Natural Witchery (16 page)

Visualize a fine silver type of cord that connects your solar plexus to nature and to the other Witches, Wiccans, and Pagans that are scattered all over the world. Next, visualize that they in turn are also connected in a spirit of friendship to you. Out and out the web spins, and more and more shimmering strands are added and spun. Focus on this magickal web and the feeling of a gentle and positive spiritual connection.

Think about the phrase “In perfect love and perfect trust.” This is a positive use of your personal power; it's not about linking into someone who is unwilling. There are many open and friendly magickal individuals out there; consider this exercise a bit of an astral handshake. If you notice that your solar plexus area tightens a bit, that's fine, just keep going. After a short time, you will feel a bit warmer, and your link will feel more defined. At this point, repeat the spell verse:

I am connected to others by shimmering strands,

Under the moon so bright, together as one we stand.

In the ways of magick, I sense many others with me,

Weaving our magick together in loving harmony.

Bringing harm to none, and with a sprinkle of moon dust,

I release this web, in perfect love and perfect trust.

Now take a deep breath and look up at the moon. In your own words, ask for the blessings and ancient wisdom of the full moon to shine gently into your life and into your home environment. Then allow the strand at your solar plexus to unravel. See in your mind's eye that the web begins to loosen and to disintegrate on its own, in accordance with the free will of all and for the good of all. Ground and center when you are finished. Move the candle to a safe, fireproof spot where it can continue to burn until it goes out on its own.

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

Erma Bombeck

How to Deal with Nonmagickal
Spouses, In-laws, and Parents

Now that we've taken the time to consider our environments and how they affect our magick and our lives, we should also consider how the other people in our lives affect us as well. We all have friends, relatives, and loved ones that are part of our lives, and—like it or not—they do affect you, your environment, and your magick, especially if you are in the broom closet to avoid problems, or even if the people in your life know about your craft.

In my experience, families tend to react in a number of ways to the fact that one of their loved ones is a Witch. Over the years, I have seen them all. And after a while, I stopped taking it personally, and my sense of humor took over (much to my relatives' dismay)! Now, if you find this information offensive or too sarcastic—sorry. But I think sometimes the best thing you can do is to look at things from a new perspective, laugh out loud about the situations life throws your way, and to go on. After all, you can't choose your relatives—but you definitely can have a little fun while you deal with them. Remember, we want to work
with
your environment, not battle against it. So take a deep breath, unclench a bit, and prepare to cackle.

The Various Scenarios You Are Likely to Encounter

We start out with the “concerned” relatives—and you'll know they are concerned because they always start out the conversation with, “Please don't be mad, but I'm very
concerned
. . .” These folks can either go overboard and try to have an intervention, or they get upset when you don't immediately fall into line and may not speak to you for a while, thus employing an oldie but goodie: the “cold shoulder” form of punishment. The cold shoulder is still an effective tool for families to try and bring around a “difficult” relative. Occasionally they may really get inventive, sending you pamphlets in the mail or trying to read you Bible verses, or they'll whip out the “fear and guilt” card, which is played with the declaration that they are worried about your soul and are so sad that they ultimately won't be seeing you in heaven.

To this, my response was, “Look, I can't stand being around you now at family functions. What makes you think we'd be hanging around together in the afterlife?” This response was delivered in the most pleasant tone, with a friendly pat on the shoulder and a smile. I think the relative in question is still trying to figure out if I was joking or serious.

Then there is the teary-eyed approach. They are distraught, after all—and they want to make damn sure that you know
they
are the ones who are suffering. The distressed family member will look at you with tear-filled eyes and announce in a shaking voice that “I'll pray for you”—as if you are headed off to a horrible fate or something—to which my response is to say with a big smile, as if they've given me a compliment, “Well, thanks! I'll pray for you, too!” They never know how to react to that one.

Sometimes families do the pink elephant routine. What, you aren't familiar with that one? Oooh, I'll be happy to share it with you—and I'll bet you that you have already dealt with it. You just may have been blissfully unaware that it had a name. This routine goes like this: the family will treat your Witchcraft as if it were a big pink elephant that sits in the corner, with the absolute conviction that if they just ignore the pink elephant, then it doesn't exist. If they don't look at the pink elephant or talk about the pink elephant, then maybe, just maybe, it will all go away. It's also known as denial—and no,
denial
is not just a river in Egypt.

There is also the “Wow, that is so cool—I can't wait to tell all my friends” scenario. I know one Witch who was informed by her mother that dear old mom had told all the ladies at the local country club that her daughter was a Witch. When the Witch in question—who up until then had been keeping a very low profile—sputtered in disbelief at her mother, she was blithely informed, “Well, dear, it
was
the week before Halloween. And really, the country club ladies were just
fascinated
.”

Then there is the Oh-my-god-what-if-someone-finds-out (or the Darren Stephens Syndrome, which is straight from the old television show
Bewitched)
. Come on, you remember: Darren was always fussing at Samantha for using her magick—
until
he needed something, and then, well,
that
was okay. With this routine, the family member is convinced that their own personal lives or reputations will go straight to hell because they are related to a Witch. And it goes a little something like this …

So okay honey, you can do your thing, just please keep it a secret. Keep your witchy friends away from the house and make sure you don't wear any magickal jewelry in public or do anything that could ever make anyone suspect that you might not be—well, just like everyone else.

“But … there's just one thing, and I really hate to ask,” says the family member in a conspirator's whisper, “I was wondering, do you think you could work a spell to help me get over the flu/get that raise/sell my house quickly/nab some overtime?” They make the request with a nervous smile and then finish it up with, “Really, I know you are into this stuff and it's no big deal. This will just be our little secret.”

Does any of this sound familiar to you? Yeah, I thought so. So how do you deal with this? You dig down and find a sense of humor. It's tough, and it is a challenge that all of us face from time to time, but you will rise to the occasion and climb above the difficulties. Now that we've had a good chuckle, here is yet another practical issue that can affect your magickal life. And this time, you will need all the wisdom, magickal expertise, and humor that you can possibly muster.

Mother Nature is providential.
She gives us twelve years to develop

a love for our children before
turning them into teenagers.

William Galvin

Witch Parents and Their Teens:
Are We Having Fun Yet?

For those readers who imagine my life to be a faerie tale where everyone gets along and no family arguments about the Craft ever happen … oh boy, are you in for a rude awakening. Hello, this is real life. My family has dealt with the ups and downs of day-to-day life as well as the challenges and joys of the Craft. For those of you who are also doing the best you can with your kids, I thought I would share some of my experiences so you can see that no, you are not alone, and that we all have situations and challenges to deal with.

When the kids are small, it's not so bad—they enjoy the magickal holidays, and they enjoy learning about nature from a different spiritual perspective. I mean, how many other kids' parents teach them about the lady of the moon or the faeries? But when they become teenagers, then suddenly everyone else's opinion is more important than their parents'.

You become uncool overnight, and somehow you've also become incredibly stupid in their eyes, which just sucks all around. After all, they already know everything, you don't have to tell them. Also, they want you to be involved with them—just not
too
involved. They want you to attend all their school functions—just please don't embarrass them—and to that I wish you good luck. Teens are like chameleons. Their mood changes so fast you can only try and keep up. If you want drama, tragedy, and triumph in your daily life, then all you need is a teenager.

Now my brood has grown up with a mother who worked the psychic fairs and who has quietly practiced the Craft all their lives. As we live in the Midwest, I kept a fairly low profile and just went about my business. While all of my kids were taught the Craft basics, I never forced the issue. Their choice of spirituality has always been up to them. It wasn't until my first book,
Garden Witchery
, was published that things got interesting, as this took me out of the shadows and pretty much out of the broom closet. At the time, all three of my kids were in high school; my oldest was finishing up his senior year, my second son was a junior, and my daughter was a freshman.

The oldest hated high school, thought it was lame, and couldn't wait to graduate. He honestly didn't care if people found out. His opinion was that it was nobody's business, and he was proud and excited for me, as he knew how hard I had worked to make this dream a reality.

The youngest was at the time dressing in a trendy sort of gothic theme, loved the Craft, and was making excellent grades. She was in track, a member of the marching band, and in her “Witchcraft yeah!” mode. She took an active part in my circle's gatherings and was proud to consider herself a Witch.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, the middle son was a starter on the varsity football team and in the honors program. He was a bit concerned what would happen if his teammates or friends at school found out. He hoped that he wouldn't have to deal with any fallout, and he never did. I honestly don't believe anyone else really cared.

Even when I was interviewed on the morning news, most of the comments were along the lines of “Hey, was that your mom on the news? She wrote a book about gardens or something? That's cool.” Most folks weren't clueing in, and so on our life went. Things stayed pretty much the same; there were no confrontations, and if a friend or two of the kids found out about the books, they were usually pretty excited. So for a few years, things flowed along and our family life wasn't affected too much.

Well, honestly, I'm a very practical Witch and a regular gal. It's not like I stand out in the front yard in flowing black robes, waving a banner at every passing car that proclaims my religious beliefs. Oh, please. If I'm out in the yard, I'm probably gardening. When I teach classes, lecture, or do an author event, I am in street clothes: a nice outfit, a flattering pantsuit, or a dress. It's chancy enough toting around books, a briefcase, and such while being all dressed up and in high heels. The last thing I want to do is deal with long, dramatic sleeves or a floor-length dress. Besides, I don't have anything to prove.

The years went by, and the boys graduated and began working part time while attending community college on scholarships. And then our youngest, our daughter, became a high-school senior. That's when things got dicey. Gone was the gothic look. This girl had one goal and one goal only: to attend a four-year university. She waitressed on the weekends, tucking away money into her savings like crazy, all with the dream of saving up toward tuition. She wanted a degree in history and archeology. She'd apply for scholarships, grants, and take out loans, but she was determined to go away to school to a university. We all backed her up one hundred percent. If this was her dream, we'd help her find a way.