Nerd Girl (13 page)

People seemed to have powerful opinions about instant messaging. Some people loved it because it was a quick way to get someone’s immediate attention. You could be in a meeting with your laptop open, at your desk working, or watching a movie on your PC in the evening, but seeing that little blinking icon in the bottom of your screen was just like hearing that little chime from your phone when you received a text message—you were
compelled
to answer it. It was like getting a tiny little shot of adrenaline. Once you heard that text message signal or saw that little blinking light, it was really difficult to ignore.

The people who didn’t like it were people like me. Granted, I loved that the technology was available and when I needed it, it was great. Working for a company like MS, you were always connected and people at MS were addicted to IM. Whether you were at home, at work, or in the car, someone could get in touch with you. IM was just one more method for someone to contact you. I resented it sometimes. When I opened my PC in the evenings to surf the internet or watch a movie, I could never quite get away. IM was like a big brother. People could see when you were “in a meeting,” “away,” or “available;” they could even see when you were “typing a message.” It was like having your own personal spying tool.

If I forgot to intentionally set my status to “away,” colleagues working late or located in different time zones around the globe contacted me for work-related questions. If I set it to the default, then my status showed a direct reflection of my Outlook calendar, which in the evenings, were set to “available” in green. The IM blinking light then became an evening habit. Tonight it was set to my default, and for the first time in a long time, I was glad.

Ryan McGraw
[12:40 AM]:
Hi Julia

Julia Hayes
[12:40 AM]:
Hi Ryan

Ryan McGraw
[12:41 AM]:
I was really surprised to see you this afternoon.

You have no idea.

Julia Hayes
[12:41 AM]:
Yes, that’s an understatement. Why didn’t you tell me who you were?

Ryan McGraw
[12:41 AM]:
I did.

Julia Hayes
[12:41 AM]:
You know what I mean.

Ryan McGraw
[12:42 AM]:
Sorry. I know I should’ve told you at dinner that night.

Ryan McGraw
[12:42 AM]:
I didn’t want you to act weird.

Ryan McGraw
[12:43 AM]:
People from work get that way around me sometimes.

His comment reminded me of Colin Powell’s viral email a few years ago. He wrote that it was lonely on the top because people never treated you like a regular person, which could be alienating at times for those in senior leadership positions. I might as well be honest with him.

Julia Hayes
[12:43 AM]:
You’re probably right. I don’t think I would’ve been myself.

Ryan McGraw
[12:44 AM]:
I’ve thought about you a lot these last few wks

Whoa. I didn’t see that one coming.

Julia Hayes
[12:44 AM]:
Me too

Not only had I thought about you, I seem to be unable to stop obsessing about you. I was also just stalking you before you IMed me.
Thank God he couldn’t see my face right now. My heart was racing and I felt myself flush.

Ryan McGraw
[12:45 AM]:
So how’s your new job?

Hmm, new topic. Maybe his earlier train of thought was getting too personal, or he just revealed more than he intended to?

Julia Hayes
[12:45 AM]:
It’s good. I’m a bit overwhelmed.

Ryan McGraw
[12:45 AM]:
Drinking out of the fire hose?

Julia Hayes
[12:45 AM]:
Totally

Julia Hayes
[12:45 AM]:
In fact, I’ll need to work a little this weekend.

Ryan McGraw
[12:45 AM]:
What are you working on?

Julia Hayes
[12:45 AM]:
You don’t want to know.

Ryan McGraw
[12:45 AM]:
Try me

Julia Hayes
[12:45 AM]:
If you insist

Ryan McGraw
[12:45 AM]:
I insist

Julia Hayes
[12:46 AM]:
I have to put together a scorecard to track campaign progress.

Julia Hayes
[12:46 AM]:
I’m not really sure what I’m doing yet, so I’m a bit stressed about it.

Enough with the awkwardly long pause, pal.

Ryan McGraw
[12:48 AM]:
Would you like some help?

Huh?

Julia Hayes
[12:48 AM]:
Mr. Executive …

Julia Hayes
[12:48 AM]:
master of the US marketing universe …

Julia Hayes
[12:48 AM]:
wants to help me with a campaign scorecard template

Ryan McGraw
[12:48 AM]:
Yes

Ryan McGraw
[12:49 AM]:
I do -
Master of the universe, huh?

I rolled my eyes and smiled.

Julia Hayes
[12:49 AM]:
When was the last time you had to create a scorecard? Don’t you have a whole team of people working for you to do this sort of stuff?

Ryan McGraw
[12:49 AM]:
don’t be a smartass, Julia

Ryan McGraw
[12:49 AM]:
:)

Oh my God, Ryan McGraw uses emoticons.

Ryan McGraw
[12:50 AM]:
I just want to help. I know what Catherine and Stephanie want to see in a scorecard.

Julia Hayes
[12:50 AM]:
Good point

Ryan McGraw
[12:50 AM]:
When are you planning on working on it?

Julia Hayes
[12:50 AM]:
Tomorrow. I don’t like procrastinating.

Ryan McGraw
[12:51 AM]:
Do you want to meet on campus somewhere?

Yes. But I don’t have my car.

Julia Hayes
[12:50 AM]:
You’re really serious, aren’t you?

Ryan McGraw
[12:50 AM]:
Yes.

Julia Hayes
[12:50 AM]:
Ok then. Meet me at Building 7, on this side of the lake?

Building 7 was a satellite office in south Lake Union of Seattle; I could easily take the bus there. Since I had just agreed to this, I instantly felt a little guilty about declining Kyle’s earlier offer of assistance to do the same thing. But then again, Kyle wasn’t Ryan.

Ryan McGraw
[12:50 AM]:
Good idea

Ryan McGraw
[12:51 AM]:
I’ll book us a conf room

Why did that sound so sexy?

Ryan McGraw
[12:51 AM]:
I’m sorry for not being honest with you to start.

Julia Hayes
[12:51 AM]:
You’re forgiven. :)

It was my turn to flirt with emoticons.

Ryan McGraw
[12:51 AM]:
What time?

Julia Hayes
[12:51 AM]:
10 ok?

Ryan McGraw
[12:51 AM]:
that works

Julia Hayes
[12:52 AM]:
Ok. I guess I’ll see you in the morning.

Ryan McGraw
[12:52 AM]:
See you Julia

Julia Hayes
[12:52 AM]:
See you Ryan

Holy shit! I had a sort of date with Ryan tomorrow.

In retrospect, I was relieved he had opted not to call me directly with the Lync phone feature. There was something about instant messaging, text messaging, and emails that gave you a bit more courage than if you were speaking on the phone. Maybe this was because in person, your eyes, your body language, your voice could give more emotions and feelings away than you intended. You’re more vulnerable in person. Behind the hardware and software, you can present a much more controlled image.

In a way, these different technology communications vehicles were sort of like alcohol. They gave us courage to flirt, to be bolder and braver, without really showing all our cards. Maybe this was one of the reasons people found the use of these tools so addicting and why online dating was so popular.

Just after one am, I saw a little message on the bottom right corner of my screen pop up, telling me I had an email from Ryan in my inbox. A little shot of adrenaline piped through me. It was a Schedule Plus invite for tomorrow at ten in the morning, with a conference room booked in Building 7.

I hit “accept” on the invite. Before I hit “send,” I decided to edit my reply. “Thanks, Ryan. I’m looking forward to it. Julia.”

I hit “send” before I could think too much about my reply. It was either the alcohol talking or else the courage of hiding behind my computer.

After last night’s surprising turn of events, it took me a while to settle down enough to sleep. Thankfully, I didn’t seem to have a hangover from last night’s overconsumption of wine. I woke up early because I was both nervous and excited to see Ryan this morning.

It had been almost three weeks since that memorable evening at Betty’s. That awesome night was forever burned into my brain, but now I was having doubts. Maybe our amazing chemistry and connection was all in my imagination. What if it becomes awkward and uncomfortable when we see each other? Then he’ll quickly come to realize that offering me help today was a mistake. He’ll try to find a delicate way to extract himself from the situation to save me from any further embarrassment.

My intuition told me that that wasn’t going to happen and I was just letting my imagination and fears get the best of me. I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect, but a little part of me hoped that things would continue where we had left off. I was curious if we would be able to establish the same level of comfort and chemistry we had at Betty’s.

I chose my clothes carefully. I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard or make it look like I was dressing for just another day at work. I wanted to wear something casual, but not too casual. After all, it was a Saturday morning. I needed to wear something that would enhance my best assets, too. I settled on my favorite pair of ass-flattering skinny jeans and a flowing white tank top with an empire waist which emphasized my breasts. Since I had to walk a few blocks to the bus stop, I opted for my black ballet flats—casual and sweet yet demure. I tied my hair into a ponytail to help finish off the “I didn’t try so hard”
look I was after. Looking at myself in the mirror, I smiled, satisfied with the final result.

I decided to skip breakfast. I didn’t have much of an appetite, most likely the result of my nerves. Instead, I headed for Café Vita, located on the main bus route. I wasn’t much of a bus rider, so I needed to double check the routes that would get me to Westlake and Denny. Thank God for mobile phones and the internet. It was 9:30 by the time I got my coffee. I needed to hurry if I was going to catch the next bus.

Like a true Seattleite, I needed my daily dose of caffeine to start my day off well. That first sip of coffee in the morning was like heaven. I walked briskly towards the bus stop, coffee in hand, and thirty minutes later, I rushed into the building lobby and headed up to the MS floors. I was running a few minutes late and it was making me edgy. I searched for the conference room that Ryan booked on the meeting invite. Being late and with the caffeine freely flowing through my veins, I was a bundle of nerves. I finally saw the conference room, took a deep breath, and peeked in.

Ryan looked up and gave me a big grin, ear to ear. It was a heartwarming, sexy, adorable smile, which made me melt and my heart skip a beat. I was
so
in trouble. I nervously opened the sliding door and walked into the small room.