Motown Breakdown (Motown Down #4) (36 page)

“Wow, I wonder how many lives were lost defending
her
honor.”

Turning away from me he says, “Clearly not enough.”

It’s safe to say I’ve been in kill mode for the last seven days. I hurt her on purpose and haven’t apologized. Instead of seeking her out, I work. When the pull becomes too strong to deny, I leave. Each hour I spend at odds with her I grow angrier, more resentful.

Luna was none of her business. I wasn’t discussing my greatest failure. That I had the sweetest woman gifted to me and couldn’t make her love me. No matter what I did, who I killed, or rules I changed, I was never enough for her. My own wife thought I was a monster. My own wife wanted a fucking construction worker twice her age. The guy was furry with grey hair and fucking beer gut for Christ sake. Keeping that shit to myself, thank you very much.

I was surprised she hadn’t tried making a run for it, or demanding to leave. But then again, she spends her days and nights (literally) typing on that fucking computer and doing so with headphones on. Rarely does she eat or sleep, and at this point it was safe to assume she hated me. Letting her go would make her happy, so why haven’t I done it?

I could easily put both of us out of our misery, but I won’t.

I can’t.

Just this morning when I couldn’t focus on anything except her, I pulled up the video of her racing and couldn’t help but be proud. Forget that the damn thing already had close to four hundred thousand views, which was wild on its own. Sun was an enigma. Her fans not even knowing who she is, love her for it. They follow her faithfully and I threatened to put her out with the garbage…

I had a meeting that couldn’t be put off but I didn’t want to go without her either. Sun loved her research, lived for it. Heading to the bedroom, I was hoping she’d be willing to join me in the name of art. And if she spent enough time with me maybe she could hate me less.

Removing her headphones, she looks up and frowns. “You need some air, a change of scenery. Join me for a meeting in town. After, if you’d like, we could – ”

“Okay,” she says pushing away in her chair. Blinking at her, I move aside and watch while she changes into different clothes. “Is this acceptable?”

“It’s fine,” I tell her baffled at her change of attitude. No way was it ever this easy.

I kept waiting for her to attack or at least throw something at me but when she put her hands on her beautiful hips and asks, “Are we going or what?” I simply nodded and extended my arm letting her go first.

Sitting in traffic I ask her, “Would you care to know where we’re going?”

“Not really,” she shrugs.

“How about what we’re doing?”

“You said it’s a meeting,” she shrugs again. “What difference does it make to tell me what the meeting’s about?”

Wanting to say something but not knowing what it was, I chose to say nothing. When traffic cleared, we arrived at the restaurant with Sun letting herself out of the sedan removing my chance of doing it. Irked by that, I nearly spanked her when she not only opened the door to the establishment, she let it go not bothering to hold it for me.

“Are you going to behave like this all day?” I ask, seriously frustrated. Ignoring me she looks around the place instead of being an adult. “I’m speaking to you,” I growl.

“Doesn’t mean I have to respond,” she says picking up a menu. I was close to dragging her back to the car when I was motioned over by the man I was meeting. Pulling her with me, she rolls her eyes when I pull a seat out for her.

“You don’t usually bring company, Shade,” he says looking at Sun, who was still engrossed in the menu.

“Today I did.”

“And who might she be?” he asks pulling the menu out of her hands. Later, I would decide if that was a traitorous act but first I had a serious problem. Annoyed to have her toy taken, she looks up and his eyes widen. “Sunshine?” he gasps. “You fucking brought Sunshine?”

“Hey Roger,” she says snagging her menu back.

Reclusive author my ass. For a woman who claims to prefer anonymity, she knows a lot of shady fucking people. “I said I’d get the job done, man,” he panics. “You didn’t have to bring her into it. How’d you even know about her?”

“I didn’t,” I ground out. As for her, she didn’t engage either one of us until I forced her to. “How do you two know each other?” I ask the pair.

“You break the ice, Roger,” she says dismissively waving her hand. “I’m busy.”

Roger was having trouble breathing and I wanted to finish the job by choking him to death. “We ah… used to date.”

Smiling into her menu it was clear she wasn’t helping Roger out. Date meant fuck. Roger fucked Sun. Roger would die. “Give me the information I paid for, I have things to do.”

“I thought you said you were an IT guy, Roger?” Sun asks joining in.

“I am,” he insists. “I do
other
things too. You said you were leaving the country.”

“Actually no,” she says sipping her water. “I said and quote me on this, I’m leaving
you
and Africa wouldn’t be far enough.”

“When did you two stop dating?” I felt the need to ask, plus I hated being ignored.

“Why?” she challenges.

“Here’s your information,” Roger says sliding the jump drive over like it’s on fire. “Sunshine, can I talk to you before I go?”

“I don’t know, Shade, can I?” she even batted her fucking eyelashes.

“No,” I say taking her hand in mine. “You can’t. You’re dismissed, Roger.”

“With all due respect,” he says coming to stand next to her. “This is between Sunshine and I.”

“You just made a fatal mistake,” I tell him standing. When prompted, she stood knowing I wanted to leave.

“Sunshine,” he begs. “Wait.”

“Oh go fuck off, Roger,” she says heading for the door. “Better yet, go fuck your
wife
.”

Despite clearing the door, he yells after her, “She left me!” but she was too far away to hear it.

As for me, I leaned in and reminded him of something important. “Then she won’t miss you when you’re dead.” When he pales, I leave him standing there to chase after Sun.

19 days…

Shade wanted obedience. I didn’t do parlor tricks and refused to be treated like a house broken puppy. If he didn’t watch his step, I would start pissing on the Persians.  But while I didn’t do obedience at all, I did indifference with fucking flare. Seeing Roger didn’t upset me. I came to terms with most men being liars a long time ago. For a year I dated him and he had a wife at home. Sunshine Cortez was not a home wrecker. However, Calamity Jayne had him castrated while his wife cheered the heroine on and then they got pedis. To me, it all worked out.

However, Shade was jealous about this and I really didn’t care.

Ignoring his glares, trying not to laugh at his huffing and puffing, I bypass the kitchen for my computer. Ideas were flowing and I needed to purge. Sitting down, I wasn’t typing five minutes when he snagged my computer out from underneath me. Tossing my headphones, I stomp up to him with my hands out and growl, “Give it back.”

“You fucked a married man?” he accuses holding my shit hostage.

“Yes,” I snap. “And when I found out, I dumped him, now give it back.”

“Did you tell his wife?”

“What the fuck is your deal?” I yell. “No, I didn’t tell her because I didn’t want to hurt her.”

“You’d prefer to leave her in the dark?”

“Really?” I laugh. “A skin peddler is giving me life advice? Do I pester you about who you fuck? You used to traffic women for a living, I imagine you’ve tasted the flavors that pass through here and I guarantee you at least one of them was married.”

“First,” he says low. “I’ve never fucked the merchandise that’s bad business.”

“No? You fucked me for a hot minute, I don’t count?”

“You,” he says quietly. “Are the exception.”

“Lucky me.”

“I don’t enjoy being disconnected from you,” he whispers. “If we could pick up where we left – ”

“Fuck you,” I laugh loud. “Picking up where we left off would be the part in the story where you equated me to a piece of garbage. In case you’re wondering, your character in this story is kind of a dick and he’s probably going to die of a penial disease.”

When his nostrils flared I mentally cheered myself on. When he opened my MacBook and leveled me with a look I stopped cheering. “I’ve had enough of your story,” he says standing perfectly still. “I do not live in a book and neither do you. You will not mock me in print or in person,” he growls. “I will not tolerate disrespect.”

“I’m done,” I say throwing my hands up. “You wouldn’t know respect if it shot you in the ass. If you want to test the theory give me a gun and bend over. Otherwise, give me my computer so I can forget ever fucking meeting you.”

“This computer,” he says looking it over. “Means the world to you does it?”

“You know it does,” I whisper itching to grab it.

“Then perhaps you need a lesson in loss,” he says opening the lid. 

“Shade,” I gasp. “Please…”

“I will be respected,” he says right before he snaps it in half over his knee.

Tossing it at my feet, I hit the floor in heap just staring at it. Rationally I understood it was just a computer, replaceable and under warranty. But he took the one thing I valued and destroyed it out of spite. When the tears poured down my face I still stared at it in shock. I had forgotten he was in the room until he spoke again. “I wanted you to have a place in my world.”

Picking it up and pulling it into my lap, I didn’t bother looking up at him. “No you didn’t,” I whisper in despair. “You wanted me to think of you as a monster.” Looking up at him while clutching my most prized possession, I spoke clear and true. “And now I do.”

The devastation on his face meant nothing to me. Nothing. He could drown in it for all I care. When he left the room, I had no energy to move any further than curling into a ball to cry like a baby.

Some damage is irreparable and Sun was proof of that.

What I had done an apology would never fix. What I had done had nothing to do with her and everything to do with what’s wrong with me. I made her cry and I was fucked up about that. I was in unchartered territory. When a woman would stand by your side watching you draw blood and watched you kill; it was easy to forget she possessed feelings.