30 PM...

Jason, Rick, and Ian are in the kitchen
, grabbing something to eat. They'll head back out after they finish and stay out until dark if they need to. I'm going. I can't sit here and wait. I promised Rick that I'd stay in the Lexus in case of danger or... whatever.

I need to g
rab my gear and go out there and stare at them while they eat. I can't wait to get out of here and find Mick.

8:00 PM...

We didn't find them. We found the Jeep, but we didn't find Mick and Dane.

We searched for hours. Rick, Ian, and Jason loaded up the Lexus with medications from a couple of pharmacies while we were searching. I was shocked that antibiotics were still on the shelves.

I looked for Mick around every corner. I prayed and imagined that he would jump out from an alley and wave his arms so we could drive over to get him. It didn't happen. There was no sign of
him.

I begged the men to stay out after the sun went down
, but they refused. I leaned over and laid my head on Jason's shoulder and cried the entire way back. He put his arm around me and said we could try again tomorrow.

We didn't find Mick. My heart is aching down to my very soul. Half of me is missing and I almost can't function without it.

I want to feel his rough and callused fingers brush across my cheek. I want him to walk up behind me and put his arms around me while I'm washing dishes. I want to smell him. I just want the smell of him all over me. I want surprise flowers from Walmart and a surprise white chocolate mocha from McDonald's.

I wanna find loose change and little bolts and screws on top of his dresser. I wanna hear him snore and belch. I wanna see his dirty socks laying on the floor by the recliner.

I want his cold, winter hands to go up my shirt. I wanna walk into the bathroom and find the toilet seat up. Oh my God in heaven, where is he? Where is the blood that runs through my veins? I can barely breathe.

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, MICK?

My heart is being ripped from my chest and squeezed in a giant vise. It's going to burst. Oh... please... God... bring him back. Please bring him back... this hurts too bad.

10:30 PM...

I need to remain calm and level headed. Calm and level head. Calm and level head.

Carisa's in my bed, trying to sleep. She's in rough shape and wants her daddy. I need to stay strong for her. I have no choice. If I break, she'll break. Oh Lord, please let me stay strong for Carisa.

The Jeep is sitting beside a
small pharmacy and the keys were in the ignition. Jason wanted to bring it home, but there was no way I was gonna let that happen. I want that Jeep left right where it is in case Mick and Dane somehow manage to get back to it.

There's a little hole in the left side of the passenger seat behind the seat belt buckle. I had Jason stick the keys inside that
little hole. Mick knows about the hole. He and I have always joked that it would make a good stash hole for a small-town drug dealer.

Town is abandoned by humans and most HDI's. A couple of times
, we heard something moving around inside one of the shops and saw a few HDI's in alleyways.

We saw no living human and no animals. There's no one in the park to feed the birds and they're gone. Surely, this wasn't all caused by the military unit. Town is ready to be looted and
the only things I care about right now is my children and my husband.

Josie told me
that she'd contact Major Knellson tomorrow morning. We'll have to say that Dane is new to the compound because he's not on the list.

She doesn't know if the Major will make an effort to find them. If he wants his stinkin' onions, he better make an effort. I mean it! Otherwise, he can shove the field up his behind and we'll deal with “ownership pending” our own way.

I insisted that the compound run as usual while we were out. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to any member of this big family or any of our supplies because of my negligence. I know they all understand and sympathize with me. I can feel it pouring off of them.

Hey, Brain. Can you let me be responsive to the needs of other people here? It might take away from my pain. I doubt it, but it just might.

I don't know how long I've been awake but I'm not one bit sleepy. Hisa's sending in a cup of tea that's supposed to help me relax. I doubt it'll work. How can I relax when my stronger, better half is somewhere in danger, or hurt?

Marisa's here with the tea. Hold on a minute.

Okay, I'm back. I have three cigarettes left in the pack Josie gave me... whenever it was... I can't remember. I don't care.

If I can get Mick back
, I'll never smoke again and I'll try not to curse or have mean, wicked thoughts. Please God, I'll do anything you ask of me. Please consider Carisa's pain in this horrifying new world. She needs her daddy. She needs him to protect her and make sure whomever she chooses for life treats her right.

Life will go on.

Rick and Ian will take me out to look for Mick and Josie will contact Major Knellson and one of us will find him safe and alive. I need to believe that.

Jesse and Jeremy will be out for hay.

Pop, Nana, and Emma will be in the garden.

The women will be preserving whatever's harvested.

The boy will be hunting quail.

Josie will be near the radio.

We will find Mick.

Whatever Hisa slipped into my “relaxing” tea is beginning to work. I almost “willed” her to slip something into it. I'd be no good for anything if I'm dead or a basket case. I
need to sleep.

I will find Mick. I will never give up. Count on it.

Friday, April 11

I closed my eyes last night and they opened six hours later. It felt like it was only a moment or two.

I thought I had dozed off, but I looked at the clock on this stupid computer and discovered that I slept and didn't dream for six solid hours.

Carisa's still asleep
, but she's moving around a lot. My eyes feel like someone hammered quarters into them, and I have a “doctored tea” hangover. I wanna get dressed and get out of here to look for Mick.

Kevin, Rona, Shawna, and Lisa plan to loot in town today. They have a list and asked me to check over it to see if I wanted to add anything. I looked at the list but I couldn't really see it. I handed it back to Rona and she pulled me in for a tight hug. She tried to reassure me and I tried to let her. I won't be assured or reassured until Mick is in my arms. I can't help it. It's the way I'm made.

I'm gonna wake Carisa and tell her my plans.

See ya later.

2:30 PM...

Josie tried to reach Chris Knellson's unit this morning but she couldn't get them. She's still trying.

Flies are everywhere. Town is covered with them.

We all had long sleeved shirts and insect repellant in our emergency backpacks, so we took full advantage of it.

Ian radioed back to let the lootin' crew know about the flies. I had a sudden thought and asked him to tell Josie to send
the phone book with the lootin’ crew when they come to town. I wanted to check every single page that's dog-eared in that phone book.

I left Carisa with Marisa this morning. She curled
up on Marisa's couch and opened a book. She clung to me when I said goodbye and told me I better come back in one piece.

I can't imagine what she's feeling. Her father i
s missing, and her mother is looking for him, and the world is a scary, dangerous place. She must be a nervous wreck.

I know that I'm bordering on a breakdown and the only thing holding me back is the ability to look for Mick and the hope that I'll find him alive.

Ian's keeping a notebook listing the locations of supplies we come across that we can't stuff into the Lexus. We found a little Italian restaurant on the back corner of one retail buildings, and it has black metal bars over the door and windows. It looks untouched. He radioed the location to the lootin' crew.

They met us there and Rona handed over the phone book. She's having a rough time as well. She's very concerned about Mick and Dane but she's also trying to keep hope alive on the compound.

She looks tired and strung out. I haven't looked in the mirror. I'm thinking that would be a bad idea. I probably look like a speed-freak, jones'n for a fix, and my fix is Mick.

Pop's throwing a fit to g
o out looking for Mick and Dane.

Nana's burying herself in the
food preservation.

Anyway, we searched 10 different places Mick and Dane had dog
-eared. The worst part is, there's lots of advertisements on each page, and they're not lined up according to street address AND I'm not sure if they bookmarked the page for the front side or the back side. I'm not fully confident that we chose the right ones. If we need to check every single place on those pages, we'll do it.

We came home with the Lexus full of plumbing supplies and the boys got busy unloading them.

Carisa just came in to tell me it's time to head back out. This time it'll be me, Rick, Ian, and Shawna. I pray that I have good news for you tonight. I pray we find them. I pray Josie gets in touch with Major Knellson. See ya later.

11:30 PM

Right now
, everyone is inside the house because bullets go through motorhomes and windows of little wooden buildings. We can sleep behind fences, but we can't move entire mountains nor can we put a bullet proof bubble over the entire compound.

This afternoon
, we were in the middle of searching a hardware store when Josie's panicked voice came over the radio.

There’s someone
shooting toward the compound from the mountainside. Isabella was shot in the head when she came out of her little wooden building.