No Matter What (129 page)

She looked into his eyes, staring right into them.
 
“You were a rebound fuck, Ray.
 
That’s all it ever was.
 
I was hurting after splitting from Michael, I was in the
U.K.
on my own, I was lonely and Kenny wasn’t around.
 
I needed somebody, and you were there.
 
But it was almost five years ago, and if you think it’s that important why don’t
you
tell JJ?”

He backed away slightly, smiling at her.
 
“
I
haven’t married him.”

“Why now, Ray?
 
Why bring this up now?
 
After all this time?”

Ray never took his eyes off her as he backed away from her a little more, shrugging.
 
“I don’t know.
 
I guess I never forgot that night, never forgot the things we did, never forgot what happened afterwards ... we didn’t talk about that, India, and we should have done.
 
Maybe things could have been different.”

She turned away from him, filling a glass with water.
 
“What we did Ray ... what happened afterwards ...”

She trailed off, taking a drink of water and putting the empty glass in the sink, turning back to look at him.
 
She’d tried hard not to think about the night he was talking about, the night when a chance meeting had ended up in a night of experiences neither of them had ever gone through before, the repercussions of which still affected
India
to this day.
 
Because she’d never forget it.
 
Not really.
 
Some things you never forget, and ever since she’d fallen in love with his brother she’d always known this conversation would happen sometime.
 
She should have told JJ the whole truth from the start but she’d thought it didn’t matter.
 
She’d thought Ray had done exactly what she’d done and put it to the back of his mind, where it really should have stayed.

“Please don’t tell him, Ray,” she almost pleaded, looking up at him.
 
He came across as the epitome of the English gentleman, so why couldn’t he be like that now?
 
“Joe has no idea we’d even met each other before he introduced us and he doesn’t need to know.
 
What would it gain?
 
Me and JJ, we’re married now, we’ve got Ellie ... our little girl, your niece, Ray.
 
Think about her.
 
Think about Ellie.”

He kept his eyes on
India
’s for a few long seconds and she couldn’t look away.
 
He’d dug up all those memories, all those images.
 
He’d put them right back there in the forefront of her mind and she really wished he hadn’t.
 
Just seeing him again had been painful enough without all of this.
 

“I won’t say anything to him,
India
.
 
Of course I won’t.”

She felt an instant wave of relief wash over her.
 
“Thank you.
 
Now, I’m going to find your brother.
 
This conversation’s over.”

She started to walk away from him but he gently grabbed her arm, swinging her round to look at him again.

“Just tell me one thing,
India
.
 
What we did together, all those things ... have you and JJ ever ...?”

She shook her head, her voice quiet.
 
“No.”

And, for some reason, forgetting everything else that had gone on between them, all the consequences of that one night together, that was all Ray had really wanted to know.

***

Kenny was surprisingly tired.
 
He hated getting tired, it just wasn’t him, but he was going nowhere until he’d seen
India
because Charley was right.
 
He needed to see her, he needed to talk to her, to tell her he was sorry for behaving the way he had done these past couple of years.
 
He’d deliberately distanced himself from her and that was only because he’d behaved like some spoiled kid who couldn’t have the one thing he wanted from the toy shop.

He’d thought that by keeping his distance he’d forget about her but he should have known that was a pointless exercise.
 
He just had to grow up and face facts - she didn’t love him like that.
 
He’d had his chance and he’d blown it and now he had to move on.
 
He had to deal with that and get back to being her friend before she lost patience and left him to his sulking.

He grabbed himself another beer from a passing waiter, wondering whether one of Miguel’s cocktails would do the trick faster, when he saw her walk into the marquee, alone, without her new husband hanging onto her.
 
She looked incredible, even out of the wedding dress and in her usual jeans and boots.
 
She just looked incredible.

He ran over to her before she got distracted by someone else and she looked up as he came to a halt beside her.

“Hey, Kenny.
 
You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.
 
Are
you
ok?
 
You look a bit
 
pre-occupied.”

“No, no, I’m fine.
 
Sorry.
 
I guess the day just catches up with you eventually.”
 
She smiled and he smiled back, slipping his hand into hers as she grabbed the bottle he was holding and took it from him, knocking back a huge mouthful in one go.

“You sure you’re alright?” Kenny asked, as they walked over towards a quiet
 
table in the corner.

“I’m fine.
 
Really.”

“Where’s JJ?”
 
Kenny sat down and took the beer from her, knocking back a good mouthful himself.

“Upstairs.
 
He’ll be down in a minute.”
 
India
sat back and swung her legs up onto the table, looking around her.
 
She should really go and say goodnight to the kids.
 
They should be in bed by now, it was getting late for them.

“Have you seen Ethan and Ellie?” she asked, looking around for Reece, who’d surely have them close to him.

“They were in the other marquee with Charley and Vince last time I saw them.
India
, hang on a second before you go running off will you?”

She sat back down and looked at him. “Yeah?
 
What’s up?”

He leaned forward and pushed a hand through his dark hair, looking at her.
 
She stared back at him.
 
“Where’ve you been, Kenny?
 
These past couple of years ... where’ve you been?”

“I was there,
India
, I was always there I ... I just couldn’t cope at first.
 
I couldn’t cope with you being with him, with you ... I couldn’t cope with you falling in love again.
 
When the person you loved wasn’t me.
 
I couldn’t cope and I stepped away and that was selfish and childish and I’m sorry.
 
Believe me, I’m sorry.”

She continued to look at him, her eyes never moving away from him.
 

“Do you know how much I missed you?
 
Do you know how much you not being there when I picked up the ‘phone and needed to talk to you … do you know how much that hurt me?
 
All those years you were always there and then suddenly you weren’t and you don’t get to spend that long in my life and just do that, Kenny. You don’t get to do that.”

His eyes searched her beautiful face and he suddenly realised how stupid he’d been.
 
How selfish and stupid and pathetic.
 
“I’m sorry.”

“I need you, do you know that?
 
I need you and you have to
be
there, Kenny. You
have
to be there and maybe
I’m
being selfish now because I have no right to ask you to stick around when I can’t give you what you want from me but ...”

He shut her up by grabbing her hand and squeezing it, smiling at her.

“I’m back, ok?
 
I’m back and I
will
be there, I promise.
 
I’ll never walk away from you again, I’ll be there, I’ll always be there.
 
No matter what.
 
I’ll always be there.”

She smiled back, leaning over to hug him, holding onto him so tight.
 
Her best friend was back and she needed him so much.
 
She always would, she’d always need him.
 
Her life was so ridiculously complicated because she’d made it that way but talking to Kenny could always make everything seem better.
 
Even those times when it never really could be.

She pulled away slightly and smacked his arm.

“Ow!
 
What the hell was
that
for?”

“Don’t ever bugger off like that again, do you hear me?”

“Jesus!” Kenny laughed, rubbing his arm.
 
“I don’t think I dare.”

“Yeah, well, you’d be wise not to.”
 
She leaned over and kissed him quickly.
 
“Now go get me a drink will you?”

He stood up, ruffling her hair because that had always annoyed her.
 
“Whatever you say, Mrs Foster.”
 
He winked and started to walk away, backwards for the first few steps, as she stuck her tongue out at him.

“And it’s still Walsh, thank you.
 
No more name changes.”

“Mommy!
 
Mommy!” Ethan yelled, running up to her and clambering onto her knee, closely followed by Reece carrying a sound asleep Ellie.

India
hugged Ethan, giving him a big kiss.
 
“Hey, baby.
 
Are you going to go back into the house now and go see Emma?
 
She’ll read you a bedtime story and tuck you in tonight because mummy’s going to be busy down here for a while.”

He looked at her and her heart still broke when she thought of him being denied the life he should have had with his mum and dad.
 
But that hadn’t been
her
fault, and he didn’t ever need to know whose fault it really had been.
 
Both her and Michael loved him so much and that was all that mattered.
 
Michael Walsh, a man who still refused to leave her head, although she was dealing with it better as time went on.

“Mommy?
 
Is JJ my new daddy?”
 

That question that took the wind right out of
India
’s sails and she hugged him again, looking up at Reece as he sat down next to her.

“Oh, baby, no.
 
No, he’s not your new daddy.
 
You’ve already got a daddy, haven’t you?”

He nodded, pulling at the laces on his baseball boots.
 
“But JJ loves me like he loves Ellie, doesn’t he?”

She looked at Reece again before giving her six year old son another hug.
 
“JJ loves you so much, honey.
 
Just as much as he loves Ellie.
 
He loves you both.
 
I
love you both.”
 
She kissed the top of his head, ruffling his dark hair, wanting to see a smile out of him before she let him go. “Ok?”

He nodded, putting his arms around her neck, giving her one last hug.

“Can I tell daddy now, mommy?
 
Can I tell him you married JJ?”

She’d known that was coming too.
 
It was inevitable.

“We’ll talk about that tomorrow, sweetheart.
 
You go with granddad now and see Emma.”

He smiled that beautiful smile of his as he climbed down off her knee, running over to Kenny.
 
India
took Ellie for a cuddle.

“Everything ok?” Reece asked.
 
“With you and Kenny, I mean.”

“Just getting my best friend back, dad, that’s all.”

She kissed Ellie’s tiny cheek, gently rubbing her back.
 
She was the image of her father and
India
loved that she was so much like JJ.
 
A beautiful version of her insanely handsome father.
 
She was going to break hearts when she grew up,
India
had no doubt about that.

Reece looked over at Kenny, who was crouching down in front of Ethan, talking to him.
 
“And you and Joseph?”

She looked at him.
 
“What
about
me and Joseph?”

“Are you happy?”

“Jesus, what kind of question is that to ask on the day I married him?
 
Yes, I’m happy.
 
I’m very happy.
 
He’s amazing, he’s my world and if people would just let us get on with things I’m sure we’d be fine.”