Nobody Loves a Bigfoot Like a Bigfoot Babe (19 page)

LATER THAT DAY, Agent Willis Johnson sat in the passenger seat, looking as miserable as hell, as Merlot drove them back to Sacramento. They passed the Big Beaver welcome sign and saw that someone had scribbled on it—"Welcome to Big juicy Beaver."

Willis gave a wry smile.

Merlot observed her partner's demeanor.

The endless row of fir trees that lined the two-lane blacktop were reflected in Willis' eyes. He inwardly sighed with remorse. He'd said a friendly goodbye to Lou and Duane with more than a hint of regret. Was he doing the right thing in leaving Big Beaver and the woman he loved and the friend who thought so much of him? He could have stayed an extra couple of days.

Willis should have asked Duane about that damned letter. Then why didn't he? He reluctantly admitted it was because he was afraid. Afraid of Lou and letting his emotions get the better of him. He would have been at her mercy. He didn't want that to happen. He couldn't lose control.

He told himself he didn't need to love someone or for someone to love him, and besides, if Lou wanted to marry Brad, he had no right to stop her.

The Bigfoot Bend sign approached. Duane's hog was parked next to the sign and Duane was standing in the middle of the road looking somewhat frantic, waving his arms, dressed as Bigfoot.

Willis sat up with surprise as he recognized Duane in his Bigfoot costume, minus the head.

Merlot commented, "Not again!"

"What now?" Willis replied with a weary sigh.

Some moments later they were close enough to see what Duane was up to.

"No way," exclaimed Merlot. She slammed on the brakes and scrambled for her cell phone. She hurriedly flicked it open and pointed the camera at the trees opposite. "I don't believe my eyes."

Willis turned in that direction and sat up even more straight-backed. A look of total shock was frozen on his face. At least ten Bigfoot stood at the edge of the forest. They seemed to be waiting for Duane to allow them to cross the road safely.

Merlot looked from the Bigfoot to Duane to Willis with her mouth wide open. She concentrated on the Bigfoot with her cell phone camera. Her hands shook with excitement.

"Is this for real, Willis?"

"How the hell should I know?"

Duane remained in the middle of the road. He didn't make any attempt to walk towards the FBI car. He just grinned at the agents with that dumb smile of his and waved the Bigfoot tribe across the road.

The Bigfoot tribe casually crossed the road with a lumbering stride, keeping a close eye on the car. In moments they had all vanished into the forest on the other side.

Willis thought about ordering Merlot to drive around Duane, but he didn't want to hurt Duane's feelings. He got out of the car and walked over to his friend.

"Okay, dumbass, what the fuck's going on?" Willis' stern voice had finally melted. "Were they . . . you know . . . for real?"

"As real as it gets," Duane said with a wide grin.

"No wonder this town's so fucked-up." Willis laughed. He saw the look on Duane's face. "Is there something else?"

"I . . . " Duane faltered as his lip began to tremble with emotion. His eyes moistened with tears as he held out his arms. "I need a big hug."

Willis backed a few paces from his teary -eyed friend. "No hugging."

Duane sniffed back his tears. He continued to hold out his arms, "Big hug . . . now."

The wall of emotion that Willis had been holding back began to crumble. He looked over his shoulder back at his partner and saw her staring at them with a big grin on her face. He knew if he allowed Duane to give him a hug, Merlot would tell everyone back in the office that she'd seen him hugging a male friend, the second such occasion in less than twenty-four hours. Willis realized that people would start saying he was on the same team. So what if they did?

Willis looked back at Duane, "Okay, but make it a quickie."

That was all Duane needed to hear. He grabbed hold of his friend and hugged him tightly for several moments.

Willis instinctively flinched from Duane's stink, but to his surprise he smelled sweet and fresh.

To Willis' horror, Duane got down on one knee and looked as if he was about to propose.

"I love you . . . in a manly sort of way, Willis."

Willis was taken aback. He looked down at Duane then at Merlot's smiling face. He saw the cell phone in his partner's hand and panicked.

"For fuck's sake, get up, you dumbass," he frantically urged.

Duane remained on one knee. "Not until you say you love me in a manly sort of way."

Willis was frantic, "Get up now."

Without warning, Duane grabbed hold of Willis by the leg. "I won't let go . . . not until you say you love me in a manly sort of way." He looked into Willis' eyes, "And I don't care how bad this looks."

What should Willis do? What could he do? There was only one thing he could do if he wanted to get away from his overly emotional friend.

"Okay, I love you . . . in a manly sort of way." And Willis meant what he said. He did love Duane in a manly sort of way, but never thought he would have to say it-not like this.

Duane was all smiles as he released his friend's leg and stood up. "Promise me you'll come back."

"I promise."
But would he keep his promise and return one day?
This was it. It might be the last chance he had to ask, "About that fucking letter . . . ?"

Duane scratched his butt in confusion. "Uh . . . what letter might that be?"

"The letter you sent me two months ago." Willis said, thoroughly exasperated.

Duane laughed out loud, "Now you come to mention it, I do remember sending you a letter." He looked puzzled as he continued to scratch his butt. "What did I say?"

Willis blew out his cheeks. "You said Lou's gonna marry this rich guy in town. There are two rich guys in town . . . and there's no way she'll marry you . . . so it has to be Brad."

Duane was finally home and all the lights were on-well almost all. He suddenly remembered.

He looked a little sheepish as he explained, "Well, you see, it's kinda like this, Willis . . . Lou isn't gonna marry anyone this fall." He shrugged his shoulders, "Had to think of something to get you two idiots back together."

Willis knocked Duane to the asphalt with a right hook.

Duane lay sprawled on his back laughing his brains out while feeling his jaw. "Guess I deserved that?"

Willis suddenly burst into laughter. "You dumb son-of-a-bitch!" He pulled his friend to his Bigfoot feet and hugged him. "Love you . . . you dumb asshole."

* * *

THE AGENTS WERE ONCE MORE en route back to Big Beaver but at breakneck speed.

Agent Merlot saw the sheriff's car being driven at an equal speed towards them. She glanced at Willis and saw him looking at the approaching patrol car with a look of excitement.

Lou was some distance away but gaining on them fast. Her headlights were flashing and the horn blaring.

"Looks like the sheriff's in hot pursuit of someone," Merlot commented.

"Yeah, sure looks like."

It was obvious to Merlot's mind that they were the ones the sheriff was in hot pursuit of. If so, there could only be one reason why—Willis Johnson. Merlot took her foot off the gas and came to a stop right next to the town welcome sign.
How appropriate
, she thought. She wasn't at all surprised when Sheriff Lou took her foot off the gas and came to a stop in front of them.

LOU GOT OUT and walked over to the passenger side of the FBI car.

Willis sat looking up at her as she approached.

"Would you mind getting out of the car, Agent Johnson," she said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice.

Willis nodded his head and obediently got out. He gave her a faint smile.

Lou didn't say anything. She just walked back to her patrol car and waited for Willis to join her.

She put her hands on her hips and looked at him with narrowed eyes. She knew it was either now or never to make her move.

"Agent Merlot tells me you've got some vacation time stacked up."

"Oh, she did, did she?" Willis turned to see a grinning Merlot. "As a matter of fact I do," he replied in his matter-of-fact tone of voice.

She thought over those wondrous words "I do." Were those the words she wanted him to say one day? She swallowed nervously. It was now or never. She took a big, deep breath to steady her nerves. Her gaze wandered questioningly over his face. A face she knew she could love for the rest of her life.

"You want to spend it here in Big Beaver, or what?"

Willis hesitated. His expression was serious.

Lou was sure he was going to say no. She held her breath as she saw his face relaxing into a smile. Lou knew beyond all doubt what his answer would be. She smiled lovingly back at him.

"Nothing would please me more . . . ," he replied in a soft tone of voice, ". . . with the woman I love."

All the uncertainty she had been feeling washed away in a heartbeat. Her eyes moistened. She knew she was about to cry with joy and relief.

She took a step towards Willis. He moved a step towards her. Lou put her arms around his neck. Tears ran down her beautiful face.

Lou allowed Willis to kiss away her tears and use the tip of his tongue to lick her earlobe before travelling down the nape of her neck.

Lou arched her back in total ecstasy. Her tongue found Willis' and became entwined with the heat of passion. She was lost in his urgent desire as she tightened her grip on his back. She remembered their first kiss all those years ago. More tears flowed.

They kissed and kissed and kissed.

Lou's legs turned to jelly. She fell across the hood of her car as Willis pinned her. Lou suddenly pushed Willis away. She panted for breath, almost forgetting how to draw precious air into her bursting lungs. Her ample breasts heaved within the tight confines of her light blue sheriff's shirt.

Lou groaned out loud, "Not here, Willis . . . come on."

Merlot punched the air with joy and took a snapshot of them with her cell phone, "You're gonna love this, Ramón."

LOU SCRAMBLED BACK into her driver's seat with Willis sitting next to her. They kissed again, but Lou pulled away and revved the engine. She spun the car around and drove back to her lonely home. The car had barely stopped before Lou and Willis sprang from it and rushed up the stone steps to the front door.

Willis grabbed Lou and kissed her intensely. They fell against the door which swung open. They stumbled into the hall ripping at each other's clothing. With strong, muscular arms, Willis pinned Lou against a wall in the hallway. He ripped Lou's shirt into tatters, revealing her soft, pale breasts trembling within their satin embrace.

Willis kissed Lou all the way up to her gasping lips as he gently thrust his member to the hilt. He wrapped his body around Lou in an exquisite embrace and cried tears of relief and joy.

BENEATH A BRIGHT FULL MOON, a whimpering Olaaa crouched amongst a thicket of brambles and honeysuckle, watching two honey-blond females—Ooonaaa and Meeelaaa play with Teeelaaa in Little Beaver Creek.

Olaaa smelled her strong odor and concluded she also needed to get a wash. She watched with almost childish fascination as each female Bigfoot playfully splashed water over one another, screaming and giggling.

Maaawooo sat on a nearby rock stroking his erect thruster, closely guarding the three bottles of happy juice Duane had given him. With his free hand he counted the time with his fingers-one stride, two strides, three strides. After two hundred strides, Maaawooo estimated that enough time had elapsed for his harem of Bigfoot babes to be ready and willing for some serious woooo-woooo.

"Raaaarrrr," he growled. Oops! Maaawooo let rip with a thunderous fart. He wrinkled his snout at the stink. He walked away from the methane cloud. Several midges flew into the cloud and crashed to the ground.

The three Bigfoot females stopped their ablutions and giggled at Maaawooo. They waited for the amorous Maaawooo to join them. Each female Bigfoot allowed Maaawooo to pour the entire contents of a bottle down their eager throats. Once all three Bigfoot had been thoroughly prepared they began to splash water over themselves and Maaawooo.

With a lustful glint in his eyes, the horny Maaawooo licked his lips and pushed out with his rampant thruster.

The two honey-blond Bigfoot females and Teeelaaa giggled and squeaked as they beckoned him to woooo-woooo their brains out.

Maaawooo pummeled his chest enthusiastically and gave a low growl, "Rrrraaaarrrrrraaaa." Followed by, "Woooooo-wooooo-woooooo."

In unison, the three female Bigfoot replied, "Wooooeeeeoooo-woooooeeeeeeooooo-woooooeeeeeooooo."

Olaaa's eyes widened as Maaawooo mounted Teeelaaa first. She thought about her plaything and yearned for him. She gave a deep, guttural growl of discontent. She was envious of the Bigfoot females, but knew she was too young for woooo-woooo.

Olaaa sighed and thought of Boo. She bleated plaintively so as not to disturb the others. She wiped away tears. She watched Meeelaaa and Ooonaaa dance a salsa to an imaginary tune. She wanted to join in so much it hurt. But most of all, Olaaa was upset for being told off so sharply by Duane.

SOME CONSIDERABLE DISTANCE away, yet deep in the forest, MB recorded the now familiar sounds of Bigfoot, mating their brains out.

The somewhat bewildered crypto-zoologist decided the calls were Duane and his two sex-freak companions, but nevertheless he recorded the animal sounds.

The directional microphone told him the rampant calls were due north-west of his position and too far to trek to in the night.

So he set up camp where the Little Beaver Creek joined the larger confluence of the Big Beaver River.

After a light snack washed down with coffee from his thermos, MB retired for the night in his one-man tent. He didn't dare set up a campfire, not this deep in the forest, for he didn't want to give away his position to anything worth recording.

* * *

CHEERFUL BIRDSONG WOKE MB at the crack of dawn. He unzipped his tent and peered out into the misty, early morning. He breathed in the rich scent of pine and his own stench of sweat, but it was honest sweat.

MB suddenly heard the unmistakable sound of heavy feet carelessly snapping twigs.

He leapt out fully clothed in his army-style fatigues. He slipped on his earphones and listened intently. North, north-west was the direction the sound was coming from, but diminishing in volume. Without further delay, MB hurried in the same direction.

Behind mist-covered undergrowth, MB watched and waited, careful not to make a sound or movement. He heard branches and undergrowth being broken and trodden on by heavy feet. Something big was nearby. Could it be Duane and his freaky companions? If so, MB hoped they'd let him have some fun with them.

A moment later, MB saw Duane dressed up in his Bigfoot duds crunching through the forest. MB had no doubt it was Duane, as he had his Bigfoot head tucked under his arm.

With him was another Bigfoot, but this Bigfoot didn't have a furry fake head tucked under its arm. It looked familiar, like the Bigfoot he'd seen the other day.

MB recognized the gold flash on the lightly-haired snout, and the massive breasts swinging freely due to its vigorous stride.

MB watched with mounting curiosity. He was tempted to call out and say hello, but something told him to remain silent. He wanted to see where Duane and his friend were going and what they got up to. But MB, the eternal voyeur, knew that if Duane started to get amorous, he'd make his presence known. The last thing he wanted to see was Duane getting some booty call.

MB's instincts told him to follow them, for Old Indian legend tells us a wise man always follows his instincts. He watched until Duane and his furry friend were almost out of sight then followed them, careful not to make a sound.

For many hours, MB followed behind Duane and the Bigfoot, keeping a discreet distance, until he came upon a remote, flat area ringed with caves.

He crouched behind a large rock, and watched Duane and the Bigfoot entering one of the caves. He looked up. The sun was directly above. Where had the time gone?

THE INTERIOR OF THE CAVE was festooned with flowers of every color and the floor covered with clean, fresh straw. The walls were covered with drawings of mating Bigfoot, large thrusters entering enormous nether regions and tall spacemen with pale hair patting the heads of Bigfoot. In the furthest corners of the cave were several straw beds.

Duane and Teeelaaa greeted the two honey-blond female Bigfoot—Meeelaaa and Ooonaaa by nudging noses.

The Bigfoot babes were glad to see them, especially Duane. They pawed at him excitedly, and rubbed their groins against his hips. They were getting a bit frisky.

Duane checked each blond Bigfoot babe for skin lesions. As he did this the Bigfoot babes became very aroused indeed, pawing Duane and licking his hair. Duane was satisfied of no side effects to the hair colorant. He smelled alcohol. He sniffed each babe's breath and laughed. That Maaawooo had wasted no time in giving them the tequila. Old habits die hard.

"You girls look so pretty," he said mimicking beauty.

They continued to paw him excitedly, trying to remove his Bigfoot duds.

Ooonaaa grabbed hold of Duane's arm, almost yanking it out of his socket, and tried to pull him towards the cave entrance.

Duane figured she wanted him to go somewhere with her.

"Okay, I'm coming," he sighed, without putting up any resistance. And so Duane was dragged towards the cave entrance by Ooonaaa.

MB WATCHED with a strange fascination as Duane emerged from the cave with a dappled, honey-blond Bigfoot tugging on his arm. He was extremely surprised to see that the Bigfoot's hair was honey-blond. He recorded the Bigfoot with his camcorder.

MB was tempted to call out, but something told him to stay quiet and do nothing, except watch and learn. Suddenly a wild and wonderful thought occurred to him. It was such a wild and wonderful thought that he dismissed it a moment later as sheer crap. But the wild and wonderful thought kept nagging at him—they were real Bigfoot.

MB shook his head to clear it of this wild and wonderful thought. Reason told him that the Bigfoot with Duane could not possibly be a real Bigfoot, not with honey-blond hair. Nah impossible! They were just girlfriends of Duane's who liked to dress up in animal duds and have kinky sex. That had to be it. Could they be Annie and Heidi? He hoped so.

He watched the Bigfoot tug on Duane's furry arm so hard, he fell face first into the dust.

The blond Bigfoot chuckled in a peculiar snorting way. Several moments later, the stacked reddish Bigfoot and another honey-blond Bigfoot with equally large breasts emerged from the cave.

Wow! How many kinky girlfriends does Duane have in there,
MB thought, with a surprised look on his face. His buddy had a lot of explaining to do, keeping all this free sex from him. He watched and listened.

Duane rubbed his arm. "That hurts, Ooonaaa. Naughty Ooonaaa."

Ooonaaa snorted, "Ftftftftft!"

The other honey-blond Bigfoot helped Duane to his feet and nudged his nose with her snout.

"Woooo you too, Meeelaaa." Duane patted her hairy ass.

Ooonaaa grabbed Duane's arm and whisked him away into the forest.

Once Duane was out of sight, MB decided to make his presence known. He got up slowly, careful not to startle them. Even though he didn't think they were genuine Bigfoot, his presence might spook them, all the same.

Both Bigfoot babes were indeed surprised to see MB. They immediately started to back away towards the cave entrance mewling and spitting with their hair bristled.

MB remained standing behind the rock, as motionless as a rock. He was sure if he moved towards them, they'd run back inside the cave or into the woods. He didn't want that. Not that he thought the Bigfoot were real Bigfoot, but he didn't want to scare them.

MB smiled disarmingly and gave a gentle wave, "Hey there, Meeelaaa."

The two Bigfoot babes were frightened of MB, and ran back inside the cave.

MB's shoulders slumped. He called out to them, "It's okay. . . I'm a friend of Duane's. I'm your friend, too."

A few interminable moments went by. MB suddenly perked up as both Bigfoot babes emerged from the cave. They stood looking curiously at him, sniffing the air with twitching, cute snouts.

Both Bigfoot babes nudged noses and mewled, pointing at MB.

MB pointed to himself and said, "Duane-o's friend—Doooane." He pointed to where Duane had vanished into the woods.

The Bigfoot babes tilted their heads, and with wary, watchful eyes looked curiously at him, mewing and sniffing.

MB slowly approached, still under the misguided notion that the two Bigfoot babes were humans in animal duds.

Meeelaaa and the foxy red Bigfoot looked at each other, nodding their heads in an affirmative fashion and smiled. They looked back at MB, snorting and squeaking then they beckoned him to come towards them.

Should he go with them? MB hesitated for only a brief moment. He was reminded of an Old Indian legend that tells us man who refuses sex with two gorgeous babes is a fool to behold.

Yet despite the Old Indian Legend, MB followed them into the cave with trepidation and unease, thinking they could not be real Bigfoot, but what if they were?

* * *

DUANE WINCED IN PAIN. His arm was beginning to feel sore with Ooonaaa continually tugging on it as she led him through the woods. They arrived at another cave, the last one on the left.

Ooonaaa stopped and pointed to the cave entrance, covered with ferns and saplings.

Duane pointed at the cave. "You want me to go into Olaaa's cave?" He knew that Olaaa didn't like anyone going into her cave, unannounced.

Ooonaaa gave Duane a hefty shove for him to move.

Duane stumbled forward. He gave Ooonaaa a concerned look thinking that Olaaa wasn't well. He hoped it wasn't anything serious.

Ooonaaa shoved Duane into the cave.

Duane entered the cave in a rush and saw Olaaa curled on the floor. She had her back to the entrance and mewed sadly. There were several pieces of bark containing berries and wild mushrooms, obviously untouched. It looked to Duane as if Olaaa was off her food. Did Olaaa have an upset tummy?

Olaaa sensed his presence and rolled over on her side to look at him. She didn't try to sit up. Her large round eyes looked at him full of hurt and tears.

Duane could see the hurt in her eyes. It suddenly dawned on him. Olaaa was upset because he had been annoyed with her. He had hurt her feelings. He knew how sensitive some Bigfoot females could be. He smiled apologetically.

Olaaa sat up and began to sob.

Duane walked over to her and knelt down on the ground by her side. He put his arm around her shoulder and wiped the tears from her eyes. He kissed her snout.

Olaaa pushed his arm off her shoulder and shook her head in a spoilt fashion.

Duane persisted by tenderly stroking the bridge of her snout, making cooing noises.

Olaaa slowly turned to look at him and pouted, "Woooo-woooo-woooo."

Duane gave Olaaa a wide smile and nodded yes. He nudged her snout.

Olaaa's face brightened up. She smiled back at Duane. The tears stopped. She jumped to her feet and started to dance around Duane.

Duane shrugged what the hell and danced with Olaaa, but was soon knocked to the floor with a bump from her hips.

Olaaa giggled, "Sfsfsfsfsfsfsfsf."

Duane gave Olaaa a playful angry look and then laughed with pure joy.

* * *

AT THE SAME TIME that Duane was dancing with Olaaa, MB was stretched out on a carpet made of flowers with both Bigfoot babes as they lovingly pawed him. He was in bliss land. He heaved a relaxed sigh. He was reminded of an Old Indian legend that tells us man who finds himself the sex object of two beautiful Bigfoot babes should thank his lucky stars.

At this point, MB still believed the Bigfoot babes cuddling up to him were human females all dressed up as Bigfoot and acting the part.

The foxy red Bigfoot stopped pawing MB and offered him a drink from a hollow branch.

MB sniffed the heady aroma coming from the branch. What the fuck, he took a sip. It tasted okay-ish, a little too sweet for his liking. His lips went numb. He shrugged. The second mouthful tasted better, and the third even better again.

MB paused and looked at the Bigfoot babe with a frown. He was feeling a little light-headed. He allowed her to pour all the liquid down his throat. By the sixth mouthful he realized he was feeling as if he'd had one too many beers. Only then did he think that what he'd been given was drugged in some way.

MB could feel himself drifting off to sleep. He looked at the Bigfoot babes and thought they were really into character with their creature-like behavior and sounds. He hoped they wouldn't be too rough with him.

"Be gentle," he begged.