Authors: Jennifer Wilson
He bent and handed her a piece of bread. She grabbed it and plopped onto my cot enjoying the treat. He offered me the other. I gazed at his hand for a second before taking it.
“Thank you,” I murmured as he smiled warmly at me.
Now that I wasn’t looking for signs of deception in his every movement, I realized he was actually good looking. His sandy hair fell into disarray around his face. The lines of his features were severe, accented by a long nose and squared jaw, but his face was surprisingly gentle. When he smiled, so did his hazel eyes.
I turned away, not wanting to notice anything more about him.
“How did you get stuck with food duty?” I asked, remembering Maddox’s harsh comment about having to feed us.
He shrugged, “I volunteered.”
That was not the response I had been expecting.
“It doesn’t bother you to be so close to prisoners unarmed?” I raised an eyebrow at him, noticing his conspicuous lack of weaponry. Everyone here seemed to be armed, even the stern-faced Arstid had a knife carefully concealed on her thigh. Only someone with trained eyes would have noticed it.
“I choose not to carry a weapon most of the time, besides I don’t believe all of our guests wish me harm.” His eyes softened a little as he looked at me.
I stared at him. The child raised her hands and he handed her a bowl of soup.
“Even the most gentle people have a dark side you know.” I was trying to warn him.
“I know,” he said handing me the other bowl of soup. “It's how you control that darkness that defines you.”
Without another word he left, leaving my mind reeling.
That night I actually laid down in my bed for the first time since I had arrived. Arden had reappeared just before lights out and seemed unsurprised by our new addition. He just raised his eyebrows then shook his head. As the lights went out, a small hand grabbed mine from beneath the cot. I had offered the child my bed, but she just grabbed a blanket and curled up beneath it. I smiled at her natural instinct of preservation. She was sheltered below me and if someone came in the night they would have to go through me to get her. It was something I would do.
As my hand hung over the side of the cot, she sought it out, her tiny fingers wrapping around mine. I couldn’t understand why this child trusted me so much. All of the adults here still looked at me with trepidation, like I might turn on them at any moment. But the child looked at me with confidence, reverence even. No one had ever looked at me that way.
My mind whirled. Just over a week ago I never had to think of anyone but myself. I never questioned my actions or needed anyone else’s help, but now... something was different. I was still too hard, too calloused, but something foreign stirred within me.
I didn’t like it.
How had my world changed so dramatically in such a short period of time? Six years I had managed without needing anyone and now I felt… hollow. Arstid said she knew my mother, that she had followed her here, but that could be a lie. The kind-faced boy had caused me to question not only myself, but to also wonder if some humans were actually capable of kindness. Even as his kind features flickered across my mind, the dark vile eyes of the hulking guard Maddox crossed my thoughts. Reflexively my hands clenched into fists. I envisioned all of the ways I would kill him, if I got the chance. I wanted to watch him suffer for what he had done to me today.
The tiny hand twitched within mine as she fell asleep. The anger boiling to the surface immediately began to ebb as she stirred beneath me.
My life was changing, fast, and I wasn’t entirely sure I could handle it.
“ASTER?”
The tiny brown head shook back and forth as she watched Doc examine me.
“Maggs?”
She stuck her tongue out, wrinkling her nose. Doc ran his fingers over the scar hidden in my hair, with a perplexed look.
“Every wound healed perfectly except for that one.” He sat back scratching his head. “Your memories are still intact, yes?”
“Yes. Well, everything from the last six years at least.” I shrugged. “Lilly?”
The girl shook her head again.
“You mean to say you have no memory of your childhood?” Doc looked at me in surprise.
“Nope.” He didn’t need to know I had a few flashes of memory. It was better just to keep those to myself. As much as I liked Doc Porters, he was still working for the other team. And, until I knew exactly who the other team was, the more I played dumb, the better. I tried another name. “Anders?”
“That sounds like a boy’s name.” Arden piped in from his cot.
“I agree.” Doc said, jotting down something in his journal.
“Well I’m running out of ideas here. If you two don’t have any helpful suggestions you can keep your mouths shut.”
The little girl grinned as we quarreled. We had spent the last few hours trying to guess her name. Suddenly her eyes lit up and she tapped her chest.
“You have an idea?” I offered her my words.
She nodded. She tapped her chest and then pointed to me.
“You want my name?”
She shook her head. She tapped her chest again, held up her palm in the air and then pointed to me. My forehead creased as I stared helplessly at her.
“I think she wants a name
like
yours. Something a little less… conventional.” Arden said.
She nodded bouncing where she sat. Doc stopped writing, his interest piqued.
“Okay…you want a
different
name. Let me think.”
I had chosen my new name out of a necessity to start fresh. When my parents died in that alley so did their precious little girl. I was what rose from her ashes. Phoenix naturally seemed the most fitting choice for my new life.
"I didn't keep my given name either you know? I chose mine and I think it's your right to choose the one you want," I said, meeting her curious eyes. She nodded furiously.
I looked at the way her small hands fidgeted as she watched me. Her eyes flickered from my face to the ground, quick and nervous. She reminded me of a mouse. Her small delicate features, dishwater hair and soft brown eyes seemed to fit the description.
"Mouse?" I asked tentatively and for the first time since we started the name game, she smiled.
IT HAD BEEN
three days since Mouse had been brought to me and she followed me wherever I went within my imprisonment. She never left my side. She even slept in the cell with me, fighting vehemently if they tried to remove her. Eventually they conceded and just left her with me on a permanent basis. During my questionings, she sat under the table listening to me repeat the same answers over and over again. I loathed the man questioning me, but I remained calmer now, as to not frighten Mouse. Every night she slept underneath my bed, her hand constantly creeping around the edge to touch my fingers. I always reached back, ensuring her tiny hand I was still here.
Tonight, as her hand disappeared under the frame again, I realized for the first time in my life I felt responsible for someone other than myself.
The thought shook me.
I was awoken in the middle of the night by the sound of metal scraping on concrete. Arden cursed as I sat up rapidly, startling him.
“Sorry,” he muttered. “I dropped my pillow behind my cot and it got stuck.”
He jerked the cot again and a white lumpy object fell to the floor. As he leaned over to snag it, my eyes widened. In the dull lights reflecting from the hallway I could see the glint of metal and familiar horizontal lines.
There was an air vent.
My bag was sitting on the floor by my cot, the food and weapons had been removed but I could always steal more. It would be easy to slip into the vent without being seen. Arden was always taken away first, I would have nearly five minutes before they would notice I was gone and—
Mouse stirred beneath me and my thoughts instantly stopped, then took another route.
She was small. I could easily guide her through the vents with me, but then what? What would we do once we made it outside? I had barely been able to keep myself alive and fed. How could I possibly provide for her too?
I could leave her here. Tell her I was coming back… lie to her.
I felt sick just thinking about it. But here she would have food and care. With me she would suffer like I had. Even though leaving Mouse here was the better choice for her, the responsible one, the idea of not being able to protect her myself appalled me.
Arden shoved his cot up against the wall again, covering the vent. This time Mouse awoke to the noise. Her fingers crept over the wool blanket searching for me. A lump caught in my throat as I grabbed her fragile fingers and lay back down.
“It’s okay, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” But even as I said the words my eyes stared at the spot on the wall where I knew the vent was.
When I woke in the morning Arden was already gone and the kind-faced boy sat on Arden’s cot watching me. It should have startled me, made me angry that he had gotten into the room without my knowledge, but it didn’t. Mouse sat at his side chewing on something red. A book was cradled in her lap.
I watched her, wide-eyed.
Something flew at my face. I caught it reflexively. The taut shiny surface was smooth against my skin. My heart rose.
An apple.
I had not eaten one since I was a child. Another photo flash from the past.
“No bread today?” I tried to keep the joy from my face.
“I figured you would be tired of bread.” He stretched, rising from the cot.
“What do you have there?” I asked Mouse, eyeing her book.
She grinned and held it up for me to see. It had words and pictures of people making hand gestures. I furrowed my brow.
“It’s a book on sign language. Since Mouse can’t speak I thought it important that she be able to express herself.” He smiled down at the little girl.
I opened my mouth to ask more about the book, but at that moment a new guard entered the door, a woman. She was short and lean, with long muscles tracing her bare arms. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail, the tips of it just reaching her waistline. I rose as she moved into the room, her blue eyes on Mouse.
“Are you ready to return to classes now?” Her voice was high and maternal. Mouse shrank away from the woman.
Immediately, I moved in response to Mouse’s reaction. As I inserted myself between the newcomer and the child, the woman’s hand reflexively moved to her gun. My muscles tensed ready for attack, but before the situation could escalate, the young man placed his hand over hers in a calming gesture.
“Veyron oversees most of the youth here. Mouse was attending classes before she was brought to you. We think it is important to educate our children. Veyron is one of the best guards we have. Mouse couldn’t be in safer hands.” His hazel eyes were steady, trying to reassure me.
I turned to Mouse, gauging her reaction. She looked frightened.
“Did they take you to classes to learn, to read?” I knelt to her level.
She nodded.
“I think you should go with them. It is very important that you have an education. Knowledge can only better a person.” I kept my voice soft. Without my father’s teachings I would have never made it as long as I did.
Mouse leapt to her feet and clung to my neck.
“Are you scared they won’t bring you back here?”
Her tiny head nodded furiously.
A large hand passed over my arms, careful not to touch me, and fell lightly on her back.
“Mouse, I
promise
we will bring you back here. Have I ever lied to you before?” His deep voice was close to my ear.
Mouse raised her red-brimmed eyes to his and shook her head no, but her hands tightened on my shoulder.
“I will take good care of her until you get back.” He soothed the child, brushing the tears from her cheeks.
She looked at me, fear still in her eyes. I understood her fear of losing me. The thought of the air vent still burned in my mind.
“I
promise
I will still be here when you get back. I won’t leave you.” Those were the words she needed to hear. Wiping the last of the tears from her face she released me. I watched as she took Veyron’s hand. The guard’s face was astonished as she looked at me, like she had just seen a Ravager show kindness. I wanted to wipe the look off her face for her. I may be calloused, but I was still human. I could be humane, if I tried.
When the little brown head turned to me just before they left, I smiled at her once more in encouragement. After she disappeared my smile wavered. The vent… Had I just lied to the only person who had ever shown me adoration in this horrific city?
Before I could overthink it, the young man moved to the door gesturing for me to follow. “Come on, we have work to do.”
I raised my eyebrows at him. “Since when is sitting in the same room, answering the same damn questions over and over again work?”
A smile pulled at the corner of his lips. “No questions today. If you are going to stay here for a while, then you need to start pulling your weight. Besides I figured doing something physical outside of that tiny grey room might do you good.”
I moved quickly after him now, eager to do anything other than sit in that room again. And eager to move away from the vent that was calling freedom to me. I had promised I would be here when Mouse returned. My escape could wait another day.
To my pleasant surprise there weren’t other guards waiting for us in the hall. I rejoiced at the absence of those leering black eyes.
“No Maddox today?” I meant to sound casual, but there was too much spite in the way I said his name.
The sandy head turned at the harshness in my tone. “No, it’s just you and me today.”
A mild relief washed over me. If it came down to a fight I had a better chance defending myself against this man than the hulking Maddox. It was horrible to think, but it was true. I tried to focus on the sounds of our feet and not on the attack moves I could use on him that were flickering through my brain.
“Don’t waste that. Apples are hard to come by these days.” He eyed the perfect red fruit in my hand. I jumped at the opened conversation, needing a distraction.
“You never told me your name.” I took a bite of my apple relishing in its juicy sweetness.
“You never asked.”
That brought me up short.
“You have a point.” I waited for him to respond but he continued forward in silence. I rolled my eyes at his stubborn back. “So what
is
your name?”
“Triven,” he replied. While I could not see his face, I was sure he was smiling.
“Phoenix,” I offered in return.