No Girls Allowed (Dogs Okay) (4 page)
Read No Girls Allowed (Dogs Okay) Online
Authors: Trudi Trueit
Double bug spit! My sister takes notes on everything I do. She writes up a news report and turns it in to my parents. Sometimes Isabelle reads it out loud like she is Katie Couric or something.
I aim my Nerf gun at her and fire. I get off three shots. Two of the yellow balls bounce off her shoulder. The other hits her in the nose. Sweet!
“I'm putting that in my report.”
“I don't care.” I say it like I mean it, and most of the time I do. But sometimes I wish my sister would say something nice about me in her report. She never will.
“Hey, Izzyâ”
“I told you not to call me that anymore.”
SCAB NEWSBY ISABELLE C. MCNALLY (A+ STUDENT)
8:05 a.m.: Scab crossed Larkspur Avenue before the light changed. I told him not to.
10:13 a.m.: At first recess, Scab went to the big pretzel oak tree with Doyle and Will, which is against school rules. I told him not to.
11:24 a.m.: Scab stood up during the spring assembly and arm-farted “The Star-Spangled Banner” along with my orchestra. He danced around like a chicken. It was awful!! Miss Sweeten made him go to the vice principal's office.
12:19 p.m.: Scab got off without detention. I knew he would. It is this reporter's opinion that Scab gets away with EVERYTHING.
3:47 p.m.: Scab ruined my favorite cheetah purse!
T
HIS CONCLUDES SCAB NEWS FOR TODAY. ISABELLE CATHERINE
McNally reporting.
P.S. 3:59 p.m.: Scab shot me in the nose with his Nerf gun.
P.P.S. Scab's room really smells. I think a rat died in there.
“Is-a-belle, did you hear? Mom and Dad took out an ad in the
Granite Falls Gazette
.”
Her eyes grow. “They did?”
“We're trading you for a dog.”
“Very funny. I want a cat like Laura's. Princess Bonbon Fancypaws is a white Persian. She is sooooo adorable. She wears a pink collar with a cute little bow. . . .”
I flip my Seahawks helmet, lean over it, and pretend to retch my guts out.
“You are such a
Pilobolus
, Scab. You probably don't even know what that means, which makes you a dumb
Pilobolus
.”
“I know what a pile of buses is.”
“Puh-LAH-bull-uss.” She sounds it out for me like I'm two. “It's a type of fungus. I just called you a fungus.”
Actually, she called me a dumb fungus.
I grin. “We're twins, so if I'm a fungus, what are you?”
Isabelle ignores me.
“Auf Wiedersehen, Erdnusskopf.”
That sentence I know. It means “see ya, peanuthead” in German. I get that one a lot.
FOR SALE
O
NE TWIN SISTER
. nine years, ten months old. Brown hair. Blue eyes. Smart. Good memory. Missing sense of humor. House-trained. Will trade for dog that is same. Any breed. Phone 555-7078. Ask for Scab. Hurry.
“Izzy, wait.” I don't want her to leave mad. “I'll buy you a new cheetah purse. How much is it?”
“Twenty-five dollars.”
“Twenty-five bucks? For a crummy purse?”
“I knew you wouldn't pay for it.”
“All I've got is nine dollars and twelve cents. Take it or leave it.”
She kicks at a leg that's broken off my big
Tyrannosaurus rex
model. “Take it.”
“Want to shoot some hoops? Let's play Horse.”
Isabelle doesn't say anything. But she doesn't go, either.
“I'll even take an
H
to start,” I say.
“Don't do me any favors. I'll beat you fair and square.”
I fish my basketball out of the bottom of pile number two. I toss it to Isabelle. She catches it. “I'm still giving Mom and Dad my report.” She tucks the ball under her arm as she leaves. “And you're still a
Pilobolus
.”
My sister thinks
I'm
fungus?
Wait till she finds the cheese in her underwear drawer.
3
Baaaad Dog, Gooood Idea
O
scar is asleep in my lap. His short, coppery red fur shines in the sun. I stroke one of his floppy ears and his nose twitches. Doyle is so lucky. I've watched how Oscar races out of the house when Doyle gets home from school. His tail wags a zillion times a minute. He becomes a tornado of joyâspinning, spinning, spinning! That's why I want a dog. A dog loves you even if you aren't smart times ten or don't know how to say the alphabet backward. A dog loves you because you are you.