My Vicksburg (12 page)

So we ate fresh-baked bread and ham and cheese and tomatoes and pickles and coffee. And I told them what Mr. Swords had said about how the white flags were going up tomorrow and there was going to be a truce. I told them how glad he was to get my wallpaper, and how he said I could have my own edition of tomorrow's paper, that he was saving it for me.

Chip came then, to bring Mercer home to the stables, and Pa settled in. Mama took him into their room and made him take off his uniform and washed him and got
him into his nightshirt and robe and slippers and then got some quinine for the fever. Then she settled him in a comfortable chair in the "parlor" with a blanket around him.

Then came the shelling again, all around us. Mama put James, with Sammy, down for a nap and the cave became quiet. I picked up one of Landon's Dickens books when Pa called me softly to him.

I went and he sat there looking sad and gestured that I should sit on a footstool next to him.

He rested his left arm across his middle, set his right elbow on it, and ran the fingers of his right hand across his forehead. "We have to talk about this, Claire Louise. What happened between you and Landon?"

There it was, what I was afraid of. I shrugged my shoulders and said lightly, "Just a stupid argument, Pa."

He shook his head, no. "If you lie, I have to punish you. I have to take you home and make you stay in the cellar alone for a week. Don't think I won't do it. If you tell me the truth, we'll work it out."

Of a sudden I got scared. Alone in the cellar for a week? I couldn't stand that. Pa knew I couldn't. I'd die! What was he about here?

What could I do?

I studied on it for a moment. Pa was a Confederate and a major. It was his army Robert had harmed. If I told him, he might feel honor bound to report to his superiors who had lost Lee's order. The Confederates would give chase to Robert. But then, Landon had said Robert
wouldn't go to Jackson, but onward, west. And the war wasn't over yet. There was no time to look for Robert. He had plenty of time to disappear.

"I'm waiting, Claire Louise."

I breathed in deeply. "It's on account of Robert," I told him.

He knew nothing of Robert, except what Mama had likely told him of his staying here. I had to start at the beginning and tell him. He listened, never taking his eyes from my face. And when I got to the part where I gave Robert Jewel and saw him off, he closed his eyes for a second, as if it was all too much to absorb.

"And you never told Landon that it was you who let him go?"

"Nosir."

"Don't you think Landon knows?"

"Yessir. But he just wanted me to say it. To tell him. I don't know why."

"He wanted the truth from you, Claire Louise. His life is based on honor, and he expects it from everybody else. He's caught in the trap of his own honor. It's a terrible thing, honor. It's a lonely thing."

"I want to go and see Landon, Pa. Please, can I?"

"No. He set the rules. Let him run the show. Let him find the way out."

"He doesn't want a way out. He says we'll never be friends again."

"He's too stern with you. I'll have to speak with him."

"No, Pa, please."

He raised his eyebrows. "I know you love your brother, but it'll wait. It's waited this long."

"It can't wait, Pa. I have to go. Either today or tomorrow."

He scowled. "Do you have another fish to fry that I don't know about, young lady?"

"I can't tell you," I said.

"Well then, it's the cellar again."

"No, Pa, please. I can't. I'd die down there. You know I would."

"Yes, I think I do. And this time no Landon to rescue you. Oh, I know how he used to rescue you. Used to come to me and plead that I let you out. It's my only negotiating tool, Claire Louise. So what's it to be?"

"I think you're mean," I said.

"Not as mean as I could be, and you know it. Now I'm getting a headache, so tell me about this other fish you're about to fry."

So I told him then about Sarah. And how she lay in that hospital bed and nobody but me knew she was there. And I told him about the amputated arm and the argument she'd had with Landon and how she was planning on taking the train and running away within the next two days. "Oh, please, Pa, I've got to tell Landon. Don't you see?"

He saw. He went silent. And solemn. He bit his bottom lip. He looked at me quizzically. He thought. He looked at me some more.

"I have to give you this one, Claire Louise," he said. "This time you're right on track, child."

"You mean, you'll let me go?"

He shook his head, no. "Not alone, no. Never alone. Do you know what it's like out there? All those soldiers hearing about a possible truce? Some about to cheer, some about to cry? All about to be out of their heads? And here comes a pretty young girl on horseback? Hey, what say we have some fun? No, sweetie, I go with you."

"But you're sick!"

"Not as sick as I'd be if something happened to you."

"Oh, Pa." I reached up and hugged him. "Pa," I said, "you
do
love me."

He hugged me back. His face, against mine, was warm, but not hot. "What kind of a thing is that to say? You ever have reason to doubt it?"

"Sometimes I thought you didn't," I admitted. Tears came out of my eyes. I wiped them away.

"You need to grow up," he said, "that's your trouble. Now do we have any powders for headaches in this place?"

"Landon left some. He brought them in from your surgery. Do you know I helped there sometimes, Pa?"

"That's the kind of thing I want to hear."

"Then you go for a nap and by tomorrow morning you'll be lots better."

"Thank you, Dr. Claire Louise," he said.

There was no shelling the next morning.

"They must have run out of ammunition," Pa said at breakfast. "The cannonading was hot and heavy until the wee hours this morning. As if the enemy was trying to get in their last shot."

Chip came into the hall. "Suh?"

"Yes, Chip."

"When I was acomin' here wif your horses, some man come runnin' over to me and axe me to give this to you all." He handed Pa a copy of the
Citizen.

"Oh!" I jumped up from my chair. "That's the issue from my wallpaper! Mr. Swords promised it to me!"

Pa was reading the page. It proposed a cease-fire, from Grant to Pemberton. An armistice for several hours. "A flag of truce will be sent out."

"I done seen the white flag on our fortifications," Chip said.

"Then there will be no shelling to worry about," Pa said. "C'mon, Claire Louise. Finish your breakfast and let's get started."

***

Out in the streets our "brave boys" came out from their holes, emerging from their hiding places, from their lines, standing tentatively, like gray owls come out in the day, blinking at the azure sky and the sun, surprised that it all was still there.

Were these conjectures about a truce true? Dared they come out in full and show themselves without getting blown into next week?

Several of them saluted Pa as we rode by. Several of them asked, "Sir, is it true? Is it a truce? Sir, tell us what's going on."

Pa's smile was indulgent, as if they were all Landons. "Wait just a bit," he said, "and we'll all see. But I don't think there will be any firing today."

They'd cheer and mount the Confederate fortifications. Opposite them, only a few yards away, the line of men in blue would emerge from their hiding places from which they had been firing, look across at the men they had been trying to kill, and pick up the cheer.

Pa and I rode on. I had Robert's horse, who was still limping somewhat, so we took our time traveling the fifteen miles to Milliken's Bend hospital. By the time we got to the sprawling affair of brick and tents, I was starting to get a little queasy. And Pa was not looking so good either.

"We should have stopped to rest," I told him. "You don't look so good, Pa."

"I'll ask Landon for a place to lie down," he said.

We reached a side entrance of the tented part of the hospital. Pa dismounted and leaned against Mercer. "Go and find Landon," he instructed me.

I hadn't envisioned it like this. I had assumed Pa would seek out his son and have pleasant words with him and then slip in the conversation that, oh yes, by the way, Claire Louise is here to see you.

The first person I met was a nurse, a woman nurse, middle-aged with a pleasant smile, carrying some clean linens. "Miss," I said, "can you tell me where to find Dr. Corbet?"

"He's in the next tent," she said. "Who needs him?"

"His father is here. Outside. And his father is Major Corbet and not so well. And it's very hot outside. Could I please bring him in?"

"Here, hold these," and she handed me the linens and went outside and came back with Pa in hand. "Right here, sir. On this cot. There you are. You can just lie here and I'll fetch your son in a minute. Oh, I see by your insignia that you're also a doctor. On medical leave, are you?"

"Look here." Pa started to get up. "I didn't come for treatment. You people are busy enough. If you'll just get me some quinine and water, I'll be right as rain."

"I can't do that, sir. I can't administer medicine without the doctor's permission. Now you just lie back. Why, Dr. Corbet will have my head if I dispense medicine without asking him first. Please don't get me in trouble."

Pa smiled. "All right. Wouldn't want the good doctor to give you what for. Claire Louise, go outside and see to the horses. Give them water and put them in some shade."

"There's a trough of water at the end of the lane," the nurse told me, "and a stable boy to put your horses under the trees."

I thanked her and went outside.

I made myself take extra time with the task. I was still upset about seeing Landon and needed more time to gather myself in. Then, finally, when I could stall no more I went back to the tent.

Landon was just straightening up from leaning over Pa. He'd covered him with a light sheet. He turned around and saw me. "You did right by bringing him in," he said. "But why didn't you take him to Dr. Balfour?"

He was making some notations on a chart.

Might as well let it all out at once. "He didn't come for help," I said. "He came to accompany me. He wouldn't let me come alone."

His expression didn't change. He nodded slightly. "Miss Tyler, can you give us some privacy for a moment please?"

"Yes, sir."

He turned to look back at me, then gestured that we should move away from Pa's hearing. We stood, a few feet apart. "So," he said.

I said nothing. I was tongue-tied.

"We aren't old yet, which was the next time we were supposed to be talking. Though I feel like it. I haven't slept all night. Last thing I need to see is you here. What's wrong at home?"

"Nothing."

"Ma all right?"

I nodded yes.

"You have something to say, say it. And it better be important or I'll run you out of here. I'm busy as hell and I haven't time for nonsense."

I felt stung, as if he'd slapped me. So this is what honor did to you. "It is important," I said. My voice had tears in it. I hoped he wouldn't notice, but he did. He looked down, shamefaced, at his chart.

"Well?" This time the voice was more gentle.

How to I say it? "I thought you would want to know. Sarah is home."

He did not even blink. "All right. You've told me. Thank you. But why does that merit a trip here in the severe heat with a sick pa?"

He was starting to turn away.
I was losing him. I mustn't lose him.

I must talk fast, hit him with it like a Parrott gun. "She's in Dr. Balfour's hospital. She has one arm amputated at the elbow. She got hit with shell fragments at McConnellsburg, near the end of June, and they kicked her out of the army."

He'd already started to walk away. Now he stopped and turned. I saw his face change, as if somebody had punched him in the stomach.

"Did you tell her you were coming to tell me?"

"She doesn't want anybody to know she's here. Especially not you. She said she's going to sneak out of the hospital and leave on the Vicksburg and Jackson Railroad in the next two days. Says she's going to Raymond, to an aunt."

"Raymond, hey?"

"Yessir."

"Don't call me sir."

"No. I, well, I'm so used to Pa now."

He nodded, understanding. He looked over toward Pa. Then back at me. I could see he was calculating. "You fit to ride back to the city?"

Now he sounded like my old Landon. I nodded yes.

"We'll leave Pa here. Grab yourself a sandwich. Miss Tyler will show you where. And some juice. I'll see my superiors and explain things."

I started to walk toward Miss Tyler, but something bothered me.

Was that it? Was that all it took? Was he just going to pick up on things the way they used to be? Like Mama picked up a stitch on her crocheting when she missed one? Nothing was mended. Not as far as I was concerned. Wasn't there something he should do, like stitch up my heart, maybe, the way he'd stitched up my hand?

"Oh," he said, "one more thing."

I turned to look at him. He was taking off his white apron, which did have a considerable amount of blood on it.

"Come
here
."

I hesitated a moment.

"Well, come here."

He held out his arms and I went to him. He enfolded me in a hug that stitched up my heart and everything else that was torn and hurting.

"I've missed you," he said.

"Me too," I told him.

His face grazed the side of mine as he let go. "I'm sorry I lost you Robert," I told him.

"No you're not." He touched the side of my face. "You're a sweet kid and you did what sweet kids do. And if we had more of you there wouldn't be any wars. Only please, don't ever tell anybody you did it."

I promised I wouldn't.

There were tears welling in his eyes. "I'm sorry I was so bad to you." He kissed me. "It was brave of you to come here and face up to me today to give me back Sarah. Because of you, we'll likely be wed. Now go," he said, "we have lots to do together."

I went. Now I was mended. Better than when he'd stitched up my hand.