New Forever (26 page)

I don’t know that any of us will ever truly move past what has left us broken, but we’ll make a valiant attempt at it. Not just for Hannah, but for the woman who saw past every one of my demons and saw me for who I am at the core of my being. The one who loved me when I carried the ugliness inside of me that I believed made me unlovable. Who looked at my parents and not only forgave them, but told them to forgive themselves. Who gave me my family back and gave living a meaning.

My Hayley.

She carries a torch inside of her that glows even in the darkest hours. She loves completely and lives without remorse. She teaches everyone she meets the very definition of living. Not merely existing, which is what I was doing until I met her.

But I don’t want to simply exist anymore, I want to live. And I want to live with her by my side forever.

We stayed at my parents’ house until after dinner and slowly my parents and I started to mend our relationship with the encouragement from the woman who had every reason to hate them. We didn’t speak of Hannah again until my mom walked us out and apologized for acting as if Hannah’s life didn’t matter all those years ago. I realize now it was her way of coping with my dad’s infidelity and the traumatic result of that infidelity. Hayley simply nodded at my mom and hugged her as she whispered something in her ear.

The drive back home is quiet, with only the sound of our breathing breaking the silence. Normally, Hayley would be changing the stations on the radio between songs, but she’s lost in her own thoughts so I leave her to them.

Janus greets us by the door and Hayley gets on her knees to hug his big head. After a quick shower, Hayley and I crawl into bed and I pull her close to me.

“You’re amazing, Hay,” I whisper into her ear and kiss it.

“I know,” she says and I can hear the smile behind her words. “I’m glad you and your parents are gonna work things out.”

“You know, out of all the scenarios I played in my head, what you did never even entered my mind.”

“Then, you should have asked me what my plan was.”

She rolls over to face me and I rub the back of my hand over her cheek.

“It would have saved me from months of worry,” I say and she laughs. “But, why, Hay?” I still don’t understand how she could be so forgiving.

“Because I love you,” she says simply. “Your happiness is mine, and when I saw you hug your mom I knew it was the only choice I could make. I wasn’t completely sure I could up until that point.” She hugs my waist and when she inches away from me, she shrugs her shoulders uncertainly. “I also did it because I don’t want to hold onto grudges—either of us. I want to be free of the pain and anger, so all that’s left is us. Just you and me, Max.”

“What did her letter say?” I ask, wanting the last bit that she’s letting go of said.

“Just for me to be happy and seek the light and sun in everyday life. That’s what I found with you—my happiness. And I refuse to live a single day without the sun by my side.”

“I can live with that.”

Max, Dee, Adam, Josie, and I arrived in Bimini three hours ago, but aside from dropping off our luggage and putting on our swimsuits, we haven’t done much of anything. Not that anyone really minds, except maybe Josie and me. None of us really get the chance to be lazy, so I’m sure they’re all relishing in the inactivity. But, already, my limbs are growing antsy, eager to go to the beach and play with Josie on the shore.

I sigh dramatically on the couch next to Max and see his lips twitch into a small smile when he lies down and puts his head on my lap. Needing some kind of movement, I run my fingers through his hair, only pulling it when he closes his eyes.

“Don’t get too comfortable,” I warn him. “We’re going to the beach as soon as Dee gets here.”

“Yes, dear,” he agrees and I pat his head like the good boy he is.

I get up quickly, dropping Max’s head on the couch, when I hear Josie’s happy voice outside our door and quickly grab our beach bag. With our friends by our side, we walk to the beach and drop our belongings under an umbrella that is provided by the resort. Before I run to the water with Josie, Max takes my hand and kisses my cheek on a slow exhale.

Keeping my hand tucked in his, he says, “I feel like everything in my life has led me to you. Every misstep, every tear, and every smile. I no longer regret any of it, because it all led me to right now, with you. Given the opportunity, I wouldn’t change any of it, because what if I did one thing differently and missed out on meeting you? I can’t chance that.”

With my hand still in his, he kneels down in front of me. I put a trembling hand to my lips and smile down at Max, my Max. We’ve come a long way, and this moment proves it’s all been worth it. Every misstep, every tear, and every smile has brought us together. When we’re together, it all seems worth it, you know?

“Hayley,” he interrupts my thoughts and my eyes meet his. I push back the tears needing to see him clearly. “You’re my best friend, my heart, my soul, the very thing that keeps me alive. I love you, I breathe you, I live for you. In every lifetime we’re given, through every version of reality, my soul would find yours and choose you. Every time.” He reaches into the pocket of his swimming trunks and hands me a small black box. “Marry me.” It’s not a question, but I can still hear the uncertainty in his voice.

I kneel down in front of him and cup his face in my hands. His eyes shine back at me, promising me a forever I’d only dreamt about. I only get the chance to nod my head once before his lips crash into mine. I put my arms around his neck and pull him down until we are both lying on the sand, making silent promises to one another only our hearts can hear.

Having forgotten Dee and Adam and the rest of humankind, I’m startled when Dee kneels down alongside us and pulls my hair. Cock blocking, romance killer.

“Let’s go,” she tells me, and I’m certain she’s lost her mind so I shake my head at her unwilling to leave the perfect little space Max and I are creating.

“You won’t be gone long,” Max promises and I squint my eyes back at him in confusion. Wait, he wants me to go?

“We don’t have all day,” Dee complains.

“You ruined the perfect proposal,” I tell Dee and huff out an exasperated breath when I get up. “Both of you did.” I look pointedly at Max and Dee, but can’t really feel the anger behind my words.

“In a few minutes, I’ll make it up to you.” He takes my hand and kisses the palm before pushing me away.

“Another surprise?” Max laughs at my eagerness while Dee pulls me away from the beach and toward the house she and Adam rented for the weekend.

“We don’t have much time.”

Dee ushers me in and leads me to her bedroom where she opens the closet and brings out a white dress. Not just any white dress, but my wedding dress. The one I tried on when pretending to be a bride.

“I don’t understand.” I touch the dress gently, afraid it’ll vanish and this will all be a lavish dream.

“It’s your dress,” Dee explains, hugging me. “I couldn’t let someone else wear your dress. I went back and bought it the very next day. And when Max told Adam he wanted to propose to you, I had the tear and stain fixed.”

“But what’s it doing here?” Because, seriously, who buys a wedding dress for someone else and brings it to a small island in The Bahamas? Crazy, emotional, pregnant ladies, that’s who. Or more accurately, crazy, emotional, pregnant best friends with porn star boobs and the cutest five month baby bump.

“You’re so dense.” She laughs and just then my parents step into the room and embrace me. Startled, I simply stare at them wide eyed and confused.

“You’re getting married,” my mom tells me, brushing the hair from my face and kissing my cheek.

“I know,” I say excitedly, showing her my new ring.

My parents look back at me through watery eyes, and while I’m not certain what they’re doing here, I’m glad that they will be a part of my proposal and whatever other surprises Max has come up with. They’ve shed more tears than any person should, and I’m grateful for the happy tears swimming in their eyes. They deserve some happy tears to drown out the tears they’ve shed over my sister and the illness that took her away from us.

An illness that lives inside of me. An illness that somehow brought two of the most important people into my life while also taking away the very person who was forever etched on my heart. Ever since Hannah was taken away from me, I’ve thought healing was in impossibility, but once I started on this journey it became evident that healing was a necessity. While my wounds may never fully heal, I’ve managed to let it go so that I can live a life worthy of the man who just proposed in the most beautiful way, only to send me away moments later.

He is the reason I was able to move forward and propel us into a future we both so desperately need and want. He is the reason my future no longer seems as bleak as my past. He is the reason I no longer have to hide behind my laughter. He is the reason guilt no longer consumes me. He is my reason for living.

“Today, stupid,” Dee responds and I blink unresponsively at her. “You’re getting married today.”

“Today?”

“Today.”

Life Interrupted

By Yessi Smith

Coming Fall 2015

Prologue

My mind tells me to run so I do. I run, not fully aware of what I’m running from or where I’m running to. I look around, frantic, scared. But of what? I don’t see any threats and am tempted, so tempted, to do as my body demands and rest. But I can’t. Because my mind, my disjointed mind, keeps telling me to run. 

Run faster, it yells at me as I scrape and torture my body and leave a bloody trail behind every misstep I take. I trip on a rock and land on a bed of leaves that I yearn to rest my head on, but there’s danger close by. Very close and I am scared.

Somewhere in my dismantled mind I remember the darkness. I remember the fear, the anguish, and the pain. I remember what I’m running from.

I push myself off the ground and begin to run again, pounding my feet into the ground, propelling myself into the darkness. Deep enough where the demons cannot find me. 

Chapter 1

Holly

I wake up in pain, unable to move my limbs, and I know I did not run hard enough. Terror, instinctual terror that every person is born with, takes over me and I writhe in fear, screaming obscenities, tearing at my skin and at the foreign objects in my arms.

Within seconds, they arrive, holding my body down as they bring me an unwanted tranquility via a syringe they stick in my arm.

***

I wake up slower this time, more aware of the confines around my hands and a rhythmic beeping sound in the background. I don’t want to open my eyes but they open anyway and I am met with a pair of dark brown eyes staring back at me. The eyes belong to an elderly gentleman who slowly but eagerly gets up and sits on my bedside.