Nightmare (21 page)

“Huh.” Mom looks like she's thinking real hard again. The timer dings, alerting us that the pies are cool enough to eat. 

“What about your other brother, the one who came, ah, to visit?”

“We are not close,” Peter says, closing the subject.

“This is Ava's very first pie made from scratch,” she says, going with the flow. 

“It looks wonderful.” Yeah, I should win a damn prize.

The reason I'm learning to make a pie isn't because my mother wants to teach me. Well, it is, but she needs me to know because she won't be around when I eventually want to learn. It's like trying to cram a lifetime of memories into a few months. It's impossible. There's always that ticking clock, telling me that this could be the last time we make pie. This could be the last time we laugh together. This time. This time.

“I must go,” Peter says before doing his disappearing act. Moments later Dad's car is back and guess who gets to help him unload a million bags of mulch and soil and drag them to the shed? Yeah, that's me.

The rest of the afternoon is Peter-free and spent with my mother on our hands and knees in the garden. She's teaching me about the tulips, and I'm trying to remember everything.

“Don't worry,” she says, tapping my shoulder with a trowel, “I wrote it all down. Just be glad I'm not a fan of orchids. Now
those
are hard to grow.” I had no idea. 

God, I was going to kill all these plants without even trying. Maybe Peter could help me. He liked nature.

“So, she says,” ripping open another bag of mulch, “you love him.”

My chin hits the ground and I say, “come again?”

Her hand brushes some dirt off my nose.

“You love him.” I flounder and can't speak. How did she know?

“Yeah.” She laughs.

“Don't me ashamed of love,
ma fleur
. He may not be the boy I would have chosen for you, but if you love him and he loves and takes care of you, that's all I can ask for.” Oh crap, here come the waterworks. What I don't tell her is that Peter can't love me. But what he does give me is so worth it.

Even when he's a pain in my ass.

I fall into her arms, tears escaping from my eyes. “I love him.” It's such a relief to say it out loud. I don't know why I have to cry about it, but there you are.

“I know,” she says into my hair. “I know.
C'est la vie
.”

“Hello, Ava,” A voice says from the roof. We both look up to find Peter perched on the edge, his legs dangling over the rain gutter. Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

“What are you doing?” I shade my eyes against the sun, trying to wipe the tears away. 

“Talking to you. I did not want your father to see.” He smiles again. I answer him with one of my own.

“Such a smart boy.” Mom gazes up at him as if he's an exotic bird perched on the roof. She shrugs and goes back to gardening.

“I want to take you on a date.”

“A what?” I swear I heard him wrong.

“He said a date,” Mom says, jabbing me in the ribs.

“Yeah, I got that.” I look back up to Peter. 

“Like the kind of date where you pick me up and we go out and have awkward conversation and then I wonder if you're going to kiss me or not on the front porch, that kind of date?” This seems like a really bad time for something like that. 

“More or less.” 

“And how are you picking me up for this date?” I put my hands on my hips. It's not that I'm against it, but I really don't think he can pull it off.

“I have a car I can borrow.” I don't like the sound of that. He probably borrows clothes and shoes, too.

“Sure you do,” I mutter. Mom just hums and keeps spreading mulch. 

“Fine. I would love to go on a date with you, Peter.” It sounds bitchy. I soften my face with a smile. In case he's offended. Which he never is.

“Ava's never told me where you live, Peter.” It seems like she's trying to keep the conversation going, but really, she's pumping him for information. But she's a mom, and they do things like that to their daughter's boyfriends. I tell myself that she'd do the same thing if he was human.

He doesn't lie to her.

“I don't live any specific place. Some noctali are infatuated with material possessions, but I have no value for most things. I traveled about for many years with nothing more than the clothes on my back.”

She looks up at the sun. “It sounds very romantic. I remember when I was in college my girlfriends and I had planned this trip across Europe. Of course the idea was squashed when my mother found the backpack where I'd stashed some money and my passport.” I didn't know about that.

“Where did you want to go?”

She waves her hand in the air. “Prague, Rome, Vienna.”

Something echoes behind Peter's eyes. I've gotten so good at reading him now. “Lovely places.”

“You've been?”

“I have seen most of the world at one point or another.” No big deal. He had a lot of free time. 

“Wow.” She sighs and sits back on her heels. I can't picture my mother doing something like that. The camping, yes, but not the traveling. She and Dad weren't big on it. We'd taken a few family vacations, but she'd never expressed a desire to see Europe. Had I missed something? 

“Why didn't you and Dad ever go?” She lets out a breath.

“Oh, things happen. We got married and we were going to do the honeymoon after and then we couldn't afford it and then we had you and it got put on the back burner. Your dreams change when you have children. You'll see.” If things went the way I wanted them to, I wouldn't be having any children. For some reason that makes me sad for just a moment.

“You should go,” Peter says.

“I wish I could.” 

Why couldn't she? I'm sure she and Dad had money saved up for a rainy day. Well, it was pouring now.

The front door pops open, making me jump. My eyes fly to the roof, but Peter is already gone.

“What are you looking at?” Dad comes out on the porch and follows Mom's and my gaze to the spot Peter once occupied. Mom's the first to recover.

“Just a strange bird. It's gone now.” She dazzles him with a smile. He squints up at the sky, looking for the “strange bird.” Yeah, you're not going to see it, Dad.

“Are you sure you should be out here? Don't tax yourself.”

“I'm fine. I was just going to come in for a glass of iced tea. I just have to finish up. Okay?” He nods and goes back into the house. Peter's back, as soon as he closes the door.

“What a strange bird you are.”

Blink.

“I must go. If I am going to get a car, I will need to find a place to rent one.” And there's the first lie to my mother. I give him a look, but he ignores me.

  He's not renting a car. He's going to borrow one without permission. Or if you're feeling like a pirate, he's going to commandeer one. It's kind of hard to rent a car when you don't have a driver's license or a social security number. But Mom doesn't know that, and I'm not going into it right now.

Mom looks up, as if she's remembered he's there. “We'll see you tonight. You might want to, ah, spruce up a little.” Her eyes rake Peter up and down and I want to slap my head again for not thinking of it myself.

I snap my fingers. “Clothes. You need new clothes. And shoes.”

Mom's eyes light up. “Why don't you take him shopping? Then you can drop him off at the car place.” Brilliant. Unsupervised Peter time where I can molest him with my eyes. And not think about last night and creepy Cal and the six days we have to wait for answers. 

I dash into the house and grab my purse, popping a quick kiss on her cheek.

“Don't do anything that would make me ashamed of you,” she calls we get in the car.

  Moms.

Peter

“I don't want you buying me clothes,” I say.

“Too bad. You need clothes and I'm going to buy them for you.” She turns the car on and backs down the driveway, barely looking in the mirror. Sometimes her driving skills make me nervous for her safety.

“Are you sure this is a good idea, leaving her without someone to protect her?” She is having second thoughts. Her indecision plucks at me. 

“Viktor is here.”

“Oh, good.” 

“Really, though, I'm not sure if this is a good idea. It seems like inviting trouble to frolic about going shopping and such when we should be hiding in a bunker with a lot of automatic weapons.” I try to follow her trail of thought. It is often like trying to find my way through a briar patch.

“I will protect you.” It does not appease her.

“I don't want you to have to. I want to protect you more.” I put my thumb on her lip, making her swerve in the road. I am not trying to silence her, but she does go mute. She straightens the wheel and I take my hand away. I should not distract her like that.

“Where are we going to buy clothes?” I say, changing the subject. I haven't bought clothes since I was human. Usually, I take them when I can. There is not much of a selection, but beggars can't be choosers. She taps her chin before she answers.

“Well, I can't really picture taking you to Walmart, so we're going to the thrift store in Sussex. You clearly don't have a problem wearing used clothes, so we'll find you something there. I would take you to some fancy place, but I can't really afford it.” She glances quickly at me as her cheeks pink. Her attention is diverted. For now.

“You don't have to buy me clothes.” I do not like her spending money on me. She has so little of it. I would spend all the money I possessed on her. If she would let me. What was once mine belongs to her. She has the key.

“Well, you need clothes and shoes and I'm not comfortable with you stealing them. I'll let you steal a car, but I'm not letting you steal clothes.” She laughs a little.

“What is funny?” She continues to giggle. The sound is warm and light and I want to bottle it.

“I have more qualms about you stealing clothes than a car. That's what's funny.” I do not find it funny, but enjoy her laugh anyway.

She puts on the radio and hums along. She reminds me of her mother so often. I don't think she knows how much like her she really is.

The place she takes us is in the back of downtown Sussex, on a side street. All the buildings are of old weathered brick. It is an old town, and I like that. I remember spending a night or two in a few of the churches in town, before her. 

Churches were one of my many hobbies to pass my immortality. I made it a habit to visit a church in every place I visited. Sussex was no exception. Despite religion being out of fashion in the modern world, there are always churches.

Her car fits into the only available space out of three. Her car protests when she turns it off. I will get Viktor to look at it while she is sleeping.

“Come on,” she says, nodding to the store. “You're going to be my living Ken doll.”

Her arm slips through mine like a link in a chain. “What is a Ken doll?”

“It's...” She searches for the words, looking up at the cloudy sky. “Never mind. I'll show you sometime. It's too hard to explain. Basically what I mean is that you're going to be a doll and I'm going to put clothes on you.” My sisters had dolls. They would pester me to do the buttons on the backs of the dresses because their little fingers weren't nimble enough. I spent many afternoons that way, sitting in the little parlor that overlooked the garden, the sun streaming in through the bay window. I had worked hard to hold onto that memory.

“I do not care what I wear.” Unlike Ca, I had never cared for clothes.

“Yeah, I know.” She rolls her eyes back. Humans put much emphasis on the clothes you wear as a means of judging the person inside. Noctali do not judge this way.

Musty and cluttered, the store smells like dust and abandoned memories. Things are crammed in nooks and crannies and piled in tottering stacks everywhere. Damaged mannequins hide in corners like ghosts. There seems to be no form of organization as pants, jackets and scarves are all hung on the same rack with no tags for sizing. At least the men's and women's clothes are separated. That is a blessing. 

There is only one other person here, an older woman who is in the back, moving boxes and cursing under her breath about her arthritis.

“What about this?” Ava places a black fedora on my head. I lean down so she can adjust it. She tips it to the side and stands back, squinting and leaning to one side, considering.

“Not bad.” She takes it off my head, but holds onto it. With laser precision, she scouts the racks, finding pants and holding them up to me, shirts and finally shoes.

“What size do you wear?”

“I do not know.” I knew once. But it was not something I held onto. 

Her laugh rings through the shop. “One way to find out. Stick you feet in those.” I slip out of the flip flops and slide my feet into the shoes she puts in front of me.

“May I help you?” The owner emerges from behind a beaded curtain, her eyes squinting to find us in the dim light.

“No thanks, we're good,” Ava says. The woman squints in our direction for a few more seconds and then goes into the back again, muttering about her glasses.

I remove my feet from the shoes. “Too small.”

“Okay, try these.” She puts another pair down. They are made of leather and look soft.

“Better.”

“What about these?” The shoes are black with white laces. I put them on and cinch up the laces, tying a quick bow. They are comfortable.

“Yay, you can tie your shoes.” She claps. We add the two pairs of shoes to the hat and keep going. She piles things on my arms, without even consulting me. Every now and then she holds up something to me, squinting her eyes. I marvel again at how much expression passes across her face in one day. Finally she seems to be satisfied with my armful of garments.

“Now you're going to have to try this stuff on. To the dressing room!” She raises her arm as if she's riding into battle. Her mood has lifted from the day before, like a balloon floating into the sky.

She shoves me behind a curtain and pulls it shut. She hands me several items over the top, saying, “you're going to have to show me when you've put them on.” 

First is a pair of jeans and a blue shirt. I strip out of my other clothes, turning my back to the mirror. I do not often look in reflective surfaces. There is no need. My face and body have not changed. Vanity is not one of my vices.