Musclebound (14 page)

I said, ‘I don’t want to fight with you, Simone.’

‘Really?’ she said. ‘I thought that’s what you did best.’

She sounded so cold and sarcastic I thought she was going to walk out. There wasn’t anything I could do to stop her. I couldn’t even see her face. I buried my head in my arms. She didn’t say anything for a while, and I thought she might’ve gone.

Then she said, ‘Oh poor Eva. Last night really knocked the stuffing out of both of us, didn’t it?’

‘’s OK,’ I said. But she started stroking my hair with her soapy hand and it made me feel better.

‘Please don’t let’s quarrel,’ she said. ‘It was so horrible last night. So horrible. But it’s going to be even worse if we quarrel. If we fight, we’ve let the bastards beat us. We can’t let them destroy us, Eva. I know what you did, Eva. But I’m standing by you the best way I can.’

She stroked my head and Wozzisname sank down in the river where he belonged.

I said, ‘I don’t understand, Simone. I don’t understand what happened. I don’t understand why Wozzisname came here.’

‘That’s what I’ve got to tell you,’ she said. ‘But you’ve got to stay calm. Please, Eva, stay calm and let me talk. Shall I get you a little drink first? For your nerves.’

‘Later,’ I said. ‘Don’t go away.’ I wanted her to keep on stroking my hair. And she did. It was better than a drink.

She said, ‘Eva, do you remember, a couple of days ago, you went to see Ma and she was moving out so as not to pay the rent?’

‘Yeah.’

‘But the rent man came and you had a bit of a tiswas and you ended up paying everything Ma owed.’

‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘He had a baseball bat or he’d never of got past me.’

‘Shshsh,’ she said, stroking. ‘It’s OK. But the thing is, you had a whole pile of money, and Ma got it into her head that you’d come into a fortune. This is what I found out last night, Eva.’

‘How? How did you find out?’

‘That guy,’ she said. ‘That guy who was hanging around. The one you thought was my boyfriend. He isn’t my boyfriend. I told you, Eva, I’ve just come back from abroad. And I told you I’d been married. Didn’t I?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Well, I’m like you, Eva. It was a rotten marriage, and I don’t want to know about guys any more. So that guy wasn’t
my
boyfriend. He was one of Ma’s...’

‘One of Ma’s what?’

‘Shshsh,’ she said, ‘don’t get so excited. I was going to say he’s one of Ma’s boyfriends but I don’t think she’s known him long enough to call him that.’

‘But you said he was yours,’ I said. ‘You did.’

‘I know,’ she said. ‘But your trainer guy was there. We didn’t want him knowing our business. Did we? Well, did we?’

‘No!’

‘So I said the first thing that came into my head. I wasn’t exactly thinking straight.’

‘Me neither.’

‘No. I didn’t want Keith knowing anything, so I just said the easiest thing. Because I didn’t know why one of Ma’s fellers would be looking for me, and I didn’t know why he’d be looking for me at your place. It all seemed very wrong.’

‘But you went off with him. You fucked off and left me for him.’

‘Take it easy, Eva. I had to. You don’t understand. He was one of the guys who was dragging me away. He was the one who put a knife to my throat. The other one … well, you know what happened to the other one. Both those awful guys were Ma’s fellers.’

‘
What!’
I said. And my back kicked me in the guts again – ooof.

‘Steady,’ she said. ‘You promised you’d stay calm. I haven’t finished yet.’

‘What else?’ I said. ‘
Why?’

‘For money,’ she said. ‘Why else? Ma cooked up this plan with two of her boyfriends. Oh, Eva, it’s so stupid, so
cruel
, I can hardly tell you. I’m so ashamed. I’m so ashamed Ma’s our mother.’

I wish I could of seen her face. Her voice was almost choked up with tears when she talked about being ashamed of Ma. But I was lying down and I couldn’t sit up and put my arm round her.

‘I’m so ashamed,’ she said. ‘I thought it was because of something
you
did. But it wasn’t – it was
my
fault. You killed one of Ma’s fellers and it was my fault.’

‘Don’t cry,’ I said. ‘Don’t. It wasn’t your fault. I panicked.’

‘But I was blaming you. Afterwards. When we were trying to get rid of… you know … and I shouted at you.’

‘But we was both shitting ourselves. Like, it wasn’t a good time for neither of us.’

‘But you don’t see,’ she said. ‘It was Ma’s plan, because she
knows how you feel about me. How I feel about you. Why d’you think she suddenly told me where to find you after all these years? Why now?’

‘She thinks I’m loaded?’

‘Yes, that’s why. She thought she could get your money through me. I told you it was stupid. I said it was cruel. She thought, if she got us back together again, we’d care about each other again and then she could use me against you. She’s unbelievable, Eva. She’s our mother. How could she cook all this up against us?’

‘Don’t cry, Simone,’ I said. ‘It ain’t no big surprise to me. She ain’t a proper ma. Never was. Never will be. She’s a toad and she laid spawn in a puddle. That’s us. You and me. She never thinks she got to care for us. That ain’t what toads do. We got to take care of ourselves.’

‘But she’s our mum.’

‘How?’ I said. ‘How was she ever our mum? You might of thought so ‘cos you was the pretty one and she was nicer to you. But when the chips is down we’re both toadspawn and she ain’t a proper mum.’

‘You’re so calm, Eva,’ she said. ‘I thought you’d go ape-shit.’

‘I ain’t shocked, if that’s what you mean. You’re the one who’s shocked.’

‘I expected better.’

‘See, that’s where we’re different,’ I said. And it was funny, because, now I knew the worst, I did feel quite calm. And there was a bit of space in my brain where I could feel sorry for Simone. If Simone had even the littlest idea that Ma loved her then Simone was very wrong and very sad. It’s always sad when someone comes down from Cloud Cuckoo Land with a bump.

‘But, Eva,’ she said, ‘don’t you get it? Those two fellers of hers – they were faking an abduction. Ma and those two fellers were going to make you pay for me. They were going to threaten my life and then sell me to you.’

‘You don’t have to spell it out,’ I said. ‘I ain’t stupid.’ Because the one thing Wozzisname said before I threw the tyre-iron at
him was, ‘Make one move and you’ll never see your sister again.’ I should of thought then, how did he know Simone was my sister? But I didn’t think, did I? He knew because that was the whole point. Simone and me is sisters and we take care of each other, and that was what Ma was going to use against us.

‘But it all got balled up,’ I said.

‘What got balled up?’ said Keif, blowing in like he owned the place.

The Static juddered ‘cos Keif’s a big guy and he bounced in without knocking. Simone was so startled she leapt off the bunk.

‘Why don’t you
knock?’
I yelled. ‘You jump in like it’s your house not mine. We’re having a private conversation.’

‘You always so please to see me,’ he said. ‘You warm this heart of mine. So what’s this thing got balled up?’

‘My life,’ I said. ‘When I met you.’

‘Ah sweetness, you say these pretty things. Now, in return, I’ll mend your back.’

‘Later,’ I said. ‘We’re talking.’ Because I wanted to go on talking to Simone. I wanted her to go on stroking my hair. We were so close. And she forgave me. It was like all the forgiving I’d ever need. And at last I was beginning to understand what happened last night.

‘No,’ he said, ‘not later. Now. Before the damage ’come permanent. Leave it till later, we’ll need Cousin Carmen.’

‘Shit,’ I said.

‘Surprise at you, Eva,’ he said. ‘You an athlete, an’ all. You should know these things or what.’

‘What you going to do?’ I didn’t trust him an inch.

‘Embrocation. Manipulation. No aggravation.’

‘Voodoo fuckin’ digits,’ I said.

‘You got it,’ he said.

‘You ain’t going to make me piss Niagara Falls again?’

‘What?’ said Simone.

‘Last time,’ I said. ‘His Cousin Carmen …’

‘Well,’ she said, ‘you won’t need
me
then, will you.’

‘Don’t go,’ I said. ‘Don’t go, Simone. I do need you.’

‘Eva can’t get up,’ Keif said. ‘Probably ain’t had nothing to eat since last night. Nothing to drink neither. Put the kettle on, woman. I’ll have two sugars in mine.’

‘You’ve got a nerve!’ Simone said.

‘Got a finely tuned athlete here,’ Keif said. ‘Got to look after her. Scrambled eggs is dandy. But not too much butter. Oh, and wholegrain toast. None of that white rubbish.’

‘Are you going to let him talk to me like that?’ Simone said.

But I couldn’t move. I had to lie there, face down, helpless. It was like I was a little kid – I couldn’t see nothing but legs. And I had to put up with Keif and his big hands and his patter.

‘Chill,’ he said, ‘relax.’ Like anyone could chill when a bloke pulls all the clothes off your back.

‘Don’t go, Simone.’ I was desperate.

‘Be still,’ he said. ‘She ain’t leaving ‘cept it’s to buy fresh milk and eggs. That right, Simone? You be cool. I ain’t sexin’ you or nothing, even though you beggin’.’

‘Bugger OFF!’ I yelled. But it hurt to yell so I just had to lie there.

‘What you done here?’ he went. ‘Oh, whoa, heat, yeah, inflammation. What you been doin’, Eva, carrying houses? Pushin’ bungalows? Oh yeah, mischief in the lumbar region … You been dissing your lumbar region …’

And so on, and those big hot hands got bigger and hotter and hotter and bigger until I thought he’d put a boiling kettle on the small of my back.

‘Fuckin’ ow-ow-ow!’ I went. And suddenly there was a … well, like a flash of pink light – pouf – and … well, what? I don’t know. I sort of dropped off the rim of the bath and went round and round and down the plug-hole.

When I woke up me eyes was watering and there was a bad smell.

‘What’s going on?’ I said. ‘What a pong! Your embrocation’s as foul as your flu cure.’

‘Your sister burnt the toast,’ he said. ‘Ain’t the embrocation.’

‘This isn’t a kitchen,’ Simone said. ‘It’s more like a vagrant’s campsite. What do you
eat
, Eva? There’s nothing to cook with.’

So she was still there. I felt ever so peaceful and maybe I dozed for a couple of minutes. But afterwards I could sit up on the bunk and eat my eggs and burnt toast.

Simone was complaining and cross. ‘I don’t cook,’ she was saying. ‘I’m not your damn wife. Who scrambles eggs any more?’ So if Keif hadn’t been there it would of been like we was real family. But Keif was strutting tall and so full of hisself he needed two Statics.

‘How ‘bout that, eh?’ he said. ‘Genius or what? Am I good or am I
good?’

‘So you do a decent back-rub,’ Simone said. ‘So what?’

‘Ask Eva, so what. Ask her. She couldn’t even lie down. Now look. What am I, Eva?’

‘You’re a cocky bugger,’ I said. ‘OK, OK – you got good hands.’ I was too relieved to put him down.

‘Told you. Din’t I tell you?’

‘You told us,’ Simone said. ‘What I want to know is, what’s in it for you? Why’re you hanging around? What’re you doing here?’

‘What she pay me for,’ he said. ‘She want fitness, that’s what she gets. Plus a little extra ‘cos she wise enough to hire pure talent.’

‘He’s my personal trainer, Simone,’ I said.

‘She needs me.’

‘There’s more important things than body-building,’ Simone said. ‘There’s much more, isn’t there, Eva?’

It was a shame. I wanted to think we was normal, that there was just her and me and a bit of argy-bargy with Keif. I didn’t want to think about how I wrecked my back or about Ma and Wozzisname. Having a bad back and eating burnt toast was like a holiday from all that. I didn’t want it to stop.

I said, ‘I got to get fit again.’

‘See?’ said Keif. ‘It ain’t body-building. It’s yer life. It’s yer
discipline. It’s what keeps you alive and gets you out of bed in the morning. You can’t rely on your body, what’ve you got?’

‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘If I ain’t fit, what am I?’

‘You want me to tell you?’ Simone said. And I almost thought she was going to say what I was in front of Keif. I thought she was going to say I was a killer and killers didn’t deserve toast and back-rubs. And what was I doing thinking about my body when I’d just tossed someone else’s body in the river? I almost thought she was going to say that in front of Keif but of course she didn’t. It was just me, thinking it. But it scared me.

‘There’s more to life than a body,’ Simone said. She looked hard in me eyes.

‘There ain’t no life at all without one,’ Keif said. He seemed like he wanted to sit down with Simone and argue it out. But Simone kept looking hard at me. And I was all confused – like maybe they was both talking about the dead bloke, not about me getting fit.

‘Well, obviously,’ Simone said in her freezer voice. ‘But other things matter too. Like family.’ She never took her eyes off me, so I said, ‘Yeah.’

And then, ‘cos she kept staring, I said, ‘We got to talk family business, Keif.’

“K, safe,’ he said. But then he gave me six stretch-and-curl exercises and told me how to lie down. As if I didn’t know.

Simone was fuming. I didn’t know why she couldn’t say, ‘Fuck off, Keif,’ like I can. If she could just say, ‘Bugger off,’ she wouldn’t have to fume about it. Of course, with Keif you can say ‘bugger off’ till you’re cross-eyed and he still don’t listen. But it’s better than dropping hints. I ain’t much good at hints.

‘Why do you put up with him?’ she said when he went. ‘Why, Eva? He’s impossible. You let him walk all over you.’

‘Do not!’

‘Do! You fancy him, that’s why. Don’t tell me he’s your personal trainer again. I’m sick of hearing about it. He’s a joke. He’s ugly, he’s rude. But I think you fancy him.’

‘I fucking
don’t.’

‘Don’t you shout at me, Eva. I’m sick of that too. You fancy him and he’s laughing at you.’

‘I
don’t
. He ain’t.’

‘Why don’t you get rid of him then?’

‘I
am
getting rid of him. Only now I got to wait till me back’s better.’