Never Say Goodbye (20 page)

If I could turn back the days and see you again

Watch your smile fall against your
face

Hold your heart so close to mine

I would, if I could

But now I've found you

And I never want to let you go

But I have to and it’s going to cause us pain, it’s going to break us in half

But know this

I am forever yours

Forever and always

If you look to the sunshine

There I will be

Watching you everyday

Forever and always

This is it for us

Your laugh is a breath of fresh air

Your hair as perfect as the setting sun

Your blue eyes diamonds of the night

If you ever feel like letting go

Remember I'm right here, by your side

I am forever yours

Forever and always

If you look to the sunshine

There I will be

Watching you everyday

Forever and always

And you’re leaving

To set your life in stone

T
o follow your dreams

A
ll on your own but I promise baby, you'll be fine

I will hold on to you through your dreams

I'll be there, right there with you

Forever and always

When he finishes his last notes on the guitar, I stand and take it from his shoulders. I put it gently against the driftwood and cup his cheeks in my hands. I search his green eyes and squat so my hands rest on his knees.
    
"You take my breath away, all the time. You just, just..." I shake my head to stop the tears. "You're everything, Luke." He stands and pulls me to my feet. He cups my cheeks and pulls my face so his mouth is by my ear.
    
"You are worth it, baby, you are perfect. No more depression, Ella, no more." He pulls me back and holds my wrist. He gently slides off the elastic band and throws it into the sand. I watch with wide eyes, cautious of what happens next, but I can't explain it, because he's said those words to me, I'm now feeling happier. I don't rely on the depression. Just because he told me not to. He kisses my lips gently and someone shouts the usual "get a room!" at us. I smile up at him and mouth "Thank you." He mouths back, "You're welcome."

******

The party lasts another couple of hours before people start retreating back to Charlotte. Luke thanked people for coming and making it special for me. My dad approaches me and I smile softly at him.
    
"I know it's your birthday in a couple of weeks, bear, but your mom and I got you something."
    
"Dad." I groan and smile at the envelope in his hand. "What is it?" I ask as he hands it to me. My mom comes up, stands by his side, and links her arm with his.
    
"Open it, Ella." She pushes and I slide my pinky finger under the sealed envelope and rip it open. I pull out a pink birthday card, which has 'to the greatest daughter in the world' scrolled across the top.
    
"I don't think Holly would approve of the card." I joke and open it. There is a check for twenty-five thousand dollars.
    
"What the hell?" I ask, my face scanning theirs.
    
"It's for your car, Ella. We know how much you love it; it's so you can get it restored. We saved it for college for you but you don't need it. So go spoil your car. Get it sorted so you can drive it to L.A." My dad beams at me.
    
"But, what? Mom?" She grabs my shoulders and kisses my cheek.
    
"For you, Ella. Restore your car and use the rest for a new wardrobe for when you get to college. It's a new you. A happy you." The tears come unbidden to my eyes and I hold my mom. I wrap my arms tight around her and breathe her in. I pull away gently and the tears fall freely.
    
"I love you guys so much, thank you so much." I smile and look back at the check. "Crazy." I murmur and shake my head.
    
"We'll see you at home, Ella." My dad says and kisses the top of my head. "Enjoy tonight with Luke, be safe." My dad raises his eyebrow and I hit his forearm through a giggle.
    
"I'll be fine. See you tomorrow."

The gulls are flying solely through the
air; their wings spread wide, gliding softly, their gentle caws creating a peaceful symphony with the crashing waves. The intensity of happiness I'm feeling right now saves everything I ever denied. I'm noticing happier things, brighter things.
The dawn's colors lay delicately on the water, clouds passing through the waves every so often.
    
The comfort of his arms wrapped around me makes everything beautiful. The warmth of his heart chases away the darkness inside of me. He helps me breathe again after the pain of rejection, of losing my best friend, of the depression that made my life black.
    
We can't deny the only reason of life. We are constantly chasing shadows, obsessed with re-living our memories. They haunt us, the happier times of childhood, your first kiss, your first love. The darkness in those memories swallows you whole, capturing you in its blanket, consuming you until every happy memory becomes a pain. That's depression, but for me, the blanket has lifted now, and everything is in its fullest, most enchanting color.
But the fear of losing him is now lost to the maybes, and that someday I can find him again.
    
"Time to go home, baby." He whispers against my hair.
    
"Mmmm." I groan through closed lips. I breathe in the cold sea air and Luke's arms wrap around me tighter.
    
"We need to get back in time for prom."
    
"I know." I reply and turn to face him. "Kiss me." I plead and he lowers his lips to mine and gently kisses my lips, mine work with his, our connection keeping us alive.
    
"Ella…" He warns. "We need to get back." He says, his lips still in contact with mine.
    
"Stop kissing me then." I whisper and he kisses me harder, his tongue fighting against mine.
    
"I…. I can't" he murmurs and pulls me tight against him. We're still distracted when his cell vibrates from his pocket, playing a simple ringtone. Luke grumbles and pulls away from me.
    
"Yeah? …Oh, hey…Yeah sure, I'm at the beach right now, be home in a few hours. Okay, Dad, calm down, yeah I'll be back before then. Remember it's my prom tonight. Yeah okay, sure I'll take her. Yeah, see you." Luke snaps his cell shut and grins at me.
    
"What?" I ask as he pulls me back against him.
    
"Time to go." He says and kisses my forehead. I entwine my fingers with his and we head to my car.

******

"So, I'll see you later?" I ask as Luke grabs his duffel bag from the trunk. I walk around to the driver’s door and go to climb in.
    
"What, no goodbye?" He asks, slinging his bag over his shoulder. I roll my eyes and walk around to him. I kiss his mouth softly, my hands behind my back, just our mouths connecting. I slip in my tongue and play with him.
    
"Ella, you'll be the death of me, lady."
I shrug and give him a small wave with my fingers.
    
"See ya later." I smile and jump over the driver door into my seat. Luke watches and laughs slightly as I adjust the seat and steering wheel back to their original positions and move my rear view mirror to its correct position. He gives me a soft wave and I drive home with Snow Patrol's ‘Chasing Cars’ worshipping my ears.
    
Just as I pull into my driveway, Jade's sitting on the front door step, her knee bobbing up and down, her manicured fingers shoved in her mouth.
    
"Don't ruin your nails!" I shout and a wide smirk appears on her face.
    
"Where the hell have you been, Els? Jeez, you're going to give me a coronary!"
I laugh loudly and she opens my trunk and grabs my bag.
    
"So helpful aren't you." I smile and walk up to the front door.
    
"Well, we need to get a certain someone ready for their first ever prom with the most popular and attractive guy ever made!" The laugh that escapes me causes my cheeks to flush.
    
"I love you, Jade." I giggle as I open the door and throw my keys into the bowl.
    
"Well, come on!" She gestures towards the stairs and I grab her hand in mine. She damn near pulls my arm from its socket when we approach the landing.
    
"Yeah...OW!" I groan at her and she opens my bedroom door. I feel my mouth drop open.
    
"What…the…fuck happened to my room!" Jade gulps when I look at her.
    
"I…err…tried to make it pretty?"
    
"Pretty? Pretty! It looks like a make-up parlor!"
    
"Well it's only for today. It'll be back to normal when you get home later, I promise." She walks into my bathroom and closes the door. Our dresses are hung up on my closet doors, but what is most terrifying is the large mirror surrounded by little black boxes filled with make-up and nail polish. I look through them all and they all look the same but with different shades of eye shadows, eyeliners, and lipsticks.
    
"Jade!" I yell.
    
"Yeah? Taking a pee here!" She giggles back.
    
"Er, you know I'm wearing blue right?"
    
"Yeah, of course I do."
    
"So, why are there make-up boxes with orange and yellows in them? Seriously girl, over the top or what?" She opens the door and walks over to me, putting her hand on my shoulder.
    
"Chill, girly, it's the just in case scenario. Just because the only color you've ever worn is black!"
    
"That's not true." I pout, folding my arms across my chest.
    
"Oh yeah, right." She groans and walks over to my make-up chest on my drawers. She pulls it open and pulls out an eyeliner and eye shadow.
    
"Black…black…and oh, black." She turns to me, the items still in her hand, and laughs softly. "Come on you, let's get ready."
Jade runs over to my bedside table and attaches her iPod to my stereo. She presses play and some dance tune comes on. She shakes her hair from side to side, pouting her lips.
    
I do the same and dance around my bedroom to the song I don't know. She turns it up to the loudest it can go and grabs my hands. She twirls me around her arm and I do the same to her. She lets me go and I watch her get a large bottle of clear liquid from her bag. She puts her index finger to her lips when I open mine to protest and pours me a small shot into a glass tumbler. She hands it to me and pours her own. I swirl the liquid in the tumbler and Jade smirks at me. She holds it up kisses the air.
    
"One…two…three!" She says and tips the liquid back and I copy her actions. The warmness hits me first, falling down my throat, leaving a burn all the way to my stomach.
    
"Right, shower time now, missy!" She demands and pushes me into the bathroom.
    
"I need a -" Before I can finish a white towel is being thrown at my head. "Hey!" I moan as I lower the towel from my face. She spins around in a circle.
    
"Hurry the hell up, Ella, we only have a few hours!"

******

Jade's finishing the lace-up back of my dress and every time she pulls me back I fall backwards.
    
"You're killing me here." I grumble.
    
"Shut up, you, it's not like you need to be any thinner, let's just get you looking beautiful, hey?" She pulls one last time and ties a small ribbon at the bottom of my back. She leads me over to the large mirror, does a small jump, and claps her hands.
    
"My work here is done! Right, now I have to finish getting ready." I gaze into the mirror at the girl looking back at me. This is
different
.
My hair is half up and half down, straightened with a few blue butterfly clips holding it in place. My bangs lay gently across my eyes, which are natural and almost lost without the excess black. My cheeks have a soft pink blush and a clear lip-gloss is glittering across my lips.
A small knock comes from my door and my mom appears with a shoebox.
    
"Hey, baby…wow, Ella! You look beautiful... STEVE, STEVE!" She shouts over her shoulder.
    
"Mom!" I argue, she puts the box on my bed, and welcomes me in a warm embrace.
    
"My little girl looks so beautiful." She's tearing up and I smile gently at her.
    
"Don't cry, Mom." I hold her hand gently, her blue eyes sparkling beneath the salty tears.
    
"What’s all the commotion in here?" My dad comes storming in and stops in his tracks when he sees me.
    
He starts to look around the room. He looks under my bed and tries the bathroom door, but Jade's in there so he can't get in. He looks in my closet and behind my pile of teddy bears in the corner.
    
"Mands, have you seen, Ella?" He says to my mom and I giggle softly.
    
"Hi, Daddy." I whisper and he gives me a warm hug.
    
"You look beautiful, bear, so pretty."
    
"Thanks, Daddy." He strokes my bangs off my face and kisses my cheek gently.
    
"We got you a little something." My mom beams. She grabs the box from the bed and hands it to me. With the well-known 'Louboutin' trademark firmly stamped on the top of the box, I frown at my parents.
    
"Guys, I can't accept whatever beauty lies within this box."
    
"Just open it, Ella." My mom growls and I roll my eyes at her.
I pull open the white lid and place it on my bed. I gently peel back the white tissue paper to reveal a pair of blue diamante shoes with a killer heel. I pull one out and put the box on my bed. I rest my hand on my mom's shoulder to steady myself and pull the shoe onto my left foot. They have a peephole at the front and my newly pedicured big toe shows though the end.
    
"Nobody’s going to see them because of my dress." I frown at the thought and my mom shakes her head.
    
"At least you have them for other occasions, right?" She suggests.
Jade comes bouncing out of the bathroom, her long silver satin dress hugging her figure, every curve and groove shaped to the material.
    
"You look amazing." I say as she finishes her hair in the mirror next to me. She looks in the mirror at the box behind us and drops her mouth open.
    
"Who? What? When? WHERE?" She lifts my dress up to reveal my shoes and literally starts drooling. "Oh my God!"
    
"Quick, someone get her a paper bag before she hyperventilates!" My dad jokes.

"They're beautiful." She slaps my dad’s arm gently and I pull on my other shoe.

"Where the hell are mine?" She scowls at my dad and he gives her a big cuddle.
    
"Jade, we couldn't forget you." My mom smiles at Jade and hands her a small black rectangular box. She opens it slowly, her eyes becoming more and more intrusive to its contents. Her squeal is so piercing I honestly think she's burst my eardrums. Her arms wrap around my mom, then my dad, and she takes the sparking diamond bracelet from its box. I look over at my mom and scowl.
    
"Did you guys win the lottery or something?" My mom bursts out laughing and shakes her head slowly.
    
"No, baby, we just wanted to spoil you. Don't you girls have to get going?" My dad walks away and answers his cell. He snaps his cell shut and wanders back over, a smug grin on his face.
    
"What are you up to?" I ask, staring into his big blue eyes.
    
"That's for me to know, bear. Your ride will be here soon."
I don't know why, but the bubbles rise in my stomach.

My blood starts to flow fast through my veins, my heart making more rapid contractions. My jaw clenches as my throat tightens.

Shit, fucking shit.

    
"Mom…" I groan and the look of my panic settles on her eyes.
    
"Ella, it's okay, baby, you're okay. You'll be fine. Just breathe deep, in and out, angel, in and out." I put my hand to my chest as it expands fast, in and out, my lungs finding air too difficult to take in.
My fingers tremble beneath my moms and she grabs my shoulders.
    
"In and out, baby, in and out." I focus my blurred vision on her deep blue eyes and try to stop the feeling of doom demeaning my mind.
    
"Ella, baby, you are safe here." I repeat it to myself.

You are safe here.

You are safe here.

You are safe here.

I open my eyes, my breathing slowly responding, and I gently sit on my bed.
I breathe stuttering breaths in and out for a few minutes before I can finally breathe a full dose of oxygen.
    
"I don't know why that happened." I whisper, my mom and dad look at Jade, and back at me.
    
"It's okay, baby, just the anxiety. You're okay; tonight's going to be fine. You have Luke and Jade, okay?"
I nod in agreement at my mom's kind words and stand to my feet, drawing a deep breath.