Nameless (23 page)

‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘Shitting on your own doorstep’s never a good idea.’

Her eyes went from warm to flinty in an instant.

‘Suit yourself,’ she said, and turned on her heel. Then she half-turned back, caught him staring after her. The smile reappeared. ‘But if you change your mind . . .’

‘Yeah. Thanks,’ said Kit.

He wouldn’t.

57

The Orchid and Holford Rooms at the Dorchester were so brightly lit and so beautiful that Daisy had to blink against the dazzle. She was a bit disappointed that Ma hadn’t gone for the ballroom for this, her daughter’s first-ever deb dance, but it was a dinner dance, so everyone met and dined at the Dorchester at nine o’clock, instead of meeting up after attending dinner parties all over the city.

Her closest friend Tabby Arnott-Smythe was there, clutching her arm excitedly, looking a picture with her brunette hair swept up and pinned with a tiara, wearing a ball gown of an exquisitely pale powder blue.

Daisy looked at her a little enviously. Tabby was so petit; Daisy towered over her. And men didn’t like big women, did they? They liked to be made to feel manly, powerful, dwarfing the woman at their side or in their arms. She knew that. But she was just so damned
tall
, and so awkward too. Her clothes always seemed to be half-falling off her – and she frequently toppled off her high heels. She had Pa to blame for her height. Mother was short, like Tabby. But Pa was over six feet, and so was her Aunt Ju, who was here, tearing excitedly about the place. She was just as loud as Pa, and bristling – like him – with the Bray self-confidence.

There was a photographer circulating among the crowds before they sat down to dinner, and Daisy posed patiently for the shot that would appear in
Tatler,
announcing Daisy, daughter of Lord and Lady Bray, at her debs’ dance at the Dorchester.

‘You look fabulous,’ said Tabby, and then it was a mad round of greetings and then she was sitting between two handsome young men, both complete debs’ delights, and was so excited and so tightly corseted that she could barely force down even a mouthful of the exquisite food on offer.

Then, the dancing – the best part for Daisy, who loved to dance. She was whisked around the floor to old stuff like ‘Night and Day’, ‘Cheek to Cheek’ and ‘These Foolish Things’. It was all
so
tediously old-fashioned, but somehow enjoyable too. Russ Henderson and his West Indians would be striking up later in the evening.

‘Coloured folk,’ said Aunt Ju, who seemed to Daisy more than a little drunk as she swayed along to the compulsive beat. ‘How amusing. They call this calypso, don’t they?’

Daisy didn’t know what they called it, only that it was good. She danced with her two dinner-partners, alternating them like two favourite pairs of shoes.

‘My turn,’ said Simon Collins, whose father owned a massive construction company. He was short, red-haired, with a rough sort of male attraction about him.

Daisy felt more comfortable with the taller, more effete-looking Will Stone, heir to the Stone banking fortune. She was embarrassed that she hadn’t considered the impact of heels when she stood in Simon’s presence. She loomed over him.

‘Perhaps we should sit this one out,’ she said, and Simon coloured up with temper.

‘I shouldn’t bother with that Stone fella,’ he said, puce with rage at what he perceived as rejection. ‘He’s
arse
, in case you didn’t know.’

Arse?
Daisy stared at him in bemusement. She had no idea what he meant, but it didn’t sound very nice.

‘Oh, Gawd, is the dwarf acting up again?’ asked Aunt Ju, coming over clutching her drink as Simon stormed off. ‘He’s got a
huge
chip on his shoulder because Daddy is trade. But what’s wrong with that, I say. His father, Sir Bradley, is very clever you know. He started out as a mining engineer, then got into building and bought up his own aggregate sources, made an absolute
killing
.’

‘Oh – how?’ asked Daisy. She was only half-listening.

‘He bought up gravel pits close to communities, for building work. Transport’s a huge cost in aggregates, I understand, so if you can cut down on that – and he did – you’re quids in.’

‘Simon told me Will is . . . arse,’ said Daisy.

‘Oh, well he is. Absolutely. And perfectly charming.’ Aunt Ju looked at Daisy. ‘You
do
know what arse is, don’t you, darling?’ At Daisy’s blank look, Ju shook her head. ‘My
God
, Vanessa has kept you tucked away out of sight, hasn’t she? Wills is attracted to boys. Not girls.’

Daisy took this information on board. The band played on; they were banging on steel drums and the sound was huge, almost deafening, but very jolly.

‘I just wanted to sit down,’ she shouted at her aunt. ‘Because I was so much taller than Simon. I didn’t want to embarrass him. I think I ought to go and apologize.’

‘Oh, let him stew, sweetheart,’ said Ju.

But she liked Simon. She actually thought he was terribly attractive, very
macho,
even if a little on the short side, and if she kicked her shoes off, he wouldn’t be short at all. She hared off in search of him, feeling a bit woozy from all the drink, and found him out in the corridor, smoking a cigarette.

‘Oh – it’s you,’ he said, not looking very pleased about it.

‘Yes.’ Daisy stood there for a moment, not sure what to say. Her head was spinning slightly, she felt very relaxed, very odd. She wasn’t used to men’s moods. Her father was often away, in the city or on business; she had no brothers. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you,’ she said at last.

‘I’m not upset.’ He took a deep drag, then stubbed the remains of the cigarette out on the heel of his shoe and tossed it carelessly down onto the carpet. He looked at her sharply. ‘I suppose you think you’re too good for me, the son of a builder.’

Daisy was outraged. ‘How can you say that? I just felt embarrassed because I’m so tall. That’s all.’

‘You mean I’m
short
,’ he said angrily.

‘No, I didn’t . . .’

‘Well, you know what they say.’

Daisy looked at him, flummoxed. ‘No. What do they say?’

He grabbed her wrist and pulled her sharply towards him. ‘That they’re all the same size lying down,’ he murmured against her mouth, and kissed her.

Daisy recoiled in surprise. Then she moved back again, finding the contact pleasant . . . really, really nice.

‘In here . . .’ he was saying now, tugging her after him through a door. Half-laughing, Daisy fell through the opening with him. He flicked a switch. It was a suite, one of three hundred in the hotel. And it was, clearly, empty.

‘How did you know it would be empty?’ she asked him in surprise.

‘Stupid. It’s my suite.’

He was kissing her again. Then he bent and picked her up in his arms. Daisy clung to him, amazed at how strong he was.
A builder’s son
, she thought, and hot on the heels of
that
thought came another. That her mother would be appalled if she could see her now. That Pa would be livid. But then, they weren’t here. And she
wanted
Simon’s kisses, she’d never been kissed before, not properly, like he was kissing her now, this was fun, this was an
adventure.

Having carried her through to the bedroom, he placed her upon the bed as if she was precious, like a porcelain doll. He clicked on the bedside lamp so that the room took on a warm, romantic glow. Then he lay down beside her, his eyes sparkling as he stared into hers.

‘See? Now we’re
exactly
the same height.’

It was true. Daisy laughed, drink and excitement combining to make her feel reckless, ready for anything.

‘Gorgeous, gorgeous Daisy Bray,’ he murmured, trailing kisses over her collarbone. Daisy lay back. This was lovely. It felt so nice, his strong hands upon her. ‘You know, I’ve been wanting this for so long,’ he whispered, his mouth coming back to hers, covering it, invading it.

‘I adore you,’ he said, and now his hands were moving inside the tight bodice of her gown and she felt a thrill of sheer eroticism as his fingers grazed against her nipples. ‘Oh, Daisy.’

Now he was nudging her legs apart, and she felt a tingle of foreboding but also she was so excited, she so wanted to understand things, to not have everything be a mystery to her any more.

This
was what the girls had been whispering about in the dorm late at night.
This
was the thing that was so unknown, so fascinating. He was fumbling with the front of his trousers, unbuttoning . . . Daisy stared, she wanted to see.

‘You ride, don’t you?’ he said, almost panting.

Daisy was staring, watching his fingers, wanting to know, wanting to see.

What was he asking
that
for? Of course she did.

‘Yes,’ she said absently. Silly question, surely?

‘Then your cherry’s already broken, I expect, and this won’t hurt.’

And he pulled out his penis. It was very red, and extremely big. She had never seen a naked male penis before. And she had actually expected that Simon’s would be short, like the rest of him; but it was powerful, beautiful, the big vein throbbing up its considerable length. Daisy looked at it and felt not fear but elation. She felt herself almost
melt
with desire for it.

‘It
is
your first time?’ he was asking, pushing between her legs, moving the flimsy protection of her panties aside.

She was nodding.
Just do it
, she thought frantically. She could hear her own breathing coming in feverish little gasps.

‘I’ll be careful,’ he said, and placed it so carefully, so very carefully, against her.

Daisy gave a heave and pushed down, taking it in, her mouth opening in surprise at the size of it. She pushed crazily down, enveloping him, her arms flung above her head in complete abandon.

‘Oh, you hot little
whore
,’ he moaned, half-laughing because he’d been worried about her virginity, about hurting her, when she was so eager, so moist, so completely delicious.

It was over too quickly, that was all Daisy could think as he thrust and thrust at her. In moments, he was done, slipping away from her. But then he turned her onto her side and touched her smoothly, relentlessly, until pleasure – such startling,
unbelievable
pleasure – grabbed her whole body and shook it from stem to stern.

They lay in each other’s arms after that, quietly, and Daisy half-smiled to herself. Now she understood. Now, at last, she knew; she’d finally become a woman. And it was at that precise moment that Aunt Ju flung open the door and hurled herself into the room like a hurricane.

58

‘What we are going to have to do,’ said Vanessa, pacing around the drawing room in the London house, ‘is keep this quiet.’ She stopped and stared hard at her sister-in-law. ‘Cornelius must
never
know.’

Daisy sat in the big armchair, feeling as small as a whipped five-year-old. She had never, ever seen her mother so enraged. Vanessa’s anger was whip-like and cold, lashing Daisy’s composure. When her mother turned and looked at her, Daisy felt the full weight of Vanessa’s disapproval and disappointment like a physical blow.

She shuddered and folded her arms around herself, just praying for this to end. It was two hours since Aunt Ju had burst in on Simon and her. Daisy couldn’t even
think
about that, what Aunt Ju must have seen before she managed to scramble from the bed, before Simon, blushing scarlet, had staggered to his feet, adjusting his trousers.

She was still wearing the beautiful yellow Worth dress. But now she felt sullied, embarrassed, not beautiful at all. Aunt Ju was sitting opposite her with a face like thunder, while her mother, in her dressing gown, was marching back and forth in front of her, shooting her daughter looks that curdled Daisy’s soul.

‘How
could
you?’ she kept saying over and over.

‘I’m sorry,’ Daisy said, time after time.

‘
Sorry!
’ When Daisy said it, it seemed to only infuriate Vanessa all the more. ‘You silly girl! And thank
goodness
your father isn’t here.’

Pa was never there. Daisy always missed her father, craved his attention, longed for his big warm presence, but tonight she could see that his absence was a mercy.

Now Vanessa was shooting black looks at her sister-in-law. ‘And for the love of God, Julianna, what were you thinking, letting her wander off? You were supposed to be looking after her.’

‘It isn’t Aunt Ju’s fault,’ said Daisy.

‘
Shut up
, Daisy,’ snapped Vanessa. ‘You’ve done quite enough damage for one night, just keep quiet now.’ She turned to Julianna with a disgusted expression. ‘Had they . . . I mean, had things progressed too far . . . ?’

Julianna exchanged a look with Daisy. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I think so.’

‘Oh
hell
,’ said Vanessa, and slumped down in a chair, burying her face in her hands.

Daisy sat there looking at the pair of them, judging her. She
hated
that they were judging her. She knew her mother’s strict moral code; she knew her mother was inclined to be . . . well, not cold exactly, but a touch remote. What she had experienced with Simon had been wonderful, warm, exquisite; and now they were cheapening it, turning it into a sin, something evil, something shameful.

‘I should have known something like this would happen,’ said Vanessa, staring at Daisy as if she didn’t even know her. ‘I should have known.’

‘
Vanessa
,’ said Aunt Ju, and there was a warning note in her voice. Daisy heard it, looked at her curiously.

‘Bad blood always comes out,’Vanessa went on, still staring at her daughter.

Bad blood?

Aunt Ju stood up suddenly. ‘That’s enough, Vanessa,’ she said briskly. ‘She got a bit drunk, that’s all, and did something silly. The poor girl’s suffered enough, and God knows it’s something that happens.’