No Deal Breakers (13 page)

"To make it easier and better on everyone, if
anyone finds out what’s really going on here I’m going to be
beating the men off with a stick. Lyle was practically salivating
the first time he met her. You know just as well as I do that if
word got around every single man in the county would take that to
mean she’s available, and she isn’t." He saw Aria shiver and heard
her sharp intake of breath as if she hadn’t though about that
reason.

"And, I don’t want to hurt my parents. This
is what we discussed, and what we want to do, it’s what we feel is
the best course of action in the situation, now, can we count on
you to help keep our secret?" He prayed she would understand and
help them, he knew it was crazy, but he was holding out hope that
they could transition into a real marriage.

They sat for what felt like hours while Helen
mulled it over and made her decision. All of a sudden Aria’s head
snapped up, "What’s that smell?"

"Oh, shoot, my hash browns!" Brian jumped out
of his chair and made his way to the stove, turning off the burner
and tossing the whole blackened mess into the sink.

When he returned to the table Helen finally
looked up at him.

"Okay, I’ll help you. I think it’ll be easier
this way when you’re ready to have a real marriage, then nobody’ll
even know the difference."

"Thank you, Helen, that’s what I was
thinking—" Aria jumped up from the table and pushed her chair in
with much more force than necessary.

"Don’t you get it? I’m broken! I can’t do
this! I’ll never be able to give you what you need, I can’t be your
wife!" The tears were flowing freely, and her eyes were full of
pain, guilt, and remorse, it was obvious she really believed what
she said.

He couldn’t, though. He couldn’t believe that
she was so broken that she would never be able to live happily. His
heart broke with the pain on her face, she turned and stomped up
the stairs, slamming her bedroom door, and all Brian could do was
watch with a sinking heart. Who had hurt her this much?

"You need to go talk to her, don’t pressure
her, that little girl is hurtin’ somethin’ fierce, it’s going to
take a strong man to bring her around." Helen had moved over to
stand next to him with her hand on his shoulder.

"I sure hope so. It breaks my heart to see
her like this, Helen. Can you cancel my appointments for the day
and then just take the day off?" She smiled indulgently at him,
gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze and made her way to his
office.

She dropped herself back onto the bed and
pulled the blankets up over her head. What was she going to do?
Every day that went by she felt worse and worse because Brian was
sweeter and sweeter. He never pushed her, never touched her, was
never rude or unkind. She didn’t know what to do with him, or how
to handle him. She’d never met a man like him, she’d never met a
person like him. He didn’t seem to want anything from her other
than her company and partnership, and that wasn’t too much to ask
by any means, but she just couldn’t wrap her head around it. She
had never known such kindness, anytime anyone had ever done
anything for her it was because they wanted something, and expected
something from her, but Brian didn’t seem to. Brian seemed content
with how their relationship was, and with how she was, who she
was.

He kept talking about one day when they could
really be married, and every time he said it she felt like a knife
sliced right through her, she wanted, more than anything to live
that life with Brian, to be his wife, bear his children, to love
him, and to be loved by him. But she couldn’t. Even if she could
stand to be touched by him, make it through the day without a
flashback, or the night without a nightmare, even if she could be
the normal wife he deserved, she wasn’t a person worthy of his
love. She wasn’t the woman he deserved, Brian was a truly good man,
and he deserved someone more like him.

"Aria, sweetheart, can I come in? I brought
you some toast and tea." Brian was at the door, she was torn
between running into his arms and confessing everything, hoping
he’d accept her, and telling him to go away. She settled for simply
saying; "It’s open." She hadn’t realized how much she was crying
until she heard her own voice. She had to get a grip, she wasn’t a
crier, she couldn’t be, not in what she did, but these days she
seemed to cry at every little thing.

She heard the door open, heard the sound of
something being sat on the dresser, and then the sound of footsteps
nearing the bed. Her heart picked up pace, she broke out into a
cold sweat, and she was back in that dirty room in Nevada, curling
into a tiny ball under the blankets, praying it wouldn’t be her
turn…

"I’m sorry I keep upsetting you." It wasn’t
Jack coming to get her, it was just Brian, she was still covered
with the blanket, but she could hear that he had gone across the
room to her vanity chair. She worked on controlling her breathing
as Brian continued.

"I swear I don’t mean to, and Helen didn’t
either. I know you’re hurting, and I know you don’t think you’re
capable of a relationship, I know something awful happened to you.
Something that I don’t even want to begin to imagine, and I’m so
sorry for that. I wish with everything that I have that I could
take away all the pain, and all the bad memories, if I could I
would go back in time and I’d live through whatever it was in your
place, so you’d never have to hurt like this, but I can’t. And it
kills me that I can’t." Was this guy for real? He sounded so
sincere, and so upset himself, he really did sound like he’d take
it all on for her, and she wished he could make her forget, at
least. She rolled over and peeked her head out of the top of the
blanket, facing him.

She stared at him for what felt like an
eternity, worry was etched on his face, he had tears pooling in his
eyes, and she was certain he had been crying for her, to her
knowledge no one had ever cried for her. It stirred something deep
inside her that she’d never felt before. Finally, she spoke again,
"I wish you could fix it, I wish I could forget, but I can’t."

"Can you talk to me about it? It might help."
She just shook her head, she wanted the memories gone, but didn’t
want to put them in his head.

"I understand that, I’m willing to listen,
tough, if you ever change your mind. This is all new, to both of
us, we just need to take it one day at a time, whatever happens,
happens, whatever doesn’t happen, doesn’t happen. We just need to
slow down and take it one day at a time, I think we both keep
trying to push it one way or another, and we both need to stop. I
need to stop living in the future, and you need to stop living in
the past, we both need to start living in today. Can you do that
with me? Forget about what has happened, what might happen, what
you want and don’t won’t, forget about your fears and past, and
just focus on being in the moment with me?" Could she do that?
Could she quit living in the past and just be? She wasn’t certain,
and it was scary to think about, but she owed him, and herself that
much. She wanted to leave the past behind her and the future in
front of her, the least she could do was try.

"I can try." Was all she said, but his face
split in two with a smile that made his eyes sparkle.

"That’s all I can ever ask." He stood then,
and strode to the dresser and picked up the tray he brought in, and
brought it to her, it had a mug of tea and two pieces of toast on
it.

"I’m sure it’s cold by now, but you looked
sick, are you not feeling well?" she had almost forgotten about the
stuffy nose and sore throat she had woken up with.

"I’ll be okay, just a cold I think, thank you
for thinking of me." She gestured to the tray on her lap, and they
lapsed into a light, friendly conversation about the weather, their
neighbors, and how she was taking to small town life. For the first
time that she could recall she felt content in the moment, in just
existing with Brian, and seeing where things may go.

Aria crept down the stairs early, so as not
to wake Brian, she placed the wrapped gift on the table, at his
usual spot, and set to work on his favorite breakfast; hash brown
casserole. It wasn’t something she would normally make for just the
two of them, but it was his birthday and she wanted to surprise
him, he’d told her his mom had made it for him every year growing
up.

As she worked, she thought back over the last
six months that she and Brian had been married; they were still
taking each day as it came, still living as friends, and still
sleeping separately. She was still amazed at how sweet and
considerate he was, he always doted on her, and showed her nothing
but respect and affection. He never made a move on her, and never
touched her. She felt like she was able to relax a little and just
enjoy life, the nightmares and flashbacks were getting less
frequent with every passing day.

Her days were no longer dictated by someone
else, but by her alone. She had never had so much freedom or
control over her own life. She’d decided not to get a job after
all, but helped out at Zimmer’s a few times a week, in exchange for
good food, and even better company, and kept both of Brian’s
offices clean and organized, though he’d said she didn’t need to
she felt bad that Helen was getting paid to do a job and not doing
it. She was free to spend her days however she’d like, and she did,
she found she loved quilting and baking, and had started spending a
lot of time with Anna. The first and only friends she had ever had
were right here, in Hanesworth.

The phone ringing shook her from her
thoughts, and she raced to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Aria, it’s Helen."

"Hey, Helen, what’s wrong?"

"I was coming out of the bank when I saw
James and Genie, and Julia and Steven with the kids going into
Zimmer’s." She felt the blood drain from her face.

"Brian’s Parents? They didn’t tell us they
were coming, what are they doing here?"

"They said they were tired of being put off
and were ready to meet you, so they came back to surprise you both
for Brian’s birthday. I thought you’d want to know so you can
decide how to handle it." She heard Brian come into the kitchen
behind her, and turned to face him, trying to force a smile for
him.

"Okay, thanks, Helen, I really appreciate the
heads up."

"No problem, sweetie, and your secret’s safe
with me." She could picture Helen winking as she said it, and
chuckled. She put the phone back in the base and felt the panic
wrap around her, as far as Brian’s family knew they were a happily
married couple, not two friends sharing a home. She hated lying,
but she’d hate disappointing them with the truth even more.

"What’s going on? What is Helen giving you a
heads up about, and why do you look white as a ghost about it?"
Brian was studying her intently. She had to come up with a plan,
she stared back for a few long moments and then started moving
toward the stairs.

"I need you to help me bring all of my things
from my room and bathroom down to your room, and we need to hurry."
She no longer worried about his reactions to her thoughtless words,
she knew that he would never lash out at her in anger.

"What? Why?" The shock and confusion was
evident in his voice, but he was following behind her up the stairs
anyway.

"Your family is in town, they’re going to be
surprising us soon." She said matter of factly as she walked to her
closet and picked up a large section of clothing, she was impressed
with how even her voice sounded, because she was anything but calm
on the inside.

"Are you sure you want to do this? We can
tell them the truth, I’m sure they’ll understand."

"No, I feel bad enough that I can’t be the
wife I should be to you as it is, I don’t want to feel like any
more of a disappointment to your parents than I already do." He
stared into her eyes for a few seconds, and then nodded.

"You’re right, I’ll sleep on the floor. Now,
we better get a move on." He pulled the rest of the clothes from
the closet and followed her down the stairs into his bedroom; it
was the only room she had never been in. It had always felt too
personal.

"You can have that closet, why don’t you get
started on hanging these, and I’ll start hauling the rest of your
things down." She nodded and dropped her pile of clothes on top of
the one he’d left on the bed. She opened the door to the closet
farthest from the door, that he had indicated and gasped, she
thought the other rooms had walk in closets, this was even bigger,
it was a room all its own. She didn’t have time to ponder the size
of the closet, who knew how long it would be before they had
company?

She had just hung her last top when Brian
strode in with a hamper and dumped it on the bed in place of the
clothes she had just hung. "This is everything from your room and
all of your personal items from the bathroom. This is your room now
too, just move whatever you need in the dressers or bathroom. I’m
going to strip and re-make the bed, and do a final sweep
upstairs."

"Thank you." She immediately got to work on
the pile on the bed.

It felt strangely natural to see her clothing
tucked in the drawers next to Brian’s and her shampoo sharing the
same shelf. She didn’t want to get too hung up on that at the
moment, she had too much to worry about before meeting her new
in-laws. She scanned the room trying to think of anything else she
needed to do when her eyes landed on the bed and she remembered
Brian’s birthday present, it suddenly seemed like a stupid idea.
She raced to the dining room and picked it up just as Brian was
coming out of the laundry room.

"I put your bedding in the linen closet
upstairs; we’ll have to remember to wash it before we use it again.
I put your laundry from the bathroom in the laundry room, and I
think that’s everything." He looked at the clock on the stove,
"Wow, we did that much quicker than I thought."