My Fair Mistress (28 page)

Julianna heartily approved the match despite the major’s lack of fortune, and Harry had taken an instant liking to Waring, soliciting advice from him on a number of business and estate matters. The major might be a third son, but he came from a family of great landholders and knew far more on the subject of estate management than many titled lords.

Waring’s parents sent a lovely note and a gift welcoming Maris to the family, together with an invitation to join them for a visit at their estate in Berkshire as soon as the Season was done. And more surprising, the major’s maternal uncle wrote, telling them he planned to give William and Maris a fine house in Wiltshire upon their marriage, along with a sum of ten thousand pounds.

The wedding would be in September, forcing them all into a rush of preparations. But Julianna was glad, for once Maris was wed and off to begin her new life, Julianna would have more time to spend with Rafe.
At least that is my hope,
she thought as the hackney carriage drove her toward the house in Queens Square.

Since realizing that she loved Rafe, she felt every bit as euphoric and fanciful as her sister. Often she would find herself daydreaming about something Rafe had said or done, or fantasizing about the last time they had made love. And she would long to be in his arms, repining about the fact that they must confine their time together to a few brief hours a week, hours that were no longer enough.

Although he had made no specific mention of wishing to continue their affair past the original six months of their agreement, she didn’t think it would be too difficult to persuade him otherwise. If the ferocity of his lovemaking were any indication, she had nothing to worry about at all.

She would perforce have to leave for a few weeks to assist Maris with the wedding, but afterward, she could return to London. With Society gone from the city, meeting Rafe would be much easier. Perhaps they might even go away somewhere to spend long, sultry nights and even entire days or weekends together. Richmond, she’d heard it whispered, provided a lovely rural setting where lovers could meet in discreet privacy. Considering Rafe’s vast holdings, he might even own a house there, another cozy property they could turn into a lovers’ nest.

Beyond that she didn’t know. She loved Rafe and wanted to be with him, but anything permanent seemed impossible. Despite his fortune, he was not a suitable parti. To marry him would be to give up her place in Society. She would face social censure, and no doubt lose most of her friends and connections. Harry would likely disapprove of the match, and Maris…well, her little sister might be sympathetic, since nothing, not even Society’s strictures, would have kept her from William.

But I am being ridiculous,
Julianna thought as the hack drew to a halt.
Rafe is not likely to make me an offer of marriage anytime soon, and I am not even sure I want him to do so.

The idea of turning her entire life over to a man again was a frightening notion. She liked her independence and did not wish to be married. Although if Rafe truly loved her, she strongly suspected she would consent to almost anything he asked.

Paying the driver, she approached the house, her shoes crunching quietly against the gravel drive. A familiar sense of excited pleasure trickled through her, a smile playing upon her lips.

He would already be in the drawing room, she expected, his cravat loosened, his long legs stretched out in a relaxed sprawl as he read one of the books taken from the room’s expansive shelves.

The moment she arrived, he would toss the volume aside, then draw her down beside him for a welcoming kiss, followed by a few minutes of desultory conversation. Lately some of those conversations had been growing longer and more involved, but she adored every minute of them. And he never failed to please her afterward, upstairs in bed…unless they didn’t make it to the bed. One thing upon which she could always count was the passionate inventiveness of Rafe’s touch.

Letting herself into the house, she closed the door and started forward. She stopped abruptly when she saw him looming large and commanding in the drawing room doorway.

She laid a hand on her chest. “Oh, you startled me.”

“My apologies. I heard you come in and I…well, I am sorry.”

Something is wrong,
she thought.

“What is it?” she asked, noting the serious, almost dour expression lining his handsome features. “Has something happened?”

“Come in and we’ll talk,” he said, making no attempt to refute her statement. Stepping back into the room, he left her to follow.

Her earlier cheerfulness faded, her stomach squeezing with nerves.

Whatever this is,
she thought,
it cannot be good.

Ignoring her sudden reluctance, she walked ahead and entered the room.

Rafe stood near the window gazing out, a glass filled with what appeared to be whisky in his hand. Swirling the liquor, he tossed back a long swallow.

“Would you care for a drink?” he inquired, glancing toward her. “A sherry perhaps?”

She shook her head. “No, nothing, thank you.”

On a nod, he downed the last of the alcohol, then set the glass onto a nearby table.

“Why don’t you have a seat?” He gestured a hand toward the sofa.

Swallowing past the tightness in her throat, she moved forward. Only as she sank down against the silk covered cushions did she realized he hadn’t kissed her.

Rafe always kissed her. She couldn’t remember a time in all the months they had been together when he hadn’t immediately swept her into his arms and made her blood hum from one of his passionate kisses.

But not today.

“What is this, Rafe? What has happened? Have I done something wrong? Are you angry?”

Clear surprise shone in his gaze. “No, I am not angry, not in the least. And why would you think you have done anything wrong?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know, but you don’t seem quite yourself. I must say you are setting me to worry.”

“That is not my intention. I am handling this badly, my apologies.” He thrust his hands into his pockets for a moment, then just as quickly took them out again. “We’ve had a good time together these past months, have we not?”

“Yes, of course we have.”

“Considering how things began between us, our liaison has turned out to be very enjoyable. More than enjoyable…wonderful really.”

Her head began to buzz.

“There are still a few weeks remaining of our six months, but some…out-of-town business has come up—”

Business? Oh, he has business.

She let out a breath, relief sweeping through her.
He is only going to tell me he has to be away for a while. For a moment I thought he was going to…

“—which is why I think it would be best if we simply end things now.”

Her gaze flew to his. “Y-You want to end things? You mean not see each other for a while?”

A shadow passed through his eyes, turning them dark as a forest. “No, I mean not see each other
at all.
Julianna, I am breaking things off with you.”

His words hit her like an icy slap, her extremities turning cold. For a long moment she couldn’t seem to catch her breath.

“But why?” she said. “I don’t understand.”

“If it is the unpaid portion of the debt that concerns you, rest assured I consider it paid in full.”

Opening his coat, he reached into an inner pocket and pulled forth a sheaf of papers. Crossing to her, he held them out. When she made no move to take them, he set the papers onto the sofa next to her.

“Your brother’s note,” he explained. “I have marked it as satisfied.”

“But it isn’t the debt. How could you think that? How could you even mention our bargain? I thought…”

“What did you think?” he asked, his tone quiet.

“That you wanted me. Desired me. Only three days ago you couldn’t keep your hands off me.”

“You are a beautiful woman and you were in my bed. Of course I desired you.”

“Then there is no reason to break things off,” she said with forced optimism. “Go ahead with your business. I will be here when you return.”

His hands clenched at his sides. “But I shall not. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

“But you care for me,” she argued, a sudden burst of defiance burning like fire in her belly. “I know you do. Why else would you have come to my house and climbed into my window, fearful I might be in danger? Why else would you worry about me and confide in me, telling me things I know you did not share easily? You and I have something special, Rafe. Never have I felt such gentleness from a man, such caring, so don’t tell me I do not matter to you.”

His hands curled into fists at his sides and he turned his head to gaze out the window. For a second she thought she saw an expression of pain flicker over his face. But when he looked at her again, his gaze held no such emotion, only a kind of indifferent calm.

“I never said you didn’t. You have been a good lover, Julianna. A good mistress. I would care about any woman who shares my bed, but not in the way I believe you mean.” He glanced toward the floor, momentarily silent. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but the truth is I’ve grown a little bored lately.”

“
Bored?”
She felt the blood drain from her cheeks.

“Hmm,” he drawled. “It’s been coming on gradually for a while now. One of the perennial signs that an affair has run its course. When this…um…business of mine came up, I realized it was as good a time as any to say good-bye.”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “I can see now that you’ve become too involved, too emotional, spinning a whole romantic fantasy around what we have together. But it’s an illusion. Where did you think all this was going to lead, anyway? Did you imagine we would go on forever just as we are? Meeting as lovers year after year until we turned old and gray?”

With unseeing eyes, Julianna stared down at her lap. She wouldn’t tell him what she had thought, cringing inside at all her stupid, naïve dreams.

I am such a fool,
she thought, tears stinging her eyes. She blinked hard to keep them from falling.

“Oh, I very nearly forgot,” he said, reaching inside his coat again. Out came a black velvet jeweler’s box. Opening it, he revealed a stunning bracelet fashioned from rubies and diamonds, the gemstones vivid as tiny suns.

“A small token for our time together.” Gently, he placed the box in her hand.

A crushing weight settled upon her chest, as if all the air had been swept from the room. His “gift” said everything. There were no words, no possible way he could have found to better express the true nature of his feelings for her.

Or rather his lack of feelings for me,
she thought, devastated.

Before she even knew what she meant to do, her fingers curled around the gemstones. Snatching the bracelet out of the box, she hurled it at him, then hurled the box after. “Take your whore’s gift and get out.
Get out!
”

The bracelet and box bounced harmlessly off his chest, tumbling forgotten to the floor.

He stretched out a hand. “Julianna, I didn’t mean—”

She brushed his touch aside and leapt to her feet. “Then I’ll get out. I’ll go.”

Unable to bear looking at him for another instant, or witness the pity she knew must be in his gaze, she hurried forward. Tears streamed like raindrops over her cheeks, blurring her vision. When she reached the doorway, a harsh sob caught in her throat, threatening to choke her.

“Sit down,” Rafe said, catching her by her elbow. When she flinched at his touch, he released her but did not withdraw.

“There is no need for you to go now,” he said. “I shall procure a hack for you, since I am sure you would rather I not be the one to drive you home today. I’ll ask him to wait for you out front. Stay here however long you like.”

She wanted to toss his offer back in his face and tell him she would find her own way home. But she knew he was right. In her current state, she would not get far.

Without a word, she moved away and sat in a chair.

He strode back to the threshold, then stopped. Reaching out, he gripped the doorknob, his knuckles turning white. “Julianna, I wish…well, never mind. Good-bye, Lady Hawthorne.”

She winced to hear him use her title, so formal, already so remote.

And he wished?
He wished what? She nearly asked, but could not seem to make her tongue form the words.

Moments later, he moved away, the sound of his boots ringing against the floor tiles. Next came the opening and closing of the front door, and then Rafe was gone.

Oh God, he is really gone!

The realization struck her like a blow. Not only was their affair over, but she would likely never see him again. Bursting into a flood of tears, she buried her face in her hands and wept.

Rafe parked his carriage on the opposite side of the street, well back from the Queens Square house while he waited for Julianna to emerge. The hackney sat in the front drive, where the man had patiently kept his horses standing for the past twenty minutes. Rafe had paid the driver well to ensure he stayed. So far he’d obeyed Rafe’s directive to the letter.