No Wings to Fly (47 page)

‘Ah.’ He nodded. ‘I’ll keep an eye on it, don’t worry, but you shouldn’t be bringing me your money – you need it for yourself.’

‘It’s not much,’ she said. ‘I can spare that little bit.’ She waited a moment, then asked, ‘How are you feeling today?’

‘Oh, I’m fine.’ He nodded. ‘Though better for seein’ you. And I shall be goin’ out of ’ere very soon. They told me this mornin’. The nurse, she said another day or two and I can leave. Maybe tomorrow even.’

‘Oh, that’s good news, Tom.’

‘Yeh, it is.’ He lifted his left arm. ‘They say my arm’s ’ealing up well, and I could have the bandages off later today.’

‘Oh – well – that’s wonderful. You’re obviously making good progress.’

He smiled back at her now, a thin semblance of a smile. ‘Ah, progress. Makin’ good progress, right?’ Then, after a moment, with a little frown, he said: ‘What’s gun ’appen to me now, Lil?’

His tone was matter-of-fact, but it wrenched at her heart. Drawing a breath, she was about to tell him of Miss Elsie’s offer, but he went on before she speak:

‘They won’t keep me on at the farm now. Course they won’t. They’re nice folk, but they ain’t daft. A farmhand with one ’and – he’d be a lot o’ use.’ He looked down at his left arm. ‘I s’pose I should be glad it’s my left ’and I lost, but it’s a small blessin’, I reckon. Course, if I was like you, Lil, with your learnin’, I could maybe go into some office and spend my time makin’ fair copies – and doing sums and that. But I ain’t like you. I never had your brain for that sort of thing.’ He gave a little shrug. ‘I’ll have to think of summat, though. I can’t go beggin’ in the street.’

‘Tom,’ Lily said, ‘I’ve got some good news for you.’

‘Good news?’ He frowned. ‘What’s that, then?’

‘Miss Elsie – she says that when you get out of the infirmary here, you can go and stay for a while at Rowanleigh.’

He paused. ‘She said that?’

‘Yes, she says there’s a little room over the stable you can have. You can do it up a bit, so you’ll be comfortable there, and she says if you feel like it you can help Mr Shad, the groom-gardener, about the place. There’s always a lot to do.’

She expected him to look pleased, but his frown remained. ‘Why would I want to do that?’ he said.

‘Help Mr Shad?’

‘No – go and stay at Rowanleigh.’

‘But – but it would be good for you. It’ll be somewhere for you to stay – till you get back on your feet.’

‘Get back on my feet, eh? I wonder how long that’ll take.’

She did not know what to say. In the silence that fell between them, she became aware of the snores of the old man in the next bed.

‘Well, of course,’ she said, ‘Miss Elsie says it can’t be indefinite, your stay, but – oh, but Tom, she wants to help you. She really does.’

He gave a nod. ‘Ah – well, that’s very nice of her. Thank her for me, please.’ He looked away. ‘I don’t want to seem ungrateful, Lil, but I don’t want charity. I need to make my own way. Besides, what do I do when those few weeks at Rowanleigh are up? I’ll have to look after meself then, won’t I?’

She sat in silence for a second, then she said, ‘Tom, listen – you come and stay at Miss Elsie’s for a short while, and then – and then we’ll find some little place for the two of us.’

He smiled now. ‘Well, that’d be nice.’ Then another frown dispelled the smile. ‘But how’s that gunna ’appen with you being at Seston?’ A thought occurred to him. ‘Shouldn’t you be there now, right this minute? You were s’posed to be there yesterday, weren’t you?’

‘Well – yes, I was, but . . .’

‘What ’appened? Why ain’t you at Seston now?’

‘I – I’m not going to work there now. Things have changed.’

His frown deepened. ‘Changed? What d’you mean, things ’ave changed?’

‘Well – just that. I’m not going to work for Mr Corelman after all.’

‘But – why?’

When she did not respond he asked again. ‘Why? Why ain’t you goin’ to work for ’im? You told me it was all settled.’

She shrugged. ‘Well – yes – I thought it was, but things have turned out differently.’

‘How? In what way? You told me you’d be goin’ on to Seston when you left me yesterday. Did you go?’

‘Yes, I went.’

‘And . . .?’

She did not answer.

‘Did you see the gentleman – what d’you say ’is name is?’

‘Corelman. Mr Corelman. Yes, I saw him.’

He waited for her to go on. ‘So? What ’appened?’

She sighed. ‘We – we had a disagreement. Put it like that.’

‘A disagreement?’

‘Yes.’

‘What about? Because you were so late gettin’ there.’

‘Well – partly that.’

‘What else, then?’

‘Well – I told him I’d be coming back to see you again today.’ She paused. ‘He didn’t – approve.’

Tom looked surprised. ‘Well, of course he didn’t. Why did you tell him that?’

‘Because it was true. I promised you I’d come back today.’

‘I know, but – but it was your new position. It was what you’d been waitin’ for.’ He shook his head. ‘Oh, Lil – what have you done?’

She tried to disregard his concern. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ she said. ‘I shall find something else. Mr Corelman’s not the only father looking for a governess.’

Tom was tight-lipped. ‘Ah, maybe so.’ With a little nod, he added, ‘It was because o’ me. You lost your position because o’ me.’

‘Oh, Tom, really, I –’

‘Yes, you did, and now you’ve got no job.’

‘I told you – I’ll find something.’

‘Yeh, easier said than done, that is. Are there lots of governessin’ jobs goin’?’ When she did not answer he added, ‘No, you see? You’re gunna be in trouble.’

‘Well, as a matter of fact, there is one,’ she said, ‘but it’s only for a few weeks.’

‘A few weeks is better than nothin’. Where is it?’

She paused. ‘Happerfell.’

He nodded. ‘Over near Pilching. I s’pose it’d keep you till you find somethin’ better.’

‘Well – we’ll see,’ she said, ‘but don’t fret about me, please. Tom, you’re the one we’ve got to worry about.’

‘That’s what I don’t want you to do – worry about me.’

‘Listen,’ she said, ‘it’ll all get sorted out. I told you – we’ll get a little place for the two of us. Maybe just a couple of rooms at the beginning, but it’ll be a start.’

‘Oh, right – and where’s the money comin’ from to pay for these rooms?’

‘Well – there are more jobs going than those for governesses. And jobs that pay a good bit more money, I daresay. I can do anything I set my mind to.’

‘Ah, I don’t doubt you can.’

‘I can go as a shop assistant if I want. Get a job in the Corster boot factory. There’s work out there, don’t worry.’

‘Yeh, but governessing, teaching, that’s what you want to do. That’s what you’re cut out for.’

‘We have to play the cards we’re dealt, Tom. We can’t choose them.’

‘Ah, you’re right there.’ He paused, then said, ‘That damn little bell’ll be ringin’ soon.’

‘Oh – yes. Anyway, I told you – I’ll be back this afternoon. It’s not that long till three o’clock.’

As if cued by their words, there came the sound of the bell, and Lily turned and saw the nurse swinging it as she stood just inside the doorway. ‘Here it is,’ she said with a sigh. She reached out and pressed Tom’s hand, then got up from the chair. ‘I’ll leave my basket here if that’s all right. I’ll go out and find a cup of tea, and I’ll be back at three. And I promise you this time I won’t be late.’

Some little way beyond the Plough and Stars Lily found herself in the village centre, where there were a few shops. Just past an ironmonger’s she came upon a small teashop, and she went inside and sat at a small table by a window. There were only three other people there. When a young waitress came to her side, Lily asked for some tea and a buttered scone; it would be enough to keep her going until she got back to Sherrell.

In the centre of the yard beyond the window was a small patch of earth in which grew a laburnum tree. Looking at it through the warped glass, she thought of the laburnum at the Villa, and of Joel. Before too long he would be in Paris, and he would be meeting again with the young woman, Simone. She reminded herself then that when he wrote it would be to the house in Seston. He could have no idea that she would not be there. Would Mr Corelman forward any letters for her to Rowanleigh? She could only hope that he would.

For the moment, though, there were more immediate matters to contend with. Not only was she without employment, but she also had the added responsibility of her brother’s well-being. She had told him that they would find a place together, and she would be true to her word. It was true what she had said: she did not
have
to be a governess. There was other employment for a single woman. She was young and she was strong, and she could turn her hand to anything. She was not too proud. There were factories in
Corster and in Redbury and in other places around. And domestics were always needed. Whatever she did, her place for the time being was at Tom’s side. He needed her now as never before.

After spending almost an hour in the teashop, she paid the waitress and left. Out on the footway she stood for a moment, wondering what to do with the remainder of her time. The day had stayed bright and warm and she was content to be outside in the air. Seeing the spire of a church rising up behind some sycamore trees, she made her way to it and entered the yard. There was a little wood-and-iron bench at the side of the pathway, and she sat down. Before her lay the grave plots, the older ones long forgotten, the stones having succumbed to subsidence over the years and now leaning drunkenly in the grass, moss and lichen growing in the carvings. Two or three newer graves had flowers on them, late roses, some fresh, some wilting.

She continued to sit there while the sun traversed the sky. There was barely a sound other than that from the occasional bird and the gentle breathing rustle of the fading leaves of a beech that grew beside the wall. A robin flew down and perched on the top of a little stone angel, red breast flaming, and Lily looked at its saucy, perfect little form and felt a momentary lifting of her spirit. It did not last, however. Even before the bird had abruptly taken off and soared away over the stones, she was already thinking again of the problems that lay ahead.

So, Tom was likely to be discharged from the infirmary over the next day or two. He had expressed himself loath to accept Miss Elsie’s offer of help, but until such time as Lily could provide a home for him he would have no choice but to accept it, and be grateful. In which case she must make everything ready for him at Rowanleigh. The room over the stable would need attention, and she must get busy on it, starting today, when she returned to Sherrell.

And afterwards? Then she would look about for employment, for she would have to earn enough to keep the two of them until he was out of the woods.
Out of the woods.
The phrase rang in her mind. When would that be? He had lost a hand. And there could be no mending of such a tragedy.

The breeze had strengthened a little. She could hear it in the leaves of the yew and feel it on her cheeks. Looking up at the clock on the face of the church tower, she saw that it had come to a quarter to three. Time to go.

She reached the infirmary with ten minutes to spare, and found that a number of people were already gathered in the courtyard, waiting for admission. She took her place in the line and stood patiently as the minutes ticked by. Two nurses in starched uniforms crossed the cobbles and entered the building, after which a horse-drawn ambulance rattled to a halt before the steps. Two porters appeared and took a laden stretcher from the vehicle and carried it inside. A carriage pulled in, and two distinguished-looking gentlemen alighted, carrying black leather bags. As they vanished into the building two workhouse boys appeared and cleared away some manure that one of the horses had left. More people came to join those already waiting. Then, almost on the stroke of three a stout man in a dark tunic came out and importantly gestured to the crowd. It was the signal to go in, and at once the people surged towards the open doors.

Inside the building Lily did not hesitate, and within a minute or two she was entering the men’s ward, and craning her neck to see past the people before her, to catch a first glimpse of Tom.

She could not see him.

Three or four yards into the ward she came to a stop and stood looking down the left-hand row of beds. Tom was not there. Her eyes swung to the right-hand side of the ward,
taking in the other occupants; perhaps he had been moved to a different bed. No. He was not there.

After a moment she started down the ward, while on either side the visitors drew up chairs, kisses were exchanged, and the murmur of the chatter grew. As if she could not trust her eyes to have seen at a distance, she walked to the foot of the bed in which she had left Tom just hours before. It lay empty, its mattress rolled up at the head, the pillows stacked. The fleeting, desperate notion came into her mind that perhaps she had come into the wrong ward, but of course she had not; everything else was as she recalled. There was the stain on the wall above the bed, there was the split in the linoleum, and in the adjacent bed the old man still lay.

She turned, looking about her, and saw a nurse approaching. At once she moved towards her. ‘Excuse me – please . . .’

‘Yes, miss?’

‘My brother,’ Lily said, and gestured towards the empty bed. ‘He was here – there in the bed. I was with him this morning.’

The nurse, a stocky woman in her late thirties, said at once, ‘Ah, yes, the young man – Thomas Clair. He’s gone, miss, I’m afraid. He left.’

‘He – he left?’ Lily frowned. ‘What – what do you mean – he left?’

‘Just that. He left, miss.’

‘But – but he can’t have. I was here – just this morning.’ Lily gestured to the bed. ‘I was sitting there, at his bedside. He was in the bed. I brought him some fruit and some cake. I told him I’d be back for afternoon visiting. He knew that. He was expecting me.’ This was insane. How could he have gone? She stood there shaking her head, as if by the very fact of denying it she could make it as she wished. ‘But – but where – where did he go?’ she said.