My Earl the Spy (10 page)

He was eventually disturbed by the approach of Sarah. “Shall we seek some refreshment, My Lord? This evening is proving to be uncommonly hot,” she said, still wafting the ever present fan.

Henry nodded slightly and followed the woman through the ballroom and into the dining room. They were both handed a glass of wine, and Sarah sat in an alcove, indicating that Henry should join her. Insipid conversation was the least attractive prospect at the moment, but Henry complied with Sarah’s request with only the smallest of sighs. He was amused to think that his friend Edmund would be laughing loudly at Henry’s discomfort; Henry had always been the social butterfly of the two of them, making them both perfect to act as spies for the state. Henry was welcome in the highest households, his charm and wit making him a popular guest, whereas Edmund had been welcomed in the less salubrious establishments until he had met his new wife.

“Now then, My Lord, I have an inclination that you are not happy with my dear friend,” Sarah started. Milly had only needed to say the fewest of words before Sarah had grasped the situation and, although Milly had sought an escape from Henry into the drawing room, Sarah had sought out the peer.

“In truth I don’t know what I am, Mrs Hastings,” Henry answered honestly, for the first time voicing his confusion.

Sarah hid a smile; it seemed very likely that Milly had ensnared the eligible Earl after all. “Milly doesn’t like speaking about that time.”

They spoke quietly to each other, but the people visiting the room for food and drink were transient enough to not be able to overhear their conversation.

“I’m not surprised.”

“And yet you don’t know the story,” Sarah responded, looking at Henry with an expression of annoyance and disappointment. “You have condemned my friend without knowing what happened and what she was put through.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t. Most people in this town don’t either. It’s little wonder she stayed away for over four years. There was a time when I thought she would never return,” Sarah said sadly.

Henry’s anger and jealously started to be replaced with feelings of dread. “What happened?”

“That, My Lord, are the first reasonable words you have uttered so far! Seeking the truth instead of presuming the worst as so many do. There is hope for you yet.”

Henry raised his eyebrows but refrained from speaking.

“Milly and Mr Connor were engaged to be married.” Sarah noticed with reassurance the sharp intake of breath but did not react or comment on it. “He’s always been a little full of his own self-importance in my eyes, but he romanced Milly until she was utterly smitten with him. We didn’t know it then, but he was very motivated to achieve exactly what he wanted.”

“Milly’s father was in far too much debt, and it was catching up with him. In fact, before she left Milly confessed to wondering if he took that walk in the pouring rain purposely hoping to catch a chill. As you know, he did fall ill and died as a result. It was only hours after the death when the creditors started knocking on the door. News travels fast and people who are owed money make their claim quickly.”

“Had the family no idea?” Henry asked.

“If the boys had been older, maybe they would’ve noticed, but with only Milly and Mrs Holland at home, so many debts could be hidden. I was with Milly when the first creditors knocked. She was grieving for her father whilst being faced with caller after caller. I will never forget the expression of hurt and bewilderment as Milly asked herself why she had not noticed or guessed that he was overspending. At that point she didn’t blame her parents; now though, she has had time enough to realise that both her parents were foolhardy in the way they lived their lives. A shame it is their children who have suffered as a result.”

“Connor?” Henry queried, knowing that there was no happy ending to the story.

“Milly’s cousin, Charles, immediately came down to support the family and try to find out what could be done to help. They presumed that Milly would be taken care of since she was already engaged. Her dowry had been reasonable, but not huge and, although lost, it shouldn’t have affected their overall lifestyle; Mr Connor had some funds. Unfortunately, for Milly there was a blow to occur none of us foresaw.”

“She called off the engagement? Why would she do that?”

“Nothing so simple, My Lord. Mr Connor, the man who had pursued her so diligently, quickly took stock of the situation and informed Milly that he could no longer marry her. It caused an uproar within the family, but he offered, professing to be a gentleman while he uttered the vile words that he would allow Milly to call off the wedding. That way she would save some of her reputation and would dampen a little of the gossip that was inevitable.”

Henry felt sick. A girl who had no dowry and was reputed to have called off an eligible engagement would be the laughing stock of the town; although it would be better that than to know her beau had withdrawn his offer. Her reputation would be irreparably damaged whichever way she chose to act.

“Yes, I see you recognise the issue,” Sarah said approvingly. “Milly refused to call the engagement off, saying that she had made the commitment and nothing had changed in her eyes. I think in some way she was trying to test him, which of course he failed spectacularly. So, the result of the horrible situation was he ended the engagement. There was no possibility of stopping the gossip, and oh, they were so shocked; nothing else was spoken of for weeks. You can only imagine what it was like, but to those who were close to Milly, it was horrendously cruel.”

“The poor girl.” For the first time in a long time Henry felt the anger he had experienced once before at the unjust way situations could so easily turn out. It bubbled beneath his reasonably calm surface, but anyone seeing his eyes would have stepped back at their fierceness.

“Yes, exactly. She kept her own personal integrity but became the talk of the town. That increased tenfold when, three weeks after the split, Mr Connor arrived in Farnham with his new, very wealthy wife, who we’d all known growing up. The family had moved away, the father going into business somewhere in Portsmouth and making a very large profit. It was a surprise that they returned to Farnham really; most don’t want to broadcast to the people they socialise with that they have made their money through trade. Mrs Connor’s parents wanted a large house for their newly married daughter and, of course, Mr Connor knew of the perfect one.”

“He could have picked anywhere in the country,” Henry ground out.

“Exactly. He lost a lot of goodwill by moving into this house. It was as if he was flaunting what he’d done in front of Milly when she’d done nothing wrong. Milly left the area with her cousin to join Clara as companion soon afterwards, and we haven’t seen her for four long years.”

“She shouldn’t have hidden from everyone.”

“I don’t think she was hiding after the first few months had passed. You’ve seen Mrs Holland and can appreciate what a–let’s just say what a character she is; I think Milly began to enjoy her time with her cousins,” Sarah said trying to be diplomatic and failing.

Henry smiled. “Yes, Miss Holland has alluded to her mother’s foibles.”

“The pathetic thing is that, since Milly’s return, both Mr and Mrs Connor seem to always need to make Milly feel uncomfortable in order to prove to themselves of their own happiness. I don’t understand their motivation.”

“I can understand the wife. She must know she was married purely for her money,” Henry mused.

“Perhaps, but there is no need to take it out on my friend. It seems everything is done to make Milly fully aware of what she lost. It wouldn’t be so bad, but Mrs Connor played with us all as children; since then she seems to have forgotten the loyalty that friends should share,” Sarah said crossly.

“Milly has a good friend in you, Mrs Hastings.”

“But I can only do so much, as can be seen by her intent on travelling to Ireland. We will never see her again, of that I’m sure. I wish there was a way of keeping her here, but also stopping her being the target of the Connors at the same time.”

“If you would excuse me Mrs Hastings, I’ve a few things to mull over,” Henry said suddenly, standing and making his bow to Sarah. Henry needed to clear his head of everything that was flying around inside, and a house holding a large ball was definitely not the place to do it.

He made his way through the throng and, after speaking to a footman, entered into the study. Closing the thick wooden door brought some peace from the noise of the evening. He needed time to process what he had been told. He would never have guessed that there was such a history between Milly and the Connors, but it did explain some of their behaviour towards her. He tried to push the feelings of anger and jealousy to one side. The man who had experienced her first tentative kisses had not deserved them.

One thought whirled around his mind, and each time it seemed to spiral into a tighter, more disturbing thought. She could still be in love with Mr Connor. He tried to push it away; she did not deserve his anger, but every time he allowed the thought to penetrate into his consciousness, he felt a rage that made him shake.

He needed to speak to her, so opening the door, he directed a footman to locate Milly and ask for her to see him. The large coin he gave the servant would ensure that the footman carried out the task discreetly.

Henry paced in front of the large desk that filled the room until the door opened slowly, revealing Milly. “My Lord?” she asked curiously.

“Miss Holland, forgive me, but I need to speak to you,” Henry said, crossing the room and gently pulling her over the threshold and closing the door behind them. No one of importance noticed her entrance as the hallway was busy with staff rather than guests, everyone in the midst of the evening’s entertainment.

“At a ball?” Milly was intrigued but also aware that their behaviour was foolish at best.

“I’ve heard what happened between you and that beast Connor,” Henry ground out. It had perhaps not been his finest idea to start the conversation when he was still so angry.

“Oh,” came the dull response.

“Oh? Is that all you have to say on the subject?” Henry almost exploded, but he did not grasp the reason why.

“What else is there to say? I was rejected by the man I thought loved me, and now every time I see him or his wife, it’s as if they are laughing at me. Would speaking of my confusion make the situation better? I think holding my counsel on the subject is far more preferable for everyone concerned. You never know; they may tire of what they are doing, either intentionally or unintentionally; I haven’t dwelled on it enough to decide which.” Milly had responded more heatedly than she would have normally, but the evening had been a strain, one that had made her head pound with tension. To be faced with Henry making goodness knew what assumptions of the whole sorry episode had pushed her over the edge of restrained, civilised conversation.

“No it wouldn’t make it better. How can you stand to see the man that you are without doubt still pining for lording it over your ancestral home?” Henry asked savagely. That was it he realised, the reason he was so angry. Apart from being angry because of her mistreatment, he was incensed at the fact she was still in love with Connor.

“Wait one moment! I’m still pining for him?” Milly asked in disbelief. “Why on earth would I long for someone who broke my heart and embarrassed me in front of everyone I had ever known? Have you completely lost your mind, My Lord?”

“Yes, I think so.”

Milly was surprised at the response but waited to see if there would be any further explanation. The whole evening had been an unmitigated disaster in her eyes, and she could not wait to return home.

“I’m sorry,” Henry finally said. “I can’t help it.”

“Help what?”

“That I want to be the only one who kisses you,” Henry said before enfolding Milly into his arms and kissing her every bit as urgently as he had the last time she had sent his emotions tumbling over each other.

Milly wrapped her arms around Henry’s neck, fully responding to his kisses. They were, after all, what she had been dreaming of for weeks. This time was different though; this time he had said he wanted to kiss her; perhaps he felt something of the confusion she was suffering.

She sighed as he moaned her name, deepening his kiss. She had only experienced his touch once before, but she had missed it every day since. He would have to be the one to stop the kisses; Milly did not have the will to pull away.

They were both so engrossed that neither were aware that the door had opened until they were brought to their senses by the words. “My Good God! I don’t believe I am seeing this!”

Mr Connor faced them with a furious expression, his anger aimed mainly at Milly. “Miss Holland! I feel you have gone too far in sullying our home with your wanton behaviour!”

Chapter 11

Milly tried to spring away from Henry but she was prevented by his arms holding her firmly but gently in place.

Henry turned to Mr Connor, standing like an indignant father in the doorway. “Sullying your home?” he said his voice still husky from the emotion of the kisses.

“Yes, I expect appropriately respectable behaviour from my guests, not this impropriety! Although I suppose I shouldn’t be really surprised!” Mr Connor snapped, glaring at Milly.

“And yet you have aimed your censure at one of us, not both,” Henry mused, making Mr Connor look uncomfortable. Henry smiled down at Milly, adoration in his eyes. “Explain to me how kissing the woman I am to marry is something we should apologise for? Did you never exchange kisses when you were betrothed? I’m more than certain you did. Which makes your words a tad hypocritical don’t you think?”

Mr Connor looked between the pair; his face had flushed at Henry’s words, his expression one of annoyance. “If you are betrothed, may I be the first to wish you happy. Your mother hasn’t mentioned anything Milly.”

Milly had stiffened in Henry’s arms when he made the announcement, but at Mr Connor’s words, she took a breath as if to speak. Henry swooped down and kissed her quickly but firmly, preventing any words being uttered. “We haven’t announced it as yet. I’m the happiest of men because I’ve got the best of women to agree to be my wife. My darling is assured that I want her and no other. Everyone will be jealous, and rightly so, wouldn’t you agree Connor?”

“Of course,” Mr Connor said, but looked anything but happy at the words he was forced to utter out of politeness. “I shall leave you alone and look forward to your announcement when you make everyone aware of the happy occasion.”

Henry smiled at the calling of his bluff. “We shall be through shortly. Close the door on your way out, Connor.”

Mr Connor used more force than was necessary when he slammed the door behind him. Henry moved to kiss Milly once more, but she placed her hands flat against his chest and pushed away from him.

“Why on earth did you say that, of all things?” she asked in disbelief. Her whole body was shaking, and it was not as a result of the kisses.

“We were caught in a compromising position. I wasn’t allowing him the upper hand after what he did to you.”

“Laudable sentiments, My Lord, but your actions are a little extreme, even for you.” Milly did not know whether to laugh or cry at Henry’s words.

“This is why I need to marry you; you constantly prevent me running ahead of myself. I find the thought reassuring that I’ll always be able to rely on you to keep my over-inflated ego firmly in its place,” Henry said with a smile. The words about a marriage had been uttered in the heat of the moment, but the more he thought about marrying her, the more the idea appealed to him.

Milly shook her head. “Impossible man!” Her legs had almost given way when he had stood up to Mr Connor and saved her from censure and ruin, but he would change his mind, of that she was sure. It had been a gallant gesture but not one she would take seriously. She had to be practical about it.

“Maybe so, but we need to make an announcement to your friends and family, or there will be repercussions. It is a perfect solution to everything; I’m surprised I didn’t think of it earlier. Joshua Shambles wouldn’t dare to approach you if you were Lady Grinstead. I like the sound of that,” Henry smiled.

Milly shook her head; everything was running too fast; she had to take control. “Stop! Please!” she begged, her hands at each side of her face as if the action would stop the noise. “I’m not going to marry you. I refuse to have my heart broken when you decide that you’ve changed your mind.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“What, you could promise me love, faithfulness and honesty? Being a traditional husband with no running around putting yourself in danger by spying for the King?”

“I could try,” Henry said.

“And you wouldn’t be bored within a week when you feel obliged to come to me every night instead of frequenting whatever clubs you belong too?”

“I don’t think marriage means turning into a hermit!”

“No, it doesn’t. It does mean considering another’s needs, sometimes above your own. Are you really prepared to consider my needs for the rest of your days?” Milly asked reasonably.

“It surely isn’t so bad?” Suddenly Henry was beginning to realise the reality of his words. Marriage meant no longer being able to do exactly as he wished. He had been carried away with the thought of being with Milly but, of course, there were the everyday monotonies to consider. That thought certainly put a dampener on his thoughts, but he tried to keep smiling.

Milly saw that the smile no longer reached his eyes, and her heart sank even though she had been expecting the response. “Trying isn’t good enough. I need to be with someone who wants to be with me above all others. As I found out with Mr Connor, second best doesn’t result in happy endings.”

“Don’t class me the same as that fortune hunter!” Henry spat.

“Both of you don’t want me as a person, so in that respect you are similar; although I do concede that the circumstances are different; you are acting out of chivalry, for which I thank you. It isn’t enough though is it? It would be a disaster,” Milly said sadly.

“I want you,” Henry said, moving across to Milly and cupping her face in his hands. He kissed her gently. “I do want you.”

Milly pulled away. “Wanting isn’t enough, as much as everyone will consider me a fool,” she said quietly. She could so easily go along with what he said and marry the man she loved, but she had to be realistic. He would hurt her a thousand times more than Mr Connor had, and she was not sure she would survive that level of misery.

“We’ll have to announce our engagement, or there will be consequences for you.” Henry realised that he had gone too far and was not going to upset her further. He had never caused anyone to look at him the way Milly was now, and inside it was tearing him apart. It was as if he could see her heart breaking through the anguish in her eyes, and he was stirred deeply, which seemed to be occurring more and more with Milly. He just wanted to make things better for her and yet he had caused this.

“As I leave in two weeks, I suppose it won’t really matter. We shall have to make some reason why we are marrying away from Farnham and, if you leave at the same time as I, no one will be any wiser.” Milly was as practical as ever.

“You wouldn’t be able to return home.”

“I probably wouldn’t have done anyway. I’d accepted that this would quite possibly be my last visit.”

Henry wrapped Milly in his arms, tucking her head under his chin. It was an embrace of true feeling. Milly enclosed his waist with her arms and rested her cheek on his chest. The unprompted act of kindness had brought a tear to her eye, and she did not wish to be exposed. She closed her eyes, listening to the steady, strong heartbeat of the man she loved.

Eventually, Henry pulled away slightly. “Come, let’s get this over with. At least I will be engaged to you for two weeks, even if it is a sham.”

*

Mrs Connor had seemed out of sorts that the highlight of her social year had to be shared with Milly and Henry’s unexpected announcement. She, along with her husband, had played the perfect hosts, but both had worn strained expressions once the announcement of the betrothal had been made.

Sarah and Mrs Holland had been happy beyond words, but Milly had whispered a few words that had caused Sarah to frown then nod with some comprehension. Of all people Milly could not lie to her friend.

After a sleepless night, Milly had breakfasted as best she could and then walked directly to Sarah’s home. She did not wish to visit the post office or any other public venue; the strain of maintaining the pretext would be too much after so little sleep.

Sarah fussed with tea while watching her friend. “I would’ve expected a newly engaged friend, especially to someone as handsome and charming as Lord Grinstead, to be far happier than you are, my dear. What did you mean when you said you’d explain everything?”

Milly told Sarah the sorry tale and, after she had stopped speaking, Sarah sighed. “I know you hadn’t set out for any of this to happen, but it would solve everything in a way that would be better for you. You would have his protection and his title and money; you wouldn’t need to work ever again. Is it not worth considering going through with the marriage?”

Milly wondered how much stronger Sarah would argue for the match if she knew just how serious Henry was treating the risk from Joshua. Milly had played the situation down somewhat to Sarah. If Milly told her about Henry pointing out what protection his name would give her, Sarah would probably insist on Milly marrying him! “It was an offer made for all the right reasons, but I couldn’t force him to carry it through. It wouldn’t be fair to any of us.”

“It wasn’t fair that you were discarded at the first sign of trouble by Connor, but you were! This would prevent you taking that job, and you would live in luxury for the rest of your days. Don’t dismiss that the offer was made purely as a result of the situation you were both caught in. I don’t think he’s unaffected by you, Milly. I’ve seen the way he looks at you; it makes me feel quite hot and bothered his gaze is so intense!”

Milly laughed, “Oh Sarah you are such a sweetheart. Lord Grinstead could have the pick of the season, of any season! He is never going to be satisfied with me.”

“I don’t like that you don’t see what the rest of us do, Milly. I’m sorry to say it, but I think you pay too much heed to what your mother says.” Both women had witnessed Mrs Holland’s caustic tongue, usually aimed at Milly, more so since her engagement had ended.

“He has agreed to do what I wish,” Milly responded stubbornly. “There’s nothing left to say.”

The friends were left saddened by the visit that in other circumstances should have been such a joyous occasion.

*

Milly was not aware that Henry was not about to give in to what she wished without speaking to her once more. Admittedly, he was veering from abject panic at what he had done, to ridiculous contentment at the thought of having Milly permanently in his life; but he recognised there were more positives for them both if the marriage did take place.

He approached the Holland house with flowers and a basket of fruit. Mrs Holland greeted him like a long lost friend, promising to seek out Milly and leave them to have some time alone, unchaperoned. Henry smiled at the thought of being able to spend time kissing Milly instead of drinking tea.

Milly entered the room, for once feeling unsure and unprepared for what was to come; she had not expected to see Henry. Feeling drab in her striped cotton day dress, she admired his always perfect attire. Whatever time of day or night she saw him, his clothing was impeccable; she, on the other hand, always seemed to be mourning yet another crease or mark on her dress.

“Miss Holland, I’m delighted to find you in. I rode through the town before making my way here; I hoped to see you on your travels,” Henry said, walking across and kissing her hand.

“I decided a shorter excursion was preferable this morning,” Milly replied, moving to sit on a chair, but Henry, steered her to the two seater sofa. She wanted to have some distance from him, but it did not seem he shared the same thoughts.

“Your mother is being very amenable. I think she must approve of our match.”

“Have you forgotten what we discussed before you made the announcement?” Milly asked wondering where this chipper Henry had come from.

“I thought that was just nerves of the moment. Surely my suit would be preferable than a position as companion in Ireland? I might be accused of thinking too highly of myself, but is it too egotistical to presume mine is the better offer?”

Henry spoke with such good-humour that Milly questioned if she was making the right decision. It would be so easy to go along with the scheme and just hope that they would be happy. Ultimately, though, she could not ignore the reality of the offer; accepting his proposal was not wise for either of them. “I haven’t changed my mind, My Lord,” she said quietly, not meeting his eyes.

The air stilled between them, and Milly was forced to look at Henry. His face had clouded, his frown set firmly between his brows. “You are refusing me?”

“I refused you last night,” Milly responded. “We would not make each other happy.”

Henry stood, walking slightly away from Milly, running a hand through his hair. He turned to her in frustration. “If I promised the things you wanted last night? The faithfulness, and whatever other nonsense you uttered? What then?”

“The fact that you think it nonsense would make me doubtful of your commitment to any of the things I think are important.” Milly couldn’t help the slight smile touching her lips at his words.

“Do you realise I’ve never asked anyone else to marry me before?” Henry said in disbelief.

“As you are still single I would presume not.”

“And you are turning me down.”

“Yes, I’m sorry.”

“It’s an eligible offer!”

“It’s for the best.”

“Best for whom?”

“Both of us. I’ve no idea what you want in a wife, and it’s clear that you don’t know what I wish for in a husband. I’m releasing you from the engagement,” Milly said. Her tone was quiet but firm.