No Second Chances (14 page)

Chapter Twenty-four

Gabi - Eleven Years Earlier

I woke the
next morning with a headache and a niggling certainty something had happened last night. Flipping back in my memories, I remembered going to Cole’s band practice, drinking something, and then staggering home. I cringed slightly at my drunken declaration of love, but then also remembered his reply back to me. Despite my hangover, I hugged myself with happiness. When he’d approached me all those weeks ago, when I’d been reading in the park, I never would have imagined Cole and I would have ended up in this position.

So things didn’t go badly with Cole last night, even if I may have embarrassed myself slightly, so why did I have this sickening sensation in my stomach—I didn’t think it was just down to the effects of last night’s alcohol.

A knock came at my door, and my dad walked in holding a glass of water. The sight of him caused a light bulb to ping on in my head, and I barely restrained myself from groaning. Dad had caught me coming home with Cole last night, and had made Cole leave. I was more concerned about what Cole thought of me now, than the fight with my dad.

“Gabriella,” he said, as he sat on the edge of my bed. “You and I need to have a talk.”

I groaned and rolled over. “Just leave it, Dad. All kids my age have the occasional drink. It’s not a big deal. And if it makes you feel any better, I feel like crap this morning, so I won’t be drinking for at least another three years, okay?”

“I’m glad to hear it, but that isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about.”

I sat up and looked at him. “It isn’t?”

“No. I’ve been asking around about that boy you’ve been hanging out with.”

“His name is Cole.”

“I want you to stay away from him, Gabriella. I deal with kids like him every day, and they’re bad news.”

Anger burst through me. “Yeah, you’d know all about bad news, wouldn’t you, Dad? Because you’re such a fine, upstanding citizen yourself.”

“This isn’t about me. I’m only doing what’s best for you, and I don’t want you seeing him again.”

“You don’t own me! I’ll be eighteen in a few months, and then I can do anything I like.”

“But you’re not eighteen yet, young lady, and while you’re under my roof, you go by my rules.”

I wanted to say that I’d been following his rules on life just last night, but I managed to keep my mouth shut. I didn’t want to fight with him, but there was no way I was going to let him stop me seeing Cole. Even a single day without Cole felt like torture. I couldn’t bring myself to imagine longer.

“Listen to me, Dad,” I said, trying to stay calm. “If you want to push me away, you’re going about it in the exact right way. I’m going to be eighteen in a few weeks, and Cole will be eighteen this month. Don’t make me choose between the two of you, because right now I’d choose him.”

“He’ll hurt you, Gabi. Boys like him always hurt girls like you.”

“So be there for me for the fall-out if you want to be a good dad.”

He stared at me as though finally seeing me in a new light, and I thought I might have convinced him, but then he shook his head. “What about that band he plays with. They’re on our radar, Gabi. They’ve already been noticed and they’re bad news. If I can’t get you to agree to stay away from Cole, will you at least stay away from the band?”

I’d enjoyed myself last night, something I’d been surprised about, but not having to spend time with them again didn’t sound like a bad thing in my book. Something about them just didn’t sit right with me. In particular, Ryan set my teeth on edge. I didn’t know exactly what it was about him, but I thought my dad might be right about the band.

“Okay,” I agreed. “I’ll stay away from band practice.”

“And it might be an idea for you to suggest to Cole that he should do the same thing.”

I nodded, knowing I’d never suggest such a thing to him. I didn’t want him to think I was the type of girl who tried to change a guy once she’d gotten her claws into him.

The truth was, I’d be happy if Cole gave up the band. I didn’t like the way they treated him. Sure, they were a couple of years older, but I almost felt like they were laughing at him behind his back. I didn’t want to say anything to Cole—not only did I feel like it wasn’t my place, but I also didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Plus, he really loved playing with the band, even if they weren’t particularly good—and I didn’t want him to feel awkward about going just because I’d opened my big mouth.

The other thing that bothered me was how they treated me when I was there. I was basically ignored, with the exception of creepy Ryan and the way his eyes traveled up and down my body. I could just tell he was thinking about what I looked like without any clothes on. Perhaps I should say something to Cole, but I didn’t want to put him in that position. These guys weren’t just his friends, they were his band members, and if he fell out with them, he would no longer have a spot in the band.

My dad reached out for a hug, his arms enveloping me, and I squeezed him back. As he pulled away from me, he noticed something. He picked up Cole’s hoodie from my pillow, a number of lines appearing between his brows. He held it up, allowing the material to open out, showing from the size that the sweater was obviously not belonging to a teenage girl.

“I assume this is his?”

Blood heated my face, and I snatched the sweatshirt back. “Yes, Cole loaned it to me.”

“Do I need to be worried about how close the two of you are getting—physically, I mean?”

“Nothing’s happened between us, Dad,” I muttered, mortified. Dad and I didn’t have these kinds of conversations. We talked about books, and the sports teams he followed, and what needed to be picked up from the grocery store. We certainly didn’t talk about the opposite sex.

He clutched his hands in his lap and glanced down at them. “So, Gabi, I know I’ve probably left this a little late, but if you are starting to get interested in boys, there’s a conversation we should be having.”

Dear Lord, please let the ground open up and swallow me …

“Dad, seriously, you don’t need to be doing this.”

“I know I haven’t been much of a replacement for your mother …”

“You’ve been great, Dad,” I said, not wanting to fill in the hole of ‘apart from the drinking.’

“Anyway,” he continued, “There are things you need to know about as you’re growing into a young woman.”

“Dad!” I practically yelled. “Stop, now, please. You don’t need to be having this conversation with me. I learned it all for myself several years ago.”

For a moment, his mortification appeared to equal my own, and it dawned on me that he thought I’d learned the practical way.

I raised both hands. “No, Dad, not like that. I mean, it’s the modern day. Girls talk.” I widened my eyes, hoping to get the point across without having to say any more.

“Oh, right.” It was his turn to flush red, and he got back to his feet. “As long as you’re … safe … you know.”

“I know, but honestly, that hasn’t happened.” I stopped myself adding, ‘yet.’

He flicked imaginary dust off the front of his pants and headed to the door. “Well, I’m glad we had this chat.”

“Yeah, me too, Dad,” I replied, doing my best not to roll my eyes. He really was completely clueless at times.

He shut the door behind him and I dropped back onto my pillow, my hands covering my face. That was the most embarrassing conversation,
ever
. At least my dad hadn’t banned me from seeing Cole, though I did feel like every time he saw us, he would be wondering if we’d slept together yet. Ugh.

I picked up Cole’s hoodie and placed it over my face, inhaling the scent of him. What would be the future for Cole and me? Did we even have one? I’d be leaving town to go to college in the not so far future. What would happen to us then?

As well as my potential separation from Cole when I went off to college, I was also worried about how my dad would cope. Even though he kept telling me how he was the grown man, and I was the child, that didn’t stop me worrying about him. He was excellent at hiding his drinking around the house, doing his best to keep up appearances on my behalf, but what would happen when I wasn’t around anymore? Would he still make an effort to appear normal on the days when he wasn’t at work, or would he just give up even trying? I’d told myself that it was ages away, and I didn’t need to be concerned about it yet, but the weeks became months, and all of a sudden it felt like leaving was all too soon.

Was leaving for college even what I wanted anymore?

Chapter Twenty-five

Gabi - Eleven Years Earlier

Over the next
few weeks, Cole and I became inseparable. We were now officially a couple in the eyes of pretty much everyone, and we’d regularly be seen walking down the school hall, with his arm over my shoulders, and mine around his waist. We’d part for our various classes and then meet back up for breaks or lunch. I couldn’t explain it, but being with Cole had somehow elevated my position at school. More people acknowledged my existence now, though I wasn’t sure I wanted them to. When I was with him, I felt like I was walking taller, or perhaps it was just that I was walking a foot in the air.

Taylor still wasn’t talking to me, and Jasmine appeared to have taken her side about the whole thing, which seemed crazy to me, though Jas still spoke to me when Taylor wasn’t around. People on the outside probably thought I was wrong for picking a guy over a friend, but as far as I could tell, I didn’t think Taylor was being much of a friend in the first place for getting upset over a misunderstanding. Now I’d gotten to know Cole better, I could see that someone like Taylor would never be for him. He couldn’t stand any kind of fakeness—girls who wore too much makeup, or who liked to bitch behind each other’s backs. Cole felt bad he’d come between me and Taylor, but I told him things would work themselves out eventually.

My dad had managed to keep things civil between him and Cole. He’d spotted Cole picking me up and dropping me off a couple of times, but so far their interaction had consisted of Cole waving and shouting, ‘Hello, Mr. Weston,’ and my dad waving back, a tight smile on his lips. I was relieved my dad hadn’t attempted to have some kind of ‘if you hurt my daughter, I’ll kill you’ conversation with Cole, though it wouldn’t have surprised me if it was somewhere in our near future.

Cole was turning eighteen in a few days, and I still didn’t have a gift for him. There was one thing I could think of, but the idea made my stomach roil with both nerves and excitement. Due to my dad’s erratic working hours, we got to spend plenty of time alone in the house, and the kissing—which we would happily do for hours on end—had progressed to second base, and quickly on to third. I didn’t kid myself for a second that Cole was as innocent as me. I knew of ex-girlfriends, and they weren’t exactly of the reserved kind, which filled me with an intense jealousy for his past. He was all I wanted, and I didn’t want other girls to have had a part of him that I hadn’t, to have done things with him that I hadn’t. But that wasn’t my only reason.

I wanted him, too.

***

On the day
of Cole’s birthday, I had the house to myself. I hadn’t told my dad about the importance of the date, and so he’d gone out for the day. If I’d mentioned it was Cole’s eighteenth, I was sure he’d have made an excuse to stay home.

Excited and nervous, I’d spent the morning baking Cole a cake, and then I dressed in the sexiest underwear I owned—a black lacy bra which pushed up my breasts, and a tiny thong, that was definitely built for speed rather than comfort. Feeling a bit silly, I wrapped a length of red ribbon around my tummy and tied it into a bow, and then slipped my silky robe over the top. I hoped he wasn’t going to laugh at me.

The doorbell rang and I yelled down the stairs, “It’s open.”

Sudden fear it wasn’t him and I was about to be spotted by a delivery driver filled me, but then I heard Cole’s voice, “Gabi?”

“Up here,” I called back. I heard his feet on the stairs. “I’m in my room.”

The bedroom door pushed open and I braced myself. As soon as he appeared in the doorway, I allowed the robe to slip from my shoulders and drift to the floor. Cole’s eyes opened in surprise.

“Happy birthday!” I said, trying to appear seductive, rather than stupid and completely out of my comfort zone.

His mouth dropped open and then a smile spread across his face. “Holy shit, Gabi. Is this what I think it is?”

“If you’re thinking that my birthday present to you is me, then yes, it’s exactly what you think it is.”

He bit his lower lip and took a slow step forward.

“Gabi,” he said, his blue eyes suddenly appearing a shade darker, “if you’re hoping I’m going to ask you if you’re sure about this, and then we end up just cuddling on the couch, I’ve got to tell you you’re going about this the wrong damn way.”

I repressed a smile and shook my head. “I promise that’s not what I’m doing. I’m your present.” I gave a shimmy, making the ribbon rustle. “Happy birthday.”

He growled. “And you know I’m going to unwrap you like a candy bar?”

I giggled. “That was exactly what I was hoping you’d do.”

He took another step closer, so we were only a foot apart now. He reached out and snagged the end of the ribbon bow I’d tied around my stomach and slowly pulled it apart. His breathing had grown deeper and my own breath was shallow in my chest, my heartbeat racing.

He took the other end of the ribbon and tugged it hard between his hands, as though testing its strength. He gave me a wicked look. “I might need that later.” Then he frowned slightly. “But I didn’t bring anything, you know, protection-wise.”

“It’s okay. I’m fully prepared.” Truth was, I’d asked Jasmine to hook me up. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to go into a drugstore and buy condoms.

He dropped the ribbon to the floor and then wrapped his hand around my narrow waist and pulled me hard against him. I could feel he was already excited, a hardness pressing into my stomach. He kissed me, and I melted into the kiss. His hands trailed up my back to the catch of my bra. I didn’t know how much experience he’d had undoing them, but this one didn’t seem to cause him any problems. Within seconds, it was hanging free and he pushed the straps from my shoulders.

His kisses left my lips, trailed down my jaw and down the side of my neck.

“Hell, Gabi, you’re so damn sexy.”

I’d never felt sexy before I’d met Cole, but now I felt sexy every second I was with him. I wanted to share this with him. I was ready to have this most intimate thing happen between us, to connect our bodies as I felt our hearts were already joined. We weren’t kids anymore, and this felt like a completely natural progression.

He paused kissing me to allow me to pull his shirt over his head. He was slim, but wiry with muscle, his chest only with a fine spattering of blond hair. I ran my hands over his skin, aware that now when we kissed, our naked torsos would be pressed together. But he moved me backward, the backs of my thighs bumping with the bed, and then he lowered me down, my back against the mattress. He stood at the end and undid his jeans, toeing off his sneakers and socks, his eyes never leaving me for a second.

He kneeled at the end of the bed and reached for my very skimpy underwear. Hooking the sides with his fingers, he rolled the black lace down my thighs. I was conscious of what he’d think of me naked—would he think I was too hairy, too skinny? Too fat, even. He’d touched me down there before, just as I’d touched him, but we’d never been completely naked before.

I shook the thoughts from my head. He loved me, and I was a girl, naked in bed, offering myself to him. I could probably have two heads and he wouldn’t even notice.

Cole crawled back up my body and I got my first eyeful of him, erect and ready for me.

He covered my body with his own, his hand slipping between my thighs. I opened my legs for him, and his fingers pushed inside me, readying me for him, and making me moan.

“The condom,” I said, suddenly, reaching up behind me where I’d hidden it beneath my pillow. I pulled out the square packet, feeling awkward once more. Would he expect me to put it on him, to do something sexy with my mouth? I’d heard people talking about that kind of thing, but didn’t think I’d be able to do it myself. I’d probably end up ripping the latex with my teeth.

“Here,” he said, taking the foil packet from me. “I’ll do it.”

I almost wilted with relief.

“Touch me while I open it,” he said, his voice growly.

I did as he asked, happily wrapping my fingers around his erection. I loved the feel of him, so hard and silky soft all at the same time. I ran my fingers up and down his length, hoping I was holding him tight enough.

“Slowly,” he warned. “I won’t last long if you keep that up.”

His words caused a ball of warmth to swell inside me, loving that what I did to him turned him on so much. He tore the packet open and pulled out the condom. I released my hold on him to allow him to roll the condom onto himself.

He kissed me again, holding himself above me on his elbows, his narrow hips between my thighs. “You sure you’re ready?” he said against my mouth, his fingers knotting in my curls.

“I thought you weren’t going to ask me that.” I smiled against his lips, and kissed him again, lifting my hips to meet his. “Yes, I’m ready.”

He kissed me, long and deep, and our hips met. His erection wasn’t quite in the right place, pushing against the outside of me, but not entering, but then he reached between us and steadied himself where he needed to be. We both laughed a little, but then he pushed harder and breached me, and the laughter died on my lips.

He was inside me.

This is it,
my mind shouted.
It’s happening. Your first time.

And then a sharp pain speared me, and I sucked air in over my teeth, causing Cole to pause. “You okay?” He looked down at me, studying my face with the blue eyes I loved so much, his blond locks falling in his face.

I nodded and dug my fingers into his hard shoulder. “Yes, keep going.”

And he did.

It took us a moment to find our rhythm, but as soon as we did, I felt the excitement inside me starting to build. But it was over too soon. Within a couple of minutes, Cole jerked inside me and let out a groan.

He dropped his forehead to mine. “It was too quick, wasn’t it?”

I held him close, pressing my lips to his shoulder. “It was perfect.”

“I’ll make it better next time, I promise” he said. “Just you wait.”

I gave a wicked smile. “When’s next time?”

He pretended to look at a non-existent watch on his wrist. “Oh, I don’t know. In about thirty minutes.”

I laughed. “Sounds good to me.”

“I love you,” he said, kissing me again. “This is the best birthday present ever.”

“I love you, too,” I replied. “Happy birthday.”

And half an hour later, he kept his promise.