Neil (The Uncompromising Series Book 2) (36 page)

“Oh. I am sorry. I was unaware.”

“It’s all right. I go by Ariel. Neil is the only person who calls me by my full name.” I didn’t know why I told her that.

Pause. “Of course. Good-bye, Ariel.”

“Bye, Jannat.” I hung up and sadness consumed me. Dropping my face to my hands, I sucked in a deep breath and let it out slow.

“You okay?”

I looked up and Tyler was standing on the other side of the reception counter, looking half wary, half nervous. “Yeah, I’m fine. Did you need something?”

He pressed his lips together and pulled a small envelope out of his pocket. “I was told to give this to you.” He placed it on the counter between us.

I stared at the white envelope. “What is it?”

Tyler shrugged.

“Thanks.” I reached for it. “Who’s it from.”

I saw his frown before he shoved his hands in his pockets and glanced at his feet. “Christensen.”

My heart leapt. “He’s here?”

“Upstairs, but I don’t think you should—”

“I’m not. Thanks.” I pretended to shuffle some papers. I just wanted him to leave so I could see what the hell was in the envelope. I wasn’t about to go upstairs to look for Viking, especially not in front of all the guys.

“Sure.” He walked to the stairwell.

“Hey.” I hated the tension between us. Not that I liked his flirty demeanor either, but this was about fifty times worse. “Why do you always use the stairs?”

Tyler looked over his shoulder and gave me a sheepish smile. “Claustrophobic.”

It wasn’t until he disappeared into the stairwell that I realized I’d smiled for the first time in a week. Inhaling, I picked up the envelope and opened it.

Jason’s cross necklace fell onto my lap.

I
WAS LATE PICKING
C
ONNER
up because André had given me a proposal to draft last-minute. Shaken by the necklace and both fearing and wishing Viking would walk into the lobby, it took me three tries before I had the proposal written without any typos. I walked through the garage to my car after seven. Despite the guard that was there, I still looked over my shoulder. Except tonight, I wasn’t sure what I was more anxious about, seeing Viking or an LC bursting through the security roll-up door that André had assured me was bulletproof.

I picked a fussy Conner up at daycare and paid the extra fee I couldn’t afford. I was juggling a whining two-year-old and my front door key when I heard his voice.

“Elle.”

I jumped and Conner burst into tears.

“Sorry, babe.” Jason stepped out of the shadows wearing a dark sweatshirt with the hood pulled all the way up. “It’s okay, little man. It’s Daddy.”

Panicked, I shoved the key in and pushed the door open. “You shouldn’t be here. Someone will see you.”

“I wasn’t followed. I took precautions.”

I tried to close the door but Jason stepped halfway in. “Please, Elle. Just a few minutes.”

I didn’t know what Viking had done to get the LCs off my back, other than pay off Candle, and I didn’t want to know. I just wanted the whole thing to go away and be a distant memory. “The Feds are still after you.”

“If you let me in, I promise I won’t stay long.”

Conner fussing, my nerves shot, I let him in. Closing and locking the door behind us, I didn’t turn on the hall light for fear someone would see him. “What do you want?”

Jason shoved his hood back and reached out to Conner but for the first time ever, Conner didn’t go to him. He leaned closer to me and shook his head.

Jason frowned. “What did you tell him?”

“Nothing. You think he doesn’t remember the last time he saw you?” I could see in what was left of the waning light that his bruising was better but his face was still mottled and swollen.

Inhaling, his hands went to his hips. “Did you get my necklace for him?”

I nodded.

He shuffled his feet and hung his head. “I don’t want to be locked up, Elle.”

I bit back what I wanted to say. “I’m not sure what that has to do with me and Conner.”

He looked at me without lifting his head. “If I run, this is it.”

Ripples of anxiety spread through my chest. Jason had been in my life since I was sixteen. Despite everything that he’d done, I’d always assumed in some way, he’d be around. I hadn’t forgiven him for what he’d done. I didn’t know if I ever would. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say to that.” What was worse? Conner having a dad he’d never see again or one that was in prison?

“You know this isn’t easy on me. If I get locked up, I won’t last a week. There’re LCs inside. If I run, I never see our son again. What do you want me to do?”

I took it as a rhetorical question but I couldn’t hold back all the bullshit I’d been through with him. “Why don’t you ask Marissa?” I bit out.

Jason nodded. “I deserved that.”

And a lot more but I wasn’t going to get into it further in front of Conner. “I need to feed Conner.”

Regret and sorrow written all over his face, Jason nodded. “I understand. Can I hold him?”

I kissed Conner’s forehead. “Give Daddy a big hug.” I handed a reluctant Conner over to his father.

Jason’s face lit up with his smile as he took him. “Hey, little man. Nothing makes Daddy happier than holding you, did you know that?”

“Daddy,” Conner whispered.

“Right here, buddy, right here.” Jason held our son tight and my heart broke.

I wanted to give them more than just this last hug as a memory. “Do you want to give him a bath while I get his dinner ready?” I didn’t know what else to do. Conner wouldn’t remember this. I didn’t remember anything from age two, but it was all I had. Something in the here and now that was part of Conner’s normal routine was the best I could offer.

“Whatdaya say, champ? Bath time with your daddy?”

Conner nodded and almost smiled.

“Everything you need is in the bathroom.” I turned toward the kitchen, fighting so many emotions that tears threatened.

“Elle?”

I glanced back at him.

“Your boyfriend, he got Marissa out. He brought her to me last week.”

Shocked, I stared. “Neil?”

“The tall one with the accent?”

Viking. “Yeah.”

“That’s the one. Marissa said he broke into the apartment where they were holding her, took down three LC prospects then brought her straight to me.”

I didn’t know what to say. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

Jason frowned. “Well, I just thought you should know. She’s fine.”

“I’m glad.” I forced the words out.

“Hey,” he said almost sharply. “You know if the situation was reversed, I would’ve done the same thing to get you back.”

I knew it was his version of an apology but he didn’t get it. He’d never get it. His choices had caused this. If he’d never gone prospect, if he hadn’t cultivated a relationship with an LC for years, if he’d gotten a legitimate job, none of this would’ve happened. And it wasn’t the same. I was the mother of his one and only child. I deserved more, so much more, but this was Jason and I knew his limitations. “I know. Start his bath. It won’t take me long to fix dinner. Are you hungry?”

“I could eat.”

“Okay.” I walked into the kitchen, trying to act as normal as possible, but Jason never came for dinner, he didn’t bathe Conner, and he didn’t stick around ever. So why was I feeling so devastated? I made Conner’s favorite yellow rice and threw some chicken nuggets in the toaster oven. A bagged salad later, I was plating the food when Conner came running out of the bathroom naked.

“Clean baby, clean baby!” He shouted the silly phrase Jason used to say after every bath when he’d lived with us.

I leaned over and kissed the top of his head. “Yes, you are. Now go get a pull-up before we sit down for dinner.” He ran into his bedroom as Jason came out of the bathroom.

Without a word, he walked right up to me and pulled me into his arms. Burying his face in my hair, he inhaled deeply. “I love you, Ariel. I love you like I’ll never love anyone else. I’m sorry I wasn’t more. For you, for Conner.”

My eyes filled with tears and a lump lodged in my throat. “We were young.”

He pulled back and took my face in his hands. “You’re a great mother. Better than I ever could’ve imagined. You’re going to do great by him.” His lips landed on mine and for one heartbreaking moment, my first love kissed me. Soft and so bittersweet, tears dripped down my cheeks and joined his kiss.

“Love you, baby, more than you’ll ever know. Raise our son.” He stepped back and turned toward the door.

“Jason.” Oh, God, this hurt. “Please, stay for dinner.”

His hand on the doorknob, he glanced over his shoulder and I saw every regret and the horrible weight of this heartbreaking decision in his tear-filled eyes. “I can’t, Elle. I just can’t. I’m sorry. Take care of Conner.”

“I never stopped loving you.” I choked on the whispered truth I didn’t want to admit even to myself.

His face softened but his grip on the door tightened. “I know, but you deserve better. You always did. Let yourself move on.” He quietly shut the door behind him.

“Mama?”

I swiped at my face then looked down at the best gift Jason had ever given me. “Are you ready for dinner, sweet boy?”

Conner glanced at the door. “Daddy?”

“He had to go to work,” I lied. “But I made your favorite dinner, chicken and rice.” I smiled wide, knowing it’d never be a substitute for his father’s smile. “And if you eat everything on your plate, we’ll have some ice cream.”

“Ice cream!” He climbed up on his seat at the table.

I discreetly took Jason’s plate away then joined my son. “Daddy might be gone for a while.”

“Work.” Conner shoved a chicken nugget in his mouth.

He didn’t understand now but one day I would explain it to him. “Yeah, work.” I choked down my dinner and by the time we had our ice cream, Conner’s eyes were drooping.

“Come on, sweet boy, time for bed.” I picked him up and carried him to his room but he started to fuss.

“Mama’s bed.”

I squeezed him tight and we both crawled into my bed. A few minutes later, he was softly snoring as I stroked his hair. Jason’s visit replayed and as I held my son, I realized I wasn’t sad for myself so much as I was sad for Conner. I grew up without a father and I swore I would never do that to my own kid, but I’d gone and done the same exact thing. Yes, Jason had made shit choices, but so had I.

I gently extracted my arm from under Conner’s head and was getting up to finish dishes when my cell vibrated with a text.

NC: Did you get the envelope?

A fresh wave of uninvited emotions hit me. The most surprising one was anger.

Me: Yes. You could’ve delivered it yourself. Also, you didn’t tell me you rescued Marissa.

NC: Your son’s father was more likely to leave if the girl was free.

He completely ignored the first part of my text. And I should’ve been pissed at his answer but I knew Jason. He would’ve left regardless.

Me: So that was your motivation for rescuing her? You wanted Jason gone? And nice evasion, btw

NC: I did not evade. And no, it was not the only reason.

Of course it wasn’t. Knowing what I knew about him now, he wouldn’t let a situation go if he could do something about it.

Me: Why did I even ask?

He ignored my question.

NC: Jannat told you I will be gone for two weeks

Jesus. She’d told him she’d called me? And Viking hadn’t ended his text with punctuation. He always punctuated his texts.

Me: Is that a question or a statement?

The three little dots blinked like he was typing a response but then they disappeared.

I held my phone for a few minutes then reached to put it down just as another text came through.

NC: If you need anything while I am away, tell Luna.

Sure. Let me get right on that.

Me: Uh-huh

NC: You are being sarcastic. I am being serious.

Me: What else is new?

NC: Nothing.

Exactly.

NC: Except, I will miss your smart mouth.

I stared at the screen in disbelief.

The three dots appeared again.

NC: Good night, Ariella.

Not sure what to think or say, I typed a one word response.

Me: Night

I didn’t fall asleep for hours.