Never Had a Dream Come True (16 page)

A tear slid down Penny’s cheek as thoughts about her mother clouded her eyes. Not being able to meet her mother and sister during these last five months had been awful. Her father had most efficiently removed her from their inner circle and made it clear she was not welcome back to it again.

Sick with longing for the two closest women in her life, she had forced herself to accompany the newlywed Francesca to one assembly while still in London, in desperate hope to maybe have a chance to speak to either of them.

But for once her father never left her mother’s side, and she had not been able to come any closer to her sister. Charmaine had been a bit more resourceful and managed to give Francesca a letter for Penny.

It had not been long, only a few hastily scribbled sentences about how much Charmaine missed her and to inform her of how sick their mother had become since they lost Penny. Charmaine feared their mother hadn’t so much time left on this earth, but their father still refused to let Penny anywhere near their house.

Penny had been devastated for days, and now, a week later, she again felt tears gather in her eyes at the mere thought of losing her mother and not being able to tell her goodbye.

“My heart goes out to your poor mother, who has no part of this. Your father is the evil one, forcing the rest of you apart because of his selfishness. It still amazes me how a father can act like this against his own child.”

The duchess shook her head and Penny bit her lip. The only thing she had never told anyone about the night at Lord Bolton’s house was her father’s astonishing declaration that he was not her real father, or Charmaine’s. She could hardly believe it herself, and in the end she had decided it wasn’t important for the Darlings to know.

“So how does it feel now when Fanny has left with her new husband? It was quite a dramatic time in London before she finally succeeded with her mission to abolish his stubborn plan of not being a part of their marriage.”

“I should say!” Penny laughed, relieved over the much lighter subject which didn’t involve her own person. “Poor man, he never stood a chance. Fanny is normally a force of nature, and when in love…unstoppable.”

“Men can be stupid sometimes,” the duchess said with an impish glance toward Penny. “They think they have everything figured out and don’t realize we women know so much more than they do. It’s our job to make them do as we want without their realizing it is we who put them up to it.”

“And suddenly I can’t help but feel sorry for His Grace.” Penny’s teasing made the duchess laugh.

“Yes, poor man. He never knew what happened. You know our story, how I was visiting Lord Newbury and fell helplessly in love with his father. I will tell you something I never told anyone else—I tried so hard for so long to make him change his mind about being too old for me that I finally gave in. I had run out of ideas on how to win him over.”

“What happened?”

“It was all it took. That I gave up made him realize how life would be without me around, and he came crawling, practically on his hands and knees, to my father to ask for my hand in marriage.”

“He’s such a proud man, it must have been hard for him.”

The duchess shrugged. “Not really. If it means enough to you, you can do anything as long as you win in the end. Later he told me he didn’t mind the crawling or my father teasing him for years. All that mattered in the end was my shining eyes when he told me he couldn’t imagine a life without me.”

“Is this a subtle way to tell me to not let my own low self-esteem stand in the way of a chance for happiness with Thomas?”

“God, no,” the duchess yelped, and clutched her throat dramatically. “You have me all wrong. I’m trying to tell you to not give up on Richard. No, you don’t have to say it; I know he insulted you terribly, but I want you to think about what I told you about His Grace. Richard might be a bit stubborn about his bachelor lifestyle, but just because he is doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for you. He would never have asked you, Penelope de Vere—a highly beloved family friend—to become his mistress if he wasn’t desperate for you. And such desperation is born out of strong emotion—like love.”

“You never give up, do you?”

“No, which you should know by now; you have known me all your life, after all. In my heart, you two are the perfect match, and the only thing the last few months have done is create another obstacle for me to tear down.”

“I agree to see Thomas, and I promise I won’t hide without giving him a chance. But I can’t give you the same promise about Rake.”

“If you promise to be civil, at least, I’m satisfied.”

Penny shook her head again and stood up. She put her hand on the duchess’s arm as it was offered to her and let the grand lady of the house lead her out of the library.

Strangely enough she felt much better.

It had been an odd conversation indeed, but it had released some of the knots in her soul, and she found herself looking forward to meeting Thomas again. He was a good man and had, during those few months early in the year, become one of her best friends.

She had nothing to lose by meeting him. If his feelings remained the same, she might even consider marrying him even though she knew she had to tell him what had happened at Lord Bolton’s before she could accept his proposal.

Did she trust him to keep her secret? She ransacked her heart, and the answer came without doubt—yes, she trusted him. He was a man who not only would keep what she told him to himself but also would be honest enough to let her know if he didn’t want to marry her because of it.

The duchess and her little speech about not giving up had helped Penny a lot in her rocky climb back to life, but not in the way it was intended.

The loving mother was gently trying to nudge Penny to open up toward Rake and not let his stubbornness destroy their chance of happiness. But Penny knew the story between herself and Rake would never end happily. It had been an easy thing for Her Grace to follow His Grace around, relentlessly trying to persuade him into admitting he loved her, as he was a man who never would sink to the level of asking her to become his mistress.

The problem for Penny was that Rake had.

And if she followed him around out of a silly hope it would make him love her, she would sooner or later—probably sooner—end up in his bed. She had no strength against him, and if she happened to get too close to him without an audience he wouldn’t let it stop at a mere kiss.

And, as she once had told Charmaine, she knew if he ever did change his mind and marry her, he wouldn’t stay satisfied for long. She would soon be lonelier than ever, while he rummaged through the
ton
, once again bedding every woman who looked at him twice.

Rake might be the true love of her life, but it didn’t mean she was blind to what he was. The wicked, arrogant libertine was, after all, such a big part of him and, ridiculously, also one of the things she adored about him. Not the libertine part, of course, but his twinkling eyes, the amused voice, and the constant teasing. He had a wonderful way with words, and he had more than once driven his family crazy with his illogical logic.

Rake might be every woman’s dream because of his dashing looks and wicked grin, but that was not why she loved him. For her, it was the Rake at Chester Park who had set her heart on fire.

The family man.

She loved the way he respected his father and brothers. She adored how he let his mother nag about this and that without ever cutting her off, how he let her kiss and hug him even though he was his own man.

But most of all it was the Rake who had let two little girls follow him around without ever uttering one word of complaint. Even when he was on the verge of adulthood and they interrupted his flirt with some young woman he didn’t get vexed. Instead, he laughed, sent the indignant prospect away, and went swimming in the lake with them.

“James!” The duchess’s happy voice cut through Penny’s thoughts as they joined the rest of the family in the salon for afternoon tea. “I didn’t know you had arrived from London. Did all go well in the end with our happy couple?”

Jamie, Rake’s twin brother, hugged his mother close and gave Penny a quick peck on the forehead. “It all ended perfectly. Fanny is disgustingly happy, and the only one who can even come close to her extraordinary happiness is that silly husband of hers.”

“How lovely to hear. All’s well that ends well.”

Penny ignored the pointed look in her direction and went to the tea table. Most of the Darling family had now returned from London and would stay at Chester Park until it was time for next year’s Season in April, only leaving occasionally for a visit with friends or extended family.

The only ones missing were Francesca’s closest family and Rake. The other five Darling brothers all sat in the salon, chatting and teasing, a normal Darling meal.

“It’s lovely weather outside. Would you like to accompany me on the terrace?”

Penny looked up into Jamie’s silvery grey eyes, of a much lighter shade than Rake’s smoky ones, and she nodded, letting him lead the way. He must have something on his mind, and she knew better than to try to avoid him. The Darling men could be quite obnoxious when set on a mission, and it was better to stay put and pretend to listen than to hide and hope you weren’t found.

As she put her hand on his arm, she couldn’t help noticing how different Jamie and Rake were, despite being twins. The other pair of twins, Edward and William, one year older than these youngest brothers, were replicas of each other and hard to tell apart.

With Jamie and Rake, on the other hand, it was easy to tell they were brothers, as they both looked much like their father, but where Rake had darker coloring with his dark brown hair and smoky grey eyes, Jamie was much lighter, almost silvery in his coloring.

His too-long hair was tied with a leather strap and hung down his back like a thick silver snake. His dark eyebrows emphasized his light grey eyes in such a way they shone.

Her mother had once said she thought Jamie’s eyes were wolf-like, cold and ruthless. But Penny knew better. Jamie was one of the kindest, most thoughtful men of her acquaintance.

It was a beautiful September afternoon, and the sun warmed them as they sat down on the small terrace outside the open French doors. Surrounded by the last roses of summer, it was almost as if they had stepped into a bottle of perfume.

“I haven’t seen you for a while, Penny, but I must say I’m glad you look so much better than the last time I saw you. It’s almost like having the old you back, only prettier than ever.”

“Thank you.” She blushed over the unexpected compliment. “I feel better.”

“I know we are not to ask you about what happened to you, so you don’t have to worry about me pressuring you for answers. But I do want to ask you one thing, and I hope you won’t think less of me for doing so.”

She looked into his eyes, which seemed much older than his years. Jamie had, together with his uncle Harry and his cousin Lee, joined the army and gone off to deal with that upstart Napoleon. Penny knew he had come home a changed man, a broken man. His refusal to tell anyone what had happened during his time in France had hurt his family deeply, but the one who had been most upset had been Rake, his twin brother.

Once Jamie had been almost as wicked and unstoppable as Rake, but since his return he hardly looked at women and avoided most of his peers as much as he could.

If anyone knew not to ask too much, it was Jamie, and she nodded to let him continue.

“What is it with you and Rake?”

The question took her by surprise, and she stared at him, openmouthed. She had been prepared for any question regarding her night at Lord Bolton’s. Now she was completely caught off guard.

“Don’t act so surprised, Penny dear. You two have been acting like two fighters since last summer, circling each other with your fists raised.”

She didn’t know what to say or where to begin. The question might be a single sentence, but the answer was much longer.

“I know my brother,” Jamie continued, “and he’s not a man to hurt women. Honestly, his problem has always been keeping them off him. But the way you two act around each other… Let’s just say I’m not sure what to think anymore. I have tried to talk to Rake, but he just snaps at me to put my nose back where it belongs, and since I have been shutting him out, well, you could say I’m not in a very good position to pressure him for an answer. This is why I come to you, because you are the other side of this, and maybe you could ease my fears a bit.”

“What is between me and Rake has nothing to do with anything he has done,” Penny assured him, and she could see how his shoulders started to relax a bit. “We have a difference of opinion in a matter close to my heart, and as neither of us wants to give in, I’m afraid it has become quite an obstacle between the two of us.”

“This is indeed a mystery. You say there is nothing more than a verbal disagreement between the two of you, and yet he behaves as if he has nothing left to live for. The old Rake used to live life to its full, but this new Rake…Penny, it’s like he doesn’t care anymore.”

Penny wrung the delicate fabric of her skirt between her fingers. “Jamie, I don’t think this is about me. The last time I spoke to Rake was in April, before the night when I…when I arrived at your townhouse in such an unorthodox manner.”

“Are you sure?”

She nodded. “I am. I have avoided him as much as possible since. Well, not only him. I have avoided most of you.”

“Hasn’t he tried to talk to you at all? He was constantly nagging the rest of us for months about you and what possibly could have happened to you.”

“He tried to talk to me a couple of times in the beginning, but I didn’t want to talk to anybody. I wanted only to be left alone.”

“You told him that?”

“Of course I did. I said the same to anyone who tried to corner me.”

“But did you tell him to leave you alone?”

“I might have. Honestly, I don’t remember. It’s such a hazy part of my life.”

The frown on Jamie’s forehead became deeper. “There is something I’m missing here, something of great importance.”