My Brother's Best Friend (Crazy in Love Book 1) (21 page)

              I am so ready to tell her and show her how I feel, but I was waiting until Keller wasn’t here to try to interfere or make her feel guilty. He has already told her he loved her and wanted to be with her. I think he wanted it all settled before he left. I know she has told him that she can’t see herself with him in that way. I could tell she hated hurting him, but Keller has high standards for himself and others. He would have wanted Carter to continue to be perfect and watch her every move; Carter needs to be able to let down with the expectations and certain behaviors. She needs to be able to be herself and drink if she wants and act how she wants. I think her subconscious know that’s what I want for her. I want my girl to be free to be who she is. She got attached to me and Keller and then tried to never make a mistake so we wouldn’t leave her. We wouldn’t have no matter what. The love we have for her is for a lifetime, but I am ready to encourage her to find herself and figure out exactly who she is without my brother making her question every move she makes.

              I want to ease her into a relationship with me. Make her feel safe to push her boundaries and be who she wants to be. I am going to try to take this time we have together to slowly transition from being her protector and best friend to being her boyfriend and lover. It will be so hard to not push hard for what I want, but I have to go really slow so I don’t confuse Carter or put pressure on her from me and not let her decide for herself. She sees Keller as more of a big brother, but I have seen other sides of her with me.

              She walked in while I was in the shower earlier this year, and I was remembering her in her purple bikini when we were swimming at the lake earlier that day. My dick was standing at attention and she noticed immediately and couldn’t stop staring. I asked her, “Carter, baby, are you okay. Have I shocked you?” She shook her head and looked down clearly ashamed that she couldn’t stop staring at my dick. She stuttered out, “Sorry, Bray, I didn’t hear the shower running.” I try to put her at ease but didn’t know exactly how. I tried to make it clear that she can ask me about anything. “Baby, it’s okay. You don’t have to be ashamed. You can always ask me anything you want to know about sex. I know your mother hasn’t been the most dependable person to explain that stuff to you. I will always tell you the truth.” She finally seemed to get ahold of herself and asked, “Can I touch it, please?” The please almost did me in. “Baby, I can’t guarantee that the only thing that would happen is you touch it. When you touch my dick, I have no idea if I could hold back a response and not touch you. I don’t think you’re ready for any of that.” She seems to hold back a protest but nods like she understands and walks out quickly after that.

              There was also a night we were watching movies while Keller was out with some of his senior friends. She got cold and asked to sit on my lap and be held to warm up. We have done this before, but she started moving around to get comfortable. She was in little hot pink sleep shorts and a tank top that showed the top of her boobs with her blond hair spilling down her shoulders. I hardened, and I would have normally moved her off my lap but she was seventeen and had given me reason to think she might be ready to start getting interested in having a physical relationship. It would kill me if it was with anybody but me so I was ready to help her in that direction if it was what she wanted.

              After she felt me harden, she looked at me from under her lashes shyly which made me harden even more. All the girls I had hooked up with cause Carter wasn’t ready to see me as a boyfriend were not shy but more ready to just get on with it. They were all experienced, and there was none of these sweet moments to enjoy with them. It was such a turn on to have the girl I love in my lap and to be so innocent that she was shy when she felt my dick harden for her. Hooking up with other people had stopped as soon as I thought Carter might be interested in being more than best friends. Before that she just needed me to look out for her and be her support without expecting or asking anything of her. Now I get the sense that she could be ready for our relationship to be more. She hadn’t ever said anything but since the shower incident I had just thought there might be something there. So I was even more ready to go than usual. I knew nothing was going to happen right now but I had to make sure she felt comfortable with even this. “Carter, baby, did that make you feel uncomfortable?” I asked softly. She was trying to watch the movie but I could tell feeling me harden had affected her because she was tense, I just couldn’t tell if it was in a good or bad way.  She whispered quietly, “No, not uncomfortable for me, I just am scared that it would make you uncomfortable.” I sighed and told her, “Baby, nothing you do could make me uncomfortable. I am always just happy to be with you.” She lit up and there is nothing like her smile. It always makes my chest hurt because I feel it in my heart when she looks at me so happy like that. “Thank you, Braden. I love you!” She smiled and went back to watching the movie. I just watched her instead and thought about how I was going to ease her into this being with me. She was so sweet but so delicate. The only support she had in the world was me and Keller. Her mother, when she did see her, was verbally abusive. Always telling her she should lose weight or be doing more with her life. She was already being scouted for volleyball scholarships by colleges and helped run her own company. She designed a lot of the teenage line now and modeled for it too. The bikini modeling pictures were all over the guy’s locker room at school, but I tore those pictures down the first time I saw them. The guys knew not to put them up again after I warned them I would beat anybody’s ass I saw with those pictures. I have always hated other guys talking about her body even if it is unbelievable. Carter was loved by everyone who met her, except for jealous high school girls, but nothing she would ever do would please her mother. So the person she needed to hear the encouragement and love from was always the one to drag her down. She was already more successful than anyone else I knew in high school. I had decided after hearing one of her mother’s rants three years ago that I would prefer my Dad’s asshole disinterest over her Mom’s verbal abuse.

              Carter though in the way of relationships was young for just eighteen because of not having any real relationships other than the one with her mother and some superficial ones at school before me and Keller. That’s why even though Keller and I both love her we have always tried to put her first. We have even held off from encouraging close girl relationships for her because we were scared she would be manipulated or used because she is so pure and kind and other high school girls are not. What girl could be close friends with Carter and not be jealous of her. She is just so beautiful and talented it would be hard not to covet all she is and has, but Keller and I, because of not having a parent ourselves, understand more what she lacks is the internal comfort and support that comes from growing up in a loving home with the unconditional love of your parents.

              Realizing that I have been in my own thoughts so long that my brother had finished packing his stuff and had sat down for the last breakfast Carter would make us all together for a while; I tried to plug back in to the conversation going on around me. My brother was lecturing Carter on concentrating on school and not getting into the party scene her senior year. He is full of shit; he just doesn’t want her to have fun, any kind, without him. “Remember, princess, this is a big year for you. With all the scouts coming you want to bring your best every game. I know one of your goals is to play college ball at a big NCAA school so don’t lose that focus. Keep up the hard work and this year will really pay off.” Poor Keller, he really just wanted the best for her, but lecturing her and acting like a parent was never going to get her to see him like anything but a parent figure or a big brother. I bet she never thought about him like I know she has thought about me.

              Carter smiled at him though and seemed to really be happy he wanted her to stay on track. She had no other real genuine interest in her well-being, except for Keller and me, so my brother had become the stable substitute in that way. Better him than me; it was far easier to switch our deep friendship and light flirting into a relationship than his big brother or parent figure into that. That’s why it didn’t work when he tried to talk to her about how he felt. She would just not ever be able to see him as a lover I hoped. But I get the sense that she had already pictured me in that role. Just thinking about it made me hard. Okay, fuck, get it under control. My brother, who’s in love with her too, is still in the room. Alright, that helped a little bit.

              Deciding to harass Keller a little and speak a little truth to, I told him, “Kell, we are just going to party hard on Saturday night. Tuesday and Friday are her ball nights and my football games are on Saturday. So we can always recover on Sunday before any of our games for the rest of the week.” I look at my brother’s face and I know he was upset because he realizes some of what I said isn’t a joke, “She can’t go with you to parties, Bray. Who will look after Carter while you are hooking up with your latest whore? It won’t be safe with her there with you. Your attention and your interest will always be on the next easy lay.” That whole statement pisses me off since I haven’t hooked up with anybody in almost a year and because Carter flinched almost in pain when Keller said that shit. For some reason I know she felt like she wouldn’t measure up or be able to keep me, and the ironic part is she’s the only thing that has any true hold on me at all. I would give up everything else in the world for her. My brother, football, my trust fund, and my future all don’t matter even half as much as her. Keller knows this too. He just wants to push my buttons because he has to leave her and I get to stay. He knows I haven’t even looked at another girl in over a year.

              Carter does her usual peacemaking between us, “Kell, you know Braden will always look after me. Don’t worry I will not lose my focus on what’s important, and I will miss you so much. Now both of you eat the breakfast that I went to the trouble to make you and please stop pissing each other off.” She gives up both a hard look and adds, “I mean it.” We did start digging in then. I looked up at her in her yoga pants and tank top and thought how can she be so beautiful and sweet.I just look at her and think how lucky I am. Any guy in school would give up his arms voluntarily just to wake up in the same house as Carter Sanders every day. Her hair was up in a tight knot on her head, and I ached to have the right to pull it all down so I could touch it. She is always the first thing that I want to see when I wake up in the morning, and in just a few minutes I would get her all to myself for most of this year. I will miss my brother, but I couldn’t be more fucking ready to have him leave.