Never Say Love (15 page)

“Well, just keep an eye on her, make sure she… just make sure she’s okay, please,” he frowned at Lisa as he left the room, looking briefly again at his Lucy as she lay in bed, tucked up on her side. He desperately wanted her sister-in-law to leave so that
he
could take care of his girl. As far as he was concerned, Lucy was part of his family now and therefore
he
should be looking after her. Hell, if Franco was here, he would be chanting the family motto, banging on about “
looking after our own in this family!
”

Despite the outward look of concern on his face, inside he was cringing, battling with the feelings. He longed to protect her and worship her.
But, commitment? He had to get his head around this. He couldn’t play the field forever, and he really liked Lucy. He liked her a lot. Added to that, she’d never been with anyone else, ever. He’d claimed her, she was
his
. Heaven help him if his father knew that she was an innocent before she had met him. Franco would be forcing him down the aisle. That would never happen—ever!

Finding his way downstairs, he wandered into the living room where he found James and Michael sitting on the sofa waiting.

“So what happened?” Michael looked at Benito, “Between you and my sister. I’ve never, ever seen her like this before! I’ve seen her drunk, but never paralytic, like this. I’m contemplating taking her to hospital! God, she’s wasted!” A concerned look crossed his face as he shook his head, sitting back in an easy chair he looked at Benito. “What happened mate?”

Sighing deeply, Benito stood, hands in pockets. “I need a smoke. Do you smoke?” he asked Michael.

Smiling Michael stood, “I used to, got nagged to give it up. I’ve got a tin of Café Crème somewhere, any good?”

“Anything, I just need a smoke.” Soon after the trouble back home, when he’d seen to that bastard who had violated his sister, he’d started smoking anything. Anything he could get his hands on, illegal or otherwise, but, through intensive counselling, had given it up. The urge now too strong to mentor himself out of, he needed a quick fix and a legal cigarette, or a small cigar,
as Michael had offered, was preferable to finding someone on the street to provide him with what he really needed.

Michael left in search of the small cigars leaving James and Benito in his living room—Benito was standing, leaning against the wall looking worried and agitated, as James sat forward on the sofa.

“What happened mate? What really happened?” James looked towards his friend.

Gazing around the room, Benito refused to engage in discussion with his James, he was not going to talk about it. His thoughts refusing to budge, concentrating on
his
Lucy upstairs, about her laying there, out of it, wrecked and vulnerable—that it
was
his fault.

Yes, he hadn’t planned on this being a long-term relationship; he’d never planned on having a life-long partner, never doing the commitment thing, not like his father. Now that he’d met Lucy, he had fallen under her spell. He wanted her around longer. Plus, the fact that Franco had read the riot act to him, told him that he needed to settle down, find a girl to spend his life with, and nobody, not even Benito, messed around with Franco. Hell, he’d started to learn that lesson years ago when Franco had first taken his belt to his twelve-year old son—all he had done was knock and run on one of the old lad
y’s' doors in the village, one of the women that was always telling him off for some minor misdemeanour!

Staring at the hideous brick fireplace in the living room of Michael and Lisa’s home, Benito remained quiet waiting for Lucy’s brother to return with something to smoke, anything to calm his nerves.

“What are you going to do?” James pressed. “So you don’t want to talk about it. I get it, but sometime soon you’re going to have to.” James stood and wandered to the window at the back of the room looking out into the back garden, lit by just a few dim lights. “Benito, if you like her you need to sort it.”

“Fuck off James, leave me alone.” Benito snapped, his tone harsh, his hands screwed tightly together, his knuckles white.

Turning towards his friend, James shook his head. “Get your smokes and let’s go. You can call her tomorrow.”

James returned to looking out at the back garden. It looked neat, from what he could see of it in the shadows. A child’s swing and slide stood in the middle of the lawn area,
suckers
James thought. No way would
he
swap his life, a different girl every night if he wanted, for this. Is that what Benito was thinking of? Had he been bitten by the bug, the commitment bug?

“Here you go,” Michael returned with a tin of the small cigars, “Sorry, no matches. Use the hob in the kitchen.”

Taking the tin, Benito thanked him and followed Michael through to the kitchen. Leaning forward, he lit one of the cigars over the gas hob, inhaling deeply, drawing in the smoke and he immediately felt calmer.

Benito turned and looked at Michael, he nodded his thanks. “I’ve not long given up!” Benito half laughed as he looked at the reddened tip of the burning cigar. “If it’s okay, I’ll drop by tomorrow morning, see how she is.” Not giving Lucy’s brother chance to disagree to his proposal, he turned and started to leave. “Are you ready?” he looked at James.

Once in the Range Rover, Benito opened the window and held the Café Crème between his lips, holding it there as he pulled away from the kerb.

“What are you going to do?” James asked again.

Keeping his focus on the road, Benito took the cigar between his fingers and breathed deeply. “I like her James, I like her a lot,” he muttered, “I’ve tried my hardest to convince myself that I don’t, but I can’t. There’s just something about her, and the fact that she’s mine,
completely and has only ever been mine—you know what I mean?” He frowned as he turned towards James.

Grinning, James looked back at his friend. “Yeah, I
know
what you mean.” He nodded, “So, is that what makes the difference, that she was a virgin?”

Concentrating on his driving and returning the cigar to his lips, Benito first answered with a nod and then, “Everything James. I like her because of everything. She’s sweet, she’s beautiful,
she
was
innocent. She’s just so fresh, not like any other girl I’ve ever met before, ever.” He stopped talking for a moment, thinking about his girl. “She makes me feel alive, takes me away from my past. I suppose, well, it’s like being renewed.” He smiled as he thought of his girl.

Laughing, James turned to look out of the passenger window, “Well, I think you’re mad, stark raving mad. But, if you like her that much, then go for it. For heaven’s sake Benito, even if it does not develop into anything further, there’s nothing to say you can’t just end it, if you need to. You don’t
love
her do you?”

Shaking his head, Benito laughed, “No, never. I’ll never
love
anyone! You know that. I’ll never be like my dad. I never want to be carrying that burden around with me. You know, he has so many offers, ladies wanting him to escort him here and there, he never goes with them. It’s been years since he lay with a woman James—years.”

The two travelled in silence as they motored towards the City Centre. The silence broken as Benito asked, “Reid’s or yours?”

James smiled, “The hotel please. It’s late, and I’ve got an early start.”

Once he’d dropped James at the hotel, Benito made his way to his apartment block, stopping on the way to pick up matches and a tin of the small cigars—he quite enjoyed them. Parking the Range Rover in the secure parking area, he was soon in the building and in his apartment, his empty apartment. God, Lucy had only been here a few weeks yet already it felt empty without her.

Collecting a bottle of cognac and a glass from the kitchen, he took them through to his living room and, dropping onto the leather sofa, he lit up another small cigar and drew deeply, inhaling the smooth, sweet, vanilla smoke. He filled the glass to the brim with his best cognac, sat back, closing his eyes and stretching out on the sofa, he thought of Lucy—how he felt and what his father had said. No matter how much he tried to talk himself out of it, he felt a lot for her. He wanted her, he wanted her badly.

“I feel like crap,” Lucy moaned as she lay on the bathroom floor of her brother and sister-in-laws’ home. “I think I’m going to die,” she moaned.

“What went on?” Mikey asked as he watched over his sister on her hands and knees, heaving over the toilet.

“He hates me Mikey,” she spluttered through tears, “he hates me so much.”

Crouching down to Lucy’s level and looking into her pale face, blood shot eyes, hair all over the place. “I really don’t think he does Lucy, not from what I saw last night, not at all. He was truly concerned when we sat and talked, said he was coming back to see you this morning. That’s not what someone who hates you does—is it?”

“But he does Mikey. He hates me,” Lucy whined, “he doesn’t like me at all, I heard him telling someone.”

Shaking his head and huffing Michael stood. “Trust me Luce, what I saw last night was not someone who dislikes you at all. In fact, I would say the complete opposite. I’m going to have breakfast, do you want some.”

Lucy returned to lying on the bathroom floor. “Leave me alone, please. Go away, let me die in peace.”

Laughing, Michael left the bathroom. “I’ll be downstairs if you want me. Lisa’s gone to her mum’s, won’t be back until later. They’re going shopping and left me with the baby—again!”

Waking with a stiff neck, Benito looked at his surroundings. He’d fallen asleep on the sofa. Moving himself slowly, he sat up and leant forward, resting his head in his hands. He rubbed his fingers through is hair. Lucy was the first thing that came to mind.

Reaching for the Café Crème, he took one of the small cigars from the tin, brought it to his lips before lighting the end and drawing deeply. After a few moments, he stood and moved slowly towards the kitchen, his head banging from the volume of alcohol he had consumed. Making a cup of the instant coffee that Lucy had brought in, he took a sip of the crap tasting drink; and winced before checking his phone. There was a text message from his father.

How are things going? How is your new girl? Are you looking after her
? Remember Benito, I want grandchildren. It’s your duty!

Shit
.
Benito thought, his fucking duty! Where did that come from? Why can’t Adrianna give the old man grandchildren?

Moving onto to check his emails, he tapped away at the screen scrolling through the endless list of junk mail, punctuated by the odd message that was worth reading, including several from the office confirming new contracts. Great, things were going well with the new progressive UK operation.

Showering and dressing in jeans and a black t-shirt he left the apartment, grabbing his leather jacket as he went. Lighting another cigar in the lift as he descended towards the ground floor, he drew deeply on the smoothness of the smoke, breaking all the no-smoking in public area rules, bloody European rules. He strolled out of the building to the Range Rover, climbing in and setting off for Lucy’s brother’s home.

Hitting the busy traffic, he cursed himself for smoking again. It had been nearly two years since he’d lit up. In that time, he’d grown to not miss the calming feeling that smoking
anything
could offer. Giving himself a mental pep-talk, he told himself he needed to stop before he got hooked again.

Stopping at a service station on route, he collected a bottle of Coke, a couple of bags of ready salted crisps and pack of paracetamol. Shaking the Coke slightly and opening it slowly to let out the fizz several times, he returned to the car. Lucy would need his hangover cure this morning.

He spent the rest of the journey thinking of what he would say to Lucy when he got there. He’d made his mind up over night that he wanted her back. Hell, he never intended to let her go, not yet anyway; in truth, she
had
walked out! Yeah, following her hearing what he’d being saying, but he had no intention of finishing with her yet now. Now, well he just couldn’t bring himself to spend the rest of his life with a single woman, but he could see the next few months, at the very least, with Lucy—after all, he’d claimed her, she was his—wasn’t she?

Pulling up outside of Michael and Lisa’s home, he grabbed the components of his hangover cure and after locking the car headed off towards the house. Michael, seeing him walking up the drive, opened the door ahead of him ringing the bell or knocking the door. “Morning,” Michael greeted Benito with an outstretched hand. Accepting, Benito took the extended hand and shook Michael’s hand firmly.

“How is she?” Benito asked.

Michael studied the man who had, if reports were to be believed, messed his sister around and dumper her, made her homeless and jobless. The guy who stood in front of him was clearly foreign; he looked it, and had the accent to go along with it. “Come in, she’s feeling crap, but then I have no idea how much she drank. Lots, according to Lisa, who has gone to her mum’s and left me with the baby!”

“Baby?”
Benito looked horrified. There was a baby in close proximity!

“Yeah, Lilly, my baby girl, she’s one, and having her morning nap.
Fast asleep!” Michael smiled fondly as he talked about his daughter. “My son, Charlie is with Lisa and her mum. He stayed at his grandma’s last night, no doubt pumped full of chocolate and cake and running amok in some store or other now!”

“Oh,” Benito frowned. What do you say to someone when they’re discussing their offspring? He was inwardly cringing at the thought of ankle nippers. “Where’s Lucy? Can I have a glass, and I’ll take these upstairs.”

“Yeah. Of course, I’ll get you one, and she’s upstairs. I left her on the bathroom floor about an hour ago.”

“Left her!
You can’t leave her, she’s pissed!” Benito snapped back. Once he had the glass he’d asked for and after looking horrified at Mikey, he took the stairs two at a time marching to the first floor, heading first to the room he’d left Lucy in last night. Pushing the door open slightly, he glanced inside—she wasn’t there. The bed was a mess, the duvet scrunched up against the wall, pillows in disarray and Lucy’s dress, the one she had on last night, thrown in the middle of the room. Walking in, he placed the bottle of Coke, pack of crisps, paracetamol and glass on the bedside cabinet then left, returning to the landing.

Unsure of the layout of the house, he walked across the landing, glancing in each room as he went. Pushing another door open slightly,
shit
a baby! Urgh! He walked past that room quickly. The next door, a double bed, Lisa and Michael’s room, then another child’s room, toys littered all over the floor, God, he couldn’t stand that mess! Finally, the last door; must be the bathroom.

Standing on the landing side of the bathroom door, he heard moaning from inside. Lucy cursing herself and cursing him “The bastard,” he heard her mutter.

Pushing the door slightly open, he was greeted with Lucy, lying outstretched on the floor, looking so very pale, her beautiful hair a complete mess.
Shaking his head, yet smiling slightly, he pushed the door open further, looking at her as she lay stretched out on the floor dressed only in her bra and knickers, his beautiful Lucy, his girl.

He sighed as he took in the sight. Lying on her side, she looked dreadful, wrecked and in no state to be here, half dressed
and
on her own.

Standing for a moment, he watched her. She was unaware that he was there, watching and listening to her as she groaned.

“Lucy,” he said quietly, taking a few steps towards her.

Turning her head very slightly, she struggled to focus on Benito. “Piss off you fucking bastard,” she hissed, her voice hoarse, before quickly she turned, hunching herself over the loo and heaving again.

“Oh, Lucy, tesoro, I am so sorry,” Benito moved towards her, crouching down and placing his arm on her back.

“Don’t you dare touch
me!” She snapped, sitting up slightly and moving away from him. “You don’t
want
me. All you want is a quick lay! Well, not with me buster,
never
again, I can’t believe how stupid I was.” She groaned again before returning her head to the loo, retching.

Staying with her, Benito moved and held her hair away from her face, just like he’d done last night, rubbing her back, comforting her.

“Tesoro, what a state you have got yourself in!” He whispered, pulling her closer towards him, her slender frame tucked against his stomach.

Lucy flushed the toilet and swivelled around on her knees, resting her hand on Benito’s broad chest. “Shit, I feel ill,” she whimpered.

Pulling her close, he kissed the top of her head, “Come on baby, I’ve the perfect cure.”

Helping her stand, he held her as they walked together back to her room. “Sit there, I’ll do my best to make this better.”

Handing her a glass of the flat Coke, he sat next to her, “Drink, it’s great for hangovers, or at least it should be. If you can keep that down, you can have some crisps, get some salt into you.”

“I can’t,” she looked at the glass.

“Drink, please.” He nodded towards her.

Taking the glass from him, she brushed his fingers, and closed her eyes as she felt tears well. “You hurt me,” she whispered, “You really, really hurt me. I can’t take rejection, I really can’t. I’ve been rejected before because I wouldn’t put out for other men. But what really hurt was hearing you saying that I was a quick shag.” Turning towards him, she looked at him through her tears, “I really thought you were something special, I know it was only a few weeks, but…” she wiped her face, letting the tears fall, starting to sob, “what hurts the most was being so close, so close to you, letting you take, letting you…” Unable to prevent the tears from falling, she put the glass back on the table, her head in her hand and sobbed.

As if controlled by the higher force, the force that had pulled them together, Benito sat beside her, putting his arm around her he started to feel out of his depth, having never had a steady girlfriend, never
having had a friendship with a girl that had lasted for more than a day or two he’d never had to deal with tears. “I'm sorry Lucy, sorry that you overheard me on the phone. I didn't mean for you to hear, and I really didn't want it to end, not yet anyway. What you heard wasn’t really what I meant anyway.”

She looked at him, her eyes blood shot and her skin pasty and blotchy. "But I
did
hear, and I'm
not
a quick shag, you know that. In fact, before I met you I wasn't even up for any kind of shagging, sex, bonking, call it whatever you want." She reached for her flat Coke as Benito just watched, humbled in her presence, feeling like the shit he was for hurting this beautiful girl, his Lucy.

"I've never had a girlfriend before," he mumbled, "never
had anyone that's lasted more than a couple of days, ever."

Lucy turned away, reaching for the crisps he'd brought in for her, "So why is this different? Why am I not the quick shag that you told whoever?"

Thinking before he answered, carefully considering his words before he spoke, “Because I like you Lucy. You’re special, very special, that’s why you are more than just a
quickie
. You shouldn’t have heard what I said, I never intended for you to hear, and I certainly never wanted this.” Sitting beside her on the edge of the single bed, he leaned forward, his head in his hands. “I never wanted any of this, I thought… well I don’t know what I thought, but never that it would be over this soon. Please, come back with me, I miss you already. Please come back to work, tomorrow.”

Holding her aching head
, she too looked at the floor. “No, I can’t. I’ve got nowhere to live. I haven’t got a job.” She snapped, “You’ve ruined it all, everything.” Wiping the tears from her face, she shook her head. “You need to go Benito. This can’t move forward, it’s ruined.”

Not moving, just looking down, his head
still in his hand he shook his head, “Why? Why can’t you understand what I’m saying? I don’t want it to end, it shouldn’t have ended. Lucy, we were good together. Yes, not for long, but we were good. Tesoro, please come home with me. Let me make it up to you, please.” He found himself begging.

Raising her head, facing him directly she shook her head, “No,”

“Is there nothing I can do to help you change your mind?”

“No, please go. Please leave me, let me be.”

Standing slowly he looked down on her, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, please just leave me.”

Moving towards the door, holding the handle, he turned back towards her, “You know where I am, if you change your mind. There will never be anyone else, not like you, ever.” He whispered.

She huffed, “Whatever, just go.”

Benito left the room and pulled the door closed, standing with this back against the wall, pushing his head back. Breathing deeply, he just stood there, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. As he stepped forward, he heard sobbing coming from Lucy’s room. What should he do? Thinking on his feet, he turned and flung the door open. There, lying on her stomach, Lucy lay flat out, her face buried in her pillow, sobbing.