No Strings Attached (9 page)

"You want me to go with you?" 

"I'll get it.  Just text me when you're done here and maybe you can swing by to get me."

"Sounds good."  He raises his eyes to Luke over my shoulder and pulls me in for another kiss.  This one is rough, just like he's marking his territory right here in front of everyone.  It almost pisses me off, until he ends it softer, reminding me of our previous encounter.

I leave the area knowing Luke will follow me out.  This is awkward, and I don't even want to hear him complain about Garrett or start dogging him.  It's a known fact that Luke doesn't like Garrett, but he doesn't have to approve of who I see.  It would be easier if he did, but it isn't a requirement.

"You really like that bastard, don't you?"

"Ehh.  It's Garrett.  He's fun to hang out with.  I'm not sure anything will ever come of it, but I may as well have some fun in the process."  He drops the subject of Garrett and attempts to make small talk while we travel to the hotel.  There are a couple of times I'm screaming in my head for him to just ask me to stay with him. 

Just ask me to stay.  Please.  I want that more than anything.

Luke

I can't believe she wants to spend time with him.  He's such a pompous ass who disrespects women all the time.  I may get around, but I always treat the ladies right.  Telling her how I feel again will only cause more problems between us.  It's time I leave her alone about him, but I'll be watching closely.  If I see a single sign that he disrespects her, I'll rearrange his face. 

Our ride to the hotel is quiet.  I wish I could say something to make her reevaluate what she's about to do, but she's made it clear what she wants.  In the grand scheme of things, it's just a road trip with him.  Maybe she'll realize his lack of worth and I'll never have to worry about this again.

"How much time do you have?"

"Not long.  I'd like to hurry and shower again if at all possible."

"Yeah.  No problem." 

When we hit the room, she begins to scurry around for the shower.  I stand still and watch her scattered thoughts leave her almost ridiculously giddy about leaving soon. 

The sound of the water again reminds me just how close, yet so far away she really is.  I could go into the bathroom and push my way into the shower with her.  That's exactly what I want to do, but that wouldn't be fair to her.  She needs to be able to step out of our circle and have a good time with other guys.  It's just not supposed to suck this bad for me. 

She turns off the water and I hope she makes another appearance like she did before, but she doesn't.  She comes out of the bathroom fully dressed, but to my satisfaction she's wearing a hoodie and sweat pants.  This isn't screaming sexy and I'm happy to see that it’s how she'll be going to Garrett.

"Just text me when you guys are about an hour from location tomorrow.  I'll watch for you and try to get as much of the small stuff out of the way during the day." 

"I will, but I'm texting you through the night to make sure you make it okay."

"You don't have to.  I'll be with their whole crew."

"Exactly why I'll be checking on you."

"Don't start, Luke."  She seems irritated as she checks her phone for the message that just came through.

"They're here.  I guess I'll see you tomorrow."  I move to open the door for her and watch her walk out of my room.  The instant regret of not trying to stop her fucks me over the rest of the night.  Choosing not to leave my hotel room is easy.  Dealing with the shit going through my head, not so much.

The next day goes by slow as hell.  Aiden and a couple of the other guys attempt to brighten my mood with no success.  I know I suck to be around, but I really don't give a shit what anyone thinks about me right now.  I haven't texted her, trying to give her the privacy she deserves.  She should've checked in, but she hasn't.  We're almost two hours from location, so I'm trying to hold out until we're closer to text her.

This shit shouldn't be irritating me so hard, but it is. 

Damn it.

Chapter Ten

Lilly

He made himself clear.  I'm going to enjoy myself with Garrett and the guys.  I know this can be a great trip if I let it be. 

He's standing outside the bus when I walk out.  His greeting doesn't surprise me this time—I could get used to his kisses and show of affection.  He's a great kisser, not as good as Luke, but none the less he's great at it.  The other guys start to yell obscenities at us, and he pauses to look me in the eye before he turns to nail their asses.  His efforts only gain laughter, but it doesn't seem to faze him in the least.

"Did you dress up for me?"

"You like it?" 

"You can wear whatever you want with me.  I'll just try to get you out of it anyway."  He's always the flirt.  It feels nice to be wanted like this.  He's never hidden his attraction to me, sometimes coming across as an egotistical ass when making his comments. 

"Very funny."

"Honey.  I'm not joking."  I know he's not joking, so I start to step toward the bus to face these grown men that are sure to act like idiots when I open this door.

To my surprise, they don't harass me.  They invite me for a shot and make a place for me at the table to play quarters.  I've never been great at this game, but I'm willing to give it a shot.

"Ladies first!"  Garrett sits down beside me just as the bus begins to roll.  A few rounds go by, and so far, I'm not doing too bad.  I spread the shots around to each guy when I make the glass, but it isn't long before they all begin to zone in on me.  I know it's not a great idea to get trashed in a bus full of guys, no matter how well I know them, so I pull from the game. 

"I'm out."

"What?  I knew you couldn't hang."  Grayson seems to be leading the bash Lilly campaign tonight.  I'm sure it's all out of fun, but I can see this quickly turning into a nightmare if I keep this up.

"Yeah.  I'm zapped.  I need to sleep soon."  Garrett runs his hand up my leg, straight for my crotch area.  Trying not to cause a scene, I grab his hand to hold in my lap instead. 

The guys all continue the game, and within an hour, they're all ridiculous and loud.  My stomach hurts because of the laughter from their hysterical reenactments of stories from their past.  We stay up until 3:30 in the morning like this.

Garrett finally speaks up about going to bed.  He pulls my arm until I follow him into the tiny back room.  The feeling is all too familiar and I drop on the bed, taking up the side of the bed I slept on before. 

He begins to strip out of his clothes, so I turn to watch him, wondering if he'll go all the way down to nothing.  Oh, yeah he does.

He crawls onto the mattress and proceeds until he is over me.

"Do you plan on staying in those sweats all night?"  I can't hide the grin on my face.  I like his forwardness, but am I really ready for this?  What's holding me back?  I'm not in an exclusive relationship.  Garrett is hot and definitely in to me.  Why not have a great night of sex with this man?

I begin to slide the waistband down my legs and pull the shirt over my head.  Lying here in my bra and panties is a whole different situation.  Now I can feel his eyes scrape over my skin and it's making me feel self-conscious.  I know he's been with beautiful women in his time, so I don't need him to see my flaws. 

"Turn out the light."  He does what I ask and returns, all hands and mouth.  He leaves no space on my body untouched and sends me through my orgasm before his own release.  I know I shouldn't be comparing the two, but he's no comparison to Luke.  I'm going to hell for thinking like this while I'm still in the arms of a man who’s trying really hard to make me happy. 

Sleeping comes easily and morning shows up way too quickly.  I begin to stretch and notice he's not in the bed anymore.  I check my phone for messages only to not find a single one.  Luke was supposed to check on me, but he hasn't sent any messages.  I told him not to start any crap, so I guess this is his way of keeping the peace. 

Hearing laughter, I climb off the mattress to get dressed.  I see the proof of our time together on the window ledge.  Wrapping it up in toilet paper, I toss it in the trash of the tiny bathroom.  My face in the mirror disgusts me, so I try to freshen up some.  It's nearly impossible to do anything about it while we travel down the road. 

I do what I can and then start to open the door.  I stop moving when I hear their voices.

"Another notch on your sticks, huh?"

"Yeah.  She was a great add to the collection.  Hand me that knife."

"Dude, your sticks are full of slice marks.  You're gonna have to start a new set soon."

"I'll make room.  I have this whole side on this one open."  I walk out just as he's running the blade across the wood. 
Is it possible to feel any lower about myself than right now?
  I'm just another skank to him.  This is a huge blow to me, and I'm going to have to figure out how to get through the rest of this day dealing with this asshole.  I can't believe I fucking let myself become like this.

I'm worth more than a quick lay. 

"Are you really marking me off as one of your skanks?"  He turns to look at me with a shitty expression on his face.  I can tell this is not going to go well.

"Yeah.  What did you think you were?  Just another honey, sweet-ass fuck."

"Fuck you, Riggins."

"Nah.  Already did that, babe."

"You're an asshole."

"Never said I wasn't"

"Where the fuck are we?"

"Between there and here somewhere."

"Stop the fucking bus."

"Chill out, babe.  You really need to calm the fuck down."

"Stop the fucking bus before I make your fucking life hell."

"You really want to be dropped off in the middle of nowhere?"

"I'd rather be
anywhere
than with your ass.  Fucking stop the bus, NOW."

He tells the driver to pull over and I don't waste any time stepping off the bus.  I use my phone to locate where I am and begin to walk.  Luckily, I'm only a mile from a small town.  I should call the guys, but there's no way I want them to know what I've done. 

I really deserve this.  If you act like a ho, you can't get mad when you're treated like one.  This feeling of filth is horrible.  I'll never let this happen again. 

Is it too much to ask to be important to someone?  Why does it seem they all just want sex with no emotion?  I need to feel connected and this isn't working out for me. 

The mile walk isn't too bad.  I'm thankful that I chose to wear my tennis shoes and not any of my heels.  That would have been torture. 

I walk into a convenience store and purchase a water.  They have booths and a small diner, so I take a seat.  I figure it's time to sort my thoughts out and get a plan. 

I'm about thirty miles from the venue.  I have eight hours to kill and the crew won’t be rolling into town for hours.  Using my phone to search the internet, I find a car rental place not too far down the road.  I call them to make sure they have a car available before I start to walk again.  This walk is another two miles, but I welcome the time to think about things. 

I'm really glad it's daylight and no one bothers me during my walk. 
What have I become?
  Is this really me, stranded in a strange town after just having meaningless sex with yet another rock star?

I take the car and begin to drive down the long, lonely highway.  My thoughts consume me and I just keep driving.  We have a break for four days coming up next week. Maybe I should take a break from everything and everyone during that time.  I never want to let the guys down no matter how badly I want to skip out.  We've worked so hard to get to this point.

I'm just bass guitar, they can do the show without me, but it wouldn't be complete.  I decide to message Luke and tell him that I'm in the middle of nowhere.  It's not safe for me to be out here like this and no one know where I am.

Lilly:  You were right.

Luke:  What happened?

Lilly:  He's an asshole.

Luke:  Are you ok?

Lilly:  Yeah.  I'm renting a car so I can get there tonight.

Luke:  Where the fuck are you?

Lilly:  A town named Henderson.  I'm ok.  I'll see you there tonight.

Luke:  Damn it.  From now on you stay with us.  I'm going to kick his ass for letting you out of the bus.

Lilly:  He didn't have a choice. 

Luke:  What the hell did he do to you?

Lilly:  Nothing I didn't deserve.

Luke:  This convo isn't over.  I want to know how bad I'm going to beat his stupid ass.

Lilly:  Luke, it's no big deal.  I had it coming.  It was just a blow to my ego.  I was just another notch on his drum stick and it just hit me wrong.  I had it coming.

His reply doesn't come for a while.  It seems like he's forgotten about me, it takes him so long to come back with a message.

Luke:  You deserve better.

Chapter Eleven

Luke

I'm losing my fucking mind right now.  How the fuck can she just message saying she got off a bus in the middle of nowhere?  I should've stopped her from going last night.  Why the fuck I didn't, I'll never know.  I message Garrett to see what the hell happened, with no response. 

I'll
kill
his ass if he hurt her.    

Holden tries to locate her and says she's in a small town named Henderson.  She is obviously hours ahead of us and this will be a long-ass day of traveling and worrying about her. 

I continue to text her throughout the day to check on her.  She found a shopping mall and killed some hours there until we could pull into the parking lot to meet up with her.  There was a rental car place nearby that we followed her to so she could drop off her car.