My Seductive Innocent (46 page)

When her climax subsided and she was left with the aftershocks, she sagged in his arms. He caught her and carried her to the bed where he gently laid her down. She opened her eyes and blinked, surprised to find him staring at her and shocked at what she could have sworn was love shining back at her. But before she had the chance to study him, an impenetrable mask descended and he turned without a word and went around the room gathering his clothes.

She studied him as he dressed, crying on the inside for the scars on his back that matched those on his front. She couldn’t care less about the marks, but the pain he must have suffered made her ache for him. When he walked to the door and turned the handle to leave, she bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from begging him to stay. He turned back and swept his gaze over her body, his eyes seeming to freeze on her hips and chest. She furrowed her brow as a dark look swept over his face and then disappeared.

“I’m sorry,” he clipped. “I fear I’m far more barbarian now than gentleman. I hope I did not pale too much in comparison to the lovers you have known in my absence.” With those spiked words, he quit the room.

She was left, once again, alone in her large bed and too-quiet bedchamber, where she had spent so many nights crying tears of loss, and more recently anger, over him. She crawled under the coverlet and recounted the seconds since he had returned. And then she spent what seemed like forever staring up at the ceiling in utter disbelief that he was alive. She replayed every word they had exchanged, every look he had given her, every reaction he had shown, and then she considered the things he had not revealed and the obvious torment he had borne.

And then she thought of what she’d learned from Ellison about Nathan betraying her. What if he hadn’t? Why had she not considered the possibility before? What if Marguerite had lied? Sophia groaned. She had been so hurt when Ellison had told her, and her life before Nathan had been filled with Frank failing her that she’d all too willingly believed that Nathan had failed her, as well.

His mistress had nothing to gain with lies, of course, except she could just be a wretched person. Sophia had encountered plenty of purely evil people to know they existed. What if it wasn’t true and he had actually started to care for her? Nathan would never be the sort of man to admit that to his friends. Her stomach twisted.
Dear heaven!

How would she feel if their roles were reversed and she had been held captive for fourteen months, suffered unspeakable torture, and survived it all only to return and find him in bed with another woman? And then what if he had told her he had been bedding hundreds of women instead of mourning her? She cried out at the thought.

His words were cold and cruel but his touch was tender and loving. Her breath caught in her throat, and her mind raced with the horror of how she might have pushed him away, especially because she knew, without a doubt, that if he had not betrayed her, she could forgive him anything. She loved him and she was quite certain she had never managed to stop.

She lay in bed, her mind whirring and whirring. When dawn broke, she could take it no more and she hurriedly dressed and raced out of her room to her husband’s bedchamber. She didn’t bother to knock for fear he would deny her entrance. But when she flew through the door, she was surprised to find a maid in there, bent over a blanket and pillow that had been tossed on the floor.

The maid popped up and curtsied. Sophia eyed the spot by the fire where the blanket and pillow had been. “Did Nathan sleep on the floor?” Sophia demanded.

The maid bit her lip but nodded. “I believe so, Your Grace. He murmured something this morning on his way out the door about not being used to soft beds anymore.”

Sophia frowned. “Out the door?” Surely he had not left her without them talking.

The maid nodded. “He had the whole staff up at three, and he was gone by three thirty.”

“He’s gone?” She clutched at her chest, feeling as though her heart would explode any moment.

Oblivious to her mistress’s rising hysteria, the maid nodded. “Yes, Your Grace. To London. He said he’d not be back for some time, and I overheard him tell Mr. Burk you were not to go anywhere unaccompanied by Mr. Burk himself. Not even to see the Duchess of Aversley, ’cause Mr. Burk inquired about her particularly.”

A hysterical bark of laughter escaped Sophia. The noise must have alerted Duke, who was half-deaf with age, to her presence in his master’s chamber. She stared openmouthed at the dog, shocked to see that Nathan had left Duke behind. Mr. Burk had said Nathan loved that dog and had always kept him with him.

“He left his dog,” she murmured, more to herself than the maid.

The maid nodded. “Yes, Your Grace. He told Mr. Burk the dog had become a nuisance and to get rid of him.”

Her stomach tensed, then flipped. What was Nathan doing? She clenched her teeth. He was cutting out everything from his life for which he had ever allowed himself to care. She was almost sick until she realized that if he was cutting her out, too, it had to mean he cared for her. She had to learn the truth somehow.

“Is Mr. Burk at the stables?” She had to demand he take her to London.

“Yes, Your Grace.”

Sophia murmured her thanks and raced down the steps. She had to find out if Marguerite had lied to Ellison, though she had no idea how to go about even finding Marguerite. She didn’t even know what the woman looked like. Somehow, she would find a way. And then she would have an honest talk with Nathan, even if it meant she had to admit he truly didn’t care for her.

She strode out the door and toward the stables, but she got no more than a few feet when Mr. Burk came walking toward her. He had a troubled, reluctant look on his face as he held an envelope to her. “His Grace ordered me ta give ye this.”

Dread seized her. Her hands trembled as she broke Nathan’s wax seal.

Mr. Burk cleared his throat. “Shall I leave ye to it alone?”

“Please stay,” she choked out while glancing down at the note.

A blush singed her cheeks, and she held the note a little closer to ensure Mr. Burk did not see it. Nathan had given her nothing but pleasure, but apparently, he did not think so. She brought her fingertips to her pounding temple and started to read again.

She gaped at the paper. How had he known she had gone on a scavenger hunt? And what was harmful about a scavenger hunt? Lord Roxbury had been a perfect gentleman, except he had gotten them lost by refusing to listen to her directions. She huffed and continued reading.

Sophia had to stop reading for a moment because she was shaking with anger and horror at the thought of his aunt coming to live here.

She dug her nails into her palms to keep from spouting foul curses.

That edict, though annoying, made her smile with satisfaction. There was at least one thing about her he found alluring.

That statement made her shiver. Nathan was not a murderer, but she knew he had been forced to kill in order to survive. Clearly, the law of the sea still ruled in his mind.

“The misfortune of thinking he loved me!” she sputtered. Anger danced up her spine and made her head pound harder. She took a shuddering breath before continuing to read.

She crumpled the paper in her hand.
Rub along without strife! Ha!
If she followed his rules they would see each other only if she wasn’t pregnant and he had to visit her bed again, and if she was with child, what then? Would he swoop in and take the child from her because of his treatment from his own mother?

These rules would not do. They would not do at all. Slowly, she opened the balled paper only to rip it to tiny pieces that fluttered from her hand to the ground. She was going to London to confront Nathan, and that’s all there was to it. She didn’t care what sort of punishment he delivered. Living as he suggested would be the worst sort of punishment imaginable. She could not simply sit here and not know the truth of whether had had been unfaithful or if he truly did not care for her at all.

She looked up at Mr. Burk, who was still standing there silently and watching her. “Mr. Burk, I need you to ready a carriage. I’m going to London.”

“We are going ta London,” Mr. Burk amended. “His Grace told me ye were ta go nowhere without me.”

“Oh, yes, I see.” She worried her lip. Mr. Burk hadn’t read the “rules” Nathan had left her, so he had no way of knowing she was not to go to London without Nathan’s permission. But in good conscience, she could not allow the man to accompany her without knowing the anger he may face from Nathan. She cleared her throat. “Er, Mr. Burk, I should tell you that―”

“Yer not ta go ta London without His Grace’s consent?” he interrupted.

She nodded, heat making her cheeks burn. “He told you?”

“Aye. He read his rules ta me, lassie, with orders ta keep my eye on ye for any infractions. But he’s a fool. I ken ye love him, even if neither of ye do. And if ye don’t go ta him now and make him realize he loves ye back, I fear he will become so hard even ye can’t soften him.”

She sniffed back tears. “I want to try, but I need answers.”

“Then let’s go get them,” he said with a grin.

By midafternoon, Sophia was headed to London with Mary Margaret across from her and Amelia beside her, because her friend had insisted she come as moral support. Amelia had also reasoned that she’d intended to leave for London tomorrow to meet up with Aversley, anyway. It seemed Aversley had departed for London this morning on business, and they were to attend Mr. Frazier’s ball, one of the first of the Season. Sophia had quite forgotten her invitation to Mr. Frazier’s ball. After a moment’s thought, she decided if Nathan somehow avoided talking to her, she may have to break a few of his rules to force him to the task. So she had Mr. Burk go back home before leaving St. Ives, and Mary Margaret quickly packed Sophia’s most daring gown, though she had not yet garnered the nerve to wear it.

The trip to London, which was already dreadfully long, was made longer each day by Sophia’s increasing nervousness about confronting Nathan. She spent the first day of the trip barely talking to Amelia, who was more than understanding, but by the third day, she thought she would go mad. When Mary Margaret began snoring, Sophia broke down and confessed to Amelia how Nathan had found her in a very compromising position with Mr. Frazier the night he had come back. She could not bring herself to say she had been almost completely undressed, but Amelia gave her a knowing look and lowered the novel she had been reading before Sophia had broken the silence.

“Did Scarsdale happen to find you in this compromising position in your bedchamber?” Amelia whispered.

Sophia blushed but nodded.

Amelia nibbled her lip for a moment, and then a thoughtful look came over her. “How did he react?”

Sophia told her of how he had almost killed Mr. Frazier and then about the rules Nathan had written out for her.

“This is very good,” Amelia said in hushed tones, nodding her head slowly and smiling. Sophia had her own hopeful theory that he had reacted so violently because he did care for her, but she held her tongue as she did not want to sway Amelia’s initial inclination.

“Why do you think it is good?” Sophia whispered.

“I have never seen Scarsdale react to anyone, even someone purposely trying to bait him, except my husband.”

The hope Sophia had once felt bubbling inside her sparked to life once more.

Amelia continued talking, unaware how her words were affecting Sophia. “Usually, he is unflappable and characteristically blasé. Yet, when he wanted to mend his friendship with Colin, and Colin wouldn’t listen, Scarsdale lost his temper. And I tell you, it is because Colin is one of the few people Scarsdale allows himself to care about. The other is my brother, and you would make the third.”

Sophia’s heart felt as if it were expanding.