Murder and Mayhem (8 page)

“As if...,” my sister harrumphed.

“What do you mean?”

“Bubbie, I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings–you
being the writer and all–but you’d be hard pressed to find a man that would
open a door for a lady these days let alone pull out a chair for her.”

“I disagree. There are still a few gentlemen around
these days, and Danny happens to be one of them.”

“Fine,” she said and gave me a dismissive wave. “But I
still think it hain’t gonna wash with Joe Q Public.”

“Oh yea of little faith,” I said, and continued
reading…

When the evening shadows
lengthened and the candles had melted halfway down in their crystal holders
they took their coffee to the other end of the room and sat on the chairs that
looked out at the garden, now backlit by soft lanterns, as the moon rose in the
sky like an untethered balloon.

  Danny looked over at Nicola,
like he wanted to say something…but then changed his mind and took a sip of
coffee instead.

“Is something wrong, Danny?”

Danny shook his head. “I was just noticing the way
your hair shimmers with the moonlight shining on it.”  But he knew he couldn’t
put it off any longer. He knew he’d just have to take the bull by the horns and
come right out and say it. He placed his cup on the table, rubbed his hand
across his mouth, folded his arms…and unfolded them…

*****

I shut-down my laptop and put it to one side. “Time we
hit the road my little sugar-plum fairy.”

“What is it that Danny’s so worried?” Rosie asked.

“You’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Can’t you tell me, before we leave?”

“Not a chance, kiddo. But don’t worry it will all be
waiting right here for you when we get home.”

“But, I’d rather know now so I’ll have something to
think about while I’m being zapped by aliens dressed in white coats.”

“And spoil the surprise! Just
grab your stuff and let’s get moving I don’t want to be late for Judge Judy.
The segment they previewed on yesterday’s show looked a real doozy.”

EIGHT

When we walked in the room Rosie smiled when she saw
her friend, Linda hunched over a magazine.

“Oh, look, Bubbie, there’s, Linda.”

As we strode down the room, people shuffled chairs to
make room for us next to our new friend. As we passed Mr.Takamura he jumped to
his feet, bowed twice, climbed onto the chair and reached for the controls.

“Judge Judy, Channel Five, C.B.S.”

“Thank you, Mr. T. You’re a real gem.” I gave him the
thumbs up and headed down the room.

“Hi, Linda,” Rosie called to her friend.

“Err… Hello.”

“How are you doing, Linda?” I wanted to know.

Linda’s eyes had a nervous
edginess to them as she looked around the room.

“I’ve got something to tell you,” she leaned in and
whispered as though imparting a great secret.

Not before time, I thought, but instead said, “Have
you found a good place to hide a body?”

Linda blushed and nodded. “Well…Umm… I... I think so…
Yes.”

“You do? And, where would that be, Linda?”

Linda chewed nervously on her bottom lip and then
said, “I thought maybe those hills behind San Quentin Prison. No one ever goes
up there,” she added grimly biting her bottom lip so hard it left indents.

“I wonder why that would be,” I muttered under my
breath.

“You do realize there aren’t many trees around there,
Linda. So there wouldn’t be much cover while you bury the body,” Rosie said.

I leaned back, folded my arms and watched the master
at work. It was a sight to behold.

“I know,” Linda conceded. “But if we buried it at
night, no one would ever know.” Linda looked at Rosie, then me, then Rosie
again. She was obviously waiting for nods of approval and smiles of
congratulations on a job well-done.

Rosie patted her on the knee and said with a vacuous
mouth.
“Don’t
you think the security guards
would be just a wee bit suspicious of someone digging holes behind the prison
in the middle of the night? You know…, the ones in the towers carrying machine
guns with night-vision and telescopic lenses?”

Linda gasped. Then she coughed and spluttered. I
watched her eyes widen and her face turn red.

“Ohhh… I. didn’t think of that,” she stuttered.

“Don’t be too discouraged, Linda. We all make
mistakes. I’m sure you’ll come up with something…eventually,” I said patting
her other knee.

Linda fidgeted and started to gnaw on her thumb. I
decided to offer her some motherly advice so she wouldn’t think the day had
been a complete loss.

“A couple of good suppositories should take care of
the worm problem Linda.”

*****

…Danny decided the best thing to do was to come right
out and just say it.

“Nicola, do you remember the last time we talked on
the phone I told you I had to drop by a friend’s house and pick up some bike
parts.”

“I remember you saying something about it. Why?”

“Well, Joe–that’s his name, Joe lives in San Rafael on
Lucas Valley Drive and has some Harley parts I need to finish the project I’m
working on and seeing as we’re leaving for the East coast in the morning it’s
really important I get hold of him tonight.” Danny picked up his coffee and
took a long drink, wiped his hand across his mouth and said, “Joe is moving to
Texas in a couple of day so if I don’t catch him tonight I’ll miss him
completely, and I really need to get those parts, otherwise I’m going to be in
a real fix. I’ll only be gone a couple of hours,” he added.

“That’s okay I’ll come with you so you don’t get
lost.”

“Well… um… I’d rather you didn’t. Some of these bikers
are a pretty rough lot. They’re covered in tattoos and their language is pretty
crude. And besides, I can talk the talk with Joe if you’re not around.”

The skin above her eyes puckered in thought. “But you
don’t know the area. You told me you had never been to Marin before.”

“I haven’t. But I’ve got a map and Joe has given me
detailed instructions. He told me he lives on a ten acre lot with the name,
Devil’s Dance Ranch, burnt into the crossbar above the old wooden gate. He said
I can’t miss it.”

Danny fidgeted uncomfortably in the chair, and then
added. “Do you mind if I borrow your car? I promise I’ll take real good care of
it.”

“No, of course not. The keys are on the table by the
front door.”

“I’ll just go and get changed,” he said and headed for
the guestroom.

When Danny stepped out of the bathroom dressed in
black jeans and black T-shirt he noticed Nicola standing in the doorway.

“I always wear black when I’m with the guys because we
usually start pulling bikes apart – and black doesn’t show grease and oil
stains.” He slipped his feet into a pair of black sneakers, grabbed a baseball
cap and black bin liner from his bag and shoved the map into his hip pocket.

Nicola pointed to the plastic bag in his hand. “What
is that for?”

“Oh, that’s to put the parts in. Sometimes they have
some grease or oil on them.”

He walked over and gave her an awkward peck on the
cheek. “I shouldn’t be late but if I am, don’t wait up, I’ll try not to wake
you when I come in.”

Nicola stood at the door and as she watched the red
taillights of the BMW disappear around a bend she wondered if the decision she
made had been a wise one after all.

NINE

Ross stuck his head around the
open doorway and grinned. “How are my two favorite girls doing tonight?”

I looked up from my laptop and shook my head. Having
been married to the same man for more than forty years, I knew when he wanted
something.

“Don’t try and sweet talk us, buster, I’m onto your
tricks. Have you finished cleaning up the kitchen?”

He grinned. “All done.”

With a body by Pillsbury, poured into tight jeans, and
a baseball hat pulled low on his head, he was about three hundred pounds of
exaggeration, and twenty pounds of muscle. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got nothing
against a man wearing a good hat; with Ross it served as a neon sign indicating
his intentions.

I looked at him over the top of my glasses and said,
“What about the washing?”

“I just put the last load into the machine, so if you
can take it out when it’s finished and pop it into the dryer, I’ll put it away
when I get back.” He hitched his jeans up over his truck-tire midriff and
backed closer to the door.

“I haven’t got time. You’ll have to do it when you get
home. And I noticed the ironing is piling up. When were you planning to take
care of that?”

“I plan to get it done tomorrow while you girls are
off playing.”

I saw the regret bloom across his face as soon as the
words were out of his mouth. Ross started back-peddling in an effort to make
amends.

“Sorry, Hon I didn’t mean that the way it sounded,” he
said looking suitably contrite.

“Don’t worry about it, Ross I know you didn’t mean
anything by it,” Rosie said.

“So, where are you off to now?” I asked him.

“To see a guy about a bike,” he answered, grinning.

“I didn’t ask who, I asked where?”

“Oops, sorry love. San Anselmo, on Sir Francis Drake
Drive.”

“If you’re going out you can call into Safeway on your
way home. The shopping list is on the fridge.”

He looked at my sister and smiled. “Anything special I
can get for you, Hon?”

Rosie reached over and patted me on the arm. “I’ve got
everything I want, right here,” she said and held up a large bag.

“We called into Safeway on our way home and picked up
some chocolates and pastries,” I said.

“I baked a fresh batch of
cookies this morning in case you girls got a fit of the munchies, so you should
be well covered. If there’s nothing else, I’ll be off,” he said and headed for
the door.

“Haven’t you forgotten something?” I called after him.

Ross turned around. “Umm... No... I don’t think so. I
was just going to get the shopping list from the kitchen.”

My eyebrows arched in a
McDonald’s moment as I looked at him over the top of my glasses, my finger
beating out a rhythm on my cheek.

Suddenly recognition bloomed across his face. “Sorry,
love,” he said as he bent down and kissed me on the cheek and then kissed Rosie
on the top of the head.

As I listened to the sound of his footsteps retreating
down the hallway, I looked over at Rosie and shook my head.

“I know it’s not his fault but sometimes my patience
is sorely tested.”

“Things could be worse, you know, Bubbie.”

“How do you figure that?”

“He could have forgotten to take the shopping list
with him.”

I jumped off the bed and raced to the kitchen. I
looked at the refrigerator door where I’d put the shopping list earlier, and
breathed a sigh of relief.

“Don’t scare me like that,” I yelled down the hallway.
“Girl could have a heart attack from the shock.”

I collapsed against the refrigerator door and waited
for my heart to stop pounding.

*****

It was after twelve when Nicola heard the car pull
into the driveway. She closed the book and placed it on the coffee table. As
she walked down the hallway the front door opened and Danny wandered in, softly
humming to himself.

“Hi there,” he said as he dropped the keys on the
table.

“Hi, yourself.”

Danny glanced at his watch. “Sorry for the late hour
but we got involved in Joe’s latest acquisition and didn’t realize the time. I
hope I didn’t keep you up.”

“No, not at all, I was just catching up on some last
minute reading. Did you get what you wanted?” Nicola asked as she followed him
to the guestroom.

“Sure did. Joe had just the part I’ve been looking
for.” Danny dropped the strange shaped object into his bag and nudged it under
the bed with his foot. “Now I can get the motorcycle I’ve been working on for
the last two years, finally finished.”