Morning Rising (14 page)

Taking a deep breath, Kara used the same
power she used when she fought. Reaching out into the world she
pulled energy toward them. It wound around them both, feeling warm
and safe. Kara focused her mind on the memory, pulling it in their
direction. It came without hesitation. Kara felt it wrap around
them and pull them deeper into it. Unlike Kara’s own memories,
there was a feeling of foreignness to it. Kara remembered every
moment of the day, everything she felt that day, but now she could
also feel Dylan’s emotions. Feeling more than a little scared, Kara
gave herself over to the memory.

Chapter 10

Kara arrived at the apartment to find the
door unlocked. It wasn’t a big surprise. Dylan’s mom often forgot
simple details like that when she passed out. It was mid-afternoon,
but Dylan’s mom lay sprawled out on the couch snoring away. A half
empty bottle of cheap scotch sat on the table in front of her, an
empty glass beside it. She’d probably spend the rest of the day
there.

A loud crash from down the hall caused the
woman to stir, but she didn’t wake. Dylan used to joke that the
apartment building could collapse around her mother and she
wouldn’t know. Kara hurried off in the direction of the noise,
knowing it came from Dylan’s room.

To say Dylan’s room was a mess would have
been an understatement. War torn cities had less debris lying
around. Shirts, pants, CD’s, shoes, make up, and more was strewn
around the room in a particularly not-Dylan way. Dylan stood in
front of what had once been a full length mirror. Now, only one
large chunk remained near the top. Kara had a good idea what she’d
heard crashing down a moment ago.

Dylan brushed her hair in long slow strokes,
staring at herself in the mirror. In the memory, Kara could feel
the pain and anger Dylan was feeling. Kara went slowly to the twin
mattress. It was falling off the bed, lying half on the floor. She
shoved it back onto the box spring and sat down. Her body was
tense; Dylan was on edge, and Kara knew well enough to be wary.

“Where have you been?” Dylan asked. Her voice
was tight with forced casualness. “I tried to call you.”

“I was out to lunch with mom and the
boyfriend.” Kara made a face. “Mom’s on this kick where she thinks
we need more family time.”

Dylan gave a short laugh. “Yeah, right,
that’s just what we need.” She dropped her brush into the pile of
broken glass and picked up a small make up bag from the floor. She
began putting on her make-up, eye liner first. “What we need is to
not deal with anyone’s shit for a while.”

“You okay, Dylan?” Kara asked hesitantly. It
wasn’t like Dylan to be this quiet, or cold. She generally wore her
emotions for everyone to see and this reserved Dylan was freaking
Kara out. Reliving the memory, it was easy for Kara to feel how
close to the edge Dylan was.

“No, not at all.” Dylan dropped the eye liner
and unbuttoned her jeans. She tugged them off, leaving herself in a
pair of boy shorts and a tank top. The weather outside was wintry
and freezing, but inside the apartment it felt tropical. Kara had
shed everything but her jeans and T-shirt as soon as she stepped
inside the apartment. Kara waited for Dylan to continue, but she
was busy picking through her makeup. She picked out eye shadow and
began to apply it.

“What’s up?” Kara finally asked.

“You know Bobby?” Dylan asked, her eyes
meeting Kara’s in the shard of mirror.

“Duh,” Kara answered with a small smile.
Bobby was Dylan’s on again, off again boyfriend, and Kara hated him
more than anyone else in the world. He did twice as many drugs as
Dylan and cheated on her over and over again. In Kara’s opinion, he
was a grade A asshole.

“He fucked me last night.” Dylan dropped the
eye shadow without bothering to close it. The packed powder broke
loose and billowed across the floor before settling. Dylan began to
apply her mascara, laying it on thick.

“Did he cheat on you again?” Kara asked,
trying not to let her exasperation show. It wore on her though,
that someone as great as Dylan would keep going back to a guy who
treated her like shit.

“No, we aren’t together,” Dylan answered. “We
haven’t been for a few days.”

“Oh.” Kara blinked. Dylan hadn’t told her,
but it wasn’t as if she had asked either. Dylan knew Kara wasn’t
really a fan of Bobby, maybe she didn’t want to hear I told you so,
again. “So, what do you mean exactly?”

Dylan dropped the mascara, and it started
leaking onto the carpet. She turned to face Kara, glaring. Her now
smoky eyes were filled with anger. “He fucked me, in the alley
behind the building. We were at Bailey’s party, the one you
wouldn’t come to.” She gave Kara an accusing glare. Kara looked
down, unable to meet Dylan’s eyes.

“I wasn’t in the mood to watch you get so
wasted you could barely move,” Kara said with a shake of her head.
“I'm sorry.”

“Whatever.” Dylan crossed her arms and looked
away. She tossed her head, flicking her hair out of her face. “I
drank some. Then Bailey’s older brother gave me some pills,
vicodin, percocet, that sort of thing.”

“Dylan.” Kara sighed. Now Dylan was the one
who wouldn’t meet Kara’s eyes. She probably already memorized what
Kara would say about her drinking and taking drugs. “How many did
you take?” Kara asked. “You know you aren’t supposed to take those
with alcohol.”

“I dunno, maybe three.” Dylan shrugged and
wiped at her eye. Kara couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Dylan
was crying. Her fresh makeup blurred with the tears. “I don’t
remember how much I drank, but I got really fucking tired. I was
trying to leave to catch the bus, or a taxi, or whatever. I ran
into Bobby coming up the stairs. He said he’d give me a ride home.”
Dylan sniffed. “I said okay, because it seemed like an easy way
home. When we got here, I was so fucked up, he offered to walk me
inside.”

Dylan laughed. “You know I really was
thinking about how nice he was being. That maybe he really was
sorry for being such an asshole at New Years. Fucking stupid. He
parked behind the building, and as we were walking up the alley, he
pushed me against the wall and started kissing me.”

“Jesus,” Kara breathed out. Her heart
hammered, she could see where this was going. Dylan shrugged and
crossed her arms, looking at the floor. She seemed to focus on the
mascara leaking onto the rug, but made no move to stop it.

“I don’t know. I was drunk. I pushed him away
and laughed it off. I told him we were broken up, you know?” Dylan
wiped away another stray tear. “He just pushed me back and started
kissing me again, but it was harder. I tried to push him back, but
he’s way stronger than me.”

“No shit,” Kara said with a short, bitter
laugh. Bobby was a big guy.

“He was wearing his usual baggy sweatpants,
and I had on this hardly there skirt,” Dylan continued, now looking
everywhere in the room except for at Kara. “And I could feel it.
His dick getting harder the more I struggled. So I stopped. I hoped
it would help. He just let go of me with one hand and pulled his
pants down a bit. It was over pretty quick I guess. He was never
much more than a minute man.” She laughed, but it sounded
hollow.

“It’s not funny,” Kara told her. Anger built
inside her, threatening to overflow. She clenched her fists against
the mattress; every fiber of her body was itching to go after
Bobby. “He didn’t fuck you, he raped you.”

“Yeah.” Dylan nodded. Kara’s fists
unclenched, she’d never expected Dylan would admit it so readily.
Usually she would defend anything Bobby did.

“So did you tell someone?” Kara asked.

“No,” Dylan said with a shrug. “I mean
whatever right? It’s not like we’ve never had sex before. At least
I know he’s clean. I made him get tested after he screwed that
Sarah girl.”

“Clean has nothing to do with it,” Kara
practically shouted. “You have to tell someone. He should be
arrested.”

“No,” Dylan said, shaking her head. “I don’t
want to. I just want to ignore him and forget I ever knew him.
Besides, who would believe he raped me? He was my boyfriend
remember? And-” she gave another small, angry laugh. “Let’s be
honest, it isn’t like it’s a real challenge to get into my
pants.”

“When you let people in,” Kara said. She went
to Dylan and grabbed her arms, forcing Dylan to face her. Dylan’s
makeup was a mess, and her eyes were red from crying. It was all
Kara could do not to hug her, but she needed Dylan to look at her
and really listen. “Sleep around as much as you want. That doesn’t
mean you’re open for business to any man who walks by.”

“Why are people so fucked up?” Dylan asked
softly. Her mouth trembled as her brow furrowed. Tears spilled out,
ruining what was left of her makeup. “I thought Bobby was a good
enough guy. I wouldn’t have thought. . .” Dylan covered her mouth
with both hands and shut her eyes, holding back a sob. Kara wasn’t
really surprised it happened. Good guy was never something she
would have used to describe Bobby, but Dylan didn’t need to hear an
I-told-you-so. She found a box of tissues on the floor and used one
to wipe away Dylan’s make up. She liked Dylan better without
it.

“Not everyone sucks,” Kara said after a
moment.

“Oh shut up.” Dylan shoved her away so hard
that Kara fell back onto the bed. “People are all horrible,” Dylan
said. Her face flushed and her words grew more sharp and bitter.
“They shit all over each other. They’ll only help you if they think
you can help them.” Dylan sat on the edge of the bed beside Kara.
With one short burst of anger her energy was spent. Kara cautiously
put an arm across Dylan’s shoulders. Dylan dropped her head into
her hands. “Why didn’t you come last night?” she asked quietly. She
looked up and gave Kara such a pained expression that Kara began to
feel guilty.

“Would it have mattered?” Kara asked softly.
“You don’t listen to me. I could have been standing right beside
you and begged you not to take those pills, but you still would
have. Then we probably would have gotten into a fight, and you
would have ended up leaving with Bobby anyway. I can’t always
protect you, Dylan.” Kara shook her head, feeling helpless. “Not
from yourself at least,” she added softly.

Dylan nodded and put her head back into her
hands. For a few moments the room was silent, aside from the faint
mumble of the TV in the other room. Kara’s thoughts skipped to
Dylan’s mom. It was one of her greatest fears that Dylan would end
up like her.

“I don’t belong here.” Dylan’s small voice
brought Kara’s attention back to her.

“What?” Kara frowned, and leaned closer to
Dylan. “What do you mean?”

“I’m not like other people,” Dylan began. She
looked up at Kara. “The things people do don’t make sense to me. I
don’t understand why people are so fucking evil all the time, even
to their families.” It was so similar to how Kara felt that she had
to bite her own lip to keep herself from crying as she nodded.
“Sometimes-” Dylan sighed. “Sometimes I really think everything
would just be better off if I died.”

“No.” Kara didn’t hesitate. She dropped to
the floor in front of Dylan, looking up at her and holding onto her
thin arms. “I need you. If you died, I don’t even know what I would
do with myself.” Now it was Kara’s turn to look away. “I love you,
Dylan. I don’t know why, but I do. Everything is better for me if
you’re around. Even when you’re being a complete asshole, I’d
rather be with you than be away. I miss you so much every minute
we’re apart. It’s like I can’t get you out of my head for more than
a second.” Kara turned back to Dylan, embarrassed when she saw how
intently Dylan was watching her. Kara shrugged. There was no reason
not to keep going.

“I love you, and if you died, I might die
too,” Kara finished lamely.

With what seemed like exaggerated slowness
Dylan leaned towards her. Kara had plenty of time to think about
what was going to happen. They would kiss, like they had more than
enough times when Dylan was drunk and Kara was weak. In the bright
light of day, sitting in the middle of Dylan’s mess of the room,
Kara couldn’t do it. She couldn’t willingly walk into that much
pain.

Kara turned her head at the last second and
Dylan stopped. She rested her forehead against the side of Kara’s
head and sighed.

“Why’d you turn away?” Dylan asked softly.
Even in the heat of the room her breath felt like fire on Kara’s
skin. Kara’s hands slid from Dylan’s arms, landing on Dylan’s bare
thighs. Kara swallowed hard.

“Why were you going to do that?” Kara asked.
Her voice strained while she tried hard to keep her emotions level.
Good sense advised that she stepped away from Dylan, but Kara
couldn’t make herself let go of Dylan’s legs. “You always do that,
because I want you to, or whatever,” Kara said. “You don’t
understand how it hurts afterward, when you’re back out with some
new guy and you barely notice me.”

“I always notice you,” Dylan said, her head
still leaning on Kara’s.

“Dylan.” Kara pulled away and turned to face
Dylan, who looked down at her expectantly. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Dylan said. Her smile was
beautiful. All the sadness seemed to have left her as she looked
down at Kara.

“Not in the same way,” Kara insisted. She
felt like crying, and she really didn’t want Dylan to see her that
way.

“A lot the same, I think,” Dylan said. She
leaned in again, pausing with her mouth inches from Kara’s. “I want
to try.”

When she closed the space between them, Kara
didn’t pull away. Instead she pressed against Dylan, letting
herself be pulled up to the bed as the kiss became more intense.
Just as Dylan’s hand was brushing the skin at the edge of her shirt
Kara felt herself being pulled away from the memory.