Mr Gum and the Biscuit Billionaire (10 page)

By midnight the partying and feasting was dying down and the stars hung friendly in the sky. Polly sat with her companions in the shadowy square, tired but happy. Jake was licking up spilt ox gravy, Alan Taylor lay contentedly in a heap of leaves and Friday was strumming quietly on a blue guitar.

As he strummed, someone appeared at the far end of the town square. It was Mrs Lovely,
who ran the sweet shop, and not only that, she was Friday's wife too.

‘Mrs Lovely!' cried Friday, and dropping his guitar he swept her up in his lovey dovey arms and everyone went ‘aaaaaaaah'.

‘Mrs Lovely, where you been all this time?' asked Polly.

‘Away in the mountains, gathering secret herbs for my sweets,' she trilled. ‘Did I miss anything?'

And a shooting star shot by like a cornflake falling out of God's breakfast, and the Man in the Moon tried to eat it but he missed. And the heroic friends sat in the old town square wondering what adventures they'd have next and Friday stuck a breadstick up his nose to impress everyone and it broke off and the crumbs went down his throat and made him cough a bit.

And then, just when he thought he couldn't possibly be any happier, Alan Taylor gasped in
astonishment.
For I am no longer made of gingerbread!
he thought.
At last I am a real man!

Then he took a closer look at himself and realised he had made a mistake. ‘Oh,' he sighed. ‘I'm still a gingerbread man with electric muscles after all. Well, never mind. Everything else worked out OK.'

THE END

HELLO.

Here's what. You might think you know everything there is to know about Lamonic Bibber and the townsfolk who live there. But do you really? Do you? DO YOU?

No! No! NO! You do not. So stop showing off.

You see, there is always more to learn about those crazy old townsfolk and that is why we proudly present . . .

 

1   ‘The Shark Who Lived On The Moon' by Greg Kingsley

2   ‘Cobbler Wins The Prizes' by Mimsy Rogers

3   ‘Help, I'm A Moron' by Timothy Face

4   ‘Come Back, Burpy Jenkins!' by Samantha Brown

5   ‘My Life As A Tangerine' by Eric P. Madman

6   ‘Dinkles, The World's Fattest Parrot' by Reg Webb

7   ‘The Mystery Of The Mysterious Mystery' by Janet Zigzag

8   ‘Cobbler Meets The Poo Rabbits' by Mimsy Rogers

9   ‘Herzog' by Saul Bellow

10 ‘You Can Do It, Cobbler!' by Mimsy Rogers

 

1   Big dogs

2   Moths

3   Big dog with a moth stuck in its fur

4   Those things over there in the corner

5   ‘Cobbler Meets The Poo Rabbits' by Mimsy Rogers

6   Calendars

7   Being eaten alive by antelopes

8   Not being eaten alive by antelopes
*

9   The number 9

10 Going to sleep and when you wake up you're in Argentina and everyone's laughing at you in a foreign language
*

 

*
This actually happened to Friday once

 

 

1 ‘BAG OF STICKS'

(A picture of a bag of sticks for half an hour)

2 ‘BAG OF STICKS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL'

(A dead robin lying by the bag of sticks)

3 ‘LEGMASH'

(People breaking their legs in real accidents)

4 ‘NO! PUT THAT DOWN!'

(Parents in supermarkets refusing to buy their children sweets)

5 ‘BAG OF STICKS: BEHIND THE MAGIC'

(4-hour-documentary about the making of ‘Bag of Sticks', including interviews with the director, the cameraman and the dead robin)

 

1   Sorry, can't tell you, it's a secret

2   Another secret

3   Forget it, this one's just too secret to tell

4   Sorry, no

5   Aniseed

 

1    COLD WASH

2    COLD WASH, EXTRA SPIN

3    GENTLE RINSE

4    DELICATE WASH, NO SPIN (good for woollens)

5    Just chuck it all in, turn it up as high as it goes and see what happens