Neel Dervin and the Dark Angel (29 page)

He ignored the grumbling of his stomach, feeling too sick to eat. He was waiting for
when Arjun had said they would contact him. The mobile he had received at Swan Labs was
right beside him and he glanced at it repeatedly as he waited.

At ten he heard someone knock on the main gate. He went to open the door, and an
incredible feeling of relief rushed through him as he saw the visitors.

Doctor Fahim stood outside the front gate with Divya and Arjun. All three looked
deadly serious as they stared at Neel. DoctorFahim‟s piercing eyes examined him as he came
towards them.

“Good morning, Neel.” he spoke quietly. “How are you feeling?”

 

“I‟m fine.” Neel said, opening the door and letting them in. “I don‟t feel anything wrong
now. But how did I get to my house?”

 

“All in good time.” Doctor Fahim said, putting a hand on his shoulder as the three
followed him into the house.

 

The three gathered in the living room, and Doctor Fahim motioned to Neel to sit on the
bed. The other three sat on the couch opposite him and stared at him.

“Do you remember
whathappened last night?” Doctor Fahim asked gently. Neel
nodded. “We were not there, and our communication broke down. So we will need to hear
the whole incident from you. But first we will answer the questions you have.”

“How did I escape?” Neel burst out urgently. “I remember lying on the road. I was
fainting. I thought I was going to die.”

“
Your health was in extremely critical condition for overtwo hours.” Divya answered in
a low voice.“You had pretty minor cuts and bruises, and the shock of the impact of the car
was also temporary. The main problem was the drug Mehta gave you. It was powerful
enough to knock out a horse, but fortunatelyit wasn‟t lethal. The bullets,” Divya stopped
abruptly, catching her breath. But then she took a deep breath and resumed in a normal voice.
“You were shot three times. But your body did a good job of recovering from them. You
should barely have a scar left in a few days.”

Neel nodded.“Who was the biker? Who saved me?”

“I did.”
Arjun spoke up. “I was ordered privately by General Bakshi to watch over you
on your assignments. That‟s why I never spoke to you whenever you were on your missions.
I was never at Swan Labs.”

“You‟ve been watching over me on all my missions!” Neel stared at him in amazement.
“How come I never saw you?”

“Something about being a veteran in this business.”
Arjunshrugged. “It was a good
thing you came out of the complex before you fell. Going in there with all those guards
would have been extremely unpleasant.”

“Thank you.” Neel said to Arjun slowly. Arjun said nothing, but continued to watch
him, his dark eyes unreadable.

“I took you to Swan Labs, where an army docto
r was called in to operate on you. Once
we were sure you would survive the incident, Negi, Premi and I took you to your house and
got you in bed.

“My mom didn‟t hear you break into the house at night?”

“We had to throw
a sleeping gas in through the window in her room.” Arjun said. “Not
dangerous in anyway, but it was absolutely essential. She won‟t experience any ill effects
from it except sleeping longer than usual. We had to break down the front door, but we
replaced the hinges. The door‟s better than new now. We took you up to your room and put
you in your bed at around five.” Arjunleaned in closer. “You were in an extremely weakened
condition. Your jacket should have done a better job of protecting youfrom the bullets.”

“I didn‟t have it zipped up.” Neel said in a very low voice, avoiding Arjun‟s gaze. “It‟s
easier for me to move when it‟s open, and I didn‟t know I was going to have to fight. So I
thought I‟d just let it stay openfor a little while.” His voice died away into silence. He knew
Arjun must be disappointed in him.

Neel sat for a long moment staring blankly ahead. So much had happened last night. So
many risks had been taken. So many close calls, and all because of him. He turned to Doctor
Fahim, trying to say something that would encompass how he felt at the moment.“I‟m
sorry.” His said finally, his voice very low.“I blew the mission. And then I almost got myself
killed.”

He hung his head, face burning with shame. He knew what had happened last night was
his fault. He had grown overconfident and careless, and had begun to think of himself as
invulnerable. And that could have been the last mistake of his life.

“I should‟ve seen the trap.” he said,
his eyes still lowered, as he spoke mainly to his
hands. “He knew I was coming, and he knew what I‟d done in the gym and at the concert. He
was ready for me.I should‟ve been more careful.”

Dr Fahim took a chair and sat next to Neel
. He reached out and took the young boy‟s
hands in his own,forcing him to look at him. “What happened to you in front of the car?” he
asked gently. The weathered old hands held onto his tightly.

Neel took a deep breath, and began to tell them everything that had happened since he
had hung outside Mehta‟s window. He told them about the noise emitting machine, and the
syringe. He told them about the fight to get out of the complex. And then he stopped abruptly,
as memories of what had happened on the road returned. But DoctorFahim‟s grip tightened
on his hand, and slowly, he told them what he had felt. Watching the car come towards him
and remembering the most painful incident of his life. His heart hammering loudly in his
chest. The chills that had run up and down his spine. And the sudden, overpowering feeling
of panic that had paralyzed him.

There was complete silence in the room as Neel finished and sat looking down at his
hands again. Arjun was watching him with a frown. Doctor Fahim leaned back slowly and
glanced at Divya.

“PTSD.” he spoke quietly.

 

“What?” Neel raised his head to stare at the doctor.

“Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.” Divya spoke
in a sober voice. “It‟s a severe anxiety
condition. Sometimes, when people experience psychological trauma because of some
terrifying event, like excessive cruelty, or in your case, a near death experience, the memories
leave very deep and painful scars in their minds. Those memories can come back to haunt
them, and overwhelms their ability to cope with similar situations in the future.” She gazed at
him, looking as though her heart was breaking for him. “I‟m so sorry, Neel.”

“It wasn‟t your fault.” Arjunspoke up abruptly. “That accident was a terrible ordeal for
you. And post traumatic stress is quite common, especially among soldiers and war veterans.”

“I should have considered the possibility.” Divya said
in a hard voice. “It‟s my fault; I
should have gauged your emotional state during your training. We should have known about
this from the start.I‟m so sorry.”

“It is nobody‟s fault.”
Doctor Fahim said firmly as he rose from his seat. “No one could
have predicted your brain‟s response in that situation. But we are going to help you overcome
your fear.You are not alone in dealing with this, Neel.” Neel nodded, and he felt better for
the first time that morning as he listened to the doctor.

“Have you had anything to eat?” Divya asked him suddenly. Neel shook his head.
“Wasn‟t hungry.” he mumbled. Divya rose and went into the kitchen.

“Don‟t worry about the mission.” Arjun said. “Mehta‟s not going anywhere. And
everyone is allowed to make mistakes. We are all amazed athow well you‟d done the job
until yesterday. Neel, look at me.” Neel looked up at him unwillingly. “Stop blaming
yourself, okay? We‟re going to manage this together.”

Neel nodded quietly, and the three fell into silence. Doctor Fahim was watching Neel
intently. Despite the long sleep he still looked worn out and shell shocked.

Divya came back with a plate containing
three sandwiches. “Try these.” she said.
“You‟ll feel better.” Neel took a sandwich and mechanically took a bite. Then he realized
how hungry he was and quickly polished off the rest. The other three watched him as he ate.
There was nothing more that could be done at the moment. He finished his meal, and they
rose to leave. Arjun squeezed his shoulder again, and gave him an encouraging smile.

“We will discuss this again
verysoon, Neel.” DoctorFahim said to him quietly. “Just
like we handled your training and missions, we will handle this as well.” Neel nodded to him
gratefully.

The three left the house, leaving Neel staring after them as they walked down the street
to the car they had parked a certain distance away. Neel turned to stare at the street in front of
his house. Everything seemed peaceful.He couldn‟t believe that only a few hours ago he‟d
been surrounded by blood and pain and bullets. He went back inside his house and made his
way slowly up to the nest.

CHAPTER 12: PTSD

The next day, Neel awoke from a fitful sleep and went to school. He tried to act as
normal as possible, but his mind was completely elsewhere. He was supposed to meet Arjun
that afternoon. A new thought had occurred to him which was disturbing him considerably.
He had reviewed his present position and realized something which brought a terrible wrench
to his heart.

At two, Arjun met him in the same dusty old car. After some questions about his health,
they both lapsed into silence. Neel sat with his head laid back as he listlessly watched the
traffic flow around them. Arjun glanced at him intently but remained quiet.

First they went to a small but immaculately kept clinic on the outskirts of the city. They
showed a card to the head nurse, and were taken immediately to a private theatre ward. A
doctor came in, exchanged a brief nod with Arjun and told Neel to take off his shirt. The
wounds on his back were examined and redressed, the doctor not attempting to engage them
in conversation once, or even asking their names. It was over within minutes.
Then they were on their way again. When they reached Swan Labs, he was taken straight to
the main building, where he found Negi and Premi sitting talking quietly together in the
lobby.

“Hey, kid.” Negi called out as they entered. He and Premi came forward to meet them,
their eyes filled with concern. “How are you feeling?”

“I‟m fine.” Neel said
. He was conscious of a sense of security as he stood with his three
trainers. “And thanksfor helping me get back home that night.” He stared fixedly at a spot on
the ground, embarrassed to dwell again on the failed mission.

“We‟re proud of you, Neel.” Premi said abruptly.

 

“What?” Neel‟s head whipped up in surprise.

“You were in such horrible shape, and you still managed to get out of the complex.”
Negi said. “Do you know how many experienced soldiers would be dead if they had been in
your position?”

“I blew the mission.” Neel said, his voice unexpectedly bitter. “You don‟t have to lie to
make me feel better. If I hadn‟t grown so overconfident”

 

“Mistakes would still have been made.” Premi said coolly.“We‟re not lying. Just
because you are an Alphasoldier does not mean you are perfect.”

“
Some slip-ups are inevitable during missions, kid.” Negi said sagely. “We were
actually amazed it took you three assignments to make one. And thank god you did,
otherwise we wouldn‟t have found out about your PTSD condition. It could‟ve eaten away at
your mindfor years without anyone knowing about it.”

“You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened that night, Neel.” Arjun warned
himquietly. “Unnecessary guilt will not help you duringtherapy.” Neel nodded soberly.
“Now we know what it is, and we can get to work curingit.” Premi said. “Doctor Fahim
will help you resolve the problem, and then you‟ll be stronger than ever.”

“Yeah, that‟s how you have to
see this experience.” Negi added. “You‟ve learnt pretty
much all you can in the gym. Now it‟s time for your mind to work out its kinks. So good
luck, kid.” He clapped Neel on his back.“Remember, it‟s all in your head, and you‟re in
charge of your head, not this PTSD thing.” Neel managed a small smile while Premi smiled
encouragingly at him as well.

“
DoctorFahim is waiting for you in his office.” Arjun said to him quietly. “Good luck.”
Neel nodded, and looked at his trainers one last time. Then he turned to the stairs and made
his way up.

When he arrived at Doctor Fahim‟s office it was empty. He waited for a few minutes,
and then the doctor entered, greeting him with a smile.

 

“Good afternoon, Neel.” he said. “You should be feeling bettertoday.”

 

“I do.” Neel lied. “Last night‟s rest was all I needed.”

 

“Your back?”

“It‟s getting better.” Neel said, twisting around slightly to show him. “It doesn‟t hurt
anymore and the wounds are just scabs now.They‟ll be gone soon. The doctor said I can take
off the bandages tomorrow.”

“Good.
I think we should start with your treatment as soon as possible.” the doctor said.
“Post trauma therapy is not my field of expertise, but we can‟t trust a strange doctor with
your past. I believe I know enough to help you. I will begin by telling you that I myself have
had some very personal experiences in this field.”

Neel said nothing, suddenly feeling awkward as he looked at Doctor Fahim. The doctor
noticed his expression, his eyes studying Neel shrewdly.

 

“Divya has alreadytold you about my past.” he said quietly. His piercing gaze made
Neel feel like an intruder on an extremely private matter. He nodded dumbly.

 

“Then that saves me a long explanation.” Doctor Fahim said with a sigh.

 

“I‟m sorry about what happened to your wife and son, sir.” Neel said quietly.

“Thank you.”
Doctor Fahim said. He was silent for a long time. When he spoke again,
his voice was soft but calm.“After my son died, I went into depression. The two people who
had meant the most to me had died because I had failed to take care of them. The work that
had cost me my family, the goal we were trying to achieve, seemed a fantastic dream that
could never be a reality. For a long time, I was completely useless. I consulted several
psychiatric experts to assist me in dealing with the guilt and loneliness and the depression.
But none of them could help.”