Nature's Servant (32 page)

Drawing deeply on his magic, he barged into the room with two blazing fistfuls of power. Six heads snapped up in surprise as at the sight of him, totally unprepared for the sight of a battle-ready Nature Mage. He didn’t give them any time to react. Sweeping his arms outwards, he flung them back against the walls, pinning them there with sheer magical force. Everand began to draw on his own power but let it go straight away when he saw that the energy blazing around Gaspi’s fists was shot through with miniature lightning
bolts, their blue light flickering ominously as the energy he controlled sizzled and surged.

“Gaspi, wait!” he said nervously, stretching out a palm in his direction. “It was all just a misunderstanding.”

“A misunderstanding?” Gaspi hissed, seething. “You tried to steal my girlfriend. You got her drunk and you kissed her.”

Everand’s mouth opened and closed soundlessly as he tried to come up with a defence. In his towering rage, Gaspi hadn’t thought beyond that moment. All he’d thought about was finding Everand, but now he had him at his mercy, he didn’t actually know what to do. He obviously wasn’t going to attack him with the lightning he’d summoned - that would kill him.

He looked at Everand’s sweaty, fearful face, and felt a creeping sense of shame. All the way through the campus he’d been ignoring a quiet but insistent question that returned to him now with unsettling clarity. It was a simple enough question, and one that he had to face; what would Heath say about what he was doing?

He shouted with frustration through gritted teeth and released his power, letting his hands drop. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he said. “You deserve it, but I’m not going to lower myself.” He moved back to the doorway. “Just stay away from me and Em
my. I don’t want anything more to do with you.” With a flick of his wrist, he released Everand’s friends, who tumbled unceremoniously to the floor, and by the time they’d got back to their feet, he had gone.

…

“DAMN!” Gaspi shouted angrily as he walked back through the campus, banging a fist against his leg. Why was everything so complicated? He was wound up with anger and frustration, and he didn’t know how to deal with any of it. Walking past a stunted tree, he lashed out with his power, splitting it right down the trunk. He stopped in his tracks, shoulders heaving. Taking his feelings out on the tree was a disgrace! He walked slowly over to it, placing a hand on its ripped trunk. Even with Loreill’s help, it would be beyond healing.  Seeing what he’d done, he felt the anger drain out of him and was filled instead with an overwhelming sense of remorse. Falling to his knees, he broke into quiet sobs. Was this how long it took to erase the lessons of the last few months?

“
I’m so sorry,” he said through his tears, unsure whether he was apologising to the tree, to Heath, or to himself. Pushing himself to his feet, he turned away from the tree and trudged aimlessly through the campus. He didn’t know where to go. He didn’t want to talk to Emmy, but he needed some company. Remembering Taurnil’s invitation to visit him, he set off for the barracks, trudging sullenly down through the city.

He arrived to find Taurnil sparring with Erik, and sat down to wait for them to finish. Taurnil came jogging over straight away.

“You okay Gasp?” he asked, concern evident in his eyes. “I’m not on duty. Erik won’t mind if we stop.”

“No, I need the distraction,” Gaspi responded. “Just carry on and we’ll talk in a bit.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. We’ll be another hour or so. Catch you in a bit.”

Gaspi watched the two guards spar for the next hour, allowing himself to become mesmerised by the thrust and counterthrust of swordplay without really concentrating on it. He knew he needed to meditate and put his thoughts in order, but he felt bruised on the inside and was just too worn out to deal with it properly. He’d think about it when he was ready.

Taurnil finished sparring with Erik and cleaned up before re
-joining him in the arena. His hair was still wet and his shirt was clinging to his chest. He sat down next to Gaspi and looked at him attentively.

“So…you wanna tell me what happened?” he asked tentatively.

“It went pretty badly,” Gaspi answered, resting his head in his hands dispiritedly. “I could just about understand how it all happened, but then she defended Everand and I’d had enough.”

“Did you break up?” Taurnil asked when he didn’t continue.

“I dunno,” he answered. “No I don’t think so. I just shouted at her and then went to sort out Everand.”

“I guess she didn’t like that?”

“I didn’t care. I wasn’t gonna sit back and do nothing. I told her that if she tried to stop me it was over, but she didn’t, and I left her in the snug.”

“She’s with Lydia now,” Taurnil said, and Gaspi just nodded. “What did you do to Everand?”

“Nothing, if you can believe that!” he answered. “I found him in his room with a load of his mates. I pinned them down with magic and had him cornered, but I couldn’t do anything. It’s just so confusing Taurn. While I was away I learned a lot of things from Heath, and he would not have been happy if I’d used my powers to hurt someone, even if it’s Everand. It was like Heath was in my head, and I couldn’t ignore him, so I just told Everand to stay away from me and Emmy, and then I left. That’s it.” He didn’t have the heart to tell him about the tree.

“Sounds complicated,” Taurnil said. “What are you gonna do?”

“I honestly don’t know,” he responded. “I hate this. I should probably meditate or something, but I just don’t have it in me right now. I don’t even want to see Loreill. I might leave him with Hephistole overnight.”

“Loreill?” Taurnil asked, confused.

“Oh yeah, you don’t know anything about that yet. Look, I’ll tell you everything another time. Can we just hang out, play some koshta maybe? I don’t want to do any more thinking today.”

“Sure thing mate,” Taurnil responded. “Come with me to get my boots.”

The next morning, Gaspi awoke with a much clearer head, and he knew there was no putting it off any longer. He had to think his way through the mess he’d come back to. Rising quickly, he left the tower and made his way down to the garden. He wove his way through the shrubbery until he came to his usual spot, and took a seat on the bench. He still felt hurt and shocked by everything that had happened, but it was duller now, like a wound that had started to heal over. He spent several minutes going through his usual relaxation exercises until he felt the main force of his confusion drain away and he was able to look at things with a bit more clarity. In his altered state, he asked himself the question that had stopped him from attacking Everand the previous day - what would Heath say? The answer came back with curious clarity: Heath would tell him that he shouldn’t try and force things to happen the way he wanted. 

Gas
pi sighed, the last of his painful emotions draining away fully as realisation hit. He was trying to shove everything back into its box. He was trying to make everyone treat him the way he wanted. He was angry at Everand for trying to steal his girlfriend, and angry at Taurnil and Lydia for abandoning Emmy, but more importantly than that, he was disappointed that Emmy had let things happen the way they had. He felt she’d been disloyal by spending so much time with Everand, and even more disloyal by defending him. But being angry and shouting at her wasn’t going to change things. If he was ever going to feel secure about this, she’d have to come to her own conclusions. If he tried to force her, he’d just be controlling her, and she’d end up not being herself with him. She might even end up afraid of him. He shuddered at the thought.

So how was he go
ing to deal with this? Before he did anything, he needed to forgive himself for the almighty mess he’d made of things on his return. He had no chance of making things right with Emmy if he was still angry at himself. Lifting his head to the skies, he made the choice to let go of his guilt. He did it bit by bit, forgiving himself first of all for how he’d behaved in the Rest, then for his instinctive attempt to control everybody, and finally for what he did to the tree. Feeling his burden lighten, he stood up and walked away from the bench. The next thing he needed to do was find Emmy and put her mind at ease. Everand needed to know how he felt but he’d already covered that pretty comprehensively. He’d have to say a few frank words to Lydia and Taurnil, a discussion he’d avoided the previous day, but it should be pretty straightforward and then they could move on. Stunned and gratified by the difference a few moments of reflection could make to his emotions, Gaspi left the garden and headed towards the Warren. It was well past dawn by that time so Emmy would probably be with Lydia.

…

As expected, Gaspi found Emmy in Lydia’s room. She looked shocked to see him, wiping at her tear-stained, swollen cheeks with her sleeve when he walked in. Lydia removed her arm from Emmy’s shoulders, looking at him speculatively. Ignoring Lydia’s presence altogether, he knelt down in front of Emmy and took her hands. Her eyes were wide with uncertainty.

“Emmy,” he started, knowing
exactly what he wanted to say. “I’m sorry I got so angry.”

She shook her head vigorously. “No, it’s my fault!” she protested, but he gripped her hands more firmly.

“Please let me finish,” he insisted, and she bit off the rest of her objection, looking at him in surprise. This must be the last thing she was expecting. “I’m not saying I like what happened,” he continued, “but I know you don’t have a nasty bone in your body, and you wouldn’t want to hurt anyone, especially me.” She nodded in mute agreement. “So I’m not going to bully you into changing the way you are.”

“But I want to be a better girlfriend,” she insisted fervently.

“That’s up to you,” Gaspi said with quiet intensity, “and anyway, you’re an amazing girlfriend most of the time.” 

Emea stared at him in bewilderment for a moment and then flung her arms around his neck, sobbing heartily into his shoulder. He felt a light touch on his arm and looked up. Lydia smiled at him gratefully, tears welling in her eyes, and indicated
that she was leaving. Gaspi nodded, barely noticing when the door swung shut behind her. He let Emea cry until her sobs had diminished to little sniffs and hiccups.

“Are you okay?” he asked, pulling out of the embrace. The neckline and shoulder of his shirt was damp with her tears. He stood up, his knees protesting painfully after being in one position for so long.

“I am now,” she said, sniffling and looking around for a tissue. She found one by Lydia’s bedside and blew her nose noisily. “I really am sorry,” she said, dropping the tissue into a small wicker waste basket.

“I know. It means a lot,” Gaspi said, sitting down on the bed. “But I really meant what I said. I’m not going to give you a hard time about changing. I love how soft-hearted you are, and if that means it gets out of hand sometimes then I can live with that.”

“I’ll try really hard not to do it anymore,” she said sweetly.

Gaspi kissed her on the cheek. “Thanks Emmy,” he said.

“So what did you do to Everand?” she asked. “I don’t mind, I mean, it’s up to you,” she added swiftly. “I was just wondering.”

“Nothing,” he said with a shrug.

“Honestly?” Emmy asked, her expression sceptical.

“Honestly,” he said with a rueful smile. “I wanted to tear him up, but when I got there, I just couldn’t do it. I told him what I thought, but that was all. It’s up to him what he does about it.” Emmy was looking at him with naked curiosity. “What?” he asked.

“I’m just wondering what’s happened to you,” she said.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“You’ve really changed” she said. “I mean, last year, if this had happened, it would have been much worse. We’d probably have split up, and you’d definitely have hurt Everand! But now, you go off in a fury, and less than a day later you’ve completely sorted everything out in your head.”

“I learned a lot while I was away,” he said mysteriously, and then let the silence extend without further explanation.

“Tell me!” Emmy said with mock ferocity, grabbing a pillow and swinging it at him. He grabbed it, holding it while Emmy tried to wrest it away and have another swing.

“Okay, Okay!” he capitulated. “Just let go of the pillow and I’ll tell you.” When she released it, he put the pillow against the wall and pushed himself back on the bed until his back was resting against it. “I’d better start from the beginning,” he said, and began to tell her about his time with Heath.

…

Hours later, a wide eyed Emmy leant back against the bed-head, letting all the air out of her lungs in one long, slow breath. “Wow,” she said. “That’s just…incredible.”

“I guess it is,” Gaspi said, thinking back on the time he’d spent with Heath.

“And just think,” she continued. “You’re the only magician who knows this stuff.”

“Well technically the druids are magicians too, or they couldn’t be druids, but yeah. They don’t ever use our type of magic, so I guess they don’t count.”

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Emmy asked, springing up off the bed.