Multiple Choice (7 page)

88.  
In your opinion, which e-mail folder would be the most appropriate for a text like this one?

A)  Sent messages

B)  Drafts

C)  Inbox

D)  Spam

E)  Unsent messages

89.  
After reading this text, you would rather:

A)  Not have read it.

B)  Not have children.

C)  Have many children.

D)  Not have a father.

E)  Have a parrot.

90.  
If you were the addressee of this letter, your reaction would be:

A)  I'm not really sure. As I was reading, I thought that this father could perfectly well be mine. If my old man wrote me something like this, I think I would feel sorry for him, which is what sometimes, maybe too often, I do feel. That pity would get mixed in with other, indeterminate feelings, which I would have to analyze in detail, preferably in therapy, but with a good therapist, not a quack like that clown I went to last year, who, when I told him I was desperate, recommended that I cry, and when I replied that yes, when I was desperate I
cried, told me I shouldn't be worried then. In our last session he recommended that I try to face life with a little more “positivism.”

B)  I would hug him and thank him sincerely. I would take the chance to tell him that last week, Marce and I went to a clandestine clinic and we were really nervous, but everything worked out. It would be the perfect moment to tell him that we paid for the abortion by selling some of my mother's necklaces, and also the big-screen TV, the juicer, and the microwave, so I had to pretend we'd been robbed, and for a minute I was scared to death, because the cops came and I thought they were going to realize the robbery was fake. I'd also tell him that I got the rest of the money by selling his first editions of Chilean poetry in an antique bookstore on Manuel Montt, so he shouldn't keep looking for them :-)

C)  If only my father were still alive. Maybe if he were alive and he told me all that, I'd be happy. I would think: He's an asshole, but he's alive. But my father wasn't an asshole and he never would have told me something like that; he never would have written me a letter like that. Another thing, while I have the chance, about dogs and cats: parents want their children to be dogs, but children are always cats. Parents want to domesticate their children, but children are like cats: you can't domesticate them.

D)  I don't know how I would react. What kind of father says those things to his son? It'd be better if I punched him. Better to beat the shit out of him. Was there really
no other way to let out his frustrations than to attack his son? Was it really necessary to tell him he wasn't wanted? I'm pretty sure my parents didn't want me either, but I'd rather not know. Why do we have to know so many things about our parents? Why can't parents just keep their mouths shut?

E)  I would give my father a parrot, but first I would teach it to say:
fucking asshole, fucking asshole, fucking
asshole.

 

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The structure of this book is based on the Chilean Academic Aptitude Test, which students took in December each year from 1967 through 2003 in order to apply to Chilean universities. Today, students take a test with a different name (University Selection Exam) that follows a similar structure. This book specifically takes the form of the Verbal Aptitude test as it was given in 1993, the year the author took the exam. At that time it consisted of ninety multiple-choice exercises presented in five sections.

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