My Everything (20 page)

He glanced over at Tom who was on his phone with the LAPD. It appeared Roger was a saver. He’d saved all his gas station receipts in the glove compartment of the van. Some were from the Austin area. The route he’d taken from there to Los Angeles could be followed by studying his receipts from stops along the freeway.

There were multiple receipts from one particular gas station in Bakersfield. There was no doubt in Ben’s mind Roger lived or worked nearby. That was where they would concentrate their resources. A number of patrol cars were already circling the neighborhood. The California Highway Patrol had their eyes out on I-5, roving the Grapevine between the L.A. Basin and the Central Valley.

Ben heard Grace’s voice in his head saying,
check the emergency rooms
. A smile tugged at his mouth.

Roger Smithson wasn’t likely to show up in an emergency room. He might, however, make an appearance at a free clinic or a private doctor’s office.

Ben turned to Detective Byrne. “Can we get the address of any free clinics in Bakersfield? If Grace got him in the eye like she thinks she did, he’s going to need to see a doctor. Better have someone contact the local hospitals too, just in case.”

Tom finished his phone call.

“What’s the scene like in Los Angeles?” Ben asked.

“They’re still at the house in South Central, hoping to find a clue as to Roger’s whereabouts.”

“How’s my baby sister?”

“She’s back at the hotel with Grace.” Tom paused. “Do you think he’s heading for Bakersfield? He’s just as likely to head south, towards Mexico.”

“That’s why the border agents have been alerted.”

“Yes,” said Tom, “And airport security and Amtrak and the buses. That’s an awful lot of ground to cover.”

“It is,” said Ben, “But right now he stands out like a sore thumb. I think Grace is right. He’ll hole up for a while, somewhere familiar. He’s headed home, wherever home is right now.”

Tom rocked back on his heels. He said, “Speaking of home, I admit I was a bit surprised Paul and Susan didn’t want to come with us. He’s their only child.”

“I don’t know how to answer that.” Ben shrugged. “I suppose he’s already dead to them. They didn’t make any secret of the fact that when Roger disappeared they felt relieved.” Ben ran a hand over his unshaven jaw. “I can only imagine how tough it must be. I don’t know how I’d deal with it myself.”

“Speaking of which…” Tom cleared his throat. “How are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, Julie keeping this secret, the diary, following you. All of it.”

Ben blew out a long slow breath. “Man, I’ll be honest, it tears me up. I thought Julie and I were closer than that. I thought… Christ, Tom, right now I don’t know what I thought.”

Tom brushed an imaginary speck of dust from his jacket. “I’m sorry, Ben. I’m really sorry.” He segued onto a completely different subject. “Maybe this isn’t an appropriate question given the circumstances, but what about Grace?”

“What about her?”

Tom raised his eyebrows. “What? Is that all you’re going to say?”

“No comment. Ask me again when this is over. I’ll have an answer for you then.”

My Everything◊J. R. Barrett

A loud voice
awakened Grace. She bolted upright. Angel was already rubbing her eyes.

“How long have we been asleep?” Grace asked their driver.

“Twenty minutes,” he said.

“Where’s my brother?” Angel asked. “Is he here at the hotel?”

“His plane diverted to Bakersfield.”

“Bakersfield? Why?” She glanced at Grace. “I’m going there.” Angel motioned to the officer. “Drive me there.”

“Drive you where?”

“Bakersfield.”

“No, Miss Sanders, I cannot drive you to Bakersfield. That’s the one place I’m not taking you. If you want to go to the airport to wait for your parents, I can take you there. Otherwise, you and Mrs. Adams are going up to your hotel room.”

“Then I’ll hitchhike.”

Grace put a hand on Angel’s arm.

“Angel, stop. You can’t push this.”

“Why can’t I go to Bakersfield? For the past year, I thought my brother was dead. I just learned he’s alive. I want to see him before anything happens to him. Grace, please. I want to see him.”

Grace thought for a moment. “Officer, what harm would there be in driving to Bakersfield? Roger might not even be there. Nobody knows where he is. He could be right around the corner for all we know. Angel needs to see her brother. Can you check with someone and see if you can get permission for us to go to Bakersfield?”

Angel squeezed Grace’s hand.

The officer shook his head. “No way. Not happening. You’d interfere with the investigation and put yourselves at risk. The answer is no. This is as far as we go.”

Angel met Grace’s eyes and Grace could see clear as day the girl planned to bolt first chance she got. Grace shook her head. She grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into the lobby. “Don’t do it.”

“I want to see Ben and I’m going to,” she replied. “What if he gets himself killed for real this time? I want to see him. Grace, you can get me there. You can figure something out.”

Grace rubbed her temple. She was starting to see sparkles, a sure sign of a coming migraine. “Angel, I understand how you feel, but I don’t know where he is. I could drive us to Bakersfield, sure, but I wouldn’t have a clue where to go once we got there. Besides, your parents would kill me. Let me repeat that. Your parents would kill me, and your brother might very well help them.”

The elevator door opened and Grace pulled Angel inside.

“He wouldn’t blame you,” said Angel. “Ben’s in love with you.”

Grace laughed out loud. “What would you know about that? Until just recently, he hadn’t thought of me in ten years.”

“That’s not true,” Angel said. “He asked about you every time he came home. I remember. He’d get this dreamy look in his eyes. And then when you graduated and moved away he said he was sorry. That’s all he said, that he was sorry.”

“You are a true romantic. He went off for his specialized training and he never gave me a second thought. He fell in love with Julie and he married her and that was that.”

“No, it is true. He may have fallen in love with Julie, but he loved you first.”

“Look, sweetie, maybe he did care for me but not enough.” Grace forced herself to swallow around a very hard lump in her throat. “Not enough to get in touch with me. I was living in Austin, for god’s sake. He knew my number. He could have called any time he wanted to.”

“He was afraid,” said Angel, “That’s what it was. He was afraid of loving you so he told himself he didn’t.”

Grace rolled her eyes. “What did he have to be afraid of?”

“Well, for one thing, you run faster than he does.”

Grace snorted.

“For another, you were only eighteen, and I think he was afraid he’d hurt you. Like, break your heart or something. You were only three years older than I am now you know.” Angel looked smug.

“Anything else?” asked Grace.

“Yeah, there’s more,” said Angel, “He was afraid because you loved him back. That really scared him. You loved him, and he didn’t want anyone to love him. He was afraid you’d get hurt.”

“He wanted Julie to love him,” Grace mumbled, furious with herself for sounding whiny, for being jealous of a dead woman.

“Yes, he did,” Angel said. “Look what happened. That’s what he was afraid of.”

Grace stared at her for a long time. “You are unusually perceptive for a kid.”

“I know,” Angel said. “My brother will do whatever it takes to protect other people. That’s why we need to go to Bakersfield.”

As soon as
Grace and Angel reached the hotel room, Grace tossed back a couple migraine pills while Angel hurried into the shower. Grace ordered room service and asked them to put a rush on it.

When Angel finished, Grace pointed out the pile of clothes on the bed for her to choose from and then hopped into the shower herself. She felt as grimy as Angel looked. By the time Grace dried off, room service had arrived, and Angel was already digging in with a vengeance. Grace threw on some clothes and joined her. Both grabbed bagels and cream cheese and inhaled the fresh fruit. They were famished.

Grace downed a big glass of fresh-squeezed orange juice. Feeling much more like herself, she sat back in her chair. “You still want to do this?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Ben will kill me.”

“No, he’ll kill us both. Grace, if you don’t want to drive me, I’ll just figure out a way to get there on my own.”

“I can sit on you.”

Angel laughed. “It won’t work. I want to see my brother before anything happens to him. I’m afraid he’ll do something stupid to try to make up for Julie’s death. Do you understand what I’m saying? Roger is Julie’s brother. Ben won’t hurt him.”

“He’ll try to assuage his guilt,” commented Grace.

“Yeah, whatever that means,” Angel said. “You can’t deny you want to be there, too. You don’t want anything to happen to him.”

Grace took a deep breath. “No, I don’t want anything to happen to him. But I’m worried we might make things harder. And I honestly don’t know if he’ll forgive me if we show up, if I put you in any danger.”

“I won’t be in danger, I swear. I’ll stay with you and with the police,” Angel said. “But I need to see him with my own eyes. And I feel like someone has to remind him he has a family. People love him. Just because Julie died doesn’t mean the rest of us did. I want him back. I want my brother back.”

Grace tapped her bare foot on the floor, considering. It was a big risk. Ben might not forgive her for exposing Angel to any danger, no matter how remote. But Angel might not forgive her if anything happened to Ben. Grace wasn’t sure she’d forgive herself for either. She was just as terrified as Angel. Ben would do anything to stop Roger, but Grace knew he’d only use force as a last resort, because of Julie.

Grace had never been one to stand on the sidelines, but this wasn’t about her. It was about Angel and Ben and their family. What gave her the right to put any one of them at risk? On the other hand, what if something happened to Ben and she and Angel didn’t even get to see him? Could she live with that? Could she live with that for the rest of her life, the way she had to live with Josh’s death for the rest of her life?

“Well?” Angel asked, looking pointedly at Grace.

“Get your shoes on,” said Grace, “And don’t make me regret this.”

“Yes!” yelled Angel. She practically knocked Grace out of the chair with her enthusiastic embrace.

Thirty-five minutes later,
the two merged onto I-5 North. Grace pushed her little car as hard as she could, but there was only so much she could do with a sub-compact on steep climbs. Angel seemed restive, edgy. She squirmed in her seat. Grace knew the girl was anxious to see her brother, to touch him, to know for certain he was real. Grace was nearly as bad, but she had to concentrate on the road. This was southern California after all, lots of cars, lots of crazy drivers, and surprisingly steep mountains.

It seemed to Grace she hadn’t seen Ben in years even though they’d only been apart a matter of hours. So much had happened in those few hours. She was pensive and preoccupied, wondering if this was the right thing to do.