No More Wasted Time (15 page)

They left the vineyard driving on a quiet dirt road, zigzagging
their way to the top of a hill where a modest villa waited for them.

“Where are we?”

“We’re staying here tonight. It’s an old farmhouse turned
into a bed and breakfast and supposed to be great for watching sunsets. We only
have a few minutes.” Tom held a bottle of wine in his hand and handed her two
glasses to carry. He clutched her other hand, quickly heading up the spiral
staircase leading to the rooftop overlooking the valleys below.

They cuddled on a gliding loveseat, watching the sunset in silence.
Low misty clouds came in and lay between the valleys of each rolling hill
below. As the sky darkened, villas dotting the hillsides came to life as
twinkles of light cast out from their windows. 

“This is one of the most beautiful moments I’ve ever
experienced. Top ten for sure,” she said in a soft voice. “It’s mystical, like
a fairytale.”

“Tess?”

“Umm hum.”

“You know the other morning when we were playing rock band?”

“What about it?”

“You said to me, ‘I can’t believe you don’t have kids’.”

“I remember.” She tilted her head, searching his eyes as he
stared past her.

He sighed, furrowing his brows deeply. “I can’t have kids,
Tess.”

Her brows creased, making the same frown. “I’m sorry, Tom.”

“Me too, sometimes,” he replied despondently, avoiding her
gaze.

Her heart ached with sadness. Tess rose to her feet and
stood behind him, tenderly running her hands through his hair, massaging his
neck and shoulders.

“I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, since the day on the
boat when you said goodbye to Richard. I felt such a strong urge to confide in
you, but I couldn’t make myself. I wanted you to know that day that I
understood a little bit of the pain you were feeling.”

“I’m so sorry, Tom, I had no idea.” Tears stung her warm
cheeks, sensing the hallow affliction hidden in his heart.

“I haven’t had anyone close to me die, but for a long time
and still sometimes now, it feels that way. Like I’ve lost someone or as if
somebody has stole something away from me.”

“Have you always wanted kids?” she asked poignantly.

“Maybe when I was younger. All these people around me were
having kids and I couldn’t. When I was in my thirties, I started drinking too
much because I was angry and frustrated. I didn’t know how to handle my
emotions. When Benny and I were making our first film together, I got drunk one
night and I told him I couldn’t have kids.  I didn’t even remember my liquor
induced confession, but he did and we’ve been like brothers ever since. Benny
helped me through a lot of shit back then. He forced me deal with my anger and
resentment. He helped me try to make sense of it. Benny and Lisa are the only
people who know. I’ve never told anyone else.”

“Does it bother you that I have kids, Tom?” Tess knew this
hurt him deeply.

“No.” He chuckled softly, tugging on her fingers so she
would sit beside him again. “I like the fact you have kids. I like everything
about you.” He gazed into her eyes. “Do you remember when you asked me if I
believe everything happens for a reason?”

“I do.”

“Good or bad?”

“I remember. I’m not a very religious person. I think some
people refer to it as
His plan
. I prefer to think of it more as luck or
fate or destiny. It makes more sense to me if I look at it that way,” Tess said
sorrowfully. “That’s how I had to look at it when Richard died. I was lucky to
have him as long as I did, but for some reason, he had to go.”

“I felt like I had been ripped off, short changed. You know
what I mean? Why me? I had so much going for me except this
huge
flaw.
Why wasn’t I supposed to have kids? Was there something
wrong
with me?
Would
I have even been a good father? You know, all those inner demons that feed off
your insecurities. I definitely had my share when I was younger. I’d date women
and within a week, they were hearing wedding bells and wanting babies. I wasn’t
even sure if I liked them yet. It seemed like everyone around me was either
having babies or wanting babies. Women just did not want the right things from
me. I couldn’t deal with it. It used to freak me out. I couldn’t wrap my head
around it. I think that’s why I never wanted to get married.”

She nodded trying to understand his pain and hurting.

“Benny told me those exact words, ‘Everything happens for a
reason Tommy, good or bad’,” Tom said quietly. “It helped me see things in a
different light. For whatever reason, kids weren’t in the cards for me.”

Tess affectionately placed her hands on his face. “You are
not
flawed
. Some things just aren’t meant to be. I
know
you
would’ve made a great father.”

“I think so, too. I can tell you’re a good mom. I haven’t
even seen you with your kids, but your girls seem crazy about you.”

“Well, I’d like to think I’m a good mom, but they sure as
hell didn’t come with instructions or a manual. Most of the time, I felt like I
was doing a great job, but other times I felt like a complete failure. It’s not
easy raising kids into fun, responsible, well-rounded adults. It’s a lot of
work, and you never know if the decisions you make are the right ones.”

“I can’t picture you being a failure at anything. Did you enjoy
staying home with your kids?”

“It was a difficult adjustment for me. Even though I’ve been
lucky enough to be home with my kids, I don’t want that to be what defines me
as a woman. I’d like to think there’s more to me than being a mom. Right now
I’m just not sure what that’s supposed to be,” she said softly.

“Oh, I think there’s a lot more to you than being a mom.”
Tom slipped his finger into her shirt, skimming the lace on her bra.

“I hope there’s more to me than that, too,” she smirked.

“I’m teasing you, Tess. You have a lot of good in you.
You’re a strong woman, but very playful, and you’ve been very passionate with
me. The last three weeks have been more than I ever expected. I’ve never met
anyone like you.”

“I don’t remember being quite this passionate ever.
Seriously, you drive me crazy,” Tess admitted.

“I feel the same way,” Tom agreed.

“Speaking of that, you said we’re staying here tonight?”

“Yes, we are.”

“Are all my things miraculously here already?”

“They’re in the trunk of the car.” He grinned immensely.

“Oh, man, did you pack my stuff?” She hoped to surprise him
with the lingerie she bought.

“As soon as Lisa found out we were coming here she gave me
strict instructions. ‘Don’t touch or even think about peeking into a white bag
with pink ribbon on it.’”

“You didn’t peek did you?”

“Nope. I wanted to though. I’ll get our things from the car
for you.” 

Tess reached for his hand. “Hey, Tom, thanks for sharing
that with me tonight. It means a great deal to me that you trust me.”

They smiled at each other as he repeated the words she said
to him earlier. “If I’ve trusted you enough to give you my body for the last
three weeks, don’t you think I should trust you with this?”

Tom retrieved their things from the car. After rinsing off
in the shower, Tess stared into the mirror nervously adjusting her boobs and
panties, wanting to look perfect in her skimpy midnight blue negligee. It
seemed silly because Tom had already seen every inch of her body, but she
wanted to impress him.

Tom sat in a chaise on the rooftop sipping wine. She quietly
snuck up behind him, bending down to nibble on his ear. He leaned his head
back, she kissed him softly, gently tugging on his bottom lip. Releasing his
lip from her teeth, she raised her head and stood in front of him.  

Through the darkness of the night, moonlight exposed her
taut nipples and perfectly manicured tuft of dark hair through the sheer
negligee. He admired her, not saying a word. Her heart pounded violently,
waiting for him to say something, hoping he’d like it. His jaw tightened as he
swallowed hard, sending a shiver over her skin.

“Damn.” He paused, swallowing hard again. “You look
beautiful.”

Tom tried to stand up, but she laid her hand on his hard
chest. “I like it up here,” she purred.

She straddled him, sitting backward on his lap. He caressed
her back, unraveling the tension in her spine. He reached around to fondle her
breasts through the sheer material. She drew in a hissing breath and whimpered
at the soft tug on her nipple. She unzipped his jeans and slipped her fingers
into the waistband, arching forward seductively to remove his jeans with her
hands and teeth.

His searing breath tickled the small of her back. She moved
out of reach of his wandering tongue, repositioning herself to face him.

“Do you remember what you told me our first night together?”
she asked, leaving a trail of wet kisses down his neck.

“Yes.”

Her lips pulled to a smile as her tongue slid over her lips.
“Tonight is all about you.”

Her mouth descended and she dragged her tongue over the taut
bands of  his rippling stomach. She explored every contoured detail, before
wrapping her lips around the full length of him. Teasing him with delicate,
moist strokes and flicks of her tongue, she peered up to find his dark eyes
locked on her. She grinned going down, taking in inch-by-inch until she heard a
low groan in his chest as he tugged at her arms.

Working her way back up to his mouth, she kissed him
passionately. Her emotions rose to the surface and she stared through the
darkness into his shadowed face, wondering if she had ever felt so powerful
before. She didn’t know if it was the novelty of a being intimate with someone
new, or the exploration and discovery of sensual need she thought would be gone
forever, but this man unlocked something deep within her, a fervent connection
that was empowering.

Tom’s long tapered fingers firmly gripped her hips, seeking
admittance. She sat up high, wanting to make him wait, needing him to desire
her as much as she craved to feel him. Her long hair fell down around her face
as her eyes fixed on his. He stared at her in a way that made her feel as if he
saw clear down into her soul. Her chest ached with a longing and the need to
open up to him, but she couldn’t even explain her feelings to
herself
.
She feared that if she tried, he’d disappear.

Tess knew she shouldn’t do it, telling herself repeatedly
,
he’s just a vacation. He’s just for fun. He’s just for incredibly good sex
.
She wouldn’t deny it anymore. She wouldn’t waste one more minute pretending.
Tom wasn’t just a rendezvous and it wasn’t just sex. The passion and desire she
felt for him was too intense. Tess made love to Tom. She knew it would cause
her pain in a few days, but at that moment, it was perfect.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Tess slept face down on the bed. Tom gently slipped the
sheet back kissing the back of her thigh moving up to the small of her back.

“That tickles so much. Do you want me to put my outfit back
on?” She twitched and giggled until goose bumps covered her skin.

Tom laid his body on top of hers, nuzzling her neck with his
unshaven face. “I’m quite fond of it, but we have to get ready, sleepyhead. I
have a meeting I need to take care of, so we need to get out of here. We can’t
be late, Tess.”

A permanent grin covered her face as they drove toward the
airport. She had no idea where they were heading and didn’t care, as long as
she was with Tom.

“Are we leaving Italy?”

“We are.”

“I should’ve said goodbye to Lisa and Benny,” she said
regretfully.

“You’ll see them again, I think. Otherwise, we would’ve both
said goodbye.”

“Oh, I’m not meeting anyone you should warn me about, am I?”

“No. I need to take care of some business, so we’re going to
have a quick lunch and then leave again.”

Tess thought Tom seemed a bit anxious boarding the plane. He
fidgeted with his fingers and rubbed his knuckles over his jaw. “Is this really
the first time you’ve taken off work for a long vacation?”

“For the most part. I take a week here and there all the
time, but I needed to get away.”

“Why don’t you take time for yourself?” she asked curiously.
He gave her an odd glance, as if it was the first time someone had ever asked
him the question. “You don’t have to talk about it. I’m just wondering,”

“When I was younger, I took every script thrown at me
because I never knew how long I would be on top. Now, after all these years, my
agent and publicist are used to me taking on a heavy load. They’re accustomed
to pushing me. I want to be more selective now, and they aren’t on the same
page as me at the moment. It’s not them. It’s me. I’ve changed. They just
haven’t caught up yet.”

“Doesn’t it really come down to your decision? I mean, they
work for you right? What may have been ideal for you earlier in your career may
not apply to you now. I know nothing about it but-”

“You make it sound so easy, but trust me, it’s not. It is my
choice though, in the end.”

“Could it be, Tom Clemmins, that you don’t know how to say
No
to someone? It can’t possibly be that you
need
to work. It’s obvious you
love acting but-”

“But what?” he asked with intrigue.

“I mean, my financial theory has always been, give some,
save a lot and have fun with the rest. You can’t take it with you when you go,
Tom.”

“You are one of the most laid back people I have ever met. I
like that theory. Give some, save a lot, and have fun with the rest.”

“It’s true, isn’t it? I mean, I don’t have to go back to
work if I don’t want to. What’s it going to get me? More money! But if I truly
don’t need any more money, why do it?” Tess joked. “Maybe I should just go buy
a shack on a beach somewhere.”