No Wings to Fly (64 page)

The doctor’s brisk examination did not take long. When he had finished, he patted Joshua gently on the head and said to Lily, a little brusquely, that she might button up his shirt again. As she did so, he put his instruments away. There was nothing seriously wrong with the boy, he said, as he got into his coat. He was merely suffering from a chill, and would soon recover. His appetite would come back, he went on, and she should give him easily-digestible foods such as soups and porridge. He added that he would send his boy to the house with medicine for the child, and something to rub on his chest. From his bag he took a small notepad and wrote out his bill, and Lily took some of her precious funds and paid him. From his tone and his manner, she had the feeling all the time he was disapproving, that she had done wrong to call him out.

When he had put his fee away in his purse the doctor put on his hat and moved into the passage. Lily, following, said to him, ‘I was so worried about him, Doctor. I was afraid it was something worse.’

At the open front door he turned, shook his head and gave a sigh. ‘Frankly, I’m run off my feet,’ he said. ‘I don’t mind telling you, ma’am. With this dreadful plague
every-body’s
panicking and fearing the worst. I haven’t had a minute. Oh, it’s a terrible sickness, of course, but most of the time it’s a false alarm – a little croup, a bad chill, a bad cold,
a little indigestion – but I have to come out, just the same. All winds and weathers. You can’t take any chances.’ He paused. ‘It’s not surprising you were anxious,’ he said, ‘but there’s nothing much wrong with the child that won’t be put right with a little rest, a good tonic and some nourishing food. And keep him warm. If you take him out, make sure he’s well wrapped up. Believe me, he’ll be as right as rain in no time. Of course, if he should get worse, then you send for me, all right?’ He touched at his hat. ‘I’ll wish you good day.’

Lily thanked him, and he turned and strode out to his carriage.

When she had closed the door behind him, she went back into the kitchen. ‘Well,’ she said to the boy, ‘the doctor’s going to send his lad with some medicine for you, Joshie. It’ll be here soon. Will you be a good boy and take it as the doctor says?’

‘Yes,’ he said, nodding.

‘That’s a good boy.’ She beamed at him, then said with a sigh, ‘I don’t think we can go back to Happerfell just yet, Joshie. The doctor says you’ve got to stay warm, so I think today we’d best not venture out.’ She bent over him and gently smoothed a hand over his fair hair. ‘He also says you’ve got to eat something. Will you do that? What do you say if I make you a little junket, eh? A little sweet, creamy junket? I know you’d like that. And maybe afterwards you could have a little bit of chocolate.’

He thought about this for a moment, then said, ‘Yes – I’d like some chocolate.’

She made the junket then, flavouring it with a little essence of vanilla from a bottle she found in one of the cupboards. As she set it to cool the doctor’s lad came to the door, bringing a bottle of medicine and a jar of unguent. She gave him a halfpenny and he went happily on his way. Back in the kitchen she smoothed some of the ointment
onto the boy’s chest and then covered it with a piece of flannel she found in the bedroom cupboard. She wrapped him up warmly again and gave him a little dose of the medicine, which he swallowed while pulling a face, and then gave him a small piece of chocolate, both as a little reward and to counteract the medicine’s taste.

Later in the day Mrs Tanner sent Millie round with a pot of vegetable soup, and to Lily’s joy Joshua took some of it with a little bread. Afterwards Lily read to him from one of his storybooks that she had brought in the carpet bag. When it was time for him to go to bed she gave him a little more of the medicine, then took him upstairs and lifted him into the bed. ‘I didn’t say my prayers to gentle Jesus,’ he said, frowning, and Lily replied, ‘That won’t matter. Gentle Jesus won’t mind, not if you’re not well.’

He lay down and she tucked him in under the covers.

‘You won’t go till I’m asleep, will you?’ he said. He pulled his rabbit to him, wrapping it in his arms.

‘No, I won’t.’

He coughed a couple of times, then closed his eyes, and in the dim glow of the nightlight she sat on the side of the bed and watched over him until at last he fell asleep.

She awoke the next morning beside the boy, reached out and took up the watch from the chair and saw that it was just after seven. He had not wakened in the night, and was sleeping soundly, his mouth a little open. She lay back, listening to his breathing. It seemed a little clearer, she thought, a little easier.

She slipped out of the bed as quietly and as smoothly as she could and, putting her coat on over her nightdress, crept from the room and went down to the kitchen. There she cleared out the ashes from the range, laid and lit a new fire, and put on a kettle of water to heat. When she had washed she went upstairs and got dressed. The boy was
lying sleeping as she moved quietly around in the dim grey light.

A little later, when she was down in the kitchen again, she heard him call her name, and she went back upstairs and found him sitting up in the bed. She sat beside him and ran her fingers through his soft hair. ‘Did you have a good sleep, Joshie?’ she asked.

He gave a little nod. ‘Yes.’

‘And Bunny too?’

‘Yes.’

‘That’s good.’

She thought he looked better, and was convinced that his voice and breathing did indeed sound a little easier.

‘Do you feel like a little breakfast?’ she asked, and he nodded.

‘Good,’ she said, ‘then let’s get you washed and dressed – and then we’ll give you your medicine too.’

He seemed to improve further as the day wore on, and Lily watched him like a hawk every minute of the time. At breakfast he ate a soft-boiled egg with some bread and butter, accompanied by half a cup of milky tea. Also, without protest, he took more of his medicine, and suffered her to rub his chest again with the soothing balm. At one o’clock he took a little more of the soup that Mrs Tanner had sent, and immediately afterwards settled on the sofa under a blanket. Millie called round while he was sleeping, saying that she was going to the shops and would be happy to get anything that Lily required. Lily was grateful for the offer and gave the girl some money and a small list of items she needed.

When Millie returned, Joshua was still asleep, and quietly the girl helped Lily do a little work about the house, bringing in more coal and drawing fresh water from the well. When the child awoke, after sleeping for over two
hours, he looked refreshed and brighter. Lily took a flannel, wetted it in warm water and wiped his face. To her increasing relief he seemed to be growing better with each passing hour, and later, when she asked him how he was feeling, he replied cheerfully that he felt well. She could only believe that what he said was the truth, for his improved condition and spirit showed in his appearance and in everything he said and did. To Millie, she remarked, ‘There, you see? Like the doctor said – it’s just a chill. He’s going to be fine in no time at all.’ To the child she said, ‘Well, there you are, master Joshua, I think you’ll be well enough to go back to Happerfell tomorrow. What do you think about that?’

He spoke up quickly. ‘I thought we were going to see the fishes,’ he said.

Millie frowned. ‘The fishes?’

‘I spoke about us going to the aquarium,’ Lily replied, then to the boy, ‘Is that what you’d like to do – go and see the fishes?’

‘You said we could,’ he said.

She smiled. ‘I did indeed. Well . . .’ she gave a nod, pleased, ‘if that’s what you want, then that’s what we’ll do.’

By the time he went to bed that night his cough had mostly gone, and his breathing was so much clearer. She watched and listened as he knelt and said his prayers. Then she tucked him into bed with his rabbit, sat with him until he had fallen asleep, and went back downstairs. When she joined him in bed later, he was sleeping soundly.

When Joshua awoke, he asked again for his mama, and Lily again explained to him that he could not go to her yet as his sister was ill. ‘Don’t you remember I told you?’ she said, and he replied, yes, he did remember. But it wouldn’t be that long, she added, and he would be going up to Scotland
to be with his mama and papa again soon. He seemed to accept this, and then asked again about going to see the fishes. She was glad; she had thought he might have forgotten, but clearly he had not.

So it was that after he had taken his usual midday sleep, they set off from the house to go into the centre of the town. The weather was fine. The morning frost had gone and the sun shone down out of a clear sky. Stepping out from the gate, Lily looked down at him. ‘All right, Joshie?’ she said. ‘D’you think you’ll be all right?’

He looked up at her and smiled. He was well wrapped up in his overcoat and muffler, and wearing on his head his warm little cap with the earflaps. ‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Are we going now to see the fishes?’

‘We are,’ she replied. ‘We certainly are.’

They walked a little of the way, hand in hand, and then when a cab came by Lily hailed it, and they rode the rest of the way into the town centre.

The aquarium was said to be the largest of its kind in the West Country. It was housed in an elegant, cavernous old building just off the High Street, not far from the theatre. Lily had visited it while governess to the Acland girls, and it had been a wonderful, thrilling experience. Now, as she and the boy entered the first room it all came back to her, not only the sight of the great glass tanks, but also the clean smell of the place, and the silence. There were not that many other visitors, just a few children with adults, and she and the child had unimpeded views of the tanks and their fascinating contents. There were fish of all kinds – some so very tiny that they could barely be seen darting amongst the waving water weeds, others comparatively huge and moving slowly and ponderously back and forth through the still water. So different too in their shapes they were – some like sharp slivers of silver, and others almost as round as an india-rubber ball – and how varied in their colours
and markings, some being very dull in appearance, while others were of the brightest hues and the most dramatic patterns.

Joshua was fascinated. Together, he and Lily moved from room to room, going slowly from one tank to another, and he gazed at the strange creatures before him in awe, his eyes wide in wonder. He was full of exclamations and questions, and Lily did her best to give him answers, repeatedly referring to the copperplate legends on display beside each glass tank, giving information on the creatures within.

At last they came to the end, and Lily and the boy made their way back out onto the street. Standing on the pavement, she bent to him, putting her hand on his cheek. ‘Was that good, Joshie?’

‘Oh, yes, it was good. I shall tell Mama, and Papa, and Vinnie too.’

‘Oh, yes, indeed, you must tell them all about it.’ Seeing his bright, interested little face turned up towards her own, she could only marvel at the difference in him, at the change wrought in just a day or so. She was so glad that they had gone to the aquarium. It would be something that he might remember.

Further along the street they came across a poster advertising a circus. A picture of a clown was displayed, with a painted face and comical hat. In the background were dramatic studies of a lion and a bear. Joshua came to a stop and looked curiously at the clown’s made-up features.

‘What is he?’ he asked.

‘He’s a clown,’ Lily said. ‘He’s part of the circus. He’s there to make you laugh. Children love him.’

‘Would I love him too?’ he asked, and Lily said at once, ‘Oh, you would, my dear. I know you would.’

‘And there’s a lion and a bear, look.’

‘Yes, they have lions and bears in the circus,’ Lily said. ‘They have elephants too, and little dogs that perform amazing tricks. Oh, the circus! It’s a wonderful thing!’

Joshua was wide-eyed. ‘Can I see it?’ he asked. ‘Can we go tomorrow?’

She looked again at the poster. There was a matinee performance at three. He could have his rest for a while at noon, and they would be in plenty of time for the show. Then they would start back to Happerfell the next morning. After all, what would one day more matter? If she had to make her excuses for five days, she could as well make them for six. And it would be good, so good, to spend a little more time with him, before he went out of her life for ever.

‘Can we?’ he said again. ‘Oh, Lily, can we?’

She stood in silence for a moment, then she said, with a little shake of her head, ‘We’d better not, Joshie. I’m sorry, dear – but tomorrow we have to take you back home.’

Yes, there was no question of it now: tomorrow they would set off back for Happerfell. She should never have brought him away in the first place. On receiving Mrs Soameson’s telegraph she should at once have asked Mr Beeching to go no further, but she had not done so.

No more. It was over. That evening she must write to Mr and Mrs Soameson. She would tell them that she had brought the child away for a little holiday, but that on the morrow she would be taking him back to Happerfell to be with his nurse. There would be no fuss, surely there would not. On the contrary, she said to herself, they would probably be pleased. Yes, she would ask Millie to get her some paper and envelopes, and she would write tonight.

‘Oh, Lily, please?’ the boy said, looking up at her. ‘Can’t we go to the circus?’

‘Another day, Joshie,’ she said. ‘Perhaps another day.’

*

After he had gone to bed that night, she sat alone in the kitchen. The door into the narrow hall was open so she would hear if he called out, but all was silence. She had before her a notepad and pen and ink that Millie had brought round. She turned up the flame slightly on the lamp, then drew the pad to her and began to write: