Never (19 page)

I turned the corner and heard a familiar voice purring from the dean’s office.

“Dr. Katz, I’d really do
anything
—”

Ugh
, I thought, picking up the pace. What she did with her vag was no longer my business. I just needed to count myself lucky that she hadn’t spotted me.

“Lucas!”

I squeezed my eyes shut, praying Candi hadn’t heard before I turned in the direction of the voice. Cassie, Blake’s latest freshman, was walking toward me, clutching a piece of paper.

Her face was flushed, her breathing labored. “I was worried I wouldn’t catch you.” She held out the piece of paper like it was a golden ticket. “You dropped this.”

I took it, scanning it quickly. My homework. I flashed her a smile. “You just saved my ass. Thanks.”

She blushed several shades of red in two seconds flat. “Uh, you’re welcome. Bye!” She sped off in the opposite direction.

Aw
, I thought, looking after her. She seemed a lot sweeter than the normal girls Blake went for.
And he’ll break her heart in two.

Damn—I
am
hormonal today.

I glanced at my cell. Five minutes to spare. Dr. Winslow was gonna go into cardiac arrest when I was actually early for her class.

“She’s sweet,” a voice said behind me. “I see why you’d want to go the virginal route after dating a porn star.”

I wrangled the flash of anger that set me on fire. It didn’t do much good because when I turned and faced Candi, she had an evil smile plastered on her face. It would have been comical, especially paired with the gauze over her nose, but I wasn’t in the mood.

“You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

“Aww.” She cooed like there was a cardboard box full of adorable kittens in front of her. “You’re in denial.”

“No,” I said, bit off. “I’m pretty sure you’re the one that’s in denial.”

She batted her eyelashes like she was confused. “Me?”

“Yes, you,” I said heatedly. A group of students hustled around us so I gripped her arm and steered her down a side hallway.

She thrust her body against mine, eyes wild with possibility. “Remember when we hooked—”

“Don’t,” I growled, putting some distance between our bodies. “This isn’t some walk down memory lane. I’m not feeling nostalgic. The only thing I feel for you is pity.”

The lust in her eyes melted into anger. “Pity?”

“I feel sorry for you.” I locked on her and made sure every word came through loud and clear. “You latched onto me like a tick, draining blood from something that might have been good. But now there’s only an itch. Animosity.”

She crossed her arms, but her voice was soft. “Might have been good?”

“I had fun with you, Candi,” I confessed. “You’re gorgeous and you can be fucking hilarious when you’re not a raging psycho. I might have wanted to be your friend. But after what you did, I can barely stand to even look at your face.”

“What I did?” she squeaked, the bad girl image she usually hid behind faltering. “You don’t think I was the one that sent that video out, do you?”

My jaw tightened. “And you don’t think I’m dumb enough to believe that lie, do you?”

She opened her mouth like she was going to contest it, but nothing came out. She didn’t have a leg to stand on, and she knew it.

“I told you things, things that my best friends don’t even know. If I would have known that you were just playing me and really are nothing more than a pretty face, I would have lost your number.” I paused, disgusted with her. Disgusted with myself. “When guys talked shit about you, I wouldn’t have stood up for you and told them that you were nothing like the person they knew. Shallow. Vindictive. Psycho. But they had you pegged, didn’t they?”

Her cheeks flushed pink as she shook her head, blond locks escaping from her ponytail holder. “I’m not like that. I never—”

“You can’t even tell the truth,” I stopped her. “Even now, when we both know what you did.”

I saw the struggle on her face, how badly she wanted to hold onto the lie, even though it was filled with holes and the truth hung in the air.

A tear streaked down her cheek, her bright eyes crestfallen with regret. “I...I just didn’t understand. I mean, why not me? Why
her
?”

I gave her a sad smile. “Someone like you would never understand, even if I tried to explain it to you.” I turned to go. “You know, she never would have done that to you.”

Candi let out a snort, gesturing at her face. Her bandaged nose. “Take a good look at my nose. She should be glad I’m not pressing charges!”

I turned away from her, not able to stomach the fact that my standards had ever been so low that I found comfort in someone so empty inside.

“Your nose will heal. How long do you think it’ll take for Juliet to get over her boyfriend taping them having sex without her permission?”

A little part of me took a gamble, hoping that despite evidence to the contrary, I hadn’t been completely wrong about her.

Her gasp told me everything.

“Lucas...I didn’t know that. I swear I didn't.” Her next words were muffled, but they echoed through me. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m not the one that needs to hear that.”

I started down the hall, drawing  a deep breath and exhaling.

Today is going to be a good day.

Chapter Twenty-Two: Juliet

I walked up the steps to my dorm room, my legs filled with lead.
Unless you want to keep wearing Lucas t-shirts and jeans, you’ve gotta do it
. The chicken in me wanted to do anything but go to my room. Even if was on trend, literally wearing my boyfriend’s jeans, I had my limits, and wearing Lucas’ underwear was it. I only had the thong I’d worn under my tube dress when I was arrested and I was avoiding all memories of that night.

She’s probably not even there
, I told myself. I specifically picked 11AM because she had an 11AM class. Sweep in, grab a couple of shirts and jeans and sweep right back out. Easy peasy.

“In and out,” I said aloud, fishing my key from my pocket. I pushed through the door.

My suitemates were headed toward the exit—until they saw me. I felt their attention shift and focus on me. Whispering. One word was said loud enough for me to hear.
Slut
.

My face heated with embarrassment and fight or flight kicked in. My first inclination was the latter. To run and hide. To withdraw. But where could I go? California? Alaska? Abroad? When would I stop running?

I knew for a fact that they both had places to be because on separate occasions they’d plowed into me, barely saying ‘excuse me’. But they stood there, huddled together with raised eyebrows and shared expressions of disgust.

The heat of shame burned me to the bone. It happened again and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

But you can choose how you handle the fallout.

I could shrink away—or I could stand up for myself.

The flames waned.
No more running.

I walked toward them, head held high. The snickers stopped and their eyes dropped to the floor. They were the ones embarrassed now, not able to look me in the face. It emboldened me.

“How’s it going?” I asked with an exaggerated smile.

They both opened their mouths, but nothing came out.

“Nothing to say?” I said sweetly, looking back and forth between them. “Five seconds ago you seemed especially chatty.”

The shorter of the two, Crystal, a blond with icy blue eyes and a name to match spoke first. “I don’t have anything to say to you.”

Her friend, Drew, tossed her curly brown with extra attitude. “I don’t know you think you are—”

“You sure?” I interrupted, my eyes narrowing to slits. “Because I heard what you called me. Slut, wasn’t it?”

They exchanged a look, then doubled down, wiping their face of emotion.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Crystal shrugged.

“Oh come on now,” I said, crossing my arms. I could double down too. “It takes a special kind of strength to call a girl a slut loud enough for her to hear it fifteen feet away. Don’t punk out now.”

Drew took a step backward. “I’ve got a class...”

Crystal glared at her and didn’t budge. “I’m not afraid of you, Juliet. I know exactly what you are. Everyone does.”

Anger cored me, but I kept my voice calm. “Is that right?”

“That’s right,” she snapped. “You’re the kind of girl—”

“That trusts that her boyfriend will respect her when she says she doesn’t want to record them going at it?”

I whirled toward the voice, my heart leaping in my chest. Kim stood there, looking past me to Drew and Crystal.

Kim took a step forward. “That breaks up with him, then finds out he’d been secretly taping them without her permission? And discovers just how big of a prick he is when he shares those videos with all his friends?” She stopped beside me. “Yeah...what a slut.”

Drew looked at me, guilt registering on her face until Crystal looked back at her and she erased it with a shrug. “Whatever.”

Both of the girls walked in the opposite direction. I knew them well enough to know I wouldn’t get an apology, but it still felt like a win. Even if they talked crap about me behind my back, they’d have the truth festering in their heads.

And I had my best friend at my side.

A best friend that I dragged out against her will. A best friend I totally ignored when she tried to keep me out of trouble.

“Thanks Kim,” I said weakly.

She turned the lasers on me, her voice slicing like a knife’s blade. “I’m not talking to you.”

She stalked in the direction of our room, going in without another word.

Well, what did you expect? She spoke up for you as a friend, but that doesn’t erase what happened the last time you saw each other.

I went after her, half expecting the door to be locked. It wasn’t.

I pushed into the room, spotting a Barbie band-aid on her elbow as she marched to her bed.

“Nice band-aid,” I said, grasping at straws.

She didn’t crack a grin. “I needed to have something to cover the cut I got when my best friend shoved me to the ground.”

I blushed, remembering how angry I’d been. So angry that I pushed away the one person out there who actually gave a damn about me. “I am so sorry for what I did. I never should have pushed you. Or touched Candi.”

She picked at her nails. “That night was filled with things that shouldn’t have happened. We never should have gone out in the first place.”

Kim was angry at me, and rightfully so, but there was something else in her voice. Some undercurrent. The thing that had been bothering her. The thing she tried to expel from her body that night.

I dropped onto my bed, glancing over at her and ignoring the ‘Fuck Off’ stamped on her forehead. “Is something going on, Kim? Did something happen with Blake? Or Mr. Spero?”

Her eyes registered surprise and her cheeks flushed red. “What? I...” Her blue eyes smoldered. “This isn’t about me. This is about the
Cops
episode you made me a part of.”

I sighed, leaning back onto my pillow. “If I could go back in time—”

“But you can’t.” She shut me down. “You completely lost it, Juliet. I mean, Candace Mann was begging for a beat down, but that didn’t mean you were the one that needed to give it to her. I don’t know how things work in North Carolina, but this is Seattle. And out here—”

“You get arrested?” I finished with a bitter laugh.

“There’s nothing funny about this,” Kim said indignantly. “What if she decides to press charges?”

“Actually, the weirdest thing happened. This morning I got a Facebook message from her. I opened it, fully expecting her to tell me she was going to make sure I rotted in jail.” I bit my lip, the memory of her actual words washing over me. “But she apologized to me, Kimberly. She told me she was sorry about the video—and she wasn’t pressing charges.”

Kim practically leapt from the bed. “Candi apologized to
you
?”

I nodded slowly. “I still can’t believe it. I wrote her back and apologized for her nose,” I added quickly. “She replied back almost instantly. All she said was, ‘It will heal’.”

Kim faced me, her pretty face scrunched in confusion. “I don’t get it. I mean, if it were me, I’d press all kinds of charges.”

“Well thanks,” I said sarcastically.

“You know I’m not Team Candi. Not at all,” Kim stressed. “But what you did...” She paused, eyeing me warily. “I was genuinely scared of you.”

I pulled myself up, looking away. “I know. I was scared of me. I totally lost it. I wanted to blame it on Candi. On Jared. On the sheer weight of it all. But the truth is, I had a choice...and I chose to let my anger take over.” I stole a look in her direction and breathed an internal sigh of relief when I saw that the anger etched on her face was weakening. “I don’t want to be angry anymore. Being angry is easy. Letting go is hard.”

She flashed me a skeptical look. “So what does that mean exactly?”

“I’m going to try and let go.”

Silence hung after my statement, words sinking in. Still, I could tell that she wasn’t completely sold.

“So you’re just going to let go? That asshole gets away with what he did to you while you have to walk around with a scarlet letter tattooed to your forehead? That doesn’t seem fair.”

“There is no ‘fair’ in this situation,” I said hollowly. “I’m just not in a place where I want to take legal action and make things worse. And what is justice? Going to court? Putting him behind bars? I’ve been behind bars and...not even Jared deserves that.

“At the end of the day, none of it would change a thing. I can’t make anyone that’s seen the video un-see it. I can’t make people that forwarded it and liked it unclick that button. But I can try and live my life. I can let go.”

Kim looked skeptical, but a smile flashed on her lips. “I know how hard this is for you. I want to believe that you can do this.”

“Well, I can’t do it without you,” I said with a smile. “Keep me out trouble? Stick up for me when people call me every name under the sun?” I went serious, knowing that jokes and smiles aside, she had her limits. I’d pretty much assaulted her too. “Don’t give up on me. Let me be as good a friend to you as you’ve been to me.”