Murder Actually (5 page)

 

 

“What are you doing here?”

As the place in question was the All Hallows Public Library and I had a book propped open in front of me, I was understandably reluctant to offer further explanation.

“I'm reading,” I said finally, and to demonstrate I turned a page.

Julia snorted. Her expression told me such an endeavor on my part was highly suspect. “I've been looking for you everywhere. Why aren't you out investigating your murder?”

“I don't have a murder.”

“Sure you do,” Julia pulled out a copy of the
All Hallows Gazette
and thrust it
under my nose. “Here you are; right on page one.”

I groaned when I saw the headline, “Murder by the Book” and groaned again after I read the article.

 

Romance novelist Elspeth Gray makes no secret of the fact that she does not like the mystery genre. In fact, at a book reading last night at Inkwell Books, Ms. Gray informed an eager crowd that she thought clues like antique bloodstained daggers were the stuff of Grubstreet. Imagine her surprise when the body of mystery writer Jasper Ware was found in an isolated corner of Inkwell. Cause of death? Stab wound to the chest. Oh, and did we mention the murder weapon was an antique dagger? If we didn't know any better we would say our Ms. Gray has been reading too many mysteries, maybe even Ware's own
Deadly Harbor
.

 

There was a picture of me, dazed and tousled, on one side, and a picture of Jasper, sneering and supercilious, on the other.

“Don't you see, Betts?” Julia demanded. “Someone at the reading heard what you said and used your idea to bump off Jasper Ware!”

“It certainly seemed that way to the police; Liddell was questioning me until one o'clock this morning.” I stifled a yawn.

“So?”

“So what?”

“So what are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing!”

Julia sat forward in her chair, her cheeks red with indignation. “Elspeth Caroline Gray, since you gave the murderer the idea to kill Jasper Ware you have a moral obligation to investigate this crime!”

I regarded her impatiently. Anytime Julia started throwing around terms like ‘moral obligation' I knew she wanted something, and in this case I knew what it was.

“I'm not going to let you embroil me in a pseudo-investigation; I have research to do.” I pointedly held up the book I was reading,
365 Days of Cupcakes
.

“Betts, this is your big chance!” Julia exclaimed. “Jasper Ware was murdered at your book reading and the murderer was there, too. Imagine if we track down the killer; it'll be a story you can tell your grandchildren.”

That was a bit much. “I'm not even dating anyone!” My voice was a bit too loud, and I noticed a man in a dark corner of the arts and leisure section look over at us and grin.

The assistant librarian, Miss Thrimper, who'd been listening to our exchange in pained silence, approached and asked if she could be of assistance. “The latest Booker winner, Julia?” she suggested hopefully.

Julia snorted. “I'm currently only reading books with crime-solving cats,” she said in her bright, loud voice.

Miss Thrimper cringed and scurried back to the safety of her desk.

“Julia,” I said firmly, “what do you want us to do, go out and grill suspects?”

“Yes! That's just what Pippa Pepper would do.”

I sighed. “I'm afraid to ask, but who's Pippa Pepper?”

“Sheesh, Elspeth, don't you read anything but cookbooks? Pippa Pepper and her cat, Ms. Weebles, are the hottest ticket in cozies right now!”

Julia pulled a paperback from her tote bag and I glanced down at a white cat wearing pearls and a lorgnette. One white paw was dabbed in blood and the other rested on a stack of coffins. The title was at the top in red ink,
Meow for the Undertaker.

“Ms. Weebles really does all the crime-solving,” Julia explained. “But she needs Pippa to do the legwork.”

“I don't want to do legwork. I have a real job.”

Julia's tone turned from cajoling to pleading. “If you won't do it for me then do it for Nora. The police think she killed Jasper!”

“That's ridiculous.” I'd known Nora Brecht-Ware since grade school. She was pretty, sweet and incredibly naïve; the term ‘pushover' sprang to mind. Nora was no more likely to pick up a dagger than I was to write a mystery.

“Why do the police think Nora did it?”

“Jasper's attorney served Nora with divorce papers last week and the police believe she's the
woman scorned
. Plus, she has no alibi for last night. She needs our help, Betts.”

“Of course I'll help her, but I don't see what we can do.”

“Don't worry, I've already thought of that. The first thing Pippa Pepper does is make a list of suspects.” Julia pulled out a messy sheet of paper covered in her sloping, cursive script. I was impressed. It was the only actual piece of real ‘work' I'd seen Julia do in months.

“I tried to think of everyone who might've wanted Jasper dead,” she said.

“I'm surprised you had enough paper.”

“I was limited to the people at the book reading.” She leafed through her notes. “First, Sabrina Elliott.”

I raised a brow. Of all the people I could think of who might've wanted Jasper dead (myself included), Sabrina wouldn't have even made the team photo.

“Sabrina and Jasper's engagement was three years ago,” I pointed out. “Why would she wait all this time for revenge?”

“Haven't you ever read a Jasper Ware book? It's obvious the flighty ex-wife of Inspector Grimaldi is based on Sabrina Elliott. They even look alike.”

“So what? She should've been flattered she was in a book.”

“She wasn't flattered, she was suing Jasper.”

“What?”

Julia nodded. “Defamation of character. Mrs. Alleghany down at the post office told me that Sabrina is always receiving big packages from her lawyers in Albany. That's also why I have Rose Elliott on the list.”

I raised a brow. “Rose the librarian?” Julia had really let her imagination soar on this one.

“It's always the quiet ones who turn out to be homicidal killers.
Still waters run deep
. She could've wanted to avenge her sister.”

“Sounds pretty weak to me,” I observed. “Who else?”

“Charlotte Whipple.”

“Charlotte!” I pictured her behind the counter at Inkwell Books. While I'd always been a little intimidated by Charlotte, I couldn't see her killing anyone. “Why would Charlotte have killed Jasper?”

“I'm not sure, but she had the best opportunity of anyone. She knows Inkwell inside and out and no one would comment if she went upstairs. Plus, she's the only one who could've brought in an antique dagger undetected.”

“All that's true, but Charlotte has no motive. She and Jasper barely knew each other.”

“Allegedly, but I'm still trying to find a connection; maybe they were having an affair.”

I raised a brow. “Jasper and Charlotte?”

“It's possible; don't be fat-ist.”

“There's no such thing.”

“Then how did you know what I was talking about?”

I rolled my eyes. “Next.”

“Ooooh, I really like my next one…Alex Ware. Bootsie Spright claims she saw both Jasper and Alex go upstairs last night. Only Alex came back down.”

I nodded reluctantly. “I have to agree with you on this one. I heard Alex and Jasper arguing about Ware Realty. Jasper was threatening to go over his account books. Plus, I bet Alex will come into some money now that Jasper is dead.”
“
Purrfect
, as Ms. Weebles would say. I'll put a star and smiley face by his name; that means extra guilty. Alex claims he was with Coco when the lights went out, but either of them could be lying.”

“And why would Coco Ware want to kill Jasper?”

Julia paused reflectively. “I'm not sure,” she admitted. “But I've always thought there was something sinister about her, you know? She's too perfect, with that hair and those nails, and I just don't trust women who iron. I don't think it's natural.”

“She made the list because she irons? It's a good thing Martha Stewart doesn't live here, she'd be screwed.”

Julia rolled her eyes. “There's more to it than that. Everyone knows Coco has verra expensive tastes and like you said, she and Alex probably get something from Jasper's estate.”

“Is that everyone?”

“No, I've saved the best for last. Crispin Wickford.”

This was too much, even for a fiction writer. “Oh, c'mon!” I exclaimed. “Crispin is too much of a neat-freak to murder anyone; he might get blood on his sweater vest.”
Julia leaned towards me and lowered her voice. “Crispin and Jasper were at each other's throats. Apparently, Crispin has a bit of a gambling problem and got a large loan from Jasper last year. He put the
Gazette
up as collateral and Jasper was ready to collect.”

I shook my head. “I still can't see Crispin killing anyone. He uses hand sanitizer if he has a dirty thought.”

“That's just what he wants you to think. I'm telling you, beneath that bowtie beats the heart of a stone-cold killer.”

I sighed and picked up my cookbook. “I don't think Jasper's murder will be too hard to solve. It was probably some lunatic fan. All you have to do is find the person who had an antique dagger at my book reading. There could only have been one or two of them. I'm sure the police will have the case solved by the end of the day.”

Julia thrust her list into her bag. “The police aren't looking for any other suspects. I'm telling you, they think Nora did it. Rose told me Jasper's arms were positioned north and west, just like in
Deadly Harbor,
so he
had just enough time to move his arms to identify his killer before he died.”

“Or someone is trying to incriminate Nora,” I said.

“Exactly. I'm on my way to see her right now and I'm going to crack this case wide open.”

I winced at the awful vernacular and tried to voice my opposition as gently as possible.

“Julia, you're going to make an ass of yourself.”

She colored angrily and pointed at the cover of her cozy. “That's just what the police tell Pippa Pepper! And then Pippa and Ms. Weebles always solve the case!”

“Aren't you at a slight disadvantage?”

She looked puzzled a moment and then her expression cleared. “I've already thought of that. I don't have a crime-solving cat, but I have you!” Before I could express proper gratitude for the sentiment she pressed on. “You have a knack for finding out things people don't want you to know, just like Ms. Weebles!”

I looked down again at the cover of her book and saw the white cat peering serenely back at me. I could've sworn Ms. Weebles winked.

“What about your day job?”

Julia waved a hand in the air, effectively dismissing her handsome salary from Essex University.

“A public relations machine does its own work; all I have to do is grease the wheels occasionally with some booze and sweet talk. Now, are you going to help me investigate or not?”

“There is something I'm curious about,” I admitted reluctantly. “Last night Jasper told me he was trying to solve a real-life mystery.”

Julia almost jumped up and down in her excitement. “That's it, Elspeth! Jasper knew something that got him killed! He probably was about to unmask a blackmailer or find a missing treasure or something.”

I stood up and stretched. I noticed the man in the corner smile again and wondered how much of our conversation he'd overheard; even a few sentences would've been sufficient to establish us as two of the silliest women in All Hallows.

“I'll come for Nora's sake, but if you mention Ms. Weebles once more I'm through.”

That satisfied Julia. “Alright, then, let's go.”

 

 

Nora and Jasper Ware lived in a spacious Dutch colonial in the Sleepy Mews subdivision. The house stood alone at the end of a cul-de-sac; half-hidden behind a grove of white pines, spruce and beech trees. Thick brambles lined either side of the driveway and the front garden was neatly groomed with yarrow and morning glory. A large, ornate sign grandly proclaimed the name of the estate,
Black Birches
.

I thought the police would've been there to question Nora, but when we pulled into the driveway I noticed only one other car, a blue Audi, and a golf cart parked drunkenly under an oak tree.

I was a little nervous as we approached the front door. No one I knew had ever been suspected of murder before.

The door opened suddenly and a sweet-looking brunette smiled at us through her sobs. “Julia…Elspeth!” she wailed. “Thanks so much for coming. This is just awful!”

She collapsed onto Julia, crying heavily, and Julia almost staggered under the sudden weight.

“We just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Nora sniffed and nodded. “I just can't believe he's gone. We were together such a short time…my poor Jasper. He was such a unique person.”

She must've noticed my expression. “I know what you're thinking, Betts, but he's gone now and I'm sure he did the best he could. I just can't believe he was killed at a book reading! What a horrible way to die!”

I decided to allow her some leeway because of her grief. “Nora,” I asked. “Do you have an alibi for last night?”

She shook her head. “The only time I left the house was to take a walk. I wasn't gone long, maybe forty-five minutes, but the police kept grilling me about where I went and who I saw …it was awful…awful. And then they told me not to leave town, like I'm some kind of…cr...criminal.”

Nora subsided into tears again; Julia patted her and caught my eye.
She's screwed
, her expression seemed to say.

“Where did you go for your walk?”

Nora flushed. “Towards downtown. I mean, I wasn't really paying attention. I've had so much on my mind lately. I'm sure you'll be shocked to know Jasper and I were considering div….divorce!”

She melted again and Julia helped her to the porch swing. Nora was so short her legs hung down, like a child's, and she gazed up at us with a woebegone expression.

“I couldn't believe it. I thought I'd always been such a good wife, but Jasper told me I stifled his creative flow. Just because I asked him where he'd been when he didn't come home at night!”

At that moment, I was very glad Jasper was already dead. “Did the police tell you what Jasper said at Inkwell? About him and Violet getting married?”

Nora's voice was muffled behind her tissue and she shook her head. “I can't believe it. I thought Violet was my friend. And Jasper, I just don't know how he could've planned to do something like that.”

“Nora, listen to me, this is very important. Were you anywhere near Inkwell last night?”

She nodded. “I was a few blocks away, but I swear I never went near the store! I knew Jasper was there and I didn't want to bother him. He didn't like me to interfere with his social networking.” Nora hiccupped and regarded me with her big blue eyes. “Julia said you might be able to help me. Can you, Betts? Please? I don't know what to do.”

I looked at Nora's crumpled features and remembered her back in high school. She, Julia and I driving around in Julia's battered AMC and listening to Yaz and INXS on cassette tapes. We'd been in love with the same skater dudes and soccer champs, written bad poetry and studied German verbs together. We'd drifted apart over the years, but looking at her I still saw the sixteen-year-old who'd let me stay at her place after I fought with my mom over dyeing my hair.

“I'll do what I can,” I said.

“That's great,” Nora's face brightened and I fervently hoped Julia had the chops to back up her alleged detection prowess. “What do you need from me?”

I thought for a few seconds.
What would Ms. Weebles do?
“Can we take a look at Jasper's studio?”

She nodded. “The police have some tape up but the door should be open if you want to duck inside. You'll excuse me if I don't go with you, I just couldn't bear to see…”

She sobbed into her handkerchief and Julia nodded at me. “I'll be right there, Betts.”

I walked towards the back of the house. Jasper's studio was in a converted barn opposite the driveway, and as I walked towards it I thought about him and Nora. They'd been married for five years, and I was fairly certain he'd been faithful to her for about fifteen minutes (the time it took for the actual ceremony). Nora had turned a blind eye to his most blatant peccadilloes and forgiven the rest. I would've liked to walk away from the whole sordid mess but fate had other plans for me.

Fate is a bitch.

I was almost to the studio when I saw the body in the bushes.

 

* * * * *

 

The heroines in my books are always cool under pressure. Whether it's a bake sale or catering a wedding in the Hamptons, they emerge from under piles of chicken puffs and chocolate fountains looking like they just stepped out of a salon.

I'm not cool under pressure. I either melt or explode. Today was hot, so I melted.

“Damn, damn, damn,” I muttered.

The body was deep in the middle of a bramble thicket on the side of the driveway, and I could see the bits of gray cloth that had once been a woman's suit. She lay on her side with her head resting on her arm like a model posing for a painting, and I gingerly pushed aside the thickest part of the weeds to expose the face. Violet Ambler's large brown eyes bulged from the force of the silk scarf twisted tightly around her neck, and she stared up at me with an expression of disbelief.

I knelt down next to the body and felt for a pulse. Nothing.

I fumbled for my cell phone and made the call to 911 and then called Julia. I could hear her phone ringing from the front porch and her voice when she answered was frazzled.

“Why are you calling me from the studio?”

“I never made it to the studio. Violet Ambler is lying back here in the bushes, she's been strangled.” I heard a sudden intake of breath from Julia as I continued. “Stay cool, ask Nora if we can have some tea and then meet me back here behind the house.”

A few minutes later I heard the sound of feet crunching on gravel and watched as Julia approached.

I pointed towards the body and she sucked in her breath. “Crap, not again!”

“I've already called the police. They should be here in a few minutes.”

We stood in the driveway as far from the body as we could comfortably go without leaving her alone in the hot sun.

“This doesn't look good for Nora, does it?”

I shook my head. “I'm afraid not. Her husband was leaving her and both he and his paramour wind up dead. If I had a suspicious mind I might suspect the wife as well.”

“Until you met her,” Julia pointed out. “No one who talked to Nora for more than five minutes could think she was a murderer.”

“I just can't believe this is happening. I mean, I've never found a dead body before and now I've found two in two days! What are the odds of that? Why can't I win the lottery or find twenty bucks in a parking lot or something?”

“Don't worry, Betts, we're going to get to the bottom of this.” Julia wore a look of such mulish determination I almost felt sorry for the murderer.

“Did you recognize that scarf?” I asked. “She wasn't wearing it at the book reading.”

“No, but I would bet money it's a Hermès, and there are only a few people in All Hallows who could afford something like that.”

Our conversation was interrupted by the arrival of two squad cars, and we watched as Chief Liddell pulled up in his black SUV. The expression on his face when he saw us wasn't flattering.

“Now what did you do?”

As many times as it happens, you never get used to being accused of murder. As we sought the words to vindicate ourselves the door to Black Birches opened and Nora appeared carrying a tray of iced tea and glasses. She set down her tray and walked towards us.

“What is it, Chief Liddell? Did you forget something?”

She turned and saw the officers swarming around the body in the bushes and her expression turned ashen.

“Catch her!”

Nora crumpled just as Liddell reached her. He picked her up and carried her back to the porch.

“Get some water,” he commanded roughly.

Nora opened her eyes and stared up at us. “Please tell me this is all a bad dream.”
“I wish I could, Mrs. Ware,” Liddell said grimly. “It would make my life a whole lot easier as well.”

Nora's reply was forestalled by the arrival of the medical examiner, Dr. Lewis, who approached with his usual mournful expression. “What are you girls up to now?”

This time it was Julia who came to our defense. “Nothing! We just came to talk to Mrs. Ware and found the body in the bushes.”

Officer Liddell stood and helped Nora to her feet. “I'll need to ask you some questions. I assume you don't mind if we use your house?”

Nora Ware shook her head dumbly and we followed her into Black Birches.

 

* * * * *

 

The first thing I noticed was the smell. The air inside was filled with the unmistakable odor of tomcat and there was a thick layer of dust and grime over the furniture and paintings. I was surprised. I knew Nora and Jasper were wealthy and wondered why they didn't have a cleaning service. I noticed a large stack of letters near the front door, all addressed to Ware Realty, as Nora led us into the front room.

“I'm sorry about the mess. Please, sit down...”

Nora motioned to a few hard-backed chairs but I disdained the offer and opted for the large overstuffed seat in the corner. I wanted to make sure I was comfortable. Julia had the same idea but the spot she wanted on the couch was swallowed up by Liddell, and the only other seat was a stiff ladder-back side chair that groaned irritably as she sat down.

Officer Liddell settled his large bulk and took out his black notebook before turning to Nora. “Do you recognize the lady outside?”

“Yes,” Nora's eyes filled with tears as she pulled out her ravaged tissue. “She was my husband's assistant, Violet Ambler. She spent a lot of time here. She and Jasper were working on his latest novel. He said it was almost done.”

“As I mentioned last night, we've been looking for her,” Liddell said. “When did you last see her?”

“I have no idea, a few days ago, maybe? Like I said, she was here quite a bit. She was my husband's assistant and Jasper could be very… demanding.”

Julia and I exchanged a look that was not wasted on Liddell. “Did you see her at all last night or this morning?”

“No, I'm sorry.”

Liddell sniffed at his fingers suspiciously and then turned to regard Julia and me. “Did you know her?”

“Yes, she was at my book reading,” I said.

“You didn't see her again after the book reading?”

I shook my head. “Not until this morning when I found her in the bushes.”

“What time did she leave the book reading?”

“I don't know. Maybe around eight? I really wasn't paying attention.”

“Was it before or after the lights went out?”

“I think it was before.”

Liddell grunted and turned to Julia. “What about you? Did you know her?”

“I saw her at the book reading.”

“Did you notice when she left?”

“A little before eight. Jasper told her he had work for her to do back at his studio.”

“Mr. Ware told Ms. Ambler to go back to the studio after the book reading?”

“Yes.”

Liddell sat back and eyed us grumpily. “What were you two doing at Black Birches this morning?”

I coughed and looked at Julia. “We just wanted to offer Nora some moral support.”

Nora smiled at us through her tears as Liddell glared. “Okay, girls,” he said finally, “you can go, but I'll need you to come in later and sign statements.”

“Anything to be of public service.” I stood up and pulled on Julia's arm. She clearly wanted to stay and listen to Nora's interrogation but I knew we were already pushing our luck with Liddell and kept a firm grip on her elbow.

“Don't leave town, ladies.” Liddell's voice caught us as we were almost to the door. “Especially you, Elspeth: you've found two bodies in two days, a new record for All Hallows. You're what we call a person of interest.”

Julia turned and smiled sweetly. “Don't worry; she never goes anywhere, Chief.”

I steered her back outside into the front yard. The space was crowded with police cars and official looking people in uniform. I noticed Sergeant Wilkins by the fire engine and decided to turn the scene to my advantage.

Sergeant Jack Wilkins had a little crush on me.

He'd asked me out on numerous occasions but seemed to understand I was still recovering from my divorce. To complicate matters, Julia had a bit of a crush on Sergeant Jack. These conflicting interests never caused a rift since none of us acknowledged them.

“Hey, Jack, got a minute?” I called out.

He looked up impatiently; clearly reluctant to give us any attention, so I let my gaze wander across his broad shoulders and down his chest.

Murder? What murder?

He looked at me and grinned. “I always have a minute for the two prettiest girls in All Hallows.”

Julia blushed, smiled, blushed again and then tripped over a cardboard box marked
Evidence 1
.

“What can I do for you, Elspeth?”

“I've been thinking it would be nice if you and I could go out to dinner,” I ignored the sudden hiss from Julia and smiled up at him.