My Darkest Passion (17 page)

“Easy,” he murmured.

She gave him her middle finger, and that was hot, too. “Don’t patronize me.”

“My mistake, warlord.”

She sat back with a smug smile, and it had nothing to do with anything but her status as kin. She could have been Kynan Aijan himself. Considering everything she’d been through, what she’d survived, he shouldn’t wonder that she wasn’t giving in to fear.

“Nikodemus asked me to let you know we can make any arrangement you like about moving back to his territory. No cost to you.”

“I live here.” She wasn’t the least bit conflicted about that, and he liked that. A lot. “My family’s here.”

“You’d be safer if you were up north.” He’d spent enough time on the phone with her to know she didn’t make any decision lightly. As emotional and on edge as she’d been during some of those calls, she’d never been unclear on her options. She’d just needed to work through which path to take. So he wasn’t unprepared for a no in this case.

“I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all we can ask of you.”

She grabbed his glass of water, and drank half of it, and Harsh focused on her mouth longer than he should, even though he knew it would provoke her. Just this little bit of confrontation between them, and she was reacting with a classic demonstration of aggression. He saw it all the time with warlords who had issues about where they stood with him.

Addison was still in warlord mode, and he knew she wouldn’t let this pass unchallenged. He picked up his beer and took a long sip just when she lowered the glass. You didn’t confront a warlord without consequences, and what he’d just done was a direct challenge. He took his time with that sip, leaving the mouth of the bottle close to his lips when he was done.

Playing with fire.

Somewhere between him staring at her ass and now, the tension he’d been feeling turned into sexual tension, and who the hell did he think he was fooling, telling himself it was anything but that? They were alone. He didn’t have to be anywhere until tomorrow morning when it was time to check out, and he could always ask Maddy to take care of that.

“If you were to be in a condition to swear fealty, you’d be an asset to Nikodemus.” He met her steady gaze, and he let his thoughts go darker and a little less opaque. What she’d be like in bed. All that power and heart, and her honor. The fact that he liked her personally. “I’d be remiss,” he said slowly, “if I didn’t at least try to get you on board. With us. Up North.”

“Okay. Now you’re not remiss.”

He set down the beer. His oath to Nikodemus was working at him some, because it was true, she’d be an asset. A big one, once she learned to use her power. “Full benefits, 401K, housing assistance. Free internet. Phone of your choice with all data and text charges paid by Nikodemus.”

“Ooh.” She smiled and it was like a stroke to his gonads, that smile. “Gym membership?”

“Plus all the benefits of being with sworn kin.”

“I’ll think about that, too.”

He didn’t miss the shudder she tried to hide. “Call me anytime.”

“I’ll do that.” She picked up the empty water glass to return it to the sink and while she did that, he sat down again and considered what he’d been feeling and what he was feeling now. Most of it was inappropriate, and he was keeping himself open enough that she had to know that. Playing with fire, all right. When she came back, she stopped a few feet away. Even with the too-short hair, she was a good-looking woman. “Honest answer to a question?”

“You’ll get one.” He leaned forward, fingertips holding the top of his beer. “You know that.”

“I guess I do.”

“So. What’s your question?”

“Were you looking at my ass earlier?”

He smiled in spite of himself. Was he going to avoid this or walk into the fire? He knew what he ought to do. “I was, Addison.”

“You weren’t just looking because you’re a guy?”

“Not entirely, no.” He couldn’t help himself. He looked her up and down, and what he felt was a whole hell of a lot of arousal because this shouldn’t be happening between them. But it was.

“What were you thinking?”

“That I haven’t got hairy balls.”

For half a second she didn’t get it, and then she did, and she blinked. “Oh my God. You said that.”

He stood up, and he got well into her personal space. Even for the kin. “Yes. I did say that. Offended?”

“No. That was really funny. Do you shave them?”

“Just not hairy there.”

“Wow. This is—” She didn’t move, except to put her hands on her hips. Her smile faded. She chewed on her lower lip, and he knew she was thinking hard. Something else he’d learned about her while they were on all those long calls or messaging late at night; she was soft at heart, but pure steel when it came to what she believed was right. It melted something in him, the way she’d worked out what she was going to do, knowing the cost to her. The way honor had factored into deciding her future. “Are we done with you being official Harsh?”

“Very.”

She set a hand to his chest, and for the first time he saw a hint of vulnerability in her eyes, and it made his heart twist around. “You’re not involved with Maddy, are you?”

“No.” He put two fingers on her chest, above her heart, and drew them slowly down. He let his last two fingers splay out and brush the curve of her breasts and savored the sizzle that worked through him. He grabbed the bottom of her shirt and pulled up, and she sucked in a sharp breath. He stilled because there was an edge of something in the sound she made. The vulnerability came back, and he didn’t have enough access to her right now to understand why. He just knew he didn’t want to see that pain. “Is this a problem for you?”

“You mean you not being human and all that?”

“No.” He settled a hand on the curve formed by her throat and her shoulder and stayed close. “I mean my being brown when you’re so pasty white.”

“Oh for…” She pushed him, but at least it made her laugh. “I like it. I like the way you are.”

He brushed a finger across her lips. “Good.”

“Yeah,” she whispered.

He let his other hand wander a bit, and that last boldness, the move from her shoulder to cup the side of her breast, that broke the last of his reserve. No more pretending. He pulled her shirt up higher and got a hand on bare skin, and then he leaned in and kissed her, and her mind opened up to him and for about five seconds it was like falling straight into sexual heat. Raw. Hot. Unbelievably hot.

Then she was in full-on panic, and he had no idea why. She pushed him, hard, and magic surged through her, completely unfocused, thank God. Over on the kitchen table, his mostly empty beer bottle shattered, and for one long, horrifying second, he was caught up in her fear. Terror. Despair, and he knew when she looked at him she didn’t see him, she saw Bejar.

By the time he broke free, a lamp across the room had melted like some kind of Dali timepiece, and she was crying at the same time she was trying to breathe. He backed away and cut off every ounce of himself that he could until he was radiating pure vanilla.

No threat.

She stumbled toward him for two steps then just sat on the floor, shaking. “I can’t. I’m sorry. I want to, but I can’t.”

“Understood.”

“I’m too fucked up for this.” She pressed her palms on the knees of her crossed legs.

“Addison.” He should have known better himself. He ought to have anticipated this. “These things take time,” he said. “I can wait.”

She lifted her head, and he could have died from the pain he saw there. “Bejar cried, you know.”

He didn’t answer.

“After the first time he did that. To me.” She sniffed, and he looked around for tissues. “He didn’t want to do any of it, but that asshole Infante made him.”

There was a roll of paper towels on the counter, and gave those to her. She was trembling again, struggling to regulate her breathing.

“Thank you.” She blew her nose on a paper towel, and then she jumped up and ran to the sink just in time to throw up. He grabbed more paper towels and wiped her face and got her a glass of water. She stood there, bent over, hands on either side of the sink and threw up again.

He stroked her back and wished like hell he could take everything back, every selfish motive that had made him think it was all right to touch her like that. She held out a hand, and he curled his hand around hers, and she sat on the floor again, and he took her in his arms. “Would it be easier for you if I left?” he asked.

“Not yet. If you don’t mind.”

“Of course not.”

“But later. Yeah.”

He kissed the top of her head. “Of course.”

She leaned against him and whispered, “I’m never going to be normal.”

“It’s all right.”

“I don’t think you should wait for anything.”

17

“D
oor!” Addison’s roommate yelled from the second bedroom. It was midterms and they were both a wreck. Different kinds of wrecks, but still.

She shuddered and thought about not answering, but he already knew she was here, and besides, she’d have to think of something to tell her roommate that didn’t sound nuts about why no one should answer the door.

In her bedroom, her cell phone rang. She didn’t move. Couldn’t.

“Phone!”

She walked to the door and opened it, and instead of being instantly annoyed, she was okay when Kynan Aijan put a hand up high on the side of the door. Probably because he was worried she’d close it in his face. And the weird thing, the really weird thing was that of all the feelings that rushed through her, the one right at the top was disappointment that it was Kynan who’d come. Not Harsh.

She was halfway to deciding that Harsh was a bigger asshole than Kynan, except she knew that was unfair. Kynan had a large gym bag in one hand. He moved it to the other and put his shoulder in the doorway. His attention focused on her stomach. “We need to talk.”

“I guess that means you’re not here to kill me for breaking some rule I didn’t know about.”

He laughed, but there wasn’t anything funny about the question, and they both knew it. “Honey, if I’d been given your sanction, you’d already be dead.”

He wasn’t going to go away until she talked to him. She retreated into the corridor and closed the apartment door behind her. He wasn’t setting her off the way he used to, which was what Harsh had told her would happen once they were both sworn, which she was not. He must be trying really hard. “Why you?” she said, voice low. “Why not Harsh?”

“He’s in Russia right now.” He dropped the gym bag and moved close, and that was a rush. Because, right. They weren’t setting each other off the way they had before. Different now. Different reasons.

“Oh.” She knew an excuse when she heard one.

“He travels a lot. The work he does for Nikodemus.” The television in the apartment across from hers was loud enough that she could pick out the high pitched voice of a popular animated character.

“I just wondered, is all.”

He gave her another head to toe inspection. “You look good with hair.”

She scrubbed a hand over the top of her head. She had an inch or so of hair now. “You think? Because I was thinking of shaving it off again.”

“Nah. Don’t do that.” He was doing his best not to set her off or be pushy about what he was—what they were—and it was actually kind of sweet.

She smiled in spite of herself. “You know how I hate hairy balls.”

“I can shave mine if that helps.”

“God.” But she laughed, and a part of her was glad to have him here because with Harsh avoiding of her, Kynan understood more than anyone she knew who would talk to her.

“You doing okay?”

“Sure.”

He cocked his head. “Can’t be easy.”

“No.” Her throat closed up, and he shifted position. She couldn’t help it. She walked into his arms because she’d been so horribly alone since Harsh stopped talking to her; she thought she’d go insane just from that. Oh, he listened to her, the few times they’d talked, but he kept everything surface and it made her feel like shit. Kynan pulled her close and it was good. Better than that. “It’s not working,” she said. “I can’t do this. Passing for human. Pretending about everything.”

“Awesome, honey,” he said softly. He put a hand on her shoulder and then pushed her against the hallway wall.

She leaned against him. His hands wandered, and she let him touch her because she craved the contact. After too long alone, with no one she could talk to about what had happened to her, she wanted contact. Physical and psychic. He let it happen, too. Offering and accepting. She pulled him close and closed her eyes, and there wasn’t any panic.

He put his mouth by her ear. “I want to fuck you so bad it hurts. You need to know whatever else happens, that’s where I’m headed with this.” His hand came to rest on her stomach. “Word is Infante’s on his way here. You need someone around. Show you what you are. Make sure you’re not alone.” His hand stayed on her belly. “I’ll help you with that.”

From inside the apartment, her roommate called out, “Awesome?”

“I thought you had a girlfriend.”

“Not anymore. We’re friends and all, but not like that.” He pulled back enough to look at her. Big mistake, she thought. Big, big mistake. He caressed her cheek. “It’ll be good while it lasts. I promise you.”

“I give us six weeks.”

“When are you having that thing?”

“Two more months. Give or take.”

“Eight weeks then.”

She reached for the door and opened it. He picked up his bag and went inside after her. In the kitchen, he dropped the bag by the wall.

“I was about to have a hamburger.” She walked to the counter. “Want one?”

“No thanks. I got something on the way here.”

“Sit down.” Having Kynan here was strange, but reassuring, too.

Her roommate came out with an empty coffee mug. “Hey, Awesome…” She saw Kynan and her eyes went big. Addison turned around from slathering a bun with mustard. Jessica was trying to gather herself and for a second, she couldn’t figure out the problem. Then it hit her that Kynan Aijan was extremely good looking. All that golden skin, and his perfect imitation of a being human. There was no denying he wasn’t your average college boy even though he looked their age. The darkness was obvious, and it was plain Jessica got that. She held out a hand to him. “Jessica.”