Must Be Love: (Nicole and Ryan) (A Jetty Beach Romance Book 1) (15 page)

I take a deep breath. Cody has a point, whether or not I want to admit it. As much as Hunter put our mom through, I did worse. A lot worse. Maybe I’m still mad at myself, and seeing Hunter reminds me of it. Damn it. I don’t want it to be my fault. I want to blame Hunter and hit him again.

"Yeah," I say and close the fridge door, my anger dissipating in the face of the truth. "I hate admitting when you're right."

Hunter emerges through the doorway to the stairs. Cody gestures him in and he joins us in the kitchen.

"Hey, man, I'm sorry I hit you," I say.

"It's all right. I deserved it." He rubs his stomach and winces. "I don't remember you being able to hit so hard."

"So, what, are you back now? Or is this just an appearance?"

He rubs his head. "I'm back. I'm out. Medical discharge."

Now that he mentions it, I can see he’s walking with a bit of a limp.

"Wow, dude," Cody says. "What happened?"

"It's a long story, but I fucked up my leg. I mean, I consider myself lucky. I know guys who lost limbs. It was brutal. At least I can still walk. But it was a career ender." He pauses, looking away. "Listen, Ryan—your mom told me things were rough for a while. I'm betting there's more she didn't say, but whatever it was, I should have been here. I'm sorry."

He holds out his hand. I step in and bat it aside, bringing him in for a hug. We clap each other on the back and I move out of the way to let Cody hug him, too.

"It's good to have you back, man," I say. "I mean that."

Hunter looks around. "It's good to be back. More than I would have guessed."

I open the fridge again, pull out three beers, and hand them to Cody and Hunter. "Take one up to Dad," I say. "I'm good for tonight."

"Thanks, man," Cody says. "You coming back up?"

"Yeah, I gotta take a piss first."

They go back upstairs and I pull my phone out of my back pocket. I’m hoping I might have a text from Nicole. Maybe it’s pathetic of me, but I miss her. Although it’s good she wasn’t here to see my little outburst. I stare at the screen, debating. Should I text her?

With a heavy exhale, I stick my phone back in my pocket. I’m falling for this girl way too hard and way too fast. I don’t know if I’m up for this.

My bed in my old room feels so childish and small. And empty. I turn over and look at the clock. Nine-thirty. I’m surprised I slept so late. It took forever to fall asleep last night, my mind obsessively recalling the day I spent with Ryan. I can still smell him all over me. I think about texting him, but I’m terrified of coming on too strong. Sure, we had amazing sex, but that doesn’t mean we’re a couple. Does it? I feel so out of place.

Like I told Ryan already, navigating the world of adult singlehood is new to me. Is he waiting for me to call? Am I supposed to wait for him to call me? I think back to the last few romantic comedies I saw. Sweet as they were, I don’t particularly want to mimic the bumbling struggles those characters always endure before they find love. I’ve had enough drama thrown at me recently, thank you very much. But my mind still reels with the implications of our day together.

Reluctantly, I drag myself out of bed. My parents are gone—they left a note on the fridge saying they’re going into the city for the day. I’m just glad they didn’t wake me. My mom relented on the coffee, as long as I promised to buy fair trade organic, so I start a pot. While I wait for it to brew, I get out my laptop, intending to catch up on some work.

I open my email and immediately close it again. Work. I need to go back. Working remotely is supposed to be temporary. I’m already stretching it, and if I don’t show up in the office soon, I risk losing my job. The very thought of Seattle makes my stomach turn. That's where Jason is. Our apartment. The rest of my things.

The coffee finishes and I pour myself a cup. I have a friend from work, Andrea, who would probably let me crash at her place for a while. I’m certainly not going to stay at my old apartment. Fuck that noise. Even if Jason agreed to let me have it, I'd never be able to stay there. Damn him. He had sex with her right on top of my brand new bedding. I'll never be able to look at that beautiful blue-and-silver comforter again.

And Ryan … he’s something I wasn’t expecting. If I go back to Seattle, when will I see him? Weekends? Maybe we can switch off—he visits me one weekend, I come down here the next. Wait, what am I thinking? I can’t start planning a long-distance relationship with this guy when I have no idea what is even happening between us. This isn’t a relationship. Is it? This is … I have no idea what this is.

I sip my coffee and tackle a few work tasks, trying to keep Ryan off my mind. Not like work is hard, even when I’m distracted. I add updated guest counts to a spreadsheet, send a few emails to vendors so they'll respond back early in the week, and check the status of a brochure order. Real brain surgery, there.

I deal with a few things for the festival as well. There isn’t as much work as I feared, but I feel like this event is going to fall pretty flat. I went over Cheryl's lists, looked up photos of past events, and talked with a lot of the local businesses to see how it was done in the past. It isn't complicated, but it’s also … boring. A bunch of tourists sporting fanny packs and white tennis shoes will wander around some booths. If the business owners are lucky, they’ll go into their stores and spend money. Sure, the artists have a chance to sell their work, and it showcases a lot of great local talent. But there’s no spark. Nothing to make it unique. Even the art gallery itself is
blah
. For a community that likes to pride itself on its artistic roots, they've really let this slide over the years. I wonder if there’s anything I can do to spruce things up, even on such short notice.

My coffee’s gone and I’m having a hard time concentrating. I keep thinking of Ryan. Remembering what he did with his tongue makes me all tingly. I was serious when I said it was my first time. Jason claimed oral sex grossed him out. The jackass was probably just too lazy to learn. I close my eyes, remembering how crazy Ryan drove me. Just thinking about it starts to get me wet.

I look at my phone again. Is he going to call? Is there a rule about how long you’re supposed to wait?

Ryan's tongue gymnastics get me thinking. My inexperience with all things oral extends to performing it as well. I tried on Jason once, but it didn’t go well. We were both uncomfortable and I don't think he enjoyed it any more than I did. But the thought of slipping Ryan's cock in my mouth is exhilarating. What does it taste like? I love the thought of making him feel good, of sending him into spasms of ecstasy the way he did for me. The problem is, I have no idea how.

I think about texting Melissa. But if I text, there will be a written record of our conversation. Instead, I bring up her number and hit send.

"Morning," she says. She sounds tired.

"Did I wake you?"

"Nope, but I kind of wish you would have," she says. "I was up early grading tests."

"Sounds awesome."

"Eh, it's my life. What's up?"

I pause, biting my lower lip. Melissa isn’t necessarily overly experienced, but she's dated more guys than I have. I figure she might be able to point me in the right direction. "So, I have a weird question."

"Oh-kay," she says, drawing out the word.

"How much do you know about blowjobs?"

I hear a snorting, choking sound, then coughing. "I'm sorry, you just made me spit water everywhere. What did you say?"

"Geez, Mel, you heard me."

"I think I heard you," she says. "Did you just ask me about blowjobs? Oh my god. You did it, didn't you? You fucked Ryan."

"Shh," I say, glancing around, although I know there isn't anyone in the house.

"What, is your mom around?" she says with a laugh.

"No, they're gone for the day."

"Then what are you so worried about? Come on, Nicole, you're a grown woman. And my god, you deserved a good fuck. It was good, wasn't it?"

I pause. "It was incredible."

Melissa squeals. "I knew it! How was the Brazilian? Awesome, right? I told you."

My face warms, but I couldn’t stop smiling if I tried. "I didn't think I'd ever be thanking you for that epic torture session, but yes. It was awesome."

"Okay, so what happens now? You want to blow him; that's a good sign."

"I have no idea. I haven't talked to him yet. He had to leave last night to go have dinner with his parents, but holy shit Melissa, we had sex pretty much all day. It was unbelievable."

Melissa groans. "I'm so jealous."

"So, what do I do? He did all this crazy stuff, and I swear to you, I had no idea half of it was even possible. I don't want to disappoint him, you know?"

"You’re adorable. Okay, here's what you're going to do," she says, using her teacher voice. "You're going to Google
how to give a sexy blowjob
and—"

"Wait, what? No."

"No, what?" she asks.

"I'm not Googling
how to give a blowjob
."

"Why not?"

"Because!" Doesn’t she know anything?

"You're afraid someone will find out, aren't you?" she asks.

"If I type that in, who knows who could see it. What if someone finds my search history?"

"What if they do?" she asks.

"Seriously? What would they think?"

"Um, they'd think you're a grown ass woman who wants to blow a man's mind by sucking his cock," she says. "I'd say they'd probably be impressed and maybe ask you out."

"Shut up, Simon."

"Look, Nic," she says. "There are a lot of really good articles out there explaining how to do this stuff. You know how tribal women would have lived close to their moms and sisters and aunts? They would learn from their elders, and it wasn't just how to gather berries and roots and shit. They'd learn all the good stuff too, like how to properly suck a cock. The internet is like our modern day women's circle. You can learn from the best—it doesn't have to be weird."

"I guess when you put it that way..."

"Do it," she says. "The internet police aren't going to come arrest you if you Google cock sucking. But maybe don't phrase it like that."

I laugh. "Okay, okay. I'll do it."

"And Nicole?"

"Yeah?"

"Let me know how it goes," she says.

"Shut up, Simon."

I hang up on her.

With a deep breath, I open a browser and type
how to give a sexy blowjob
. I hesitate, my mouse hovering over the search icon. What am I so afraid of? I
am
a grown ass woman, and hell yes, I want to blow a man's mind by sucking his cock. I click the button.

***

My phone
bing
s and I nearly jump out of my seat. I clap a hand to my chest and blow out a breath. Holy shit, that scared me. I pick it up and my heart skips again. A text from Ryan.

Hey. Are you busy?

I glance up at the clock on the microwave. It’s after one o'clock. Where did the morning go?

My fingers hover above the tiny keyboard on the screen. What should I say? I don’t want to sound too eager. That might scare him off. But I’m already pretty turned on by the research I've been doing, and just the thought of seeing him again makes my tummy flutter.
Oh, come on, Nicole. Type something. If you wait too long, he's going to think you don't want to talk to him.

I send a reply.
Nope, not busy.

I groan and slump in my seat. The epitome of conversation, that.

Instead of
bing
ing with another text, my phone rings. I can't keep the smile from my face as I answer.

"Hi."

"Hi, beautiful," Ryan says.

Oh my god.
"Um, hi."

He laughs. "Sorry, I texted first to make sure I wasn't interrupting anything important."

Nope, just learning how to blow your mind.
"No, not at all. I'm just hanging out here at my parents’ house."

"Can I come pick you up?"

"Yes."
Ugh, I said it too quickly
.

"Great. I'll see you in a little bit."

"Okay, see you then."

I hang up, my eyes lingering on the article I was reading. He didn’t say why he was coming to get me. Is this going to be a date? A hook-up? Heat is already building between my legs. Damn, what is he doing to me? I don’t have long before he'll arrive, but I haven’t showered, so I decide to rinse off. I can just put my hair up. I dash into the bathroom to get ready, wondering what he has in store for me. And what I have in store for him.