Mr. Darcy's Promise (44 page)

“William, it really was only one promise that I did not fully appreciate. Well, I did at first, but as the weeks went by I found myself somewhat angry at you for being so trustworthy in keeping that promise.” She looked in his confused face and knew she had to be more direct, a lesson she had learned well over the years, thanks to Serafina. “I appreciate now that you did not force me into your bed, but as our relationship grew, you put a lady in very awkward situation where she had to voice her intimate desires in order for you to get it through your thick skull that she desired you.”

“‘She’ meaning you.”

“Yes! Who else? Do you have any other ladies who have voiced their intimate desires for you that I should know about? Has Caroline Bingley come to visit once again with Charles and Jane?” Her last words were clipped short as another burst of pain nearly crippled her. She tried to stay erect, but couldn’t. She bent over grabbing her abdomen. Between breaths she said, “William, I think I had better return home soon; I think I am in travail.”

“I know, but you can do this. I will not leave your side. Look at me, Elizabeth. Focus. Maybe one or two more and we will be home.”

She looked deep into his eyes and saw the compassion she now recognized that he showed on their wedding day. She still couldn’t believe that she misunderstood the anxiety in his eyes in that carriage
ride as evidence that he felt forced to marry her. Her mind tried to focus on anything but that dark day. She thought of Caroline Bingley, who still hadn’t married.

Charles had welcomed her into his home permanently, and Jane was, of course, patient and kind with her. Elizabeth had only heard of two times where Jane voiced her frustrations with Caroline. The first was immediately after Jane had her twins, Rebecca and Margaret, and the second after her son, Charles Jr. was born. Apparently Jane’s quiet reserve had a limit, and Caroline’s flippant— arguably snide— comments about the babies looking like Bennets alone had made the mamma bear come out in Jane. Elizabeth was proud of Jane for standing up to Caroline and asking Caroline to take a “holiday” to Bath both times. Jane was a happy mother, and she and Charles were well-fitted to each other. They now had a permanent home only fifteen miles away from Pemberley and Elizabeth saw her favorite sister frequently.

Her thoughts were interrupted by another wave of pain. Once again his eyes got her through another painful episode. She stood up gingerly and put a little more weight on his arm as they walked.

He held tightly to her, trying to suppress the growing fear for her and the baby. If he was this worried he knew she must be at least a little anxious for herself. He kept the pace of whatever she set, but was grateful that she was able to proceed between episodes. He was determined to keep talking in hopes of distracting her. “So you wanted me to break my promise of letting you decide when to become intimate simply because you were too much of a lady to voice your changed opinions of me?”

“Yes, some promises were made to be broken, and you sir, were a little too trustworthy in keeping that promise.” They could see Pemberley now, it was not far, and all downhill from that point on. The baby kicked hard once again and she paused only to feel the fluids start to run down her legs. “Oh no, I think we had better hurry. I just felt my waters break.”

She took one look at Darcy’s eyes and wondered if she should have told him at all. The panic in his eyes was all too evident. She made it about one hundred meters more before a powerful labor pain
knocked her to her knees. She groaned quietly. Her vision blurred slightly as the pain intensified. She was somewhat aware of her husband’s voice talking quietly to her, but all she understood was the scared tone in his voice. She gripped tightly to his arm and focused on her breathing. She was feeling too hot and dry in the mouth. It felt like forever until this episode relaxed. She opened her eyes and saw William’s face. She could probably only take one more of those before she reached home.

“Help me up, we need to hurry. This baby is coming fast. Neither of the boys’ labor pains progressed this quickly.” She felt his supporting arm lift her to a standing position. They made quick strides and made it to the gardens when the next one hit.

Darcy looked around wildly and saw Theodore, the gardener, doing some spring trimming. “Theodore! Get help, my wife’s time is upon her!” He watched as Theodore ran towards the house. He turned back to Elizabeth. “Look at me dear, do not close your eyes. That is right, this is the last one before we get to the house. Just breathe nice and slow. Open your eyes, Elizabeth. Focus now, only a little while left and we shall see that beautiful baby and you shall hold it in your arms. This is all worth it. Every one of the pains brings us closer to seeing that baby.”

Elizabeth struggled with opening her eyes, but she did it. He was such a proud father. He was so diligent in teaching as well as playing with their sons. Through gritted teeth she groaned out loud involuntarily. This one was worse than all the others. She leaned excessively on him but he held strong under her weight. She tried to focus on how much she loved seeing William play with their sons. She looked into his eyes and recalled the effort it took for him to teach Little William about the chickens. He vowed that his sons would know how to feed chickens. Even through all the pain, she grinned remembering her husband try to teach her oldest how to call to the chickens. It was always so funny to see that awkward smile as he yelled in his falsetto voice, “Here chick-chick-chick!” It was even funnier to hear her son try to do it.

“Elizabeth? Are you well? You look like you are trying to smile but it is coming out more like a grimace.” She nodded, but then took a deep breath and looked to be concentrating again. “Last one, Elizabeth, then we will get you inside. You are so strong, it is one of the things I love about you. I love that you could walk three hours after hitting your head. I love that you are doing it now. I love everything about you. You can do this. I am here and I am not leaving you. You are everything to me, Elizabeth.” He saw her take another deep breath and her body relaxed once again. It was over for the time being. He gave her a moment to catch her breath. “Let us get moving. Elizabeth, can you go further?”

“Is it negotiable?” she teased with what little energy she had left. She was nearing her ability to stand, let alone walk, but she pressed forward.

“I believe negotiation is what got us in this situation.”

She smiled, but leaned on William’s arm a little more. She was watching the ground, making sure to take careful but hurried steps. She soon heard Mrs. Reynolds and a few other servants coming. She glanced up and saw Serafina, and felt a sudden wave of relief. She had made it. Serafina took her other arm and gingerly assisted her towards the house. They made it just inside, but going up those few steps at the entrance provoked another labor pain. Her knees buckled under her, but William caught her at her ribs and held her close. She hardly moved with the fall he was so near to her.

Soon she felt a chair under her and she was lowered down but it was too uncomfortable to sit down. “No, help me stand,” she mumbled. No sooner had she said it then she was standing again, she focused on putting strength in her own legs. She heard William report how many and how often the pains were coming, but an overwhelming feeling of pressure took her by surprise and she instinctively leaned over and grunted. “It is time . . .” she groaned in the middle of a breath. The pressure finally eased slightly, as well as the pain, and she tried to focus on what was happening. William was saying something about lying down, Mrs. Reynolds was barking orders for linen and water, Serafina was brushing back the damp strands of hair on her face, and one of the maids were escorting two scared little boys who apparently had made it home away from the scene. She heard them discussing carrying her to the guest bedroom down the hall. She could go no further.

As if on cue, another contraction came immediately after the last one let up, “I need to push,” she said wildly, “just lower me down to the floor.” She fully understood they were in the entryway but she was not in control of her body at the moment because every muscle was contracting. She grunted with it and felt a sense of relief in doing so. She grunted again before she took a breath and then grunted again. She hadn’t even noticed that she was now horizontal and
laying on the floor until the labor pain eased for a brief moment. She took a deep breath but her respite from the pressure was brief because another round hit her.

She heard the gentle coaxing of her husband next to her and heard something from Mrs. Reynolds about pushing and that was all the incentive she needed. She gave one hard push and felt the baby’s head emerge. She took another deep breath and gave one final push, and then groaned again as the rest of the baby came out. She immediately felt relief from the pressure and relaxed back into her husband’s arms, panting. She waited. Her eyes were closed and she was trying to catch her breath. She heard all the commotion but was confused. Something wasn’t right. She opened her eyes and looked at William. His face was white and wore a foreign look she did not recognize. She followed his gaze down to her feet where her baby was . .
.where her baby should be crying . . .where her baby was blue and not moving. “William, what is wrong?” she whispered. William held her head and kissed her forehead. His lips moved to say something, but Elizabeth did not hear it. Everything went black.

*****

She heard William’s voice softly calling her name, asking her to open her eyes. Her eyelids felt so heavy! She slowly opened them and tried to focus on his face and her surroundings. She was in bed, and he was sitting next to her. Her vision cleared and a very concerned face was looking back at her. He reached for her face and gently pushed her hair behind her ear.

“Are you finally awake? How do you feel?” He asked.

His tone was so gentle and soft. She evaluated his expression, he was very anxious and had the most concerned look on his face. She quickly recalled all of the moments before she blacked out. Her baby had been born silent and still, with none of the hearty red cheeks she had seen with her sons.  She recalled that foreign look on her husband’s face. Part of it still lingered in his furrowed brow. She reached up to his brow and tried to smooth it. He leaned into her hand and he reached up and grasped her hand ever so gently and kissed it. The gesture was all she needed; he loved her and needed her during this difficult time. She fought back tears and said, “I guess it is good that we got our feathers before the storm.” His concerned look changed to confusion.

“We can make it through anything, Elizabeth, our love is that
strong.”

She couldn’t wait any longer. She had to ask. “Was it a boy or girl?” His expression changed ever so slightly but she didn’t know how to explain what she saw.

“A girl.” A small smile graced his lips. He leaned down and kissed her on the lips.

Tears started forming in her eyes. He had wanted a girl so badly and now they had lost her. “I think we should still name her.”

“Of course we will name her. But since she was so stubborn I know just the name for her, dearest Elizabeth.”

She was deeply hurt he would talk so callously about their dead baby. Why was he still smiling? “William, that is not funny. How can you talk about her like that?”

“Oh, you will see, she has quite the fighting spirit too.”

“Has? You mean had.”

“Oh no, I meant has. She took a full five minutes before she let out the biggest loudest scream I have ever heard from a baby!”

Suddenly she was wide awake and trying to rise from her supine position. “She is alive? But she was not moving and was so blue!” William tried to help her sit up.

“Yes! She is doing wonderfully! Neither of the boys were this loud! I would say she is stronger than either of them were when they were born.”

She threw her arms around his neck. “I must see her! Please, help me up!” Her head started spinning. “On second thought, perhaps you should bring her to me.” He kissed her and gingerly laid her back down on the pillow.

“You will love her. She is just like I pictured her. I will be right back.”

It seemed to take forever for William to return, but when he entered she understood why, He was walking so gently and cradled a squirming bundle in his arms. She heard her then and it was the most beautiful cry her ears had ever heard! Her baby was alive! Tears of joy burst from her eyes as she reached for the bundle. He gently placed the baby in her arms and she saw a bright, energetic, very healthy looking, but crying baby. She couldn’t contain her joy any further; her shoulders shook and she sobbed. She could barely see out of her eyes, but after a few minutes she saw that her daughter had dark brown eyes with dark brown hair plastered to her head; hair that was no doubt wavy. She looked up at her husband who was all smiles.

“If you watch her long enough she raises her eyebrow when she cries.”

“Stubborn and impertinent?
How could we get so lucky?” She teased. She looked to her husband, who had again grown serious.

“Elizabeth, even if she had not
survived,
we
would have. No matter what trials come our way, we earned our feathers and we will survive, just like those seven chicks we watched hatch. We would have made it through any storm. Even the death of our child could not break what we have built. I love you more than life itself. You must know that.”

“Yes, I know that. But I might need more convincing . . .”