Never Land (13 page)

            It was only when I felt the watchful eye of Luc or Kyle on me that I grew anxious and flushed. It was one thing to avoid being romantic with Danny on-set or in the rehearsal room – but here? Were we here on business or pleasure?

            Danny, for his part, was trying to do a bit of both. As the lead guitarist of the Never Knights, he was a celebrity guest, here to enjoy the booze and mug a bit for the paparazzi. But as the President of Blues Enterprises, he was here on business, and every now and then he left my side to talk to potential investors and make valuable business contacts.

            As he went to chat to the owner of a Paris hotel about potential branding opportunities, I headed over to the deck, watching the full moon above me. I thought back to the last time I'd seen a moon as big and beautiful as this – after our performance almost two months ago, the night Danny and I had first consummated our feelings for each other. The night that everything changed. I sighed, thinking back to Danny's lips on mine...

            “You can't ask for a more beautiful picture than that,” said a deep, rich male voice behind me. I nearly jumped with surprise as I turned to find a familiar, handsome face. It was Peter – Peyton's brother – striding towards me in a casual but confident manner that gave him the bearing of a ship's captain. He smiled. “We met before,” he said, as if I needed him to jog my memory. “I'm Peter Collins – we ran into you at Chez Montparnasse in South Ken. I'm – ah – a friend of Danny's”

            “Yes, I remember,” I said. I felt a strange sense of shame as I reached out to shake Peter's hand. Who was I to shake the hand of Peyton's brother, to remind him of the sister who no longer stood at Danny's side? But Pete was staring at me with a strange smile – not hostile at all, but rather radiating warmth.

            “Any friend of Danny's is a friend of mine,” I said. “And what brings you here tonight?”

            “Not quite sure, actually,” Pete said, blushing slightly. “We received an invitation out of the blue – well, literally, I suppose. From the Blue family.”

            “You know them well?”

            “Sort of...” Peter looked uncomfortable. “We've met, and all. Through Danny.”

            I tried not to think about what his words meant. That Peyton and Danny were serious enough for her to introduce Peter to Danny’s father – and to another stepmother, since vanished, no doubt, into tabloid magazine obscurity. Peter was doing well, I thought – despite the elephant in the room. The sister I could never be. He was charming, polite, unfailingly friendly.

            “So, Neve Knight,” Pete said. “I must confess I'm a fan. I enjoy indie music – how does it feel, then, to be the next great band to hit the radio waves?”

            I laughed. “You sound like a radio show host.”

            He blushed again. “For a reason,” he said. “I do host a late-night radio show out in East London. But it's not a profession. More like a hobby, really. In the real world, I'm just a boring old architect.”

            “Nothing boring about architecture.”

            “It's not quite as sexy as punk rock,” Pete said. “I thought I'd recognized you in South Ken – didn't realize you were
the
Neve Knight, though. You looked different without the punk stage makeup. Beautiful either way, of course,” he added, embarrassed. “But I'd recognize your voice anywhere. I saw your profile in
Rolling Stone.
”

            It was my turn to blush. “You mean the “Hello, I'm Keith Knight's Kid” piece?” I still hadn't gotten over the awkwardness of that one.

            “More like the ‘Hello, I'm Keith Knight's Kid – and I've still got a style of my own to show you,’” he said. “More Nancy Sinatra than...”

            “Zowie Bowie?”

            “Precisely.” He grinned. “It certainly piqued my interest – and that of my colleagues.” His slow, soft smile put me at ease as he put his hands against mine on the railing. It was a relief to talk to one person in this strange city who wasn't out to get me – even if he was someone who by all rights should resent me. Should resent that I was here, instead of
her.

           
“I'm flattered,” I said. “Didn't think the interview would be taken so well.”

            “Well, it certainly was,” Peter said.

            “So, Peter,” I said, trying to change the subject so he'd avoid seeing my pink, embarrassed cheeks. “Tell me. I don't know a lot of Danny's friends. What was he like, growing up?”

            Pete blanched slightly. “I didn't know him until he was a student at uni,” he said. “He – uh – he used to date my sister, actually. He was nice, I suppose. Charming. Definitely had his demons – but you know all those posh boarding school types always have that sort of thing. Certainly, Peyton found him attractive...”

            I winced slightly, feeling a tinge of guilt at having directed the conversation this way, having brought up Peyton's name.

            “She died this time last year,” he added.       

            “I know. I'm sorry...”

            “No wonder you looked so awkward,” Pete couldn't help but smile softly. “Bless you – you must have felt horrid, meeting us that day in South Ken. Please, don't feel...” He sighed. “I miss her every day. We all do. But...she wouldn't have wanted any of us to be unhappy, or to not move on. And it's not
you
who...” his voice trailed off. “I have to move on, you see. To be strong. For Mother, as much as for myself.”

            “He still misses her too, you know,” I said to him. “Danny.”

            “Yes, well,
Danny...
” Pete grimaced. Evidently there were still some hard feelings there. “He's a tough nut to crack. Wouldn't have told me if he did. Then again, not sure he'll ever look me in the face again, after he...” he stopped himself. “There I go,” he said. “Letting down all my countrymen. We're meant to have a stiff upper lip, aren't we? And here I go blabbing all my feelings to a perfect stranger.”

            “It's okay,” I said. “I'm American – we all do that.”

            We both laughed.

            “So Pete – why did you come all the way out here just to talk to me?”

            “What can I say – I'm a fan? And I wasn't sure, at first, if you were Danny's friend – or something more...?” He stared at me intently, but before I could respond, Danny strode over to us, taking my arm.

            “There you are, I've been looking all over for you!” He saw Peter and his smile vanished. “Oh, hello. Good to see you, you know, out and about.”

            “Indeed,” Peter grew stiff, almost formal. “Enjoying a chat with Never here. Must say – she's got a rather odd habit of bringing you up the whole time we were talking. Odd, given that I wanted to know all about
her
. I know enough about you.” His humor was dry and light, but beneath his wry smile I saw real pain.

            “Always the young peacock, aren't you, Pete, trying to impress the ladies?”

            “I learned from the best,” said Peter. He was trying his best to joke with Danny, to engage with him in friendly banter, but I could see that the mere sight of Danny hurt him.

            “Has this fellow been trying to impress you?” Danny turned to me.

            “Not trying, succeeding,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. “He's been very nice. What can I say? You Brits are all so charming.”

            “Not all of us,” said Danny, shooting Peter a warning look. “Don't go sniffing round my girl, yeah, mate?”

            “Your girl?” Pete looked me up and down. “So it's true, then.” He sighed. “Well, if you were going to replace her, I'm glad it was with someone worth it.”

            His words stung. I knew he meant them kindly – but the truth of them was clear. Peyton's replacement. That's who I was, even now. And that's who I'd always be.

Chapter 16

            At that moment, all I wanted to do was get away. Get away from Danny, from Pete. From anyone who had ever seen or known or loved Peyton. Go back to the people who just knew me as me, for me, who didn't see in me only a missing and imperfect version of
her
. I wanted to go to Kyle, Luc, to Steve. To my friends – people who never compared me to anybody. Who saw only the girl I was, not the girl they wanted me to be.

            “I'll let you two catch up,” I said quickly, before walking away as quickly as I could, catching a glimpse of Danny's confused, sorrowful look as I turned. I made my way back to the main ballroom, where I could see Steve – completely plastered from the looks of it – dancing like some sort of maniac in the center of the room, surrounded by a bevy of gorgeous models. Kyle, meanwhile, was sitting alone at the bar, a look of strange sorrow across his face.

            As I headed over to Kyle, a hand stopped me. It was Cassie. “I've been told to round up the troops,” she said shortly, “Can you nab Kyle for me? Slayton says there's something big happening tonight, some announcement they're making. He's not sure what it is – apparently it's all very hush-hush – but he says it's something big. The Blues want everyone to gather into the main ballroom. I'll get the others...”

            I nodded. “Of course,” I said, walking over to Kyle. As I drew nearer I saw that he was drunker than I'd thought. His eyes were unfocused and he slurred his words; his breath smelled strongly of alcohol.

            “What do you want, Neve?”

            I took away his glass of gin and put it firmly on the table. “Careful,” I said. “We need to stay sober. More festivities happening. Why aren't you off having fun with the models and starlets – what are you doing all the way over here?”

            “You know why...” Kyle shot me a look filled with rage, and I felt my stomach plummet. I really couldn't deal with this right now.

            “Kyle, look, I know things are still awkward now, but...”

            “I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with you,” Kyle slurred. “But now I haven't only lost that dream, I've lost something else. My best friend. Even when you're with me you don't notice me anymore; you don't care. You only think of him. You want me to move on, to get over you – or do you just want me to get away so you can have more time with loverboy...”

            “Kyle,” I insisted. “Please, you're drunk. You don't drink – you know that – you can't handle so much liquor on an empty stomach. Especially not on a ship. Do you want to end up the next Natalie Wood? Do you want them to find your body in the Thames?”

            Kyle grinned a slow, sloppy, drunken grin. “See, you do care about me. Always have. Always there to pick me up when I fall. That's why I love you, Neve. You take care of me.”

            “I can't take care of this, Kyle,” I pleaded. “I can't take away your pain – as much as I want to. I need you to help me help you. I need you to try, too. So we can get through this together. I'm still your friend...”

            Kyle gulped back tears. “You're the girl of my dreams,” he said, his voice wavering. “And I've lost you. My girl. My best friend.”

            “I'm not the girl of your dreams, Kyle,” I said. “That girl – she's out there somewhere. I'm sure of it. And she'll love you so much -- and you'll love her, too. You just have to be open to it, Kyle. I’ll always be your friend. I’ll always be there for you, but you just have to move on...”

            My voice trailed off as we reached the table, where Luc and Steve were sitting and waiting for the rest of us.

            “Where's Danny?” I took my place next to Steve.

            “There he is!” Steve pointed at Danny, who was just entering the room and heading towards us. Danny looked confused, even awkward, as he sat down to dinner with me on one side and Kyle and Luc on the other. Luc at least tried to smile. Kyle, on other hand, was sending daggers straight through him, a look of complete and utter hatred on his face. Dinner was incredibly awkward, and the five of us ate in silence, the only relief the sound of Steve’s lame jokes, which he attempted to crack in a pathetic quest to lighten the mood. Kyle was glowering at Danny the whole time, while Luc looked as if he were holding back his emotions. I flushed. Was this always going to be this way from now on? Were the fame, the fortune, all the people wildly applauding us in the audience each night – were they all worth it if it ended like this, in tears?

            I didn’t have too much time to think about it. As dinner finished and waiters in white jackets served us delectable looking chocolate mousse for dessert, Clarence Blue stood up, banging on a champagne glass with a fork to indicate the beginning of a toast.

            “Ladies and gentlemen,” he began. A hush fell over the room along with a shiver of anticipation as he spoke. Clarence Blue’s words, I knew, could mean millions in profit or utter failure to a whole lot of people in the room. Where he spoke, money followed. Anticipation hung in the air. “It is my great pleasure to have you all here tonight on the Blue Meridian, our newest venture. You like it, don’t you?” The crowd murmured in assent. Clarence paused for a moment, taking in his audience’s pleasure, savoring his control over them. “Pretty ship, isn’t it?”

            They applauded even more wildly.

            “Good news is it’s one of ours. While our larger ships will be doing trans-Atlantic cruises, this little number here will be offering trips all around the Mediterranean in luxury and style. Blue Enterprises plans to extend our hospitality. Having pleased you on land, we now aim to offer you comfort by sea. After all, we’re in the entertainment industry, and what could be more entertaining than a cruise among the stars – literal and figurative, of course.”

            The crowd was overwhelming in its assent. They cheered all the more loudly at the man’s words. Clarence beamed with pleasure. “I can’t enjoy such a great little boat like this all by myself, can I? I’m proud to announce that this particular line of business will be taken over by one of my brightest employees, if I do say so myself, my son, Daniel.”