My Never: a novella (10 page)

“He’s
meeting us at the doctors.” I locked up. “Hop in, Kiddo.” I yanked the
passenger door open.

She
climbed in and I helped her with the seatbelt.

She
tightened it. “Will he be angry at Mummy?”

I
met her eyes. “I don’t know.”

Her
face hardened. “Don’t lie to me, Moni.”

I
breathed a sigh. “Okay. Yes, he will be upset that she hurt you.” I leaned in
through the window. “That’s because he loves you
so
much.”

She
smiled. “That’s a good reason.”

I
nodded and slid into the driver’s seat.

“He
loves you, too,” she said.

“So
he tells me.”

We arrived at the medical
centre. Two minutes later, Troy sprinted in. He hugged his daughter to his
chest. His lips brushed against my cheek. “Thanks for looking after her.”

“No
problem at all,” I said.

He
sat beside her.

“There
are at least three people in front of us,” I said.

“My
arm really hurts.” Ruby cradled it in her other hand.

“I
know. We’ll get it fixed, I promise.” Troy wound an arm around her. “You should’ve
told us earlier.”

“I
know, sorry.” Her bottom lip quivered again.

“Ruby,
it’s okay to be scared,” I said, “There are things that terrify me - and I’m
thirty!”

She
giggled. “For real?”

“Yeah.
Packing up and moving to Cairns scared the crap out of me. Also ending up alone
with seven cats.”

Troy
snickered.

“But
your dad is an incredible listener,” I said, “And he’s ready for whenever you
want to talk to him. Me, also.”

A
minute passed. Ruby clicked her tongue. “Cool.”

I
winked at Troy.

“Thank
you,” he mouthed.

“Ruby
Clarke-DeGaris?” The doctor tapped her foot as she waited.

That’s
a mouthful. What was wrong with just DeGaris? I suppose Lauren didn’t like
that.

Troy
stood. “You comin’?”

I
shook my head. “I’ll wait here.”

That night, Troy passed
me a beer. “Thought you might need one.”

“You
thought right.” I twisted the cap off and took a swig.

“You
wanna order in?” He draped an arm across my shoulders.

“Italian.”

“Si,
amore mio.” His lips moved up my neck.

I
chuckled and handed him the cordless. “Ravioli. And extra-cheesy cheesy bread.”

“You
got it.” He stood. “Ruby? You want pizza?”

She
rounded the corner and skidded to a stop in front of us. “I do, I do!” She
perched next to me. “Ham and pineapple, please.”

“Do
you want some cheesy bread, too?” I tugged her closer and brushed strands from
her face.

“Yes.”

“Mon.”
Troy nodded in the direction of the kitchen.

I
touched my lips to her head. “Why don’t you see what’s on TV, eh?”

Ruby
shifted and reached for the remote, resting the cast on her thigh.

I
hurried to catch up with him. “What is it?”

“Could
you whip up something special for dessert?” he said, “Might make us all feel a
little better.”

“Sure.
Anything in mind?”

“Chocolate,
lots of it.”

I
let him hug me. “Sounds good.”

“I’m
gonna pick up dinner.” He released me. “If you need anything, gimme a call.”

I
beamed. “Ice cream.”

He
hooked a finger into a key ring. “I thought we had some.”

I
avoided his eyes. “I finished it last night.”

“Ah-ha.”
He brushed his lips against mine. “I’ll be back.”

I
searched through the cupboards. What could I make? Cookies? Mousse? Brownies? I
heard the front door click shut and I padded into the living room. “Hey, Rubes,
want to help me bake?”

Her
smile widened. “What’re we making?” She hopped off the couch and danced over to
me.

“How
about some triple choc brownies for my favourite girl?”

“Yum!”

“Come
on.” I towed her into the kitchen.

“I’ve
never made brownies before.” She climbed onto a barstool.

 “It’s
easy. We just measure out the ingredients, then you can help mix them.”

“And
taste them.” She giggled.

“Yes,
and Daddy’s getting some ice cream. Maybe we can make a brownie sundae, eh?”

She
nodded. “Let’s start.”

“Okay.
You get the milk, butter and eggs. I’ll get the rest.” I swivelled to retrieve
the flour. I heard a
crack
. I turned back. Yolk slithered off the
counter, onto the
linoleum.

Ruby
cowered. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“Hey.”
I bent to her level.

“I
won’t do it again, I promise.” She sniffled.

“Ruby.”
My thumbs swiped over her moist cheeks. “It can be wiped up.”

She
avoided my eyes.

“Does
Mummy yell at you when you spill something?”

She
sniffled again. “Yes.”

“Oh,
Honey.” I crushed her to me. “I would never
ever
do that.” I released
her. “Accidents happen.” I shrugged. “No big deal.”

She
nodded.

“Let’s
get this cleaned up, eh?” I straightened and tore a wad of paper towelling off
the roll.

A
couple of minutes later, we were all set up.

“What
goes next?” said Ruby

“Cocoa
powder,” I said, “You think you can sift it in?”

“Yep.”

Troy
wandered into the kitchen. “Hey, Kiddo.” He pressed his lips to her head.
“Mon.” He touched his lips to mine.

“We
had a bit of a hiccup,” I whispered, “But it’s all under control.”

“I
think we need more chocolate,” said Ruby.

“You
are right.” I opened the milk. “There’s some chocolate chips in the bottom
cupboard.”

Troy
unpacked containers. “They gave us an extra cheesy bread.”

“Awesome,”
I said, “Just a few more minutes and then we can eat.”

“I’m
starved.” Ruby opened the packet. “How much of these?”

“Um.
Half a cup.” I slid the instrument across the counter. “Be careful. They could
spill-” Chips scattered over the counter. “Everywhere.”

She
cut her eyes to me, her bottom lip spasmed.

“It’s
okay!” I said, “Troy, can you get that?”

“I’m
on it.” He swooped in and scooped up the mess.

I
stirred in the chocolate then poured the batter into a pan. “There we go.” I
dusted off my hands.

“Rubes,
go wash up for dinner,” said Troy. His eyes tracked her exit. “You said there
was a problem?” They slid to me.

“Oh.
She dropped an egg and thought I was going to scream.”

He
pulled me into him. “Thank you for being you. You could’ve walked away when you
found out about her, but you didn’t.”

“Who
could leave that adorable girl?”

“Are
you happy?” His fingers brushed over my cheek.

“For
today, tomorrow, and ever.”

The bed jostled. I opened
an eye and squinted into
the night. I
managed to see Ruby wriggling up between us.

“What’s
up?” I whispered.

“It’s
my birthday,” she whispered back.

“I
know.” I draped an arm over her. “Happy birthday.”

“I’m
excited for my party. I’ve never had one before.”

“It
will be awesome. But let’s go back to sleep before we wake Daddy.”

She
touched a finger to my hair. “I can’t sleep.”

I
yawned. “You want some hot chocolate?”

“Yes,
please.”

I
peeled back the blanket and slid my feet into my fuzzy slippers.

She
followed. “Can I get marshmallows, too?”

“Yep.”
I scooped powdered chocolate into two mugs.

“Will
there be balloons and streamers?”

I
nodded as I stirred in some milk. “And horns and hats-” I retched. A hand flew
up to cover my mouth.

“Are
you okay?”

I
retched again. Could I make it to the bathroom in time? I spun. My vision
distorted. I heard Ruby calling me.

Then
everything went black.

“Mon.” Troy’s distressed
tone pierced the veil.

I
felt his hands brush over mine, the linoleum cool against my skin.

“C’mon,
Mon.”

“Urgh.”
I pulled myself up. My stomach convulsed.

He
held a bowl to my chin as half-digested cheesy bread and ravioli gushed from my
throat.

“You’re
white as.” The back of his hand pressed against my forehead.

“Must
have caught a bug. Can I get some water?”

“Sure.”
He filled a glass. “You hit your head pretty bad.”

Ruby
was curled next to me. She refused to meet my eyes.

“Maybe
you should get checked out,” he said.

I
chugged some water. “Nah. I’ll be fine.”

“Do
you pass out a lot?” He helped me stand.

“Only
when I’m about to puke. Something about a drop in blood pressure.”

He
nodded. “Let’s get you back into bed.”

Ruby
took my other hand. “You’ve gotta get better for my party!”

“I
will be, don’t you worry. I’m looking forward to cake.” I managed a grin. The
thought of the sugary dessert disgusted me.

“That’s
all she cares about, Rubes.” He shook his head in mock disappointment.

I
slid onto the mattress.

“We’ll
let you get some rest.” Troy shut the door behind them.

I
hugged the waste basket to my chest. Were there other symptoms? My mind
wandered to the scrambled eggs. Thought they were bad. But maybe I am sick.

Whatever
it was, I hope it passed quick.

Troy appeared beside me. “How
you feelin’?”

“Nauseous.
And a little hungry.” Is that even possible? I stabbed eight glittery candles
into the icing.

“Don’t
throw up on the cake.” He chuckled.

I
managed a laugh. “I won’t, I promise.” Throwing up again was the least of our
problems. “Mind if I pop out for a bit later?”

“You’re
not thinking of getting out of clean-up duties, are you?” He winked.

“Never.”

“I
thought so.”

“Might
go to the doctors.” And grab a second lunch. Ooh, a burrito. Yum.

He
nodded, stern. “Good.”

I
knew he was concerned. The sooner I sorted myself out, the quicker it would
clear up space for him to worry about other things. Lauren has refused our help
so far. But it was only a matter of time before she cracked again.

Two
burritos?

I
carted the cake into the dining room, Troy close on my heels.

“Okay
everyone, cake time!” I slid it onto the table. My eyes roamed. “Where’s the
birthday girl?”

Ruby
stepped forward, waving an arm.

“Ah,
there you are.” I bent to whisper in her ear. “Having fun?”

“Tonnes!”

“Did
you want everyone to sing
Happy Birthday
?”

“Yes!”

“Cool.”
I straightened.

Troy
handed out lolly bags. And, as I led the worst rendition of
Happy Birthday
To You
ever, it hit me.

I’m
pregnant.

I paced in the cubicle.
Come
on Mon, you can do this. You have taken on rabid monkeys, jealous
ex-girlfriends and today, twenty ankle-biters. You can pee on an effing stick!
I
tore open the packaging, my hands shaking.

Troy
and I hadn’t discussed having a baby. How will he take the news? Am I destined
to repeat my mother’s parenting pitfalls?

You
can do it.

In
the next cubicle, a phone beeped. The conversation caught my attention.

“Taylor
is
so
cute,” said the girl, “I mean, hello, have you seen those abs?”

I
breathed a sigh.
Just do it already.

I dumped my bag on the
hallway table.

Troy
noticed me and switched off the vacuum. “What’d the doctor say?”

“We
are having a baby,” I said.

“What?”
Joy and surprise flashed across Troy’s features. He crushed me to his chest.
“That’s so great! Ruby can have a little sister or brother!”

“You’re
taking the news well.” Better than I imagined. “You do realise there’s a lot of
sleepless nights and busy days ahead and - oh, how am I going to run
Ruby
Publishing
now
?”

“Breathe.”
He rubbed circles into the back of my hands. “Sure, it’s a little earlier than
expected but, we’ll manage.”

I
nodded.

“You’re
pale. Sit.”

I
moved to the couch. He’s always so calm. Why am I freaking out?

“You’ve
got concerns?” he said.

“That
things won’t be the same between us.”

He
chuckled once. “Mon, this isn’t high school any more. A lot of things’ve
changed.”

“True.”

“We’ll
be fine.” He pressed his lips to my temple. “Who should we tell first?”

My
mouth fell open with a
pop
. “You are kidding, right?”

He
shook his head. “No.”

“I
hardly have had time to adjust. Actually, I’m still freaked by the whole idea.”

“I
understand.”

“I
thought we would get a puppy first. And if that survived ...”

“You’ll
be a great mum.” He thought for a beat. “You
are
a great mum. Ruby
adores you.”

I
snorted. “There’s something wrong with that kid. She’s so
nice
.”

“I
apologise for raising an amazing child.”

I
chuckled with him.

“We’re
gonna be fine.” He held me close. “We have each other.”

“And
we can still get that puppy. I mean, if I can take care of a baby, I can take
care of an animal, right?”

He
was silent.

“Right?”

* * *

The sun streamed through
the blinds. I yawned and rolled over. Troy grinned at me.

“Oh.”
I sat up. “How long have you been awake?”

“A
couple minutes.” His grin widened. “Sleep well?”

I
nodded.

His
hand stroked my belly. “Hey there, Peanut.”

I
covered his hand with mine. “I was thinking more of a Lily or a Kaleb, but
Peanut’s cute.” My smile widened. “Peanut DeGaris. Original.”

He
chuckled and brushed his lips against mine. “You’re one-of-a-kind.”

“I
know.” I flopped into the pillows.

He
nuzzled my neck. “I was thinking breakfast in bed ...”

“French
toast?”

“Mmm.”

“And
a croissant.”

“Don’t
think we have any,” he said.

“Freezer.
Behind the brussel sprouts.”

He
chuckled again. “Cheeky.”

I
yawned. Content, my eyes fluttered closed.

What
seemed a moment later, Troy nudged me awake. “Hey, Bad Ass, rise’n shine.”

The
scent of butter and toast entered my nose. My eyes fluttered open.

Troy
slid a tray onto the bed. “Apple cinnamon pancake, French toast, croissants.”
He handed me a mug.

“You
are too good to be true.” My lips tugged into a smile as I sat up.

“Anything
for the mother of my child.”

I
eyed the single rose. “You are going to spoil this kid rotten, aren’t you?”

He
shrugged a shoulder. “Don’t really spoil Ruby.”

I
tore a croissant and smothered it in jam. “She’s going to be so excited.”

“What’re
you doing today?”

I
let him snitch a wedge of pancake. “I have another appointment at the doctors.
Then I’m stopping by the hotel.”

“How’s
your mum gonna react?”

“She’ll
be ecstatic.” I hope.

“I’m
gonna take you shopping tomorrow.”

My
eyebrow arched. “For what?”

He
shrugged again. “Whatever you want.”

“Awesome.”
Bookshop here I come.

That afternoon, I rode
the elevator to the sixth floor. I smoothed out my dress and raised my fist to
knock on the suite’s door.

It
swung open. “Darling!” Mum embraced me. “Come in. Let me take your coat.” She
ripped it from my shoulders.

“Careful.
My arms are still attached.”

“Sorry.
I’m just excited.” She paused. “Where’s Ruby?”

“Visiting
Lauren.”

Her
face dropped. “You promised I’d see my granddaughter.”

“I
do have some news.” I perched on the sofa.

“Wine?”

“No,
thanks.”

Her
eyes roamed over my face and body. “You’re pregnant.”

“Oh
God. How did you know?”

She
shrugged a shoulder. “Took a shot.” She handed me a cola. “So, another
grandchild. Aren’t I lucky?” She chuckled.

“Very.
Are you sure you wouldn’t be more comfortable staying with us?”

“And
miss out on room service? Besides, you no longer have a spare room.”

The
thought of my brand new office being turned into a baby’s room was
disheartening. “Julie’s house?”

She
petted my shoulder. “Please, let me have another couple of days of pampering
before I make any decisions.”

“Sure.
But give her a call when you’re ready. She would love the company.”

“Do
you have time for some cake?” she said, “We could go down to the café.”

“I’m
always up for dessert.” I stood.

“Today’s
special is toffee crunch, I believe.”

“Let’s
go.” I shrugged into my coat and followed her out.

Five
minutes later, we were seated by the window, looking out onto the ocean.

“A
stranger would think you have someone on the inside.” I sipped my virgin piña
colada. “So, Mum.” I leaned forward. “Are you sleeping with the manager?”

She
smiled and tapped the side of her nose. A waiter glided over.

“Ah,
Jimmy. Get us two slices of today’s cake,” she said.

He
nodded and plodded over to the counter.

“Man
of little words,” I said.

“Makes
a damn good espresso. Too bad Troy knocked you up.”

“Hm.”
No coffee, alcohol? This’ll be a tonne of fun.

Mum
petted my hand. “Don’t worry, Dear. You can booze it up
after
the baby
is born.”

I’m
destined to become an alcoholic like my mother was? “How long has it been since
you
boozed it up
?”

“Twenty
years. When your father died it really sobered me.”

I
don’t blame her for her issues. But I do not want to be like her. I felt my
features harden.

Her
hand retracted. “Did I say something wrong?”

“Do
you recall when our house was on fire?”

Mum’s
eyes clouded. “You were unconscious for a week.”

“You
fled, leaving me inside. Maybe if I’d had a normal mother, we would have gotten
along better.”

Jimmy
delivered the cake.

I
stood. “I’ll take mine to go.” I couldn’t bear to stay another moment, scared
that I would talk myself onto a figurative ledge.