Neanderthal Marries Human: A Smarter Romance (Knitting in the City) (20 page)

We stared at each other for a very long time, during which neither of us moved. I was resolved not to speak, because if I did speak first, I would start spouting data related to pre-wedding abstinence
, and I felt we should wait to discuss that issue until the private clients issue was resolved. Also, I hadn’t yet prepared my graphs and citations list.

But not speaking was be
coming increasingly difficult. Quinn’s eyes seemed to grow hotter with each passing second, though the rest of his face was a stoic mask. I was a little concerned that a bolt of lightning or a nuclear blast or some other plasmic inferno was going to burn a hole through my skull.

At last, after a pointed swallow and
a moment or two of teeth grinding, he said, “We’re not getting a prenup. Don’t bring it up again.”

I winced at the glacial vehemence of his tone,
and my heart seized in shock—I imagined this was what it would feel like to be stabbed.

“
But…but I thought…I mean, I think that you should consider our differences in….

Quinn stood, his abrupt movements causing me to stumble
from his lap. He moved his hands from my legs to my shoulders and waited until I’d regained my balance before speaking. “Don’t.”

I bli
nked up at him. “I can see that you’re serious. But I don’t understand why we can’t even discuss it. If you would just listen, I think you would see that….”

“
No.” He shook his head, removing his hands and crossing his arms over his chest.

“
Why not?”

“
Because, just thinking about it makes me want to throw this table out that window.” He pointed to the table then the window in turn, emphasizing the coolly spoken threat.

I frowned and tried to surreptitiously put to rights my underwear and tights.
“That’s ridiculous. A prenup is meant to….”

I didn
’t get to finish, because Quinn turned away from me and stalked to the bedroom, pulling his suit jacket from his shoulders with rigid, stiff movements. I stared at his retreating form for two beats then finished fixing my tights and followed him.

He was angry
, really, really angry, and I couldn’t fathom why. Of all the topics I’d covered, the prenup was the very last one I thought he’d take issue with.

I suddenly realized that t
his was a fight. We were having a fight, a real fight. Logically, I recognized that it was a good data point.

But I didn
’t like it, because my throat felt tight and dread was coursing through my veins. My neck was hot and my scalp itched.

I
’d never felt like this before, hot and cold, angry and anxious. I wanted to apologize, to escape this uncomfortable sensation, but my stubborn resolve wouldn’t let me because I didn’t feel like I was in the wrong.

I lifted my voice as I chased him into the bedroom
. “A prenup is meant to protect you, your business, your assets in the event that our marriage ends. It’s a good thing, Quinn! There is nothing wrong with defining terms for divorce now so that our future break will be as seamless and painless as possible.”

Quinn spun on me
, backed me into his dresser, and everything about him looked furious. “There isn’t going to be a future break.”

“
You don’t know….”

“
Yes, Janie, I do know. And the fact that you even brought it up…are you trying to hurt me?”

My mouth dropped open
and I flinched, because I was completely astonished by his accusation. “What? No! No, Quinn, I’m doing this because I care about you.”

“
Are you going to leave me?”

“
What? No…!”

“
Then drop it.” His eyes sliced through me, and he turned toward the closet, moving like a panther.

I gathered a
deep breath and glanced at the ceiling for help. Unsurprisingly, it offered none. Since I couldn’t bring up any of the other very important issues until he calmed down—as they would likely be tainted by association—I decided to take a different approach.

“
It occurs to me….” I inhaled another steadying breath, hoped it would even my tone so I didn’t sound quite so shaken. “It occurs to me that this is our first fight. How we move forward from here, what we learn from this interaction, how to talk to each other in particular, is very important. Therefore, it would be really great if we could discuss this calmly.”

I couldn
’t see him because he was inside the walk-in closet, but I heard him huff an extremely bitter laugh just before three drawers slammed. An instant later, he was standing in the doorway, his arms braced on the trim, his large body filling the entire space.

“
You’re driving me fucking crazy,” he said.

My eyelashes fluttered due to his bluntly spoken proclamation and
his use of the f-word—since he rarely cursed, at least in front of me—and I instinctively crossed my arms over my chest.

“
Well, if you’re expecting me to apologize for doing absolutely nothing wrong, then you’ll be waiting for a very long time. I honestly have no idea why you’re so upset.”

“
Doing nothing wrong?” His usual outward façade of indifference was completely shattered. I was having difficulty adjusting to all the emotions twisting his features. “You’re planning the end of our marriage.”

“
I am doing nothing of the sort!”

“
Do you not trust me? Is this what this is about? How long is it going to take? What do I have to do?” Quinn’s voice rose with every question until he was full-on shouting at me. “Just tell me what to do, Janie. What other tests are required?”

I sighed and my eyes stung because his words hurt
. In fact, my chin wobbled and I couldn’t stop it. It made my words come out as watery and strained. “None of this is about testing you, Quinn.”

“
That is complete bullshit! That’s what all of this is about.”

I stepped toward him, surprised that my voice also arrived as a shout
. “Can’t you understand that I want to protect you? Even from my future self, I want you to be safe. I come from a long line of crazy women. We cheat on our husbands, abandon our families, use our sisters’ boyfriends as ashtrays and toilets. I started therapy before I was a teenager.”

He winced, his hands dropping from the closet frame
, and I noted that his expression had softened, but I wasn’t finished.

“
I’m a ticking time bomb of crazy—you just said so! I drive you crazy. Maybe it’ll never happen—maybe I won’t go nuts; I’d like to think I won’t. But I’d feel a lot better if I knew you were protected. You know I like labels. I like clarity and defined expectations, because without them I’m lost. It’s
your
money. I don’t want it. A prenup for you isn’t about me not believing in you. It’s about….”

“
Shh, Janie, that’s enough.” Quinn’s voice was soft as he crossed to me in four steps and wrapped me in his arms—which were now bare along with his chest. He’d removed his shirt while in the closet.

I gripped his biceps and snuggled against the warmth of his skin, pressing my cheek
to his chest so that I could feel his heartbeat.

“
I don’t want a prenup,” he said, giving me a squeeze. “I don’t want it, and just thinking about it makes me….” I felt him swallow before he finished his thought. “It pisses me off.”

I nodded, pressed closer.
“I trust you. You have to know that. None of this—the wedding and related tribulations—none of this is about not trusting you. It’s about us repeating vows with certainty and knowledge of what we’re promising. Love through suffering.”

I felt his chest rise and fall before he answered.
“I know.”

“
And the questions I have about the private clients aren’t about not trusting you; it’s just that I’d like to understand better what your past involvement means for your safety and for us moving forward.”

He nodded.
“That makes sense.”

I was on a roll,
so I moved my hands from his arms to the hard plane of his back. “Your safety is going to be my safety and our children’s safety—and speaking of children, I’d like at least two with an option for more.”

Quinn
’s light laugh dispelled some of my lingering anxiousness. “Well, I want more than two. I was thinking four or six.”

I stif
fened and lifted my head to catch his eyes, to gauge whether or not he was serious.

He was serious.

“Four or six?”

“
I like even numbers. Growing up it was always Shelly and me against Des. This way our kids can pair off to torture each other in teams.”

“
Hmm….” My mouth twisted to the side as I considered this. “Can I think about it?”

“
Sure. But for now, I think your plan—two then reevaluate after we have them—makes a lot of sense. And I’d like to wait a few years before we start our family.”

“
How many?”

“
Three or four, but start before you turn thirty.”

“
I can agree to those terms.”

His mouth hooked to the side
, and his expression was now the polar opposite of the glacial inferno from just minutes prior. I marveled at how quickly the discussion had escalated, reached volcanic, then subsequently plummeted back to baseline.

“
This was our first fight,” I said.

He nodded, his eyes searching my face.
“It was.”

“
I don’t like fighting with you.”

“
I don’t like fighting with you either.”

“
Good.” I kissed his chest. “We should try to figure out how to avoid fighting in the future.”

“
It’s going to happen. We can’t avoid it completely.”

“
I know. But if we can decrease the number of incidences, I think that would be ideal. It seems like the key is to assume the best of each other. To…not assume that the other has malicious intent.”

Quinn dipped his mouth to my neck, bit my jaw, and whispered,
“I’ve also heard it helps to only fight while naked.”

“
Then we would never fight,” I responded distractedly. “I would just stare at you and drool and you’d win.”

“
You’d drool?”

“
You know I drool. What do you think those stains are on my pillow? Drool during sleep can be indicative of poor digestion or eating too late, but it can also be saliva manufactured during sex dreams.”

He blinked at me.
“Your drool is because of sex dreams? You have sex dreams?”

“
Yes, of course…don’t you?”

“
Yes!” He responded as though the mere question were a slight against his manhood or a question of his sanity.

“
Well, good. It’s normal, you know, to have sex dreams. It’s reported that they’re more common—that is, they occur with more frequency—in men than in women until the age of thirty-one. Then women out-pace men until thirty-eight. Then it’s about even.”

He stared at me for a long moment. I thought about telling him that women
’s sex dreams were usually about foreplay and erotic situations, whereas men’s sex dreams typically involved penetration, but decided against it. Maybe I’d share that later.

At length,
he sighed as if he was confused and frustrated. He kissed my neck and shoulder, nibbled my ear, then pulled away. Setting me away with obvious reluctance, he released another heavy sigh. “What were the other things?”

“
Other things?”

“
Yes. The other things, when I came in. Because I really want to spend several hours tonight giving you material for future sex dreams, and I don’t want you distracted or suddenly asking my opinion on ferns.”

I blink
ed at his bare chest dumbly for ten seconds; I was having difficulty seeing anything other than the hard ridges of his stomach framed by the V of his hips. This of course made me think about touching him, which made me think about him touching me, which made me think about having sex, which finally made me remember the
other things
. “Oh, yeah…the other things.”

He reached for the buckle of his belt
, and I backed up two steps, crossing my arms in order to keep my hands to myself.

“
So…?”

“
Well, one of them was, uh….” I bit the inside of my lip, debated which topic to tackle. “About the private clients. I don’t feel like the conversation we started in London was resolved. I’d like to have a better understanding of that side of the business.”

Quinn pulled his belt from the loops of his pants and placed it on the dresser behind me, his expression thoughtful.