My Darkest Passion (34 page)

“I need to release Harsh from his oath.”

“Addison.” Harsh spoke curtly. “This is not necessary.”

Kynan looked over her shoulder at Harsh, and he wasn’t mistaken that there was some animosity there. “It’s a little tricky.” The warlord gave her a considering look. “No problem for you, though.”

She took a step toward Kynan; they were practically touching again. “Show me?”

He tapped a finger to her forehead. Harsh felt the whisper of contact between them and the reflection of Kynan’s power flowing through her to her sworn kin. Tau moved closer. Harsh followed suit. Anyone who trusted Kynan without reservation was a fool. “A touch like that, light. And then this.”

Addison nodded.

“Questions?”

“No, I don’t think so.” She reached back and grabbed Harsh’s hand. She pulled until he had no choice but to relent. He permitted rather than entered into the contact she wanted in order to do what Kynan had shown her. Aware of his resistance, she faced him. “Harsh.” She set her hands to either side of his face. “We won’t ever work if I don’t do this.” She pressed her lips to his, and he gave only barest reciprocation.

Kynan crossed his arms over his chest. “Don’t be an ass.”

“With all due respect, warlord. Fuck you.”

“Stop it.” Addison gripped his hand. “If we need an oath to be sure we work out, then maybe we’re not what we think.”

He didn’t have a choice. Not really. She already knew he disagreed, and he had known from the start that she believed her promise to him stood as the measure of what it meant for her to be a warlord. This promise of hers was not one she could fail to keep. Not if she was going to believe in what could become. He bowed his head.

She put a finger to Harsh’s forehead, and when he felt the flow of her power into him, his heart sped up. This might not work. There was always something that could go wrong. He might stay bound to her.

Nothing went wrong.

She released him from his oath as she’d promised and he stood in place, between two warlords, sworn to neither, and his life was diminished. Already, he missed her presence.

“There.” She still held his hand. “Now everything can go back to the way it was.”

He didn’t reply. She’d let him go, and no matter how well he understood why, he wasn’t sure he could forgive her for it.

36

K
ynan said, “Nikodemus is out by the pool. He wants you to come in.”

Addison felt like she’d been punched. She was less now. Less than she had been, and less than she wanted to be, and she didn’t understand how she could have done anything different. “Let’s go, then.”

Kynan walked them around the side of the house, and it was a long walk. They came around the corner and the first thing Addison saw was the view of the Bay. Nikodemus was lying on a plastic lounge chair, but he sat up when Addison walked in with Harsh, Leonidas, and four other demons following. Enough of Nikodemus’s own kin were here to make a small assault force.

Two women were at the shallow end, dangling their feet in the water. Both of them were witches. One of them kept watch over the four children in the pool. The other held a sleeping baby, and while Addison knew she wasn’t mistaken that the woman with the baby was a witch, she also had the unmistakable echo of demonkind about her. The other woman, she was a witch and nothing else, but her power made Addison’s skin crawl. Besides Kynan, there was another powerful demon present, a big man, physically beautiful, with three blue stripes down the side of his face. He’d placed himself in a defensive position. Kynan had done the same.

She knew if Nikodemus thought there was the slightest danger to any of the children at the house, they wouldn’t have gotten past the front gate, let alone the front door. Allowing them to come here, though, into the middle of a family moment, that was a mark of trust. Then again, she’d brought him Harsh.

The witch with the sleeping baby in her arms stood up. The other woman herded the children out of the pool: a girl and three boys. The witch with the baby didn’t say anything, but her eyes settled on Addison, and that look was actively hostile.

The woman with the toddlers walked the protesting children toward the house but she detoured to Harsh on her way and paused in front of him. She leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Good to see you, Harsh. We were worried about you.”

He returned the kiss. “Thank you, Emily.”

Ah. Kynan’s Emily. She wasn’t surprised that Emily was gorgeous, but she didn’t recall anyone mentioning that she was a witch. The other woman stayed where she was, holding the sleeping baby tight. Addison realized then that there was a bond between this woman and several of the demons here: Kynan, the one with the blue stripes down his face, and Harsh. She was also oath-bound to Nikodemus.

Nikodemus stood. He was wearing swim trunks and flip flops. He walked straight to Harsh and embraced him, hard, thumping a fist on his back. “You fucking bastard. For a while there, I thought you were dead.”

“Not dead.”

He released Harsh and cocked his head at Leonidas. “What the fuck.” He pointed at the mage. “You ought to be dead.”

Addison shifted position, and the demon with the stripes smiled like he thought something was funny. That smile chilled her to core.

Leonidas bowed his head and pressed three fingers to his forehead. “Nikodemus.”

“It was an indwell.” Addison had her hands on her hips. “Not his fault.”

Nikodemus looked her up and down, and it wasn’t an inspection that had anything to do with sex or a sexual appraisal. “And?”

“And, I put a stop to that.” She mimed the palm strike she’d used to stop the indwelling magehelds. “We had to kill some magehelds, which was a pity. I wish I’d been able to think of something else.”

“Sounds to me like you what was necessary.” Nikodemus laughed and threw his arm around Leonidas. “How’s your head, Leonidas?”

“I’ve had worse headaches. But not many.”

Nikodemus faced Addison, and her sworn kin moved closer. Except for Harsh. He stayed where he was. “Thought you wanted to stay down South and pass for human.”

“That didn’t work out.”

“Guess not.” Nikodemus gave one of his easy grins, but his smile disappeared and he was serious now. “Thank you for keeping Harsh alive. For keeping them alive.” He gestured at her sworn kin and then to Leonidas. “That’s always a good thing. I owe you one.”

“No. You don’t.”

“Not your call, who I decide I owe favors to.”

The woman with the baby hadn’t moved, and she hadn’t stopped staring at Addison, but now she gave Nikodemus a look that ought to have scorched him. But it was Addison she addressed, with words that matched the look she’d given the warlord. “Why are you here?”

Addison did her best not to react, but it wasn’t easy when a stranger decided to hate you on sight. “I said I’d get Harsh here and back to Nikodemus.” She smiled. “Here we are.” That didn’t improve anything so she looked at the baby and said, “He’s out cold, isn’t he? What a beautiful kid. How old is he?”

“That’s all? The only reason you’re here?”

Nikodemus walked to the woman and stood beside her, but she gave him a shove with her free hand. “Sweetheart,” he said. “Carson.”

Addison’s eyes went wide, and she stared at the baby Carson held, and all the pieces fell into place with one huge thud to her life.

“I’m not giving him back, Nikodemus.” Carson covered the back of the sleeping baby’s head with her hand and addressed Addison in a hard voice. “If you changed your mind, it’s too late. He’s ours now.”

“I didn’t say that.” Her voice rose, and she was grateful she wasn’t trembling, because there was already enough reason for things to go wrong. “I didn’t come here for that.”

“Bullshit.”

“You need not to talk to me like you think I’m some kind of heartless bitch, because I’m not.”

“You signed papers.”

Addison lifted a hand to cut off whatever Carson was about to say. She tried to figure out what she thought but all she could think about was that she had no idea what to say. She just hadn’t been prepared for this. “I signed papers, sure. And since Maddy made sure I knew what I was signing, I have to believe she did the same with you, too. He’s not why I’m here. But he’s still a beautiful baby.”

Then she turned around and walked out because she didn’t trust what she was feeling and if she said the wrong thing in front of Nikodemus who the hell knew what would happen. She walked around this way too big house and kept walking until she was back at the car. Tau and the others followed. She stopped in front of the car and it was all she could do not to kick the wheel in utter frustration. She fucking didn’t have the keys. Harsh had them, and he was probably back there right now swearing fealty to Nikodemus.

She paced in a tight circle in the front of their borrowed SUV, pissed off as hell that she might have to send someone back to get the keys, but she didn’t want to interrupt anything, and there were tears jamming up in her throat, even though this was exactly what was supposed to happen.

Just when she was about to send one of the others for the keys, the least threatening of her kin, Harsh came out the gate to the path that went around the house. He wasn’t sworn to Nikodemus. But he wasn’t her kin any more, and he was blocking her to the point where she ought to be offended. She paced and fought back tears at the same time she was trying to decide if she was an unfeeling bitch and what the hell she was going to do about Harsh.

He kept walking and Tau let him pass. “If you want to talk about Carson,” he said when he’d reached her, “I can listen.”

“I don’t want him back.” She stared at her feet for a while before she lifted her head. “If that makes me an awful person, then I guess that’s what I am. I wasn’t ready for any of that then and I’m not now. You and Kynan could have thrown all the money in the world at me and I would still not have been ready to raise a child. It wasn’t just finding out I was pregnant against my will. I was falling apart. What if—what if I ended up resenting him?”

A lot of memories she’d rather not have swam around in her head. “If Bejar hadn’t been a mageheld, I would have tried an abortion. I just would have. But he was, and I saw him murdered. After that, things weren’t as clear or easy.” She stuck out her hand. “Keys?”

Harsh leaned against the passenger side of the SUV. “Have you changed your mind about the adoption?”

All business now. Looking after Nikodemus’s interests even without an oath. “No. God, no. He’s where he needs to be.”

“It’s obvious Carson and Nikodemus love him,” he said.

“Sure. I know.” She nodded but she couldn’t bring herself to look at him. She reversed the direction of her pacing. “Yeah. That’s good, you know. What I wanted to happen. Am I a bad person for wanting that?”

“No. You know that.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Do you want me to talk to them?”

That made her look up. “It’s not as if it was an easy decision, but if I ever have children, I want it to be on my terms. I signed all those papers, and it was the right thing to do. Can I please have the keys? I don’t think I’m welcome here.”

Harsh reached into his pocket, but he tossed Tau the keys, not her, and then he gave Tau an address in San Francisco. “We need a moment to talk.” To Tau, he said, “We’ll be there shortly. If you can get through the proofing, make yourselves at home. If you wouldn’t mind asking Iskander to come out?”

Tau nodded and went back into the house, keys in hand.

“Shall we go?” Harsh asked.

“Where?”

“Any place that’s not here. My house.”

“Why?” She needed Harsh and his deep-rooted serenity. He knew. He knew what had happened to her and why she’d made the decision she had, and he knew what it cost her to have all that brought up again.

One of Nikodemus’s demons came out the same side gate. The one with the blue stripes. Iskander. For God’s sake, Iskander. He was gorgeous, this demon who’d once been Harsh’s lover. For a guy who ten minutes ago had looked and felt ready to do murder, he was really cheerful. He and Harsh did a fist bump.

“Give us a ride into the City?” Harsh asked.

“Be a tight squeeze, but sure.” Iskander looked to Addison. “Ready?”

“No. No actually. I’m not.” She strode back to the house, sending again to Tau and the others. They joined her. So did Harsh.

“Addison?” he said.

“This won’t take long.” She knew Nikodemus wasn’t at the pool anymore so she headed into the house. She found him in the living room she’d been in before. “Do
not
start anything,” she told Tau. “Any of you.”

There were solemn nods all around. Nikodemus was on his feet when she walked in. He had an arm slung around Carson’s shoulder, and it was clear they’d had words. The warlord studied her and the others. Cautious. “What can I do for you?”

Addison walked across the room until she was only a few feet from Carson. The witch stayed close to Nikodemus’s side, as calm as Harsh ever was and not the least friendly. “First off, you and Nikodemus are the right people to have him. I haven’t changed my mind, so please, stop thinking I have.”

Carson sat hard on the couch. Nikodemus rested a hand on her shoulder, and she covered it with hers. “Thank you. I appreciate you telling me more than you can know.”

“It was a shock, is all.”

The other woman nodded. “I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. I shouldn’t have.”

“Well, it was probably a shock for you, too.”

Carson smiled at that. “It was. Thank you again. For everything.”

“Okay.” For several seconds she stared at her feet. She took stock of herself; Tau and the others were an element of her awareness now. Hers, unless she screwed up. But Harsh wasn’t, and she missed that with an ache. She took a deep breath before she bowed to Nikodemus and pressed three fingers to her forehead. “Warlord.”

He waved her off. “We’re friends here, I hope.”

“I hope so,” she said. The warlord still had a hand on Carson’s shoulder, and Carson’s hand was still atop his. “Can I ask a favor?”

“Sure.” He squeezed Carson’s shoulder.

The witch stood and kissed the warlord’s cheek. “My cue to leave you to business, I think.”