Never Enough (44 page)
“As long as I can see Miles, that’s what I care about.” He got on the elevator and didn’t meet Brody’s gaze as the doors slid shut.
Jules was waiting at the ferry dock, concern on her face, Mary at her side. Neither of them said a thing as they helped Gillian into the car.
“My house or yours?” Jules asked.
“Or the police station? What the hell is going on, Gillian?” Mary demanded.
And the words just came out, tumbling one after the other, even as they both helped Gillian up her front steps and into her house.
Once she’d finished, Jules rocketed from where she’d been holding Gillian on the opposite side from Mary and began to pace. “That sanctimonious prick! He accused you of—”
“Nothing. He didn’t accuse me of anything there. But he left a message on my voice mail. He thinks I hid it from him deliberately and I did. I can’t lie. I knew I should have told him about Ronnie but I never did. He never wants to see me again.” Her tears started anew.
“You didn’t hide it from him, for fuck’s sake! You didn’t open some past wound for his amusement. It had nothing to do with him. You didn’t tell him about something that did not include him.” Jules was fuming.
“But it did. His sister’s child was murdered by a crazy person. His sister-in-law was nearly killed by her crazy ex. Violence is something that includes him and I should have told him. And now you’re mad. I should have called a cab.”
Mary knelt in front of her and shook her just a moment, enough to get her attention. “Of course you should have called us. You’re in pieces. I’ve never seen you so torn apart except after your gran passed. You love this man. He loves you. Would you like me to call him? Explain things?”
Gillian shook her head and blubbered like an idiot.
“You can work this out. He was wrong to jump to conclusions but we know he’s got that thing about reporters.”
“What about her thing about being humiliated in public?” Jules countered Mary’s statement.
“This isn’t a bloody contest! I ripped his family apart and then he fell back to his original position about me. All this started because I sang well! We got into a tiff about it, or rather he was pissy and I wanted to just leave. But if I’d told him about my father, the stuff that happened with the reporter wouldn’t have hurt him nearly as much.
“He doesn’t trust me. He thinks I have to be with him every minute of the day and tell him every horrible thing in my past to be trustworthy, and I can’t. I can’t do that and I don’t want to. Part of it is my fault. I own it. I should have told him.”
She stood and they hovered around her. She was just totally and completely exhausted by everything. The truth about her father was out and she realized holding it in had been weighing on her heavily. She should have told him. She could own it and whatever damage she’d done. She’d sent an apology letter to Erin and arrange to be out of the house when Adrian was there with Miles.
“I’ll have to find a way to tell Miles.” She breathed out. She’d never told him either. Had simply said her father was a criminal and that she hadn’t seen him since she was younger than he was now.
“Not tonight, though.” Mary ran her hands up and down Gillian’s arms. “Why don’t you come back to my place and stay? I’ll have Ryan run over and pick Miles up in the morning and I’ll make everyone crepes.”
“I must be in pretty bad shape for you to offer to make crepes.”
“You’re scaring me. I’ve never seen you like this before. You’re the one who is always together and strong. It makes me want to punch him in the nose.” Jules hugged her.
“Come back to my house. I’ll even watch something that’ll skeeve me out like
The Ring
. We’ll have a slumber party, just us girls.” Mary smiled hopefully.
The Ring
. We’ll have a slumber party, just us girls.” Mary smiled hopefully.
She shook her head. “I need to be alone.”
They both looked so worried she took their hands in hers. “I’ll survive. It hurts like hell. I can’t regret loving him and believing in my happily ever after, even if I’ll miss it.”
“Are you sure it’s over? Gillian, he loves you. I know this. I believe it with all my heart. You two bicker all the time. How can this fight be any different?” Mary brushed the hair from Gillian’s eyes.
“Because it is. I can feel it. Before we weren’t disagreeing about the final outcome. Not really. This is not the same. He feels betrayed, and part of it is real because it has everything to do with his distrust of outsiders for doing exactly this.”
“I don’t want to leave you alone.” Jules looked miserable.
“You’re going to have to. I need a bath. I need some gin and I need some sleep. I have to get this dealt with and gone before Miles comes home tomorrow morning. Adrian and I started this relationship, so we can’t just break up and not expect him to notice. It has to stay civil and not involve him at all.”
“I’m coming by in the morning with the makings for crepes and you can’t stop me.” Mary sniffed.
Jules nodded. “I’ll bring coffee.”
“You have a shop to open in the morning.” Gillian shooed them both to the door. “I’ll call you both later. Thank you for the ride and for the shoulder to cry on. I’ll be all right. I just need a long cry with the blankets over my head.”
She locked up, including the dead bolts she never threw if she was expecting Adrian to visit—because she didn’t have an extra key for those locks, which meant he had no way to get in if she used them.
She headed to the shower and gave in to tears again. The last few months had been the best of her entire life. She couldn’t regret loving Adrian Brown. Even right at that moment she couldn’t regret it. He’d filled her life with so much.
She cried and cried some more, standing there and feeling horrible until the water started to run cold and forced her out. The gin had hit enough to have taken the edge off the pain, but it was still there.
All she wanted was to get under the covers and go to sleep so she wouldn’t have to experience this anymore. But she couldn’t sleep. She needed something else, so she turned to go back downstairs to her piano.
Adrian slumped home. Empty. He’d meant that night to be a new step and it had started off so well. With a sigh he decided to work awhile. Why not? He turned his computer on, cracked a beer and sifted through e-mail.
Brody’s words echoed through his head.
Erin’s face as the reporter had yelled out his question to her also echoed through his head. The hurt of it, of wanting more of Gillian and getting it in the way he had, sliced through him.
Miles’s e-mail address caught his attention. That was good. His boy was good, damn it. He opened it to find an attachment and a note.
Hey, Dad!I forgot to send this to you earlier this week but we were just goofing around and I saw it on my phone. Just some video Mum took of us. I told you we would nail it after some more practice. Thanks for all the help.See you soon. Mum says we’re all hanging out this weekend.
Miles
He clicked and watched his son and his band come to life. They played all the way through “Creep” pretty damned well, especially Miles. The boy was a natural, no doubt about it.
And then Gillian’s voice. Laughing. Encouraging Miles. Teasing in her way all the while giving compliments.
He put his head between his hands and hit play again.
By the time he’d listened to Gillian for the fifth play, he was standing because he’d made a choice.
They’d worked out everything else. They’d work this out. She was his woman and they’d work it through.
Of course, he’d missed the last ferry, which meant he had to drive around. Which was fine; it gave him time to fight with himself and accept that he’d reacted badly and done some major damage. Especially the part where he called her and told her he never wanted to see her again.
He turned on the mini-recorder he carried with him everywhere and began to work on a new song as he drove the long way around.
It was late when he finally arrived. Long after two and heading into three. But he knew she was awake because he heard her piano as he walked up the steps. Sad. Soulful. His heart broke just standing there listening to it.
His key worked but the door wouldn’t open. She had the dead bolt engaged. Damn.
He knocked and continued to do so. Miles wasn’t home, he knew that much, and he wasn’t going to wake anyone up because the houses next door were too far away to hear his knocking.
She continued playing, though louder. So he rang the doorbell and then started knocking again. He’d called and she didn’t answer. He texted and she didn’t answer.
“Gillian, open up,” he said, his mouth close to the door.
He heard an abrupt jangle of piano keys and then the sound of what had to be stomping to the door she then yanked open, standing squarely in his path.
“Why are you here?”
Her face was red and swollen. She wore sweats and a ratty shirt and looked as miserable as he felt.
“We need to talk.”
“Go home, Adrian. I’ve sent your sister an e-mail apologizing to her for what she had to face tonight. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my father. I never wanted to hurt you and I have. That’s really it. We’ve said all we need to say.” She tried to close the door but he blocked it with his shoe.
“We said too much and yet not enough. The both of us. We need to work through this.”
She straightened her posture and took on that starchy thing, but it wasn’t erotic. She was deliberately putting him on blast. “Miles isn’t home. I’ll let him know you stopped by. If you wish to return tomorrow morning, I’ll be gone so that can happen.”
“Gillian . . . please.”
He stood there on her doorstep looking so beautiful it was all she could do not to leap into his arms. She loved him more than she could express. And she wanted him to go before she did and they both embarrassed themselves.
“It’s better this way, Adrian. Before we did something stupid like moving in together and something else comes up you can’t handle.” She closed her eyes. “That was uncalled for. But my past has ugly things in it. Ugly things I can’t put down on a list for you so you can feel as if you know everything about me. This can’t work. You need to go.”
Her breath hitched and the sob was clear enough that even she couldn’t deny it. He stepped toward her but she warded him off with a hand.
“No. It’s for the best that this happened early on. You have trust issues and I’m not sure anyone outside the circle you already have will be good enough for you. I have trust issues and God knows I react poorly to being humiliated in public. They clash and I thought it could work, but clearly it can’t. I won’t stand in the way of you seeing your son, of course. I’d never do that. He loves you.” Like she did. Tears were streaming down her face and she couldn’t stop them so she simply ignored them.
“Don’t do this.”
“I hope you’ll consider Miles’s feelings in all this. He doesn’t know about my father. Not the specifics. Just that he was a career criminal and not part of my life. Don’t blame him for my faults or the faults of a man he never met.”
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