Never Alone (15 page)

Kitty’s train is due at six-thirty. Sarah heads into the village in the late afternoon because it’s market day and she can stock up on fresh fruit and vegetables cheaply just as the stalls are closing. After that she drives to Thirsk and stops at Yorkshire Deals to get washing powder and toilet rolls. Once the car is loaded up she heads back out of town, past the racecourse, to the station, where she parks and waits.

It’s dark, early evening, and Sarah keeps checking her phone for messages from Kitty or Sophie. Earlier this afternoon, she sent Sophie a text asking if she wanted to come over for a drink later to see Kitty and meet Oscar.

There has, so far, been no response, which is not like Sophie.

She looks up through the windscreen to see people emerging from the bridge over the platforms and she looks for her daughter, suddenly desperate to see her. It has been the longest time they have ever been apart. And then, there she is! Her beautiful girl, long golden hair under a beanie, holding hands with a man, both of them carrying rucksacks. Kitty waves, and Sarah gets out of the car. Kitty drops her boyfriend’s hand and runs towards Sarah, and Sarah rushes forward too and they crash together, laughing, in a hug that’s tight enough to hurt.

‘Hello, Mum!’

‘Hello, my darling! I am so pleased to see you…’

‘Mum, this is Oscar.’

Sarah takes a moment to size up the boyfriend. He looks nice, she thinks, if a little sullen. She holds out her hand, and it takes him a second or two to respond. His handshake is a little feeble.

‘Hi, Oscar,’ she says. ‘Lovely to meet you.’

Kitty beams, looking from one of them to the other. ‘Did you bring the dogs?’

‘No, I’ve been to the market, I’m afraid.’ She opens the boot and the rucksacks are piled in next to the bags of shopping.

Kitty gets in the passenger seat next to Sarah, leaving Oscar to climb in the back. As they drive through the traffic, such as it is, around Thirsk’s one-way system, Kitty is full of excitement about her second term at uni, the sports clubs, the film club she’s joined.

Sarah begins to feel sorry for Oscar, on his own in the back. ‘How about you, Oscar? How are you finding things?’

Through the rear-view mirror Sarah can see that he is looking out of the window at the houses as they pass by.

‘Oscar’s a second-year,’ Kitty says before he has a chance to speak. ‘He’s already been there and done that. He knows everything already.’

Sarah bristles and then tells herself to give the boy a chance, even though he has barely said a word. To be fair, even if he did speak it would be difficult to carry on a conversation with him in the back and concentrate on the road, so she makes a mental note of all the things she wants to ask him, saving them for later.

‘How is Sophie?’ Kitty asks.

‘Oh, she’s fine,’ Sarah says brightly. ‘I’m hoping she’ll come out for a drink tonight. But she’s not answering my text.’

‘That’s not like Sophie,’ Kitty says, knitting her brows.

‘Who’s this?’ Oscar asks from the back seat.

‘Mum’s best friend. She’s the most glamorous person you’ll ever meet. Her husband’s an MP. He’s a bit of a tit, though.’

‘Kitty!’ Sarah says.

‘He is, Mum. You know he is. He’s quite friendly really – I’m just never sure what Sophie sees in him. She’s far too intelligent to be a trophy wife. She should be the politician, not him.’

Sarah’s phone chirps with an incoming message. ‘That’ll be her. Can you read it for me?’

Too late, Sarah remembers Will and hopes that Sophie hasn’t messaged her something horribly intimate, or even Aiden – but it’s too late to stop Kitty fishing through Sarah’s bag for her phone.

‘Oh,’ Kitty says. ‘That’s a shame.’

‘What’s it say?’

‘It says:
Sorry re this weekend, got lots on. Love to Kitty. Talk next week.’

‘Really?’ says Sarah. ‘That is a shame.’

But Kitty is distracted almost immediately, planning a night out for Oscar tomorrow with her schoolfriends, who seem to have conspired to all be home for this weekend. The car is full of Kitty’s laughter and Oscar saying things from the back that Sarah doesn’t catch.

All she can think about is Sophie. She had said that George was going to be away this weekend – golfing, wasn’t it? So it’s unlikely Sophie will be going with him. What is she planning to do all weekend that’s so important that she can’t get away to see Kitty, even for a quick drink?

And then, of course, the answer to her question presents itself.

Will.

The dogs launch themselves at Kitty as soon as Sarah opens the door, and Oscar, who is carrying both rucksacks, is taken aback.

‘Are you okay with dogs, Oscar?’ Sarah asks.

‘Sure,’ he says, but without any real enthusiasm. Sarah wonders if this is as excited as he gets, and then thinks generously that maybe this makes him a good match for Kitty, who is always happy and has boundless energy at any given moment.

Sarah is about to push the door open once again with her knee, holding one of the bags of shopping too, when it opens from inside. Her first thought is that Sophie has changed her mind and come after all, to see Kitty and at least have a drink. But it isn’t Sophie.

Will smiles widely and a bit apologetically. ‘Hi again,’ he says.

He stands aside to let them in. Kitty, who is clearly hyped up to maximum excitement by being home, by seeing the dogs and probably by having Oscar here, throws her arms around his neck and kisses his cheek. ‘Hello! How are you? What are you doing here?’

Will has the grace to look a little embarrassed. ‘Long story,’ he says, ‘tell you in a minute.’

‘Will, this is Oscar, Oscar, this is Will.’

The two men shake hands. Sarah sees appraisal in Will’s eyes.

‘And you are…?’ Will says. He has not let go of Oscar’s hand yet.

‘I’m with Kit,’ Oscar says.

‘Let’s put the kettle on, shall we?’ says Sarah.

Kitty takes Oscar on a tour of the house, apparently having already accepted Will’s presence without any concern.

Will is leaning against the kitchen table, looking infuriatingly relaxed.

‘Well,’ Sarah says, ‘this is a surprise. Aren’t you supposed to be house-sitting?’

‘Oh, aye. I am. I’m not stopping, don’t worry. I just thought I’d come to say hello to Kitty. Not seen her for ages.’

Sarah frowns at this, and that her assumption that Sophie was with Will has clearly turned out to be wrong. ‘Perhaps you could have given us a call, Will.’

His face clouds over. ‘Oh… right. I’m sorry. I thought you’d be here by now, anyway, and the dogs were barking, so I thought I’d settle them…’

Upstairs Sarah can hear running feet, creaking floorboards, laughter. At least Oscar seems to be relaxing a little.

‘Look, I’d really rather you didn’t just let yourself in, that’s all.’

He looks at her and then looks at the table. ‘I’ll go.’

‘No, no. You’re here now. I’m not telling you off,’ she says, although she is, she wants to, but she can’t bear the thought of upsetting him for some reason that she can’t fathom. ‘I’m just saying. Come round any time, but let me know first, okay?’

‘Sure,’ he says, his head still down.

At that moment Kitty and Oscar come thundering down the stairs. ‘Are we going out for dinner?’ Kitty says. ‘I’d like to show Oscar round the village.’

‘I’ve done a cottage pie,’ Sarah says. ‘Perhaps we could go out for a drink after?’

‘Okay,’ Kitty says. ‘Are you staying for dinner, Will?’

Will looks up at Sarah. ‘If I’m invited,’ he says.

‘Course you are,’ Kitty replies. ‘Mum always cooks far too much. That’s right, isn’t it, Mum?’

In her head Sarah resists for a fraction longer, then wonders what it is she’s fighting against. ‘Of course.’

‘Well, if you’re sure. Thanks. I can… you know, perhaps I can do the veg or something? I don’t mind helping.’

‘We’ll all do it,’ Kitty says. ‘What about your friend, Mum? Is he coming over too?’

‘Aiden? I can ask him, if you like.’

In fact, now that Will is staying for dinner too, Sarah suddenly longs for company of her own age to balance things out a little. It’s not an intimate supper getting to know Kitty’s new boyfriend any more, so she might as well ask Aiden.

She gives them all tasks to do and the atmosphere is almost jolly. Will stands at the sink scraping carrots; Kitty is putting the cottage pie into the Aga. Oscar is set to work laying the table.

The dogs follow her out into the yard. Aiden’s car is there, thank goodness, and the lights are on. But when he opens the door he looks almost surprised to see her.

‘I’m sorry,’ she says. ‘Am I interrupting anything?’

‘Not at all,’ he says. ‘Coming in?’

‘No; I just came to ask if you wanted to come and have dinner with us. Maybe come out for a drink afterwards, too? My house is full of young people and I’m feeling left out.’

His smile – it melts her. ‘I’d love to. Give me two minutes? I’ll come straight over.’

The kitchen is full of noise and chaos. Tess immediately retreats to the living room, curling up by the sofa. It’s been a long time since it was this noisy. Kitty is flicking water from the sink at Will. Someone – Kitty – has brought out a portable speaker and put on music. Oscar is watching Will warily.

He has still scarcely spoken. Sarah decides maybe he is just shy. ‘Kitty says you’re doing engineering too. I didn’t realise you were in the second year.’

‘Yeah,’ he replies.

‘Oscar’s been, like, mentoring me,’ Kitty says, her hand on his shoulder.

Sarah wants to say something about how Kitty has known Oscar just a few short weeks. Such a short time that it cannot, realistically, even be measured in months.

‘Mu-u-um…’ Kitty says.

The drawn-out syllable implies that something is coming. Sarah thinks she is going to ask whether Oscar can share her room, although if she’s been upstairs she must have seen that the spare room is not made up.

‘Mum? I was thinking – wondering whether maybe I could invite Oscar to come to us for Easter? I know it’s a long way off yet…’

Sarah is momentarily speechless. This isn’t something she has thought about and she flounders for something appropriate to say. Even Will looks round, surprised, glancing from Kitty to Oscar to Sarah, trying to gauge the mood, as if he is sensing tension.

‘What about your own family, Oscar?’ Sarah says eventually.

‘It’s okay,’ he says, ‘I understand: it’s a big deal. I wish you’d waited a bit, Kit.’

Oscar suddenly goes up a peg or two in Sarah’s estimation, but he isn’t finished.

‘My parents split up,’ he continues. ‘My mum lives in the States, and my dad lives in Bolton, and he’s married again and he’s got a new family with his new wife and she hates me.’

He laughs at this, as though it is funny.

‘So, um, yeah, I don’t like to impose, so feel free to say no.’

‘If you say no, Mum, he’ll be spending two weeks in a bedsit in London on his own.’

Emotional blackmail – she wants to put her foot down. But Will is looking at her and she remembers what he was like, years ago, when he first started hanging round with Louis for much the same reason. Displaced, unwanted, homeless.

‘Of course you can come, Oscar,’ says Sarah. She would have invited him anyway, because she cannot bear to think of someone being on their own like that.

‘Thank you,’ Oscar says. Kitty beams. In that moment, the door opens and Aiden comes in, bringing with him a blast of cold air. They all turn to look at him. Kitty reacts first, giving him a hug that he’s probably not ready for. Aiden shakes Oscar’s hand. Will stares.

There is something in the room, a brief thrill of something uncomfortable, unpleasant. Sarah can’t identify what it is and for a moment she wishes she hadn’t invited Aiden over. But seconds later, with Kitty laughing and joking and putting everyone at ease, whatever it was has gone.

‘Let’s eat,’ Sarah says.

The Royal Oak is crowded, as it always is on a Friday night, but that just makes for a lively atmosphere. Aiden buys the drinks and Kitty proposes a toast: to new beginnings. Sarah thinks she is talking about Oscar, who is starting to relax. He has a beer in front of him and for the first time Sarah takes a moment to study him properly. He’s not quite emo – maybe he was at one point, earlier in his teenage years, but now he’s grown out of it. He has dark hair that’s longish and untidy and not in any sort of style; pale skin and dark eyes. He has uneven teeth and hides them frequently, touching his mouth or not speaking unless he has to. But Sarah notices the look in his eyes when he is watching Kitty; he gazes at her when she’s
talking, as if he’s listening intently. He has his arm casually around the back of her chair, but every so often Sarah sees him stroking her shoulder with his thumb.

Meanwhile, Will is looking uncomfortable. He has chosen to sit with his back to the room, opposite Sarah, keeping his head down.

When Kitty and Oscar are deep in conversation about a mutual friend, Sarah asks him if he is okay.

‘Yeah, yeah, sure. Why?’

‘You look a little – I don’t know. Out of sorts?’

He tries to look defiant. ‘Feels a bit like I’m taking advantage,’ he says. ‘You giving me dinner, taking me out, you know.’

‘Why shouldn’t you come with us?’ Kitty asks, diving in. ‘You’re practically one of the family.’

And Aiden, who was quiet and thoughtful all through the meal, has still hardly said a word. It’s making her feel twitchy, that he doesn’t feel able to join in, that he’s barely spoken to Kitty. She wants badly for them to get on. When Will gets up to go to the bathroom, and Kitty and Oscar are deep in conversation, she also asks
him
if he’s okay.

‘Sure,’ he says. ‘Why?’

‘You’re very quiet.’

He grins. ‘I like watching people, that’s all. I like trying to work out what’s really going on.’

‘That sounds deep. What do you mean?’

‘It’s nothing sinister. There’s always a subtext, that’s all. Other things.’

‘Such as?’

He glances to Kitty and Oscar, who are on the other side of the table. He puts his arm over the back of the chair and gets close enough to Sarah’s ear to murmur, ‘She likes him much more than he likes her. He’s not ready for the sort of relationship she wants. But he doesn’t want to hurt her.’

Sarah frowns at him. She could probably have guessed at something similar, judging by Oscar’s reticence, but – really? To categorise people like that? It makes her wonder what he thinks about her. In that moment she feels picked apart, examined. It’s not a nice feeling.

‘You think you’re such a good judge of character, don’t you? But you don’t know everything about everybody.’

‘Well, I do think Kitty is doing a good job of winning him over,’ he says, surprised. ‘So who knows?’

He’s looking at her carefully, as if he’s trying to work out what he’s said to upset her.

‘What about Will and Sophie, then?’ she says challengingly.

Aiden looks over in the direction of the Gents’. ‘I wouldn’t like to say.’

Moments later, Will is back, and for a change she is pleased to see him.

‘I’d better get going,’ he says. ‘Thanks for the drink. I’ll see you soon, yeah?’

‘Do you need a lift anywhere?’ Sarah asks.

‘No, it’s just up the road. I’ll be fine. Thanks again.’

Sarah watches him go. Aiden removes his arm from the back of her seat. She wonders if Kitty noticed it had been there. She has not dated anyone, since Jim died. The subject has come up, once or twice, and Sarah has batted it off with vague exhortations that she’s too busy, or can’t be bothered, or that decent single men are a bit thin on the ground in rural North Yorkshire.

Then he says, ‘But there’s something he’s not telling us. Something big. I can’t work it out,’ and she realises he is still thinking about Will.

Sarah parks the Land Rover in the barn and everyone climbs out. Kitty and Oscar go ahead, arms round each other.

‘You want to come over later?’ Aiden asks.

Kitty opens the door and the dogs rush out, dancing around them. Oscar looks a bit less alarmed this time.

‘I don’t think so,’ Sarah says.

She looks across at him. It’s dark, but the security light above the workshop has lit up enough to see the disconcerted expression on his face.

‘I’d better take the dogs out,’ she adds.

‘Shall I come with you?’

‘I’ll be fine,’ she says. He gives her a little backwards wave to acknowledge it, and Sarah whistles for the dogs.

It’s very dark on the hill and it takes a while for Sarah’s eyes to adjust. She keeps her head down, thinking about Aiden. She had been looking forward to him getting to know Kitty, and for her to meet him; and yet all he’d done with the evening was to pick imaginary holes in Kitty’s new relationship.

Sarah is suddenly aware of something right in front of her and she stops, gasps in shock: but it’s only the croft, the shape of it unfamiliar in the darkness. Tess is at her side, sniffing at the doorway, and Sarah thinks she is going to have a go at it again, but after a cursory examination the dog skirts the wall and runs off into the darkness.

Sarah stands still. Everything looks different in the gloom; the only light comes from the moon, which is full but mostly hidden behind high clouds. The door to the croft is a dark rectangle against the grey stone, a black mouth, beckoning her in. She takes a step forward, places her hand against the wood. It is cold, rough against her palm. She gives it a little push. The door holds firm. Close to the croft, the air still, her breathing echoes back at her, making it sound as though there is someone standing right behind her.

She turns, quickly, but of course there is nobody there.

But now she doesn’t want to be out here any more; she wants to be inside, with Kitty. She starts back down the hill,
calling the dogs, looking down at her house with all the upstairs lights on; how bright and cheerful it looks!

She stops dead.

The window to the bathroom is illuminated and she can see, clearly, Kitty standing next to the bath, tipping a bag full of what is probably dirty laundry into the basket. Oscar comes up behind her, wraps his arms around her waist. Kitty turns and kisses him.

Aiden’s wrong, she thinks; he likes her too. He’s just shy about showing it yet.

She should be uncomfortable about watching them when they are so clearly unaware of her presence but for some reason she can’t tear her eyes away. They’re both fully dressed, they are just kissing – admittedly it’s pretty full-on – but it feels good to see Kitty’s happiness and Oscar’s affection. Then they turn and leave, and abruptly the light snaps off, leaving a dark square.