Nikhil (Kaliszian Book 1) (18 page)

"So Kaliszians used to eat more than these premade packets?" she asked, taking the packet he handed her.

"When we are on missions, we consume three packets a day. But when we are stationed somewhere, we receive extra rations to prepare one fresh meal a day."

"And you prepare it here?"

"No. We combine our rations, and the task of preparing the meal is assigned to a warrior. We've only been receiving fresh meals here on Pontus for the last four weeks when we began discovering survivors and this base was reestablished."

"I see."

"I will take you to last meal once it’s prepared after you have rested. Now eat."

"Aren't you going to eat too?"

"I will later."

"But...” she looked down at the pouch in her hand. "Oh my God, I'm eating your rations."

"Mackenzie...”

"Here!" She shoved it at him. "Take it!"

"No, stop!" he ordered, as she continued to try and press it into his fisted hands. "Mackenzie, I'm fine."

"No. You didn't eat breakfast either. You're giving me your food rations."

"Mackenzie!" Nikhil rose and pulled open a cabinet revealing it was full of packets. "Elite Warriors are always given three food packets a day, no matter where they are, even when stationed at a permanent base. It is one of the benefits of achieving Elite status."

"One of them?" she questioned.

"The other is that we receive extra credits to use any way we see fit."

"So why aren't you eating then?"

"Because I am more concerned about you than me right now. I will eat when I become hungry, my vow."

Mac bit her bottom lip to keep it from trembling. She was tired of her emotions being so out of control, especially around Nikhil. Maybe if she rested, like Luol suggested, she wouldn't feel so out of control.

"I think I'd like to rest now," she told him.

"Finish eating first," he argued.

"No. I'm not hungry. I'm not used to eating this much anymore, Nikhil." She held up her hand to stop him from arguing with her. "What you gave me for first meal is more than I'm used to for two meals in the mines, maybe three. My system isn't used to it. All I want right now is a pillow and blanket."

Nikhil took the packet from her and set it aside. "Then come," he held out his hand, "I will help you to the bed."

"No. I can sleep here."

"What?" He gave her a confused look. "Why?"

"Because there's no reason for me to be in your bed."

"It is where you belong!" Nikhil bit out, then took a deep breath trying to force himself to calm.

"I'm not sure it is, Nikhil," she told him sadly. "Not now."

"Why would you say that?!!" he questioned then realized why. It was because of what he had said. Never in his life had he felt like he had failed so badly the one person he should never fail. Slowly he moved across the room to settle heavily on the couch next to her. "This is because of what I said this morning... I thought...”

"Thought what?"

"That you had forgiven me for my hasty words."

"They weren't hasty, Nikhil," she told him quietly. "They were your truth. What you truly believe. What your culture believes. My culture believes something different, and I don't know how we can ever get past that."

"You said you were proud to have me as your True Mate," he told her.

"And I am, but I don't believe that
you
are." She gave him a dejected look. "How can you be, when you believe me to be no better than a whore or a slut."

"I do not know what those words mean," he told her.

"A slut is a female that will have sex with any male that she feels like. A whore is a female that does the same, except the male exchanges something of value with her for it, gives her credits for it. That's what your Pleasure Workers do, don't they? And those you give your 'friendship' to. I've never done that and never will. But I have kissed men on the lips and for you, that is no different."

Nikhil just stared at her at a loss for words. Did she really believe that? That he thought so little of her? All his life he had been judged harshly, been misunderstood because of his size by his own people. It was something he'd vowed he would never do to another being but it seemed he had... and to his True Mate.

"We are different, Nikhil, and I'm not talking about size. I'm talking about culturally. For you, this," she lifted the bead in her hair, "is irrefutable. You have no doubts. It's not that way for me. It takes actions and words and feelings. It takes trust and belief on both sides. You are asking me to just believe in something I've never heard of or experienced before. Before the Ganglians took me, I might have been able to do that... and because of
you
... I did, then you rejected me."

"I didn't!"

"You did, Nikhil. You judged me, and found me unworthy." She felt her eyes fill. "And that is more painful than anything the Zaludians did." Finding she could no longer look at him, could no longer take seeing the pain her words caused him, she curled up into a ball and laid her head down on the arm of the couch. It was more comfortable than the mine floor, and it only took seconds for her to fall asleep.

Nikhil stood in a corner of the room he'd darkened and watched his True Mate sleep. He was at a loss at what to do to fix this. He would rather be fighting hand-to-hand with the Radek, with the Ganglian, the Zaludian, or the Tornians than to be standing here not knowing what to do. Mackenzie wasn't wrong. He had judged her. Doing what he'd vowed he'd never do.

Moving to her, he reached down, rolling her True Mate bead between his fingers. It didn't radiate the warmth that it had when it had first been in her hair. Now it felt cold and dark like the pain he'd seen in her eyes. How did he fix this? Spinning on his heel, he went to contact the only male he'd been able to rely on his entire life.

"N
ikhil!" Cirrus Kozar exclaimed, his pleasure easily heard. "Where are you? Can you tell me?"

"I am on Pontus, Manno," he told him, knowing that for once his location wasn't a secret.

"Pontus? What on Crurn for?"

"That I cannot tell you, Manno. What I can tell you is that I have found my True Mate."

"What?!!!" Cirrus didn't try to hide his shock. "Nikhil, that’s...”

"I know, Manno. I was shocked too."

"Your mother is going to be beyond thrilled!"

"You can't tell her, Manno. Not yet."

"What? Why?"

"It's why I contacted you. I need your advice."

"My advice? Nikhil, what is going on?"

"My True Mate... she is not Kaliszian, Manno."

"Not... she's Tornian?"

"No."

"Kalbaughian?"

"No."

"Not Ganglian!"

"Goddess, no! She is human."

"Human? What is a human?"

"It is a new species that we have just discovered in the last few days... Manno...”

"What is it, Nikhil?"

"I need your vow that you will not repeat anything I am about to tell you. I am not even sure the Emperor knows everything yet."

"Nikhil... you have my vow. You know I would never betray you, but are you sure you should be telling me this?"

"I need advice, Manno, and you are the only one I completely trust."

"I am honored, Nikhil, for you are one of the most worthy male's I have ever known. And that is not because you are mine, but because you have earned it. Now tell me how I can help you."

"I have harmed my True Mate, Manno."

"What? That's impossible! You will never make me believe that you would physically harm your mate."

"I didn't, but I emotionally harmed her, Manno, with my words and I do not know that she can ever forgive me."

"What did you say to her, Nikhil?"

"It seems that for her... for her species... kissing a male on the lips is not considered sacred. When I discovered this, I did not react well."

"Nikhil, you have always known that different species can have very different customs."

"Yes, but she is my True Mate, and so similar to us that I just assumed...”

"Always a mistake. Especially concerning a female, for no two are the same. It is what makes each so special. So what does her species consider sacred?"

"I do not know. She was so angry at me for comparing her to a Pleasure Worker that she refused to tell me. And then later...”

"You compared your True Mate to a Pleasure Worker?!! Nikhil, how could you possibly...”

"She has kissed other males, Manno! On the
lips
! Would Mother do that? Would you be able to accept it if she did?"

"No. Never. But then your mother is Kaliszian and would respond as a
Kaliszian
. Your True Mate is not. What you need to do, my male, is find out what
she
considers sacred. Perhaps it is something we do not."

"But what?

"She's given you no clue?"

"Clue?"

"Son, females are always giving you clues. Clues to what they like. Clues to what they don't like. A male only has to actually to listen to know."

"She said something about how while she had kissed two men on the lips, that was all she had done. That she hadn't offered her friendship to any male."

"And that didn't tell you what she held sacred? What she wanted to offer only to her True Mate?"

"She said they don't have True Mates, but what they called Soul Mates. That they also have no outward sign of who that is, like we do with our bead. Only a belief in the person and a trust."

"A much harder way to know then."

"I... yes, I guess it would be."

"So has she never trusted you? Or was it lost by your words?"

"She trusted me to cleanse her, to feed her, and to sleep in my arms," Nikhil told him quietly. "It was only this morning that I broke that trust."

"I do not know this female, Nikhil. I do not know if she is worthy of you, but...”

"She is!" Nikhil instantly defended her. "She is the worthiest female I have ever known. She is strong and kind. She cares about others and defended me, even after I failed her."

"So you love her."

"I... Yes... I do... and not because she wears my bead."

"Of course not. What I was going to say is that for us the beads are never wrong. You have found
your
True Mate, Nikhil. So now it is up to you to show her that you are
hers
."

"I... how do I do that, Manno?"

"By always telling her truth, my male. By making sure she knows your true feelings and that they are all for her," Cirrus paused. "Your mother may not wear my True Mate bead, but I love her, and in my heart she is my True Mate.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Mac hadn't meant to eavesdrop on Nikhil's conversation with his manno, but she hadn't known how to tell him she was awake. Then after a little while, she hadn't wanted to. She learned more about Nikhil and his real feelings for her in that short conversation than he had told her in the hours they had been together. Nikhil seemed to be a lot like her grandpa. A big, gruff male that had a hard time expressing his real feelings, but that would change. She would make sure it did.

"Nikhil?" she called out as he disconnected from his manno.

"Mackenzie?" He was immediately at her side. "I thought you were resting. Why aren't you resting? You need to rest."

"Would you mind if I rested in your bed?"

"I... no, I wouldn't."

"Would you help me get there?" she asked holding out her hands.

Taking them, Nikhil carefully pulled her to her feet. "Do you need Luol, Mackenzie?"

"No, I just need you to take me to bed."

Nikhil said nothing, just stared at her for a moment. There was no way she could have meant those words the way they sounded.

"Then that's where I will take you, Little One." Scooping her up into his arms, Nikhil carried her into his resting area. Once inside, he ripped back the covers and gently laid her down. "You are safe here, Mackenzie."

"I know." She moved over on the bed, then lying on her side, patted the spot next to her. "Lie with me, Nikhil."

"I thought...”

"Thought what?"

"That you didn't feel safe with me."

"You know better than that," she softly reprimanded. "I've never felt safer in my life than when I'm with you."

"Then why...”

"Get into bed, Nikhil, and maybe we can figure it out."

Nikhil quickly kicked off his boots, then lost his vest and weapons before joining her on the bed.

"I'm not sure where to touch you," she whispered.

"Touch me anywhere you want, Mackenzie, and I will respond."

"Maybe that's what I'm afraid of. How you will respond."

"Why?"

"You didn't respond well the last time."

"Mackenzie." Stretching out on his side, Nikhil braced himself up on an elbow, his head propped up on one hand while his other reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, remaining there to caress the soft skin of her neck. "You were right with what you said before. We are different, very different, and have a great deal to learn about each other. I had no right to react the way I did, to judge you by my people's customs without considering what yours might be. I would very much like to learn what those customs are, and then maybe between us we can find a way to create our own customs."

"Do you think that is possible?" she asked reaching out to touch his cheek.

"I think, that with you, anything is possible."

"What about the men I've kissed?" She felt him stiffen and started to pull her hand away, when the hand covering hers, stopped her.

"Kissing is different for your people," he said quietly.

"Yes, it is."

"Will you explain to me what it means to you?" he asked.

"Kissing?"

"Yes."

"Well, there are different kinds of kisses, and they mean different things depending on who is giving it and to whom."

"All on the lips?"

"No. You can kiss someone on the cheek, the forehead. Some males even kiss the back of a female's hand or palm. They all mean different things."

"The back of the hand...” Nikhil brought her hand to his lips. "Like this?"