Never Doubt Me (4 page)

I’m quiet, and Chase prompts, “What is it, babe?”

I take a deep breath, exhale slowly. “Chase, I know I should stay out of it, but I can’t stop thinking about the situation with Cassie and her stepdad.”

“Hey, I hear ya,” he scoffs. “It’s a fucked up mess, no doubt about it.”

“Well,” I continue, “I was thinking maybe I could try to talk to Cassie about it. She seems to like me. Maybe she’ll open up some.” I sigh. “Anyway, it’s worth a shot. If she starts by talking to me, then maybe she’ll eventually feel comfortable enough to tell her mom what’s been happening back in Vegas. Mrs. Sutter needs to know why her daughter ran away.”

“You’re right,” Chase agrees. “Your idea is a good one, Kay. Hell, if anyone can get her to open up, it’s you. In fact, I’d put money on it.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I say, pleased that Chase believes in me so much.

I hear a noise outside the double doors leading into the office. When I glance that way, I see Father Maridale is about to come in. His white hair and black frock stand out in stark contrast through the tinted glass.

“I have to go,” I whisper to Chase.

Father Maridale steps into the office just as I press
End
.

He’s a nice guy, and he smiles kindly as he walks over to my desk. Nodding to my mostly clear desktop, he says, “Not much going on today, huh?”

“No, not really. Just some calls for you.” I hand him a few slips of paper containing the details of the messages I took down for him.

“You can leave early today, if you’d like,” he says distractedly while he flips through the slips of paper.

I am up for that, so I thank him and start to gather my stuff. Father remains next to my desk, though, so I know he has something more to say.

He sets down his messages and inquires, “Chase getting along okay with his brother? He sounded a little stressed out when I spoke to him this morning.”

I lean back in my chair and confess to him that things were a little rough when Will and Cassie first arrived.

“Chase and Will had it out,” I admit. “But they’re getting along great now.”

Father Maridale nods, seemingly deep in thought. He knows all about Chase’s past, and he’s fully aware of how important it is to Chase to rebuild his relationship with his brother, a relationship that was shattered four years ago.

Will refused to speak to Chase the entire time he was in prison. Will was angry, just like everyone else. Too many people gave up on Chase Gartner. But not Father Maridale. He always believed in him. He was one of only two people in this town willing to give Chase a second chance. I was the other, but not at first. Not until I met Chase—through a chance run-in, quite literally. It was at that moment, when I saw truth in his eyes, that I realized giving Chase a second chance was the right thing to do. Before that day, I had made the same assumptions and cast the same judgments as everyone else.

Since then, though, I’ve since learned a lot about forgiveness and starting over.

Sometimes you have to give others a chance to redeem themselves, like how I’m striving to do with my mom. I’m hoping to find some middle ground with the woman who disowned me four years ago. I have to admit, however, it’s not easy.

I sigh loudly, and as though Father Maridale can read my mind, he asks, “Is your mother still keeping up with you like she promised?”

“Yes.”

It’s the truth. She’s been calling and keeping in touch, to nobody’s bigger surprise than my own. See, my mother blamed me for my little sister’s death until just recently. It’s ironic that a couple of days after Sarah’s funeral, my mother cast me out of her home…and her heart. But almost four years later to the day, she allowed me back in. Last Friday, she sought me out at the little cemetery behind the church where Sarah is buried.

My mother wants to start anew, rebuild our relationship. But after all she has taken, I only have so much to give. She tells me she wants to learn about my life. But there are so many things she’s already missed—my graduation from college, my first day as a teacher, all the highs and lows I’ve experienced. She’s missed all that and more, and it’s not so easy to dig back in time and resurrect the past.

“But I’m trying,” I say to Father Maridale, answering my own question to myself, not one he has posed.

Father’s pale-brown eyes fill with compassion. He knows me as well as he knows Chase, and that means he’s aware of all my good and all my bad.

He places his hand on mine. “Forgiveness may come in time, Kay, or it may not. I can counsel you in one direction, but only you can decide on your path.”

“Sometimes I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admit. “It scares me. I don’t even know how to take the first step with my mother.”

“You’ve already taken it,” he assures me. “Just the fact you’ve allowed her back into your life—albeit limitedly—proves your heart wants to forgive.”

“Maybe that’s true,” I say, “but what’s the next step?”

“Give your mother an opportunity to earn your forgiveness.”

I nod, contemplating his words, and he adds, “Do you find her overtures thus far to be sincere?”

I think it over. “Yeah, I think so.” I pause, and then I admit what’s really bothering me. “It’s just, she’s missed
so
much, Father. And I don’t know how to let it all go…”

As I trail off, he sighs. “We can’t move forward, Kay, when we’re staring back at the past. Try focusing on the here and now. Build for a possible future with your mother. Give her a chance to be there when you need her most. Who knows, maybe she’ll come through.”

“Yeah,” I say slowly, “I guess.”

I hope he’s right, and I thank Father Maridale for his wise words, then I say, “You always know what to say to make me feel better.”

He pats my hand reassuringly. “That’s why I’m here, my child.”

Father Maridale then leaves me to my thoughts. And what I’m thinking is that maybe I’ve been making this far more complicated than it has to be.

The past cannot be changed; that is a fact.

So do I keep staring back at it? Do I allow myself to be held captive by what’s behind me, like I’ve done in the past?

Or do I try to do as Father Maridale has counseled—focus on moving forward?

I’ve already taken the first step, right?

I gather up my things and decide to look to the future, which requires opening my heart…to my mother.

Chapter Three

Chase

T
he old drive-in out on Route 7 is packed. But we luck out and find a spot smack dab in the center of the front row.

I back my truck into the narrow space and shut down the ignition. “Okay,” I say, “let’s get set up in the back.”

Kay, who’s next to me, and Will and Cassie, back in the extended cab area, reply a chorus of “okay” and “cool.” Minutes later we are standing by the bed of the truck.

I place my hand on a stout pole with an old-time speaker that appears clunky and outdated, leading me to conclude it probably barely works.

“We won’t need it,” Kay says when she catches me frowning at the antiquated sound system. “I grabbed a portable radio from your gram’s old bedroom. We’ll use that.”

“Good thinking.” I lean over and kiss Kay’s cheek.

She smiles and passes the radio up to Will, who is standing in the bed of the truck, taking in the parked-up lot. “Sure is busy here tonight,” he comments.

“True that,” Cassie says as she jumps up to stand next to him. She starts unfolding one of three big blankets we packed for the evening.

I remind Will about the radio. He crouches down, sets the radio up, then gets to work on tuning in the correct station. “There,” he says after a few seconds, “all set.”

Cassie is still messing with laying out the blankets, so I say to Will, “Hey, you want to come with me to the concession stand, grab some popcorn and drinks?”

“Yeah, sure.” Will hops down from the bed of the truck.

Kay shoots me a knowing glance. She knows what I’m up to. I’m trying to give her time alone with Cassie so they’ll have a chance to talk, bond, whatever.

Cassie offers Kay a hand when she notices her trying, unsuccessfully I might add, to climb up into the bed of the truck without flashing everyone. Her dress is kind of short, so let’s just say it’s kind of an amusing challenge.

When Kay and Cassie start giggling, I nudge Will and say, “Looks like our girls are getting along great.”

“Yeah,” Will says, sounding pleased. “It’s cool they like each other. Cassie mentioned that Kay’s easy to talk with. She thinks she’s really nice.” He play-punches my arm and adds, “So, how’d you land a classy chick like that, anyway?”

I call him a dick, and we pretend to spar as we start down to the squat cinder block building with the old-fashioned “concession stand” sign. We spend a minute or two just acting like typical guys, but when we knock it off, I tell him the story of how I met Kay.

After I give him an abbreviated version of events, I say, “It’s kind of crazy, but we more or less found love in the parking lot.”

“Sounds like the title to a bad country song, dude,” Will jokes.

“Yeah, it does,” I agree, laughing.

After a beat, Will says in a more serious tone, “So you, like, literally ran into her?”

“
She
ran into me,” I clarify.

“Lucky you,” he says.

“You got that right, bro,” I reply.

Right before we reach the concession stand, Will slows to a stop. He lowers his gaze, and I turn to him. “What’s up?”

Kicking at the gravel, he quietly says, “I was just wondering if you have to go back to work tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“That sucks,” Will says. “Tomorrow’s going to be boring out at the house without you around. I mean…Cassie will be there, yeah, but I’ve been having a good time hanging with you.”

I’m flattered and touched by my brother’s words. Shit, he actually wants to spend more time with me.

Suddenly, I have an idea. “Why don’t you come to work with me? Father Maridale has been on my ass lately to get started on a mural over at the school. But I keep coming up with a major blank on what to paint.”

Will’s interest is piqued; I see it in his expression.

“Whatever I paint,” I continue, “it has to be something kid-oriented. Anyway, you’re good with cartoon characters. You know I think your comic book is amazing, right?”

Will nods once, his cheeks reddening. He has nothing to be embarrassed about, though. He’s been working on creating a comic book line, and from what he’s showed me thus far, it’s incredible.

“So, come with me tomorrow,” I say, “help me come up with something for the mural.”

Will’s green eyes brighten. “You mean, like, paint with you?”

“Yeah, why not?”

Little bro nods slowly, like he’s really thinking this thing through. “Yeah,” he says at last, “I’m down with that.”

“Cool,” I reply.

My brother has art in his blood like I do, even if his artwork is different. I have the ability to sketch anything, just as it is, whereas Will’s best with distorting stuff, turning people and things into caricatures and cartoons, like the characters in his futuristic and war-torn Las Vegas comic book. The hero in his story is a badass character named Champion. Kay swears up and down that this Champion dude is a comic book version of me. I don’t know about that, but I do know if Will actually based his hero on me, I am humbled. It’s been a long fucking time since Will has viewed me as any sort of a good guy.

When we return to the truck, popcorn and sodas in hand, the movie is just starting. Kay whispers something to me quickly, before the four of us make ourselves comfortable on the blankets in the back of the truck.

The opening scene is an action-packed, testosterone-fueled car chase, complete with explosions. Needless to say, Will and I are pretty much engrossed within minutes. Kay and Cassie, on the other hand, are…not.

“Ugh, this is such a guy’s movie,” Cassie mumbles to Kay when yet another building blows up onscreen. At least ten have been flattened in the first forty minutes.

“They don’t know what’s good, do they, bro?” Will yells over to me.

Kay and Cassie, seated between us, simultaneously turn to Will and snap, “Shut up.”

Everyone chuckles, and a short while later, I overhear Kay whispering to Cassie, “At least the guy playing the lead is hot.”

I roll my eyes and grab another handful of popcorn.

Cassie replies, “Yeah, I guess he’s okay, but he’s a little too old for me.”

My brother, who is obviously eavesdropping, same as me, leans in close to his girlfriend and kisses her cheek. “Good girl,” he tells her in a completely patronizing tone.

That prompts me to launch a handful of popcorn over the girls’ heads while calling him out. “Don’t be such a Neanderthal, Will.”

“You’re one to talk,” my brother retorts, brows raising.

Kay whispers in my ear, “Don’t worry, Neanderthal is good. I like you untamed.”

She squeezes my bicep, and I murmur back, “That’s my girl.”

Will grumbles to Cassie, “See what I mean?”

“Well,” Cassie comments, “it’s obvious you two are related.”

I ignore their chatter and lean in to Kay. Our lips meet, and soon we’re so lost in kissing the hell out of each other that I end up missing the big climactic finish on the screen. Not that I care. I’d rather taste Kay’s sweet lips than watch the movie.

But I’m soon reminded we’re not alone when Will mutters from a few feet away, “Dude, seriously, you two need to get a room.”

Kay smiles against my lips. “Guess that’s our cue to stop.”

“Guess so,” I quip.

Intermission arrives about three minutes after Kay and I quit making out, and as I regroup, which includes discreetly adjusting myself, I hear Cassie saying to Will, “I’m gonna go buy some candy. You want anything?”

In a very loud voice, Will announces he needs more popcorn, since, “Someone wasted a bunch, throwing it at my head.”

His eyes slide to me, and I chuckle but refrain from commenting. Kay, meanwhile, offers to go with Cassie to the concession stand.

While Cassie is preparing to jump down from the bed of the truck, Kay turns back to me, pins me with a meaningful look. I catch on quickly—this is another opportunity for her to get through to Cassie. Kay plans to close the deal, so to speak, in convincing Will’s girlfriend to talk with her mom before the week is up. Kay has already made good progress.

After Will and I returned with the popcorn, seconds before he and I became immersed in the movie, what Kay whispered to me was that Cassie told her she wants to go back to Vegas—she misses her friends and her mom—but she fears her twisted stepdad, Paul, will continue to harass her. As it stands, things have gone from bad to worse. He propositioned her in very vivid terms last week. That’s what dragged Will away from the airport. That’s why he didn’t fly to Ohio to visit as was originally planned. And that fucker Paul’s proposition is what led to Will and Cassie running away.

As far as I’m concerned, the sick fuck has to go—and soon. I swear, if Kay can’t convince Cassie to tell her mother what’s been going on, I’m flying my ass out to Vegas and laying that motherfucker out myself. There was no tolerance for pedophiles in prison, and I uphold the same philosophy here on the outside.

Eventually, Kay and Cassie return, but there’s no opportunity to get an update. Everyone is tired and ready to go home. We return to the house, and as soon as we’re parked, Will jumps out of the truck.

“I’m exhausted,” he announces as he heads straight to the house.

I linger in the driveway while Kay and Cassie fold the blankets, trying to assess if they need help.

“Hey, bro,” Will calls over his shoulder when he reaches the porch. “Come on.”

“Yeah, give me a minute,” I yell back.

Cassie is fumbling with one of the blankets, so I take it from her and say, “Why don’t you go spend a few minutes alone with your boyfriend before we all turn in?”

Cassie smiles thankfully and heads over to the porch. But before Kay gets started on telling me how sweet of a gesture that was, I drop the stupid blanket and grab her up in my arms.

Showering my love in hungry kisses, I say, “I’ve been dying to do this since we were interrupted earlier.”

I am up—in more ways than one—for Kay sneaking over again, but I can tell she’s beat. It’s probably best if we don’t push our luck. Two nights in a row of Kay calling out my name while I fuck her senseless is sure to wake up Will. Not that I care if my brother hears us. I’m just worried he’ll take the opportunity of my being preoccupied to sneak over to the apartment and engage in the same sort of activities with his own girlfriend.

After a few more minutes of holding my girl and sharing with her how much I love her, we reluctantly part.

When I reach the porch, I yell in through the screen door for Cassie to come out. “Time to wrap things up,” I say.

Will and Cassie are in the dining room, which is directly off to the left of the hall. That allows me to hear every word of them telling each other how much they love one another and can’t wait to hook up. Kissing noises follow, and I roll my eyes.

Seconds later, Cassie scurries past me. She tosses a “Good night, Chase” over her shoulder before she catches up to Kay.

When I step inside the house, chuckling and shaking my head, Will is standing at the base of the stairs. “Hey,” he says, yawning, “I’m going to take a shower before bed.”

“Okay, cool.”

“Good night.” Will says, yawning again.

“’Night…and stop yawning.” I stifle a yawn of my own. “That shit’s contagious.”

Will laughs and heads upstairs. Meanwhile, I make sure everything is locked up, since, unfortunately, there will be no visit from Kay tonight. When I’m done, I jog up the steps. But as I’m making my way to my bedroom, I just about trip over something that’s lying on the floor. I turn on a light and discover it’s Will’s duffel bag that’s in my path.

Standing at the bathroom door, it’s clear that the shower is still running. I shake my head and start to toe the bag out of the way, but suddenly, this feeling comes over me, like maybe I should take this opportunity and check to make sure my brother’s not toting around any drugs or alcohol. I hate to go through Will’s stuff, but he did recently borrow money from me under false pretenses. Shortly after I (ill-advisedly) loaned him some cash, our mom found his stash—weed he had bought with my money.

With my foot, I push at the duffel bag.
What should I do…what should I do?

I’m not so much worried about weed in particular. I already told our mom the kid’s bound to try it. But I do worry bud will turn into a gateway drug for my brother. After all, he has the same genetics as Mom and me, and God knows, she and I have fought our addictions.

Mom spent years gambling. And me, well, I was into just about every drug you could name, except for heroin. That one exclusion didn’t mean I wasn’t in deep. Cocaine had me by the balls for a long time. And I sure as fuck don’t care to stand by and watch my little brother follow in those same footsteps.

Despite feeling shitty for what I’m about to do—rummage through his things—I push all that shit aside and crouch down next to Will’s duffel bag. With the shower water echoing in the background, I reach out, unzip the bag, and proceed to go through my little brother’s belongings.

I’m relieved at once when I find no drugs—no alcohol, either. Will’s bag is crammed with mostly clothes, in addition to some other things, like shaving cream, disposable razors, shit like that.

I chuckle when I come across a box of condoms. When I tuck them back under one of Will’s T-shirts, I send up a prayer that my brother is actually using them.

With my search complete, I start shoving things back into the bag. But in doing so, I discover a sketchbook at the very bottom. I pull it out, lean back against the wall, and start thumbing through a bunch of colorful comic panels Will has drawn.

A few of the scenes are familiar. I recognize them as the same pages Will e-mailed to me when we started talking again back in June.

Taking in the intricate detail of Will’s futuristic, annihilated Las Vegas, I can’t help but smile. Despite the bleak subject matter, Will’s art is fucking impressive. It’s good, really good—professional, even. My brother’s comic book is definitely polished enough to be published. And
that
makes me feel so fucking proud of him.

I become so wrapped up in Will’s creations that I barely notice when the water abruptly shuts off. But once I do, I hurriedly toss the sketchbook back into the bag.